A/N: Time for some questions to be answered, I think, such as exactly where Artemis was during his month of absence in between this story and Winter of Decay. Oh, and someone asked on the previous chapter if Natalya had magic; I would have responded in a PM, but they were a guest, so I'll reply here and say that yes, she does. It's quite a major point in this chapter, actually.

-Kio

Chapter 11; Forgiven

Location Unknown

Artemis woke to a vicious headache, but he didn't care. He was back. He could feel it. The boy sat up in bed; he was still a little groggy, but that didn't stop him from smiling a little. The memories were new, but they sat right in his mind. They felt like they belonged. Which, of course, they did.

Still looking uncharacteristically cheerful, Artemis took a moment to appraise his new surroundings. He was in a small but relatively empty room; there wasn't much furniture apart from the bed he was sitting in, there were no decorations on the walls and there were no personal touches to speak of.

It occurred to him that the chair seemed awfully small. As did the bed, now that he thought about. Even sat up, his feet were almost dangling out of the end.

I must be in a fairy dwelling, he realised. It was the only explanation for the undersized furniture. But then he looked around the room again, his gaze settling on the window, and he frowned. Blue sky and real sunlight were clearly visible – this was nothing like the scene he had seen through windows in Haven. A fairy dwelling on the surface? Was that even possible? If so, to whom did it belong? And how had he come to be here?

Artemis's frown deepened as he tried to access the right memory. Complete recall had left his mind a little disjointed, as was often the way. Suddenly confronted with fifteen years of memories, the brain tended to struggle to place them in exactly the right order at first.

Something had happened, he was sure of that. The only question was what. Something to do with Natalya? No, that wasn't it. His dealings with the Russian girl had been before his memory loss.

Then it hit him. A single word.

Holly.

Everything fell into place. He had shot her. Killed her, most likely. He had seen the wound – the 9mm round had ripped a huge hole in the elf's chest. Even with magic, Artemis didn't exactly favour her chances with an injury like that. And he was the one who had pulled the trigger. The one responsible for her death.

Holly. Gone. The thought was intolerable. Holly couldn't be dead. She couldn't. Not now that they had finally found each other again. Not by his hand. He tried to suppress the shame, but he couldn't quite manage it. He was weak. Natalya had hijacked his mind and forced him to shoot Holly, and he had been too weak to stop her.

Too weak to save Holly.

Artemis tried to pull himself together. There was nothing to be gained from just sitting there, indulging his self-pity. He resolved to try and do something useful instead. Figuring out where he was seemed like a good start.

Pulling away the covers, he found that he was still wearing the suit he had been wearing in Russia. It was muddy, bloody, torn and crumpled, but it was still better than the jeans and t-shirt he had been wearing when he had first awoken after losing his memory.

Artemis took a few experimental steps towards the door and grasped the handle. As soon as he opened it, he found himself looking down a pair of neutrino barrels. The two elves holding the neutrinos were clad in LEP uniforms and looked as though they were guarding his door. They didn't seem happy to see him trying to leave.

"Back inside," snarled one, taking a threatening step forward and placing the barrel of his weapon up against Artemis's chest. He would normally have gone for the forehead, but the human was a bit too tall for that. It sort of ruined the menacing effect.

Artemis ignored the display of hostility. "Where am I?" he asked, sounding more confident than he felt.

"I'm afraid that's classified, Fowl," said the other guard, his tone more peaceable than his partner's.

Artemis wasn't to be deterred. "What about Captain Short? Where is she? Is she alive?"

The first guard broke into a slow smile. "Your little assassination attempt didn't go quite as planned, I'm afraid. An officer as beautiful and capable as Captain Short wasn't going to be killed by the likes of you, Mud Scum."

The other guard rolled his eyes. "We need to have a chat about your crush on Holly Short at some point, Derek," he muttered. "It's not appropriate."

Artemis hid a grin as the first guard went bright red. Suddenly, Derek didn't seem quite so intimidating. But more importantly, Holly was alive. He hadn't managed to kill her. Perhaps she would hate him, but at least she wasn't dead.

"Wipe that smirk of your face, Mud Boy," Derek growled, desperately trying to reclaim the hard man points he had just lost. "Or I'll wipe it off for you." He hefted his neutrino suggestively.

