The voice on the other end of the phone sounded hesitant and confused as Percy spoke to them. They were probably wondering if this was some kind of prank. It was, but Percy didn't think they really needed to know that.
"Yeah, that's right, one hundred bags of manure," he assured the man on the phone. "Yeah, the wife and I are redoing the front lawn. And, tell you what, if I'm not there, just dump it all on the front porch. Okay, thank you. Bye, bye."
When he hung up, Jason plopped down next to him on the couch. They had been hanging out with a few of the guys in the basement when Percy had come up with the plan to get back at his P.E. coach for a bad grade.
Jason ran a hand through his blond hair as he faced Percy with a toothy grin. "Man, Coach Hedge is gonna freak."
"He shouldn't have given me that D," Percy argued.
Off to the side, Frank was minding his own business reading a Dick Tracy comic book when he muttered, "Oh no, Dick Tracy is trapped in a giant clam. Farewell, sweet Dick."
Nico rubbed his chin as he thought about that statement. "A man named dick being eaten by a giant clam. I'm no Sigmund Freud, but…" He raised his eyebrows suggestively and shrugged.
A Latino came running down the stairs waving his arms in excitement. When he saw Percy and Jason his enthusiastic flailing increased tenfold before Nico finally punched his shoulder in an attempt to get the guy to calm down. "Guys, 'The Omen' is playing at the drive-in! You know what that means!"
Jason slapped Percy's shoulder with the back of his hand. "Make-out city!"
"I really like you as a friend, Jason, but can I bring a girl?" Percy said with a smirk.
In response, Jason raised his hands to his chest as if he'd been shot. "That hurts, Percy, that really hurts. Yeah, you idiot, 'course you can bring a girl. It's gonna be great."
"Yeah, horror movies turn on las chicas faster than porno, eses," Leo informed them. "If only somebody made a porno horror movie!"
Percy and jason shared a skeptical look as Nico snorted.
"Oh, yeah, then there'd be no stopping you," Nico quipped.
The guys laughed as Paul trudged down the stairs to look at the gathered teenagers. "Perce, is that kid from… not America down here?" Frank sat up from his place on the floor so that Paul could see him. "The Stolls called and they want you to go home. Also, Leo, stop saying porno!"
Leo flinched before pointing a finger at Frank. "I didn't say it, Mr. Jackson, Frank did!"
"Wáng bā dàn," Frank mumbled under his breath.
(***)
A magazine landed with a thump on top of Paul's plate of bacon and eggs. Sally stood over him with her hands on her hips, possibly upset about something she'd seen in the offending magazine. The word 'Cosmopolitan' beamed up at him, confirming his suspicions.
"Do you know what this is, Paul?" Sally interrogated.
Paul sighed before answering, "Some lady magazine."
"It's Cosmo!"
"Okay..?"
"I'm going to tell you something," she announced, "I just took the 'How spontaneous is your relationship' quiz and you know what?" He opened his mouth to answer but she kept going, "We got three out of ten. And I cheated!"
Picking the magazine off his breakfast, Paul prepared himself for the argument he knew was coming. "Gee, Hun, I can't help but notice that you're upset."
"Oh, no, no. I'm not upset," she argued, clearly upset. "That would disrupt our routine. God knows I wouldn't want to move in a new direction and accidentally slip in a puddle of fun or anything!"
She snatched her magazine back up and clutched it to her chest. There were unshed tears glistening in her eyes and Paul knew what he had to do even if it was going to seriously hurt his wallet. A defeated sigh escaped his lips as he poked at his eggs with a fork. "How about we treat ourselves to a night out? Just the two of us."
He saw the tension start to drain from his wife as she pursed her lips and shifted from side to side. Finally, a small smile started forming on her lips. "That'd be nice."
"Great, we'll go to Soter's."
The magazine landed on the table with a solid thwack and Sally huffed angrily. "Soter's? So you'll have the Salisbury steak and I'll have the baked chicken, again!"
"Well, maybe I won't have the Salisbury steak. I enjoy their ham, too," Paul offered.
Sally threw her hands up in the air and cried, "Oh, ham! Well, alright then! I can change one answer on the quiz! Four out of ten, whoop-de-freaking-do. We've moved up from 'Predictable as the Tides' to 'Hum Drum'! I'll go change!" Her tirade over, she stormed out of the room.
