AN: Tumblr prompt: Danny accidentally kills Vlad, and doesn't regret killing Vlad, but feels bad about not feeling bad about killing him.
Drabble 93-The Wrong Guilt
He knew deep down in his gut that Vlad would go out in a blaze of glory, whether it be from his own doing or some crazy outside forces.
He never imagined, though, that Vlad would die from his hands.
Danny doesn't kill. That's what keeps him good. That the thing that has kept people from trying to murder him over the years (to an extent) and the government off his back (except for the GiW). But now he was looking at gloved hands, stained with Vlad's green blood. He was breathing heavily, trying to process what he had done. But he soon realized that him killing the billionaire wasn't the scariest thing about him right at that moment.
The scariest part was the lack of regret he had. The lack of sympathy for a soul taken too early from the was no remorse in him, and he knew deep down that he wasn't sorry, even if he said it over and over to Steve, who was carefully pulling him off of Vlad, nice and slow.
It was a steady mantra. Those were the only words his mouth was able to form. But he wasn't sorry for killing Vlad. He was sorry for not caring about killing Vlad. He feels more bad about not feeling bad. More guilt from the sheer apathy he held for the unspeakable thing he had just done.
The rest of it seamed to be a blur. He knew he was walking next to Steve, who had a hand on his shoulder leading him to the quinjet. The crowd was surrounding them slowly, murmuring to themselves about the murdering ghost kid who just joined the Avengers. The kid who everybody thought was a saint. He heard murmurs. Little snippets.
The Guys in White were right, one says.
God, what a monster. I mean, I know the other guy was a villain, but still, he catches another.
The Avengers should just lock him up, an old woman this time. Over and over, the voices grew, repeating themselves and making his breath hitch as he climbed up the ramp. This would never be okay. This would never be fixed because it's such an irreversible thing to happen. That he caused.
He killed Vlad Plasmius and he didn't even care. He cared more that he didn't. He cared more about the aftermath. Would General Ross come and take him away? He deserved it. After all, if he doesn't care that he killed Vlad, what chances does he have of caring when fighting normal villains. Once you kill, once you murder even one, then you've already lost. Nothing you know, feel, or experience will ever feel the same.
"…ny…Danny!"
Danny's head shot up to face Tony, who was giving him a very worried look. It was the most worried he had ever seen the genius.
"Are you okay?" Tony asked him.
Was he? Danny had no idea, to be honest. He knows how he should feel but his heart wasn't on the same page as his brain, the same page as society. He had never thought he would kill anybody. Could never fathom it in the past. But now he had, and now he's worried that that's all he's ever gonna be from now on. A murderer. Even if they're bad guys, they don't deserve to die.
He didn't care about Vlad, not really. He cares about how this is going to change him as a person. Because he knows that the next time he looks in the mirror he is not going to see the same person he saw earlier that morning. So really, there was only one logical answer to Tony's question, and probably one Sam would be giving him therapy over for the rest of his life.
He didn't looked up when he said, "I don't know."
He only stared at his blood stained hands, because now it wasn't just his hands that were dirty.
It was his heart, too.