Artemis just rolled his eyes and turned to the other elf. "Is she here? Can I see her? I know you probably don't believe me, but I never wanted to hurt. I need to at least tell her that."

The elf regarded him for a moment, as if deciding what to make of him. Of course, he knew all about Artemis Fowl – who in the LEP didn't? – but the guilt-ridden boy before him wasn't much like monstrous schemer described in the reports about the Artemis Fowl incident.

"That's up to her," he said eventually. He grabbed a communicator from his belt. "Captain Short? Artemis Fowl is awake. He's asking for you."

Artemis couldn't hear the response, but he was hopeful. Holly must have seen that Natalya was manipulating him, surely she would at least give him a chance to explain himself.

The guard listened for a few moments before putting away the communicator.

"You're in luck, Mud Boy," he said. "She'll be up in a moment."

Holly deliberately didn't look at Artemis once she arrived upstairs, instead addressing his two guards.

"You can go," she said simply. Derek went slightly red again and looked like he wasn't quite up to speaking in Holly's presence, but his partner was more talkative.

"Are you sure, Captain? With respect, the last time the two of you were alone, you almost died."

Still avoiding looking at Artemis, Holly sighed. "With respect," she replied scathingly. "I'm a Captain. You aren't. That means you get out of my way when I tell you to."

The other officer gave a shrug as if to say "not my funeral".

"Just call if you need anything," he said, and turned to go. Derek followed, grinning awkwardly at Holly as he passed her.

Holly kept her eyes fixed on the pair as they disappeared downstairs, still steadfastly refusing to make eye contact with Artemis.

"Holly," the boy began. He knew from the way Holly was acting that he was only going to get one shot at this, and that he was lucky to be getting even that. "I remember you. I remember everything. I'm so glad you're alive. I saw your wound and I… I thought the worst. I certainly didn't think you would be completely healed so soon. Not that I'm not pleased," he added quickly, aware that he was babbling. Emotional displays had never been his strong suit. "It's just… I was worried, alright? I was so worried."

Holly didn't turn to face him. "What do you mean soon?" she asked coldly, ignoring his admission of vulnerability. "It's taken me almost three days to recover."

Artemis frowned. One of his newfound memories flashed through his mind. Three days. We've had you on drip for over sixty hours… until you told us everything we needed to know.

Oh the irony.

"I've been out for three days…?" Holly gave a single nod, still facing away from him. "No, that's not acceptable. You should have found a way to wake me. Opal will already be making her next move! She will have a huge head start. We need to act immediately if we are to save lives-"

He trailed off as Holly spun to face him. He couldn't quite place the look in her eyes, but it scared him. There was anger there, but something more as well. A sort of tormented grief that reached out from her expression and twisted his gut.

"Stop, Artemis," she said quietly. "Just forget it."

"Don't you see, Holly? Opal is going to-"

"No. I don't see. And I don't want to." Artemis opened his mouth to respond, but something about Holly's words made him pause. It was so unlike the elf that he wasn't sure what to say.

"You've got one chance, Artemis," Holly continued in the same emotionless tone. "To explain yourself. To explain everything. Don't even think about leaving anything out. If I don't like what you say, I'm going to blanket wipe you myself and leave you in the first street I find. I won't risk returning you to Butler or your parents. You'll be gone, simple as that. We'll take our chances with Opal on our own."

Artemis knew at once that she was serious. Something dawned on him then. Something that he hadn't had the chance to fully appreciate yet.

I put her through hell. She told me she loved me and I abandoned her.

Of course, he had known that his sacrifice would hurt her. The same as he had known it would hurt Butler, and his family. But he hadn't given them much thought. He had been more focused on how to get Holly to safety and prevent her interfering than on worrying about how it might affect her afterwards. The sacrifice had been a necessary evil. The people that cared about him were just collateral damage.

But now he understood that it was more than that. Much, much more than that. Seeing the hurt in Holly's eyes made it so much more real. So much more raw.

"Very well. Let me begin by saying that I did not lie to you. I know I have done so before, but I have more than learned my lesson. I believed that I was going to die."

"I know." Holly's voice was still devoid of emotion. "I could feel it."

"I had only hit Natalya and Amber with a low-level charge from the DNA stun cannons. They regained consciousness shortly after I spoke to you." Artemis's expression drifted for a moment as he recalled the memory. "Natalya murdered Amber right before my eyes. Then she helped me escape."