Slumping in his chair, food forgotten, Paul picked up the dreaded magazine. "Damn Cosmo."
(***)
Mr. and Mrs. Stoll were devoutly religious and truly believed their two sons were as well. Frank had learned the first day in America that the Stoll brothers were nothing but pranksters who couldn't care less about God. In fact, if his suspicions were right, they had been the ones to spray paint a giant dick on the side of the church a few weeks ago. Even after multiple attempts to paint over it, one could still see the bright red paint they'd used bleeding through.
But, of course, Mr. and Mrs. Stoll were blissfully unaware of their sons shenanigans.
"Son," Mr. Stoll chided, "when we took you in as an exchange student, you became our responsibility. And we're concerned about this gang of ruffians you hang out with."
Frank tried to think of any 'ruffians' in his group of friends but only thought Nico fit that description. The Stoll brothers were more ruffian-like than most of his friends and the look they shot him from the other room told him they agreed.
"They are my friends," Frank tried.
Mr. Stoll threw his hands up impatiently, "That's exactly what they want you to think! Now, we're not inflexible. We looked the other way when you started dating that dark girl with the questionable reputation."
There was a brief second where Frank considered punching Mr. Stoll for the way he'd talked about Hazel before he remembered that he didn't want to be deported. Travis Stoll, however, had no such limitations as he stepped into the living room followed closely by his younger brother.
"Dad, really? Hazel's the nicest girl at school there's no need to be a racist dillhole," Travis accosted.
Frank didn't think he'd ever seen the two brothers so serious about anything. Granted, he did vaguely remember them starting a food fight in the cafeteria by throwing food in Clarisse's face when she was harassing him on his first day. Yeah, they were troublemakers but they were nice troublemakers.
"Not now, honey," Mrs. Stoll said with a dismissive wave of her hand. With her other hand she held up a KISS album that Frank had borrowed from Percy. "You've brought the devil's music into our home."
Connor snorted before smarting off. "No, no. KISS is a bunch of old, white dudes. They'd have to be black for that to be the devil's music. Right, Dad?"
"Go," Mr. Stoll ordered, pointing down the hall in the direction of their rooms.
Both brothers tousled Frank's hair reassuringly as they passed behind the couch he was sitting on. Once their bedroom doors closed, Mr. and Mrs. Stoll faced him accusingly again.
Frank tried to be diplomatic, "That's not the devil's music, it's Percy's."
"Rebecca, show the boy. Now, listen to what happens when she plays it backwards."
Mrs. Stoll put the record on a turntable and forced it to go backwards. The only thing that came out was a cacophony of indistinct noises. Frank briefly worried that it was damaging the record, he really didn't want to upset Percy.
"There it is," Mr. Stoll said, indicating another bout of nonsense. "'Devil loves me, Devil lives! It's clear as day."
"Okay, so I won't listen to it backwards then," Frank shrugged.
The two only glared back at him in answer.
(***)
Percy swallowed hard as he tried to find the courage to look Annabeth in the eyes. "So, Wise Girl, I was thinking we should go see a movie tonight?"
He mentally slapped himself for not sounding more confident.
Annabeth didn't seem to notice, though, seeing as she just shrugged nonchalantly. "Yeah, cool. I've been wanting to see 'All the President's Men', actually."
"Actually, I've heard that movie isn't very good. 'The Omen', however, that's a good movie," Percy countered.
"Isn't that at the drive-in?" Annabeth asked, suddenly nervous.
Percy froze for a second before laughing awkwardly. "Ha ha. Is it at the…? Yeah, no, yeah. I guess it is." He swallowed again. "You wanna go?"
She ducked her head down to hide the blush creeping across her cheeks. When she finally answered, Percy could tell she was as nervous as he was. "Tonight? Um… Yeah, sure!"
(***)
As soon as she left the Jackson's house, Annabeth had called Will and Piper. She was now sitting on her porch with her two friends. Once she caught them up to speed, they stared at her in awe.
"'The Omen'? That's at the drive-in," Piper said after a moment.
Annabeth nodded. "I know, I don't know what to do. I mean, I really like Percy and I wouldn't mind, you know, having a physical relationship with him. But…"
"It's called making-out, Annabeth," Will chastised gently. "Just say it."
