No Regrets

Raven phased into their room, not wishing to use the door. Even its quiet hiss could wake him, and that was the last thing she wanted to do.

Calling on her power, she undressed in utter silence. Carefully she sat on the bed without disturbing him and watched for a while as his chest rose and fell in peaceful slumber. The aching wish to slide her fingers and her lips over him was overpowering; the painful need to feel his touch made her hug herself and smother a sob.

His touch. Azar, how she yearned for it right now.

She sighed soundlessly and slipped under the duvet, careful not to wake him. She couldn't deal with it tonight. She'd speak with him tomorrow.

Turning her back to him she curled into herself, trying to ignore the exhaustion and the emptiness that yawned like a black chasm in her soul. She needed oblivion; either the dark unconsciousness of sleep or the vibrant, fiery passion of his lovemaking that blanked her mind and nourished her soul. But she couldn't reach the former nor would she wake him to seek the latter. Not tonight.

Tomorrow she would tell him and confess her failure. Tonight she would just lay quietly and listen to his soft breathing beside her. Tomorrow…

His arms enveloped her and his body folded around her. His warmth seared her skin and goosebumps erupted over her arms. His breath burned her ear as he whispered.

"What is it?"

A handful of blanket was crushed in her fist. Her eyes squeezed shut on the bitter flood building up behind them. She swallowed a couple of times and commanded her voice to be calm.

"I'm fine."

Gar's lips touched her shoulder and she shivered. They traveled over to her neck and she trembled. They stopped with a small kiss at her nape and she bit back a moan. She heard him take a deep breath of her scent and release it slowly in a murmur overflowing with love and concern.

"No, you're not."

"Gar…" she mouthed barely above a breath. "Not… not now. Tomorrow."

His response was a slow glide of tender fingertips on her shoulder, both soothing and demanding. She tried to ignore it, but her craving for his nearness betrayed her and she turned, burying her face into his breast and taking in a deep breath. His wild, lush essence filled her lungs and she gripped him tightly, pressing herself close to his reassuring warmth.

"Tell me," he insisted gently. Concern began glowing in his soul, braiding around the shining web of love woven so deeply into him.

Raven's eyes burned and itched. Her hand traced over his shoulder and chest and torso, the fingers grazing his skin, her caress seeking in blind sorrow the solace of his presence, warm, comforting and loving. It gave her the strength she needed to speak.

"I was... with Victor. The… results just came in."

His lips moved over her forehead in a silent kiss while he waited for her to say it. Her mouth felt parched, her tongue thick and heavy.

"Nothing can be done. I can't… I'm not able to have children," she forced herself to go on. "I never will be."

A strange feeling of relief mixed with foreboding swept over her as she confessed it. She was flawed, damaged, defective, but at least it was now out in the open. She held her breath and waited for his reaction. His fingers counted the moments slowly as they ran through her hair in a languid, mesmerizing rhythm that slowly stilled the desperate thudding of her heart.

Finally he spoke, his voice soft and affectionate. "We'll apply for the adoption of Melvin, Timmy and Teether tomorrow."

His words chased each other through the numbing mist in her mind until they fell into place. She looked up at him, her eyes glowing.

"Are you sure? You know I always wanted that, but I didn't -"

"More than sure," he smiled. "We would've done it anyway. The kids deserve a family, and so do we."

Her head lowered itself on his chest again, her gaze lost in the undefined darkness beyond the bed. She sighed.

"Thank you, Gar," she whispered. "Do you think…"

"Don't worry," he smiled at her unspoken question. "We'll have the full might of Steve's legal team behind us, and we both know we can also count on Bruce's attorneys if there's a need. They'll blow through any red tape or legal roadblock like a tornado through a trailer park."

Raven allowed herself a small, happy smile and rubbed her cheek against the warm velvet of his skin. His fingers resumed their tender play with her hair while they both luxuriated in their intimate nearness. Garfield's nostrils flared again.

"You're still uneasy," he spoke quietly. She shook her head. "No, not really. It's just that…"

"Tsk, tsk!" he clicked his tongue. "You know you can't hide it from me."

"I'm just… regretful that I'll never be able to bring a life into the world," she sighed.

Garfield chuckled. "You already have." She looked at him in surprise. "What are you talking about?"

He shifted a bit to slide lower and bring his eyes level with hers. "Let me tell you a story," he said, his voice for once serious. "Once upon a time there was a little boy."

"Garfield," Raven's tone held a dash of impatience. Gar smiled and hushed her with a gentle finger to her lips.

"He was an orphan boy, lonely and unloved, so he hid," Gar went on in a low, steady and utterly enthralling voice. "He hid behind pranks and bad jokes and immature behavior. He hid from everyone, including his friends, including himself. And he did it so well that not even he was aware of the mask on his face, the mask that he had to put on every morning."

Raven watched him through wide open eyes while her throat tightened. Gar smiled wanly and looked away, continuing his tale.

"He hated getting up in the morning, you know? He hated getting up in the morning not because he was lazy but because he needed time to gather the courage to face a world that scorned him and branded him a freak. But he endured the whispers and the laughs and the pointing fingers."

He shook his head, as if trying to push a bothersome thought away. "He endured, because he didn't want to hurt his friends by doing something stupid. So he pushed on, trying to burn away the time in endless video games and hours of stupid flicks and any other pastime that would keep his mind busy and not allow him the time to think."

"Gar…" Raven whispered, lifting her hand to caress his cheek.

He looked at her. His eyes were moist.

"And then he met a girl," he smiled and took her hand into his, bringing it to his lips and giving it a tiny, tender kiss. "A girl so much like him that his soul cried knowing what she was going through."

Her mouth opened, trying to silence him and stop him from hurting himself. But again the faint touch of his finger on her lips overwhelmed her resistance and she was forced to continue listening.

"She was also despised, and feared, and misunderstood. But she wasn't alone," the faintest trace of a smirk passed over his features. "He told her so. And she wasn't unloved, because she was beautiful, and kind, and affectionate, and it's no wonder he fell in love with her so quickly and so completely. And for some reason he still doesn't understand to this day, she also fell in love with him."

"Garfield, you idiot -" she whispered brokenly, grasping his face in her hands, but he swiftly silenced her with a quick, warm kiss to her lips.

"It was her love that opened his eyes, her passion that lit the light again in his heart and her devotion that lifted the veils from his soul and showed him all the good things that were still in him, all those things he hid so well that even he himself forgot they were there. And by doing that she brought him life, gave him joy, gifted him hope."

He leaned forward and placed another small, tender kiss on her lips.

"You gave me life, Raven," he breathed. "So you see, you did bring a life into this world. My own."

Her head fell on his chest with a choked sob and she hugged him fiercely, shivering in his arms. After a minute, the tremors faded and she spoke in a muffled murmur.

"It's moments like these that remind me why I love you so much, Garfield Mark Logan," she said, trying to bury her face deeper into the crook of his neck.

"That, and the ears!" he grinned and wiggled them. Raven pulled back to stare at him in disbelief for a couple of seconds before snorting a guffaw and rolling her eyes. "You just have to ruin every moment we have, don't you?"