Holly's face didn't register any change and she didn't speak, so Artemis carried on.

"Amber was preparing for a long and brutal war. Her Nebula Facility was expansive – far more so than we realised. She even had a shuttle hangar. Natalya figured out a way to escape: the facility was partially built inside an old chute connecting the original fort with the main chute network. The problem was that she needed my help from within Amber's ops booth, so she offered to take me with her if I helped. I unlocked the hangar and we stole one of Amber's shuttles. Natalya blew a hole in the floor and just we managed to get clear before the explosion."

Holly frowned. "We know about the chute, but it was sealed. And it collapsed after the explosion. What was left of the Nebula Facility and a few thousand tonnes of rock fell down it. There's no way you could have survived."

Artemis couldn't help smiling a little at the memory. Trying to outrun the deadly avalanche of lava and rock was simultaneously one of the most terrifying and exhilarating experiences of his life. Natalya's flying was exceptional. She was a natural – almost as good as Holly. Almost.

"Turns out you didn't do as thorough a job as you thought you did," he explained. "All it took to clear a path was a nudge in the right direction."

Holly raised an eyebrow. "A nudge?"

Artemis shrugged. "An explosive nudge."

The ghost of a smile danced across Holly's lips, but then she caught herself and it was gone. "So you escaped. Then what? Don't tell me the two of you decided to go on holiday for a few weeks."

Artemis's expression darkened considerably. "She took me back to the surface. Locked me up in a hellhole in Russia. I was alone. Almost a month. Her face was only one I saw."

"The kidnapper kidnapped," commented Holly, not sounding enormously sympathetic. "Ironic."

"Did you know she has magic?"

Surprise registered on Holly's face, but it was quickly replaced with cynicism. "That's not possible."

"Why not? I managed it."

"In a time tunnel! And you stole it. How in Frond's name would she have managed to obtain magic?"

Artemis shrugged. "I don't know how, but she does. I saw her heal. I saw her summon a fireball."

"D'Arvit," muttered Holly. "That complicates things." She paused. "Why didn't she just kill you? And how did you manage to escape her?"

"I didn't."

Holly furrowed her brow. "But I found you in France."

Artemis laughed bitterly. "Don't you see? She didn't kill me because she wanted to use me. I was her secret weapon."

Holly shook her head. "I don't understand," she began, but then her brain caught up with ears and she narrowed her eyes. "You were on her side." She took a threatening step towards Artemis. "You were on her side the whole time."

The boy opened his mouth to respond, but Holly cut him off.

"I trusted you!" she shouted, her voice shaking.

"That's why it worked! That was her whole plan. You still don't see, do you? We misjudged her – we thought she was on Amber's side, but she wasn't. She was on her own side the whole time. Amber wanted a war, she wanted to rule the world, but Natalya didn't care about any of that. She was using Amber, just like she was using us. She had her own agenda all along, she was just waiting for the right moment to strike. You see, magicwas the key to everything. The weapon no one knew she had, not even Amber. We underestimated her time and time again, and she made us pay for it."

"How? How does magic help her?"

"Think about it, Holly! Come on, think. What you can do with your magic?"

Realisation washed over the elf's face. "The mesmer," she breathed.

"Yes!" clapped Artemis. "At least, almost. Not the mesmer exactly, but something similar."

"What do you mean?"

"I can't say for certain; all I have is a theory, but it's one I'm confident in." Artemis took a breath before continuing. "Her powers don't function the same way as a normal fairy. When I stole magic, I specifically stole yours, so my powers were identical to yours. Natalya's magic is different – if I had to guess, I'd say it was a form of black magic, at least originally."

Holly frowned, trying to make sense of what Artemis was saying. "So she has different powers?"

"Precisely. She can heal, just like you, but she can also summon fire, like a goblin. I would also guess that magic is somehow the root of her superhuman speed and strength. I don't think she can shield, and her grasp of the mesmer is different to a normal fairy's."

"Different how?"

Artemis sighed. "Please remember, Holly, I only dabble in magical theory – I'm no expert. But as I understand it, possession and the mesmer are both applications of the same type of magic. Different ways of focusing the same power to control people. It follows that there would be other applications of the same magic, ways that have been lost for millennia, or else were never even discovered."