She blushed profusely in response before setting her jaw in determination. "Alright, make-out! But, I don't want to do it in public. I don't want it to be tacky. I don't want there to be pressure. And now it's become this tacky, public, pressuring, make-out thing!"
Piper stroked Annabeth's curls. "I understand. Everybody wants their first make-out to be special. You know, some place romantic like Ireland or Disney World." She was answered with two faces with matching confusion before she continued, "Right, sorry. So, let's focus. He asked you to the drive-in and you said yes."
Annabeth agreed. "Will you and Jason come with us?"
"Why?" Piper asked.
"You'd be a loophole. I can talk to you if I get nervous," Annabeth explained.
Piper considered it for a moment before she smiled happily. "Don't worry, we'll be there! It'll be our first double date!"
"What about you, Will? Is Leo taking you to the drive-in?" Annabeth asked after a moment.
Will shook his head vigorously, his blonde hair swinging from side-to-side. "Oh, goodness, no! Last time Leo took me to see a horror movie, I… Well, I… Let's just leave it at I don't do scary movies."
(***)
"You asked Annabeth to the drive-in?" Jason asked, even though he already knew the answer. "Oh, that's great! Me and Pipes will come with you, man."
Percy leaned back against the couch in an attempt to relax. He'd been nothing but stressed ever since he'd decided to ask Annabeth to see a movie at the drive-in. "No, you'd be, like, competition."
"Competition?" Jason raised an eyebrow at his friend.
"Yeah, dude, I'd feel like I'd have to keep up with you and Piper. It'd just make me nervous and a little uncomfortable, seeing as Piper is my cousin. I don't know, something about going to a place known as Make-out City with my cousin just rubs me the wrong way."
Jason was quiet for a moment as he processed that information but, eventually, he nodded in understanding. "Fair enough. Alright, we won't come."
(***)
Sally found her husband flipping through channels on the TV in their living room when she finished getting ready for their date night. She still wasn't sure about the elegant, red dress she'd picked, especially for a place as simple as Soter's.
"Okay, now, see?" She said when Paul finally turned to look at her. "This dress says, 'look at me, notice me, stare at me!' It's all wrong."
Paul stood up from his recliner and reached for her hands. "No, you look terrific, especially for dinner at the Nemean Lion's Head."
"No, it's no good," Sally complained before she registered what her husband had said. "Wait, what? The Nemean Lion's Head? I thought we were going to Soter's tonight?"
Paul shrugged as he smiled lovingly at her. "I changed my mind. It's fancy and different. I mean, hey, we haven't been there in years. It'll be fun, huh?"
Sally clapped excitedly before rushing up the stairs. "This is so exciting! Okay, I'm going to grab the clippers 'cause if we're going somewhere fancy, I have to shave your neck. You hop in the car!"
As Sally disappeared upstairs, Paul let out a long sigh before heading for the car.
(***)
The guys were gathered in their sacred, weed circle in the Jackson's basement. Frank had just finished telling them what the Stoll's had told him. "I'm telling you, they think the devil is singing backwards on the record. Guys, they might deport me if I keep hanging out with you."
A hand landed on his shoulder, he looked up to see that the hand belonged to Nico. With a shake of his head, Nico said, "No, man, it's not the devil. It's Congress. They passed a secret law to put backward messages in our records. They wanna kill rock'n'roll because they know it makes us horny, man."
"Doesn't pretty much everything make us horny?" Percy pointed out before shoving a whole Twinkie into his mouth.
"Cartoons make me horny," Leo stated. "Oh, and food."
Frank looked to Jason for help. Jason obliged by speaking up in a demonic voice, "Satan is your master, Frank. Worship Satan."
Nico grabbed Frank by the shoulders and looked him deep in the eyes. "But before you worship Satan, get us a cherry pop! Satan will be angry if we don't have a cherry pop! Frank, man, get me a pop!"
"Sorry, didn't realize Satan cared about your hydration," Frank mumbled sarcastically, even as he stood up to get sodas for everyone.
Percy added, "Satan's second choice is root beer."
(***)
The restaurant they pulled up to was a building with a great, big, mechanical monkey in the parking lot. The sign read, 'Kerkopes', and the parking lot was littered with trash. Paul was certain that this was where the Nemean Lion's Head had been the last time they had eaten there.
