Chapter 80.

"My Queen, supper is ready in the dining room." Dell shook Floria's arm gently, waking her and the young woman sat up on the bed. She smiled at the old woman, allowing her to lead her to dine. She saw Loki sitting at the table in the dining room, a place next to him for her and Dell helped her to sit. She looked down at the setting, her stomach already rejecting the food as she sat there, despite it not being served yet.

"Thank you Lady Dell, I am sure your charge will be pleased by your service." Loki said, and the older woman nodded. Floria sat silently as their plates of food were brought to them, both placed in front of their respective persons. She picked up the fork, her hands trembling as she ate a small bite of food and set the utensil back down. It had been a month since they had dined together last, and the silence between them was thick. He seemed to eat and sleep elsewhere in the Palace, shunning her company but now forced to sit with her.

"How do you find the Estate?" He asked her and she ate another small bit of food.

"It is comfortable, I am sure I will like it in Winter. I only pray that it is warm, I do dislike cold." She said and the silence returned, he watched her and she sipped the wine. With no warning, she stood and gave him a curtsy holding her belly through her clothes. "I am sorry, but my stomach seems not to be able to tolerate food. I wish to rest."

"Please stay. Try to eat a bit more, you are growing so thin and you look as if you are ill." He said and she sat back down, poking at the food on her plate and her lip started to tremble. She sipped the wine again, setting the cup down and she blinked. All she could see when she looked at him was his hand under the clothes of the whore, and feel the pain of the first contractions that killed her baby.

"Is the food not to your liking? I could ask Dell to bring some more. Perhaps a simple broth with bread, nothing too hard for your constitution. " He said and she blinked at him, her eyes filled with tears.

"No, the food is fine." She said and she looked down at his hand and stifled a sob. She looked at the fire, wishing she had worn her veil to hide her shame.

"Floria, please don't weep. I know how you mourn, and I only wanted to try to make you happy with me again. Eir said you could conceive again, please don't give up hope." He said and he lay his hand over hers. She screamed, wiping her napkin over her fingers as if he poisoned or burned her and she looked at him.

"You touched her with that hand." She snapped, standing up and she walked out of the room, leaving him in silence. He groaned to himself, standing and following her. He grabbed her arm, holding it and she tried to get free from him.

"I did not want to! How hard is it for you to understand that?" He shouted at her. "All of Asgard thinks I am an Adulterer, and looks to you to see if you believe the lies! I could be destroyed by this, my reign marred by a foolish whore who though that she could rut her way into your place!"

"And what about what they say about me, does that not matter?" She said, pushing him back and she slapped at his chest. "They say she poisoned the baby, that you wanted her over me because you grew tired of me! I must bear this empty heart, this empty body, and all you say is that you worry about your Reign. Your precious crown is a tainted thing, and not by my doing. I am suffering in plain sight, and I do it with more grace than you do! You do not even deny the rumor that you had her in our bed!"

She stood against the wall, her breath catching in her chest and she wiped her eyes. He looked at her, standing in the hall and he screamed, all his rage and pain contained in that one sound. Years of living as a shadow, years of tormenting himself for not being enough, and topped with the pain of being a half breed and a Wife who was lost to him coming out. His hair flipped and she trembled against the wall, her gasps of fear lifting her chest and he looked at her and took in a breath.

"I cannot loose you! I cannot loose the only person who did not see me as a monster or a beast! You... you who smiled at me with a gentle heart, and made me feel whole." He said, letting himself sink to his knees and fall back to sit on the floor. "I am nothing without you Floria, and I have no idea how to make you see that."

"Why do you still think yourself a monster now?" She asked and he hid his face as he sat there.

"Because, I could not save the child you carried. I tried to use magic, and it still died. Everything I touch turns to ash and floats away, even you." He said and Floria removed a small golden vial from her dress pocket, her eyes filled with tears. He looked at it, and he took it from her hand and part of him knew what it was.

"I carry that child still, and will never let it go." She said and he gave her back the ashes. She turned, leaving him in the hall and paused. "Thank you for trying to save it, a true monster would have never made such an attempt."