Holly had long since given up questioning up her human friend's knowledge of fairy secrets.

"She used one of those other ways to control you?" she asked. Artemis nodded. "But why wouldn't she use it before? She kidnapped you in France. Why not then?"

"No, Holly. She didn't kidnap me in France. She saved me in France. I was meant to die, but she intervened and took me hostage instead. She knew you were tracking me – she led you right to Amber's doorstep, and she did it deliberately. She didn't attempt to hijack my mind there and then because she knew she wouldn't be able to."

"Why not?"

"Put simply? Because it would have taken too long. I'm not entirely sure what she did to me, but it was more like a sort of magical conditioning than anything else. Like repeated uses of the mesmer culminating in permanent influence. Magical brainwashing, if you like."

Everything finally clicked into place for Holly. "That's why you were gone a month. She was programming you." The elf's face turned contemplative. "You said permanent influence. Does that mean she could control you again?"

Artemis shrugged. "It's possible, though it's unlikely she would have the same success now that I have my memories back. However, I expect that a warlock – especially one as powerful as №1 – could undo the magical programming relatively easy."

"I'll get it organised," said Holly. "I assume Natalya mindwiped you afterwards so you couldn't warn us?"

Artemis nodded. "She took my memories, but she left the order to obey her. I felt it as soon as I woke up again – it was like there was something inexplicable in the back of my mind. Like another consciousness sharing headspace with me. But I didn't know what it was. I didn't remember anything. I assume she left the note so that I would find my way home. Find my way to you, eventually."

Holly looked away awkwardly. "So when she ordered you to shoot me…"

"I had no choice to obey." Artemis shook his head guiltily. "I tried to resist, but without my memories… it was a losing battle. I could feel the mental barrier locking out my memories breaking down, but it was too late."

For a time, the two simply stood in silence, neither knowing what to say. It was Holly who spoke first.

"Well, I suppose that explains your coma."

Artemis frowned. "What coma?"

Holly smiled sadly. "You didn't think you were asleep for more than three days, did you?" She shook her head. "No, you were in a coma. From what it sounds like, your mind was literally fighting itself, so it's understandable. In fact, it's a miracle you didn't suffer brain damage. Resisting the mesmer, in any form,is extremely dangerous." She paused. "The LEP couldn't revive you," she said softly, more to herself than Artemis. "We weren't sure you were going to wake up. I thought you were going to die. Again. After you shot me, I wasn't even sure whether I should be sad or not."

The hurt in Holly's eyes was plain to see. Artemis felt his gut wrench; he hated to see her suffering like this. For a moment, he simply stood there, frozen by uncertainty. But then, in a uncharacteristic display of affection, he took a step forward and wrapped his arms around Holly, pulling her close. Perhaps if he had taken a second to consider his actions, he might have thought what an incredibly un-Artemis-like thing it was to do, but he didn't stop to think. He just did what his heart told him to.

"I'm so sorry, Holly," he whispered. "For everything. For being too weak to resist. For almost killing you. But more than anything else, for that month I put you through. I'm so sorry. I never wanted to leave you."

Not even realising that she was silently crying, Holly took a breath and pulled out of the hug. "Promise me," she demanded through her tears. "Promise me that no matter what happens, you'll never do anything like that again."

Artemis hesitated, but only for a second. "I promise. Besides," he added, smiling. "I'm not sure I would be brave enough to give you up again."

Holly gave a nod and wiped away her tears, apparently satisfied.

"There's still something I don't understand," she said. "How do you know she can heal and summon fire?"

The human gave a bitter laugh, his expression turning hollow. "Unlike the mesmer, apparently Natalya's magic can't simply bypass the victim's resistance. In order to take control, she had to overcome my mental resilience, but I fought her every step of the way."

Holly turned away as she put two and two together. Fire and healing. Overcoming resistance. She felt suddenly sick.

"You see, after a while, she got bored of waiting," Artemis continued. "And being able to heal fatal wounds opens up so many new and… exciting ways of breaking someone." He pulled up one of his shirt sleeves and showed Holly the flawless skin. "See? Not even a mark." He winced as the memory twisted at his gut. "I stopped resisting after that."

