I have so much love for my beta, RESimon. Thank you for everything you do. A second thank you goes out to shestoolazytologin for being such a lovely alpha. You guys are an amazing team to work with.

CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

His anger boiled over his carefully constructed shields in a wave, drowning Hermione in the suddenness of its intensity.

When he spoke, his voice was laced with cold fury. "What did you just say?"

"I might be— I don't know if I'm—" She couldn't utter the word a second time over the lump that had risen in her throat.

"What the fuck do you mean you don't know? You either are or you aren't, Granger!" He turned and ran his hands through his hair. "Fuck!"

She watched as he started pacing and cursing under his breath.

"Draco," her lip trembled as she spoke, "Draco, I—"

He stopped pacing and centered his dark glare on her once again. "You what?" his voice was a snarl. "There isn't a fucking thing you can say right now that'll fix this."

She instinctively curled a hand over flat midriff. "I know," she said. "I know, but—"

"Did you even use the bloody charm?" His skin was flushed red. "Everyone knew it by the time we were fifth years! Or were you too good for hallway gossip?"

"I— I used it every time, but after McGonagall— I don't remember, I can't—"

"You don't remember?!" His fists clenched hard. "Is that all you can say? This is war, Granger. What the fuck are we going to do with a child?!"

Hermione's hand tightened against her stomach. "I know that. I do. But even still, I can't— if I am, I'll do anything to keep this baby."

He froze. "Did you think that I would make you—?" His voice was low and cold as his eyes centered on her stomach. "Who do you think I am?"

Hermione swallowed. "I don't know, I just—"

"Then why the fuck would you say that?! If you had any bloody sense—"

Hermione found her voice in one fell swoop. "Draco!" Her voice cut over his low cursing. "Please just— stop. Just— be my husband, please, if only for a moment."

The room fell into silence in the wake of her words. Hermione's eyes had fallen to where her hands were still pressed over her stomach. When he moved to sit down at the table, she heard more than saw the action.

Draco was the one to break the silence. "Spain," he said.

Hermione looked up to see him watching her stomach intently. "What?" she asked.

"I bought a home there. Secretly. In case my mother ever wanted to live closer in the future."

"Spain," Hermione repeated, her voice only marginally louder than a breath.

"We'll be safe there for now."

Hermione's breath caught. "We…?"

He said nothing but did not contradict her.

"Draco, your mother—"

"How many times have you tried the spell?" he asked, deliberately cutting her off.

Hermione's throat clenched. "Several. Inconclusive every time. If I am...it's too early to detect." Magic could be so powerful yet so fickle, and the fact of it had never felt more devastating than at that moment.

"Do you have any idea why?"

Hermione shook her head. "There are a few reasons that it wouldn't work, but pregnancy...it's not something I've spent a lot of time researching." Or even thinking about, she wanted to add. "I checked our rings, too— while you were asleep. I thought that we'd missed the fertility charms on them, but if there ever were any they've already been removed."

Another silence fell.

"Draco," she started, then hesitated. "Draco, you— if I am— if you come—your mother—"

"I know where my duty lies." His voice was thin and clipped, but their effect was profound. He would risk everything he'd entered into this marriage for in order to protect their child.

If she was pregnant…

Hermione swallowed as she thought of the consequences. She would give up everything to protect their child — do anything to protect it. It would mean entrusting the destruction of the Horcruxes to someone else, and—

"There might be a way," she said, her soft voice still sounding overly loud in the heavy silence that had fallen over them. "A muggle pregnancy test. It might work. If it doesn't…" She trailed off. They would have to risk going to the Order. It was a last resort, but all they had.

"We'll go tonight," he said.

Hermione nodded, ever-aware of the way one of her hands continued to roam over her stomach. She wandered over to the sofa and sat down heavily. The consequences of everything boiled over her desperate attempts tp fold her worries away, causing everything to collapse into chaos like dominoes. She shook as she took slow, deep breaths in an attempt to calm herself — to no avail.

She could feel his presence — his anger — hovering nearby. He was ready to sacrifice it all for their unborn child. To protect her, to be with her and the child after it was born. The burden of what they would lose if she was pregnant was a weight so great that her shoulders sagged under the pressure of it. She felt his shadow fall over her as he paused beside her. It took her a moment to look up, fearful of encountering the lingering wrath she expected to find on his features.