He sat in the hall, listening to the house around him settle and he let her words hang heavy on him. He was aching inside as she was, and his raging did not help them at all. He had to find a way to help her see that she was everything to him, and everything weighed on him at once.

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The next morning, Floria ate alone while Loki slept in. She arranged her hair in an elegant updo, and slipped a dress of black and silver over her head. Dell helped her lace the back of it up, and she pinned the veil over her face as she prepared to walk for a while. Dell gave her directions to a path that bordered a pond, and she thanked her for them before leaving. She froze as she saw Loki walking in the hall and he bowed to her, returning to his own errand before leaving her.

"I am going to walk to the pond." She said, and he turned back to her and nodded. "Dell gave me the directions, I will not be long."

"I hope you find if peaceful then." He said and descended the stairs, walking out the door and mounting a horse without another word. She wondered if he left her there, riding off to meet Sofia and she fought the urge to run after the horse. She only stood in shock, turning to walk towed the path and feeling so very abandoned.

She walked, watching the trees and studying them as she did. The birds sang to her and she followed the path on, her heart aching with the false hope that Loki would walk up behind her but it never happened. He was leaving her to the Estate, alone in her grief and she sat on a log near the pond and began to weep into her hands. Her tears fell, striking the soil and she found herself growing cold as the day progressed.

She was unable to move though, sitting alone untill dusk when she walked back to the house. She entered it, her shoes echoing in the empty halls and she climbed the stairs to her Chambers to freshen up for supper. She found the door to Loki's Chambers open, and she looked in them in the hope he would be there. To her shock, she found him alone and sitting by the fire in a chair. His hair was dishevelled from riding, and he did not look to see her.

"You look and walk like a ghost now. As if you have shunned all who live, and pay attention to those things that concern the dead." He said and his words bit into her. She stood silently, and looked at her feet.

"I feel I have become one, I hope your ride was well." She said and he nodded, his eyes glancing up at her and returning to the fire. She walked to the chair, and she took in a deep breath and put her hand over his. He looked at it, his mouth opening in shock and he looked up at her.

"This is a change. I thought you hated this hand." He said and she shook her head and let out the breath she was holding.

"I don't, I hate the actions it caused. The pond was lovely, and very peaceful." She said and he nodded at her, he looked at her pocket, knowing what she carried in it and he blinked back his tears and swallowed his guilt.

Her fingers traced the veins in the back of his hand and she remembered how many times he touched her, made her feel so much pleasure and she blinked back tears. She wanted to ask him where he went, but was afraid to do so and she turned to leave him to his thoughts.

"You are growing thinner, please eat soon or there will be nothing of you left." He said and she turned back, looking at him and she nodded softly before leaving him to wash her face and change her dress.

She sat in a chair by the fire herself, waiting to be told that it was time to dine, Dell appearing in the doorway and she rose to walk down the stairs. She sat at the table alone, eating the food on her plate and looking at the empty place next to her. Till having come to tell her that Loki had taken his meal earlier that evening, and that he was retiring for the evening. She thanked him and she left the table after finishing her supper, walking back to her Chambers and she left her door open as he did.

She paused, looking in at him and she folded her hands. He did not look back, instead he stared into the fire and she gave a small cough. His head turned, and she licked her lips nervously.

"Goodnight, I hope you sleep well." She said and he nodded to her.

"I wish you a pleasant evening as well, but I do not sleep well at all. I am plagued by terrible visions as I sleep, the troubles of a King and nothing more." He said and she pressed her lips together and could not think of anything to say. She turned and went into her Chambers, guilt pulling at her heart and she changed into her shift for the evening and lay under the covers alone. She turned on her side, tossing and turning and never found sleep. Before she knew it, the sun had risen over the horizon and she limped into the Bathing Chamber to dress for the day. She took no morning meal, deciding instead to walk again and left the house with the bitter cold cutting through her clothes.

She was walking down the hall to the path again to be alone, starting toward the Pond and out of view of the house with her black cloak and dress on. She stepped toward the trees a bit, and was overcome by a sudden dizzy spell and collapsed to the ground. She lay still on the path, and did not wake as a flake of snow fell from the sky and rested on her pale cheek.