Holly was only vaguely aware that her hands were shaking, or that her fists were clenched so tight that her knuckles were white.

"I'm going to find her," she said, so softly that not even Artemis could make out her words.

"I'm sorry?"

"I'm going to find her," Holly repeated, her voice stronger. "And when I do, I'm going to kill her."

"No," said Artemis immediately. "Holly, you can't."

"Yes!" the elf shouted back. "Yes, Artemis, I can. And I will. Think about everything she's done to us. She tortured me. She tortured you. She was going to let Amber kill billions of innocent people, including your entire family. She left Juliet and Butler for dead. She made you try to kill me! Who knows how many other people she's murdered? And it's because of her that you had to sacrifice yourself."

Artemis started trying to say something, but Holly was already cutting him off.

"A month, Artemis. I thought you were dead. I thought I was never going to see you again. Because of her. Don't try and tell me she deserves our mercy."

Artemis shook his head in disbelief, shocked by the hard edge to Holly's voice. It was true that Holly could hold a grudge, but the elf certainly wasn't vengeful. She was forgiving and good-hearted by nature. This was completely unlike her.

"Who made you God to say who lives and who dies? Frond, Holly, you can't just go around killing people who wrong you. There's a reason we have a justice system, and a reason it uses independent judges and jurors instead of letting the victim sentence the perpetrator."

"So that's it?" Holly challenged. "You want to forgive her? After everything she's done?"

"I didn't say I wanted to forgive her," Artemis corrected. "I said I didn't think you should murder her. Those two things are not the same. I still want her brought to justice."

Holly spotted an opportunity to change tactic. If Artemis wouldn't respond to an argument from emotion, maybe a more pragmatic argument would sway him.

"And how exactly do you want to do that? Magic or not, she's still human – we can't imprison her forever in Haven. And there isn't a human prison on this Earth that could hold her for more than a few days."

"So we kill her?" asked Artemis incredulously.

Holly shrugged. "She's too dangerous to walk free."

Artemis shook his head. "No, Holly, that's not how it works. If we kill her, we're just as bad as she is." He reached out and tried to lay a reassuring hand on Holly's shoulder, but the elf threw it off. "Please, Holly, I know you're angry, but this isn't like you. You were the one who taught me to do the right thing; this isn't right. You know it's not."

Holly opened her mouth to respond, but then she thought about Artemis's words. Her pre-prepared counterarguments died in her throat. This wasn't an argument she could win and she knew it.

"I'm sorry," she said, trying to sound convincing. "You're right." The elf took a deep breath and looked him in the eye. "I… I don't know what came over me. It's been a very difficult month and a half, and I think my emotions got the better of me." She forced a smile. "If I found it in myself to let Koboi live after she murdered Julius, I can do it for Natalya."

Artemis returned the smile and hugged her again. "I was getting worried there. I'm not sure what I would do without your moral compass to keep me in check."

Holly looked him in the eye. "You were willing to sacrifice yourself," she said quietly. "For no personal gain. You offered up your life so that others might live." She reached out a hand and gently touched his cheek. "You don't need me to guide you anymore. I'm proud of you."

Artemis raised an eyebrow. "You're not angry at me?"

The elf couldn't resist chuckling a little at that. "I was furious," she admitted. "A part of me still is. But even I can't deny that your actions saved lives. I still remember the little boy that kidnapped me all those years ago, so cold and devoid of compassion. He would never have considered giving up anything, let alone his life, for others. You've changed a lot, Arty."

Artemis looked away sadly. "You didn't seem to think so after Pripyat."

Holly grimaced guiltily, knowing at once what he was referring to. After Artemis had saved her, they had fought and she had said some things – vicious things – that she regretted afterwards, but she hadn't had a chance to apologise. She realised that Artemis was deliberately giving the chance to do so now. She wasn't going to squander it.

"Oh, Arty, you know I didn't mean the things I said that day. I was… not in a good place. I'm sorry. I would have said so sooner, but, well, there wasn't much of a chance what with everything else that was going on."

Artemis nodded. "I suppose allowing us time to reconcile our past differences wasn't exactly high on Amber's list of priorities," he said, with the hint of a smile.

"Not to mention your relapsing Atlantis."

A shadow passed across Artemis's face. He opened his mouth to respond, but Holly interrupted him before he could actually speak.

