A/n: Hi! Thanks for all the wonderful reviews! They are really helpful. In this chapter, Ana changes her mind about something when it comes to Christian. This is my first time writing fanfics on a site like this with so many readers. Thanks for reading, and keep the reviews coming, means a lot!

Ana's POV

Working at SIP had been keeping me busy, and my mind off of Christian. Since I've left his house, my heart ached, not just for the pain that he caused me, but for my love for him.

These last few days have been hard. I'm reminded of all the love that Christian's shown me, but I remember the spanking, how cold he was as he hit me, and how he looked afterward. As much as I loved him, I had to stay away. He was right, though. He's Fifty Shades of Fucked Up, and I couldn't be with him like that.

As I walked to my desk, Hannah gave me a smile.

"Hey, Ana. Did you have a good weekend?"

"Yes," I said, not daring to meet her eyes. "I'm going to get to work now."

Commenting on, proofreading and getting manuscripts ready made the day fly by, and by the time I had finished my sixth manuscript, it was lunchtime. Hannah popped her head around the corner of my desk.

"You've been pretty quiet back here," she commented. "Working hard?"

"Yep. These manuscripts aren't going to correct themselves," I said, standing up and heading towards the kitchen.

"Ana? By the way, you've got a package," she said.

A package? From who? Christian! The thoughts of what it could be danced around in my head as I ate my tuna sandwich and sipped on my water. Whatever it was, I would be sending it back. Nothing could draw me back in.

Before returning to my desk, I retrieved the package. It felt heavy, and I only hoped nothing too expensive lay within. I lugged the box to my desk, and I slowly opened it. I gasped as I peered inside: two books, a sandwich bag containing Twinings English Breakfast teabags, a box of Couture Chocolates and at the bottom was a note. I stared at the titles of the books, intrigued and irritated: Diary of a Submissive by Sophie Morgan and Submission by Alex Algren. I sighed and opened the note:

My dearest Ana,

I hope you are well. I'd like to apologize for everything. Hope you take the time to read to the end of this letter.

I threw the note to the side, and continued to edit and polish manuscripts. Whatever Christian had to say to me, he could call or tell me in person. A letter wasn't going to solve our problems. I attempted to focus on work, but Christian's words kept swirling around in my head. I was curious about what he wanted to say. I promised myself after three manuscripts, I would read the rest of the letter.

The third manuscript corrected, I picked up the letter, and continued where I left off.

Ana, I'm sorry that I hurt you. That was not my intention at all. You asked to see how bad it could get, and I wanted to show you. However, you are changing me, my dear.

I don't want to hurt you at all, but pain and pleasure go hand in hand. I want to protect you, to satisfy you, to please you, to make you a better woman through me, through my command, to uplift you as a woman. A big part of submission is not just sex, but the love, trust, the bond we share. That's what this dynamic is all about.

I know that hearts and flowers are what you're about, but that's not something I know. You've seen the contract, do you think you can review it and reevaluate everything?

I've sent you the books because I think they'll be a good guide in finding yourself as a submissive. Baby, I'm not going anywhere, because you are the one that I want. Before even delving into those however, I have another book that might put your mind and body at ease. I'll be sending it later on this afternoon, but it's called The Many Shades of BDSM, and it goes through everything step by step.

As my submissive, you will devote your time to becoming a better person for yourself and for me. It will be fulfilling for the both of us. Sexually, pleasure and pain, limits and boundaries, control and surrender, are what submitting to me is about. We are equals in this dynamic, you have to know that.

With all of this being said, I feel something more for you than just my submissive. It's hard to explain, but I'd like to see you tonight. If you need time to think, that's fine too, but please, don't take too long. I miss you terribly, and my heart breaks every morning when I awake because you're not with me.

Christian x

This is too much! I flopped back into my chair, overwhelmed with emotion. On one hand, I felt ecstatic that he at least felt something more for me, but on the other, I'm supposed to submit according to what and how he wants. He wants me under his command, his control, how in the hell is this going to work? Control, pain, pleasure, sex? How? These books are supposed to guide me, but these authors don't know how I feel within my heart and body.

This is what Christian wants 't I be willing to at least read and find out everything there is about this to please him? I grabbed my water and took a huge gulp, and then, picked up the last three manuscripts of the day.I needed to immerse myself in my work before tackling My Fifty and his way of life and love.