She was surprised, then, when she finally looked up to see the same guarded look she'd grown accustomed to over the months. Now, though, as she watched him longer, she caught the twinges of conflict in his expression. She didn't move her eyes from his as she shifted over, making room for him beside her. She said nothing but knew her expression communicated one word: please.

When she watched him sink down beside her a moment later, she held back the shuddering sob that threatened to escape. She watched his hands clench and unclench on his thighs three times in a row before she reached out tentative fingers and curled her hand around his own.

He didn't push her away, nor did he hold her hand tighter. Still, it was enough.

X

She woke to the feeling of him shifting. It took a few long blinks for her to realize that she was curled into his side. Her hand was on his chest, curled tightly in his shirt. He was sleeping soundly. His chest rose and fell in a steady rhythm, and she allowed herself to sink further into him for a moment. When she shifted to get up, she froze as she realized that one of his arms was curled around her side, and his hand was splayed on her abdomen. He was still asleep, but lines of tension showed on his face. Hermione smoothed her thumb over the crease between his brows, watching as it smoothed out.

Her fingers were still lingering on his cheek when his eyes opened. She let her eyes linger on his, feeling locked in the intensity of his gaze.

"We should go," he said, breaking the silence. She didn't miss the way his eyes lingered on where his hand rested on her abdomen before he untangled himself and stood.

They changed in silence, and he stood quietly as she glamoured his clothing and features. When she lowered her wand, he moved to take her hand as he lifted his wand to Apparate them away.

"Wait," Hermione said. She took his hand in hers and touched his wedding ring. The diamonds and emeralds glittered in the low light, and when she raised hers beside it she took a moment to admire their beauty. She tapped them once, glamouring hers into something simple and nondescript with a small diamond and his into a simple silver band.

"It'll be best to let them think we're a couple passing through," she explained. "Discreet. Won't rouse suspicion."

He nodded before curling his hand tighter around hers. Hermione was sucked into the familiar feeling of Apparition before they landed somewhere along the darkened forest line.

"Do you know where to go?" he asked.

Hermione shook her head. "The village is small though. There should be somewhere." She curled her fingers around his tightly as she lead them out towards the main street.

The street was dark and mostly empty. Low noise filtered out of a pub as they passed, and a laughing couple walked out as they passed. Their joined hands swung together casually and they laughed, the contrast of their ease sharp against the way Hermione hung onto Draco's hand with a near-bruising grip.

"There," she said, pointing at a dimly-lit pharmacy ahead.

A bell tinkled softly as they entered, announcing their presence. A salt-and-pepper haired woman stood behind the register, giving them a warm smile as she appraised them.

"Welcome," the woman said. "Do you need any assistance?"

"No, thank you," Hermione's voice was a croak.

Her heart started to thus as she was once again faced with the reason they'd come. She knew that she should have let go of his hand to search the small, sparsely filled aisles, but she couldn't bring herself to let go.

The tests were in the first aisle they went down. Hermione froze in front of the row of tests, all of which featured women cradling their bumps or their newborns. She felt ill. Her fingers twitched at her side, but she couldn't bring herself to pick up a box.

"Here you are, love." Hermione started as she felt the woman press the handle of a shopping basket into her free hand. The woman gave them a knowing look. "It's best to try a few, just to be certain. These will do just fine," the woman said, dropping three boxes into the basket. "No need to worry yourself with all the fancy ones."

Hermione nodded mutely as they followed the woman back up to the cash register.

"I married around your age myself," the woman said as Hermione handed her the basket with a shaky hand. "But not to worry. Children are a blessing — it's best not to forget that."

Hermione bit back the tears that threatened to fall at the woman's words. Her hands worked mechanically as she handed the woman her money and watched her count out the change. This was how they should have been, shouldn't they? A nervous pair of newlyweds overwhelmed but tentatively excited at the prospect of their first child. Any other couple could have taken the woman's words with care, returning to their home feeling somewhat calmed despite their nervousness. Instead, all they did was burrow fear deeper into Hermione's heart.

She was snapped out of her thoughts by the feeling of Draco squeezing her hand. "Let's go."