"Before you say anything, Arty, I know that it was probably mostly my fault that you even relapsed in the first place. And I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking."

"I wasn't going to say that. And I forbid you to feel guilty about it – it wasn't your fault. The condition wasn't properly cured – if not you, something else would have triggered a relapse. Don't blame yourself."

Holly smiled, appreciating the gesture but knowing that she would never fully forgive herself for causing her human friend to relapse, regardless of what he said.

"Actually," she said. "I was going to ask about Atlantis. After I found you, you theorised that it would return alongside your memories, but you seem fine. Are you just hiding it? And don't even think about lying to me."

Artemis shook his head. He had more than learned his lesson when it came to lying to Holly.

"Don't worry, Holly, I'm not trying to deceive you. My Atlantis is gone. Forever. At least, I think so."

"How?"

"As you know, the main trigger for the Atlantis Complex is guilt," explained Artemis. "It's also the biggest obstacle in treating it. Subjects become convinced that the Complex is a kind of punishment for their past misdeeds, and thus subconsciously do not believe that they deserve to get better."

"So?" said Holly, not really seeing where this was going.

"I paid my penance," said Artemis simply. "While I still regret some of my past actions – the sale of the last silky sifaka and your kidnapping chief among them – I am no longer burdened by guilt over them."

"What do you mean you paid your penance?" asked Holly, frowning, but then realisation came to her. "Your sacrifice."

The boy nodded, looking suddenly older than he was. "I accepted that I was going to die. I observed that there was a certain feeling of liberation to that. I'm not sure I would be able to explain it comprehensively, but Atlantis could no longer control me after I had accepted my fate. Perhaps I could analyse it and reach a conclusion, but I find that I have no desire to do so. Most unlike me."

"You were prepared to give up your life," whispered Holly. "If that didn't make up for your past mistakes, I don't know what would."

The corners of Artemis's mouth quirked up. "Perhaps."

For a few moments, neither of them spoke. The two of them simply stood there amicably, enjoying the fact that despite everything, the other was still alive. They both knew that with past Opal and Natalya both still loose, their struggles were far from over, but each was happy to face them so long as they had the other by their side.

It was Artemis who broke the silence. He knelt down so that his face was level with Holly's and took a deep breath, summoning his courage.

"Holly. When I was in the Nebula facility, and you were trying to convince me to abandon my plan…"

Holly felt her heart constrict. She knew exactly where Artemis was going with this. "Yes?" Her mouth was suddenly dry.

"Do you remember what you told me?"

The elf gave a nervous nod. It was true that she had been waiting for Artemis to regain his memories so she could bring up exactly those words, but now that it came down to it, there was no denying it: she was terrified. What if Artemis didn't feel the same way? What if, even after everything she had been through to get him back, she still wouldn't get to be with him?

"Is it still true?"

A pause, then another nod from the elf. Holly didn't trust herself to speak, not with her heart beating out such a furious rhythm in her throat.

Artemis couldn't resist breaking into a relieved smile. "I was rather hoping you were going to say that. Holly, as you know, I'm not very good with emotions, so I'm not sure exactly how to say this. But I love you too."

The elf shifted forward, taking Artemis's head in her hands and bringing it closer to hers until their faces were only inches away. Her eyes searched his, looking for a hint of Artemis's old, manipulative self. There was none.

This is it, she realised, her heart continuing to pound. I can't blame this on hormones, or the time tunnel, or desperation, or magic, or extenuating circumstances. This makes it real.

Holly leaned a little closer and elfin lips met human ones. Yes, this made it real. Yes, there would be challenges. But in that moment, Holly found that none of that mattered. The only thing in the world that she cared about was Artemis, and his lips on hers.

A/N: Ah, finally. Some proper A/H. Hope you enjoyed the chapter, hope it answered some of the questions you've no doubt had since the beginning. And yes, I'm aware that Holly is OOC in this chapter when she pledges to kill Natalya, but that is intentional. It's important to remember quite how much I have put Holly through over the course of this story and Winter of Decay, and this shows that it's starting to affect her. You can't go through that kind of thing and walk out of the other side the same person you were going in.

Anyway, like I said, I hope you enjoyed. We're back to some action next chapter. In the meantime, you can always review. Or not. It's really up to you. Still, I like it when people review.

-Kio