The sound of his voice spread through her in a wave of calming comfort, unfreezing her legs from where they'd previously refused to move. It was him who pulled her out of the pharmacy and around the corner, and him who Apparated them back to the cabin. It was he who removed their glamours and took out the boxes, reading them carefully.

She barely moved until he handed her a glass of water. "Drink."

She brushed it away. "I can do it," she said, brushing past him and into the bathroom where he'd laid out the tests neatly on the countertop.

She emerged a few minutes later, clutching the tests in a shaky grip. She found him sitting on the sofa, his head bowed and hands buried tightly in his hair.

"Draco," she said, her voice breaking.

He shot up at her words. "What?"

She shook her head. "They're not working." She handed him the tests, showing him the scrambled lines on the small readers that should have been marked with a clear plus or minus. A clear yes, or no. Instead, they had— nothing.

She heard the clatter of the tests as the hit the wall with the force of his throw. "You have to go to the Order."

"Draco, I—" she caught his hand. "I…"

"Go," he said. "McGonagall left us portkey, did she not?"

Hermione swallowed. "She did, but…" She pressed back her fear, knowing the true reason for her fear hung in the air between them nonetheless.

He released her hand and pressed her wand into it instead. "You might not be seen. Go."

Before she could hesitate and decide against it, she gave him one last look before crossing over to pick up the pouch that McGonagall had left them. With one last look at Draco, she pressed it into her fingers and was gone.

X

She landed in a darkened kitchen. She immediately pressed herself into a shadowed corner, scanning every corner of the room for signs of movement. Although she found none, it didn't stop her heart from rising in her throat as she slipped through the shadows. She peeked outside the kitchen to find a small hall. She wasn't even certain that they had a Healer on the premises. Still, she resolved that she would search every room before she revealed herself to anyone unnecessarily. Her footsteps were slow and precise as she stepped into the hall, each step practiced from the months of training.

She froze at the first room she encountered.

It was a small sitting room, dark save for the small fire that crackled in the fireplace. The light of the fire illuminated the figures that were curled together on a small sofa.

Ron.

Her breath caught as she watched the flames flicker across his familiar features. Although he had no visible scars, she could still see the exhaustion that marred his features from where she stood. She bit her lip to keep it from trembling as she thought of the look of abject betrayal she'd seen on his face the last time they'd been together; of the feelings she'd felt him pour out in the note he'd sent her so many months ago. She yearned to go him, to wrap her arms around him and whisper all the apologies she'd dreamt of saying to him for months.

That was what brought her to figure that was curled in his arms. Lavender. Even from where she stood, Hermione could see how fitful the other woman's sleep was. Her breaths were deep and shuddering, and she let out small whimpers as she unconsciously burrowed her head deeper into Ron's chest. It took only a glance downward for Hermione to see why. One of Lavender's arms was severed below the elbow and wrapped in a crude bandage. Even in his sleep, Ron's arms were curled around her protectively, one hand resting gently on the bandage.

Hermione's heart twisted. How much pain and destruction had she missed? How many horrors had the Order endured in this war that seemed to have no end?

Ron shifted and she froze, her heart hammering in her chest. If he opened his eyes he would see her there, standing in the shadows but a dozen feet in front of him. She let out the breath she'd been holding only when he shifted again and let out a small snore. She needed to find a healer before she happened upon anyone else. She crept away slowly, finding only an empty bedroom at the end of the hall with the door left slightly ajar.

She turned the corner to find another, smaller hallway. Soft light spilled out of an open door at the end of it. Hermione crept up slowly until she could peek inside. Inside were shelves filled with rows of neatly labeled bottles and various instruments — amongst medical supplies. The infirmary.

She crept closer still until she was able to see more clearly into the room. A lone woman was bent over a basin, her long blonde hair twisted in a bun at the nape of her neck. When she turned slightly, Hermione recognized her. Hannah.

Hermione stepped into the room, deliberately making a small noise that had Hannah's eyes widening as she recognized Hermione. "Herm—"

Hermione pressed a finger to her lips. Hannah's mouth opened and closed again before she nodded. "How...how have you been?" Hannah asked once Hermione had pushed the door closed behind her.

This time, it was Hermione who opened and closed her mouth as she hesitated.

Hannah gave her a soft smile that didn't quite meet her eyes. "I shouldn't have asked." Hannah brushed her hands off on her robes. "You've been missed, Hermione."

Hermione looked away. "I'm sorry."

Hannah smiled sadly. "We're all sorry for something," she said. "I assume you've come in for a reason, though?" Hannah gestured for Hermione to sit on the small cot that was pushed in the corner. "Pomfrey was called away yesterday and hasn't returned, but she's trained me well."

Hermione nodded. "I…" her voice was a croak. "I need a pregnancy detection spell."

Hermione caught only the briefest flicker of surprise cross Hannah's features before she

smoothed them into a mask of professionalism once more. "Of course. Can you…?"

Hermione nodded and lay back on the cot, rolling up her shirt until her stomach was exposed. "Do you...do you have any idea why…why the spell..." Hermione swallowed as Hannah paused, her wand suspended over Hermione's stomach.

"I...I can't be certain. Are you on the potion?"

Hermione shook her head. "No." Her voice was small.

Hannah nodded. "It shouldn't be necessary. The spell works almost every time, although magic itself can be fickle. I assume your own detection spell didn't work?"

Hermione shook her head again, trying to force herself from folding her hands over her bare stomach.

"Normally, cases where the spell didn't work occur when other magic had interfered, although there isn't much that does. Some marriage bonds, for example, tend to require using the spell prior to relations. Some ancient families have even been known to incorporate fertility spells into wedding rings themselves, although the spell usually cancels them out…"

Hannah's voice was swallowed by the whooshing noise that filled Hermione's ears. Such a small detail that could have possibly changed everything — everything. She normally read and researched everything about everything she could, yet she'd never considered this. Her heart continued to race as she thought of all the times she'd mumbled a contraceptive spell right before she would fall asleep, after when she should have done it before, never having suspected that timing would have had anything to do with it. But timing— timing was that fatal blow to all of this, and because she hadn't known, everything, everything might be ruined—

She was drawn out of her thoughts by Hannah's hand gently stroking her cheek. As Hermione blinked herself back into reality, she realized that a lone tear had leaked down her face and into her ear.

Hannah wiped at it again, smiling sadly down at Hermione. "You'll be alright. No matter what comes of this." She held her wand aloft over Hermione's stomach once again. "You'll feel a cold tingle, but it shouldn't hurt. May I…?"

Hermione nodded, knowing she wouldn't be able to find her voice.

Hannah gave her a small smile before she turned to Hermione's stomach and murmured a spell over it. There was a moment where she felt suspended in the tension of the silence and nothingness, and then—

Nothing happened.

Hermione's heart was in her throat as she waited another beat for the white glow that would indicate pregnancy to appear over her stomach. Instead, there was nothing.

"You're not pregnant," Hannah said.

Hermione's heart stopped, then restarted in a staccato. "Can you— I need to be sure."

Hannah nodded and cast the spell once more. No telltale white glow appeared. "Not pregnant. I promise."

She wasn't pregnant.

It felt as though Hannah's words had sucked up the air in the room, and Hermione felt unable to breathe under the weight of her relief. She wasn't pregnant. She wasn't pregnant. She wasn't pregnant. She could go back to him, and they would be alright. They'd be able to find the Horcruxes. Finish this war, no matter the outcome. She wasn't pregnant. She wasn't pregnant. She wasn't pregnant.

"Hermione, wait," Hannah called.

She hadn't even realized that she'd stood up and started stumbling dazedly towards the door until Hannah's voice cut into her thoughts. Hermione turned to feel Hannah pushing several vials into her hands.

"One every four months," Hannah said. "Pomfrey was able to create it in a higher concentration for those who needed it."

"Thank you," Hermione forced the words out over the lump that still hadn't left her throat.

Hannah squeezed Hermione's hand before letting it go. "There's a back door down the hall to your left. Go."

Hermione nodded and gave Hannah one last look before she cracked open the door and peeked into the hall. It was still dark and empty, and Hermione hurried in the direction Hannah had told her to go.

She wasn't pregnant. The words carried her feet toward the exit, moving in stealthy silence as she approached it—

Someone snatched her by her braid and dragged her backward violently until she was pinned against the wall. A hand slammed down over her mouth before she could scream. When she looked up it was into the face of Harry Potter, his features twisted with rage.

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