They uncertainly got out of their car and heard children screaming excitedly.
"Paul, what is this place?" Sally asked quietly.
When they entered the restaurant they saw a parade of waiters clapping and singing happy birthday. The host was a stringy teenager with peach fuzz and a forced smile. His name tag told them his name was Akmon.
Paul asked the host, "Excuse me, what happened to the Nemean Lion's Head?"
"Burned down," he announced with a smile. "Five dead, real sad! Welcome to Kerkopes. May I take your name?"
He looked to Sally who was obviously disappointed with how the night was going.
"It may not be too bad," Paul tried even as a child screamed loudly a few feet away from him. "It is different."
A busboy bumped into him and yelled, "On your left, Sparky!"
"Well, the staff is rather enthusiastic," Sally tried making an effort.
They gave the host their name and the host informed them that the wait was going to be two hours. In response, Paul slid Akmon a twenty dollar bill and the wait time effectively dropped down to five minutes.
A moment later, they were being escorted to a booth in the center of the restaurant surrounded by squealing children and their partially drunken parents.
(***)
"Alright, let's go," Percy said, opening the passenger side door.
Annabeth hesitated by the basketball goal, stalling. "Maybe I should go to my house and pop some popcorn. You know, 'cause they always overcharge?" She spotted Piper and Jason coming through the Jackson's garage and acted as if she didn't know what they were doing there. "Piper and Jason, what are you guys up to?"
Jason shot Percy an apologetic shrug as Piper dragged him along after her.
"Nothing, what are you guys up to?" Piper asked, even though Percy was certain she already knew.
"Annabeth and I are going to the drive-in," Percy explained. Then, with a pointed look at Jason, he added, "Remember?"
Piper patted Percy's arm happily, "Oh, thank you, Percy! We'd love to go."
"Pipes, I don't think we…" Jason tried to argue but Piper shut him up with a glare. "Right, I'll get in the car."
As Jason passed Percy to get in the car he received a quick punch in the shoulder. The four of them got in the now stress-filled Vista Cruiser and Percy begrudgingly started the car.
(***)
At Kerkopes, Sally and Paul were still waiting for their server. With all the loud children, Paul was extremely grateful their children were grown and he wouldn't have to hear this at home. He was just thinking that they should leave and find another restaurant to eat at when their waiter came up to the table dressed as a monkey.
"Hey, I'm Passalos, your waiter. Would either of you like to help yourself to our monkey-tastic salad bar?"
There was a second where Paul considered just going along with the insanity that was around them, but one look at his wife changed his mind. He stood up and informed their waiter that they were leaving. "Come on, Sally, we're going to Soter's."
Sally shrugged at the waiter before following after her husband.
(***)
The drive-in was by far the worst place for a double date. Annabeth was sitting close to Percy while Jason and Piper made out in the backseat. The two in the front seat could not decide if the strange noises they kept hearing were from the speakers or the backseat.
"This movie even sounds gross," Annabeth commented as she decided that no two humans could make those noises she was hearing.
Percy, however, had come to realize that he would never be able to look at his cousin or best friend the same way again. "That's not the move."
Piper's head popped up from the back seat to look at them. Her hair was a mess with thin braids sticking up at odd angles. A second later and Jason sat up with his head between Piper and Percy. He had a goofy grin on his face and lipstick smudges along his jawline.
"So, you guys okay up here?" Piper asked with an apologetic smile.
Annabeth barely managed to contain her anger as she turned towards her friends. "No, I want... " she paused trying to think quickly, "popcorn. I want Percy and Jason to go get me some popcorn."
After a disappointed Percy and Jason left to do as they were told, Piper clambered over the back seat to sit beside Annabeth. She received a rough shove from Annabeth once she settled down.
"I didn't bring you here to suck Jason's face off," Annabeth grumbled.
"I know, I'm sorry," Piper said adamantly. "I wasn't being a very good friend. No more making-out, promise."
Piper had just managed to climb back over the seats when the boys returned with empty hands. Jason started to explain that they were broke and needed money to buy popcorn but Annabeth said, exasperatedly, that she didn't want popcorn. Percy and Jason shared a bewildered look before getting back into the car.
Jason leaned over to kiss Piper again but she waved him off. "No, no, Jason. We are going to watch the movie with Percy and Annabeth."
"But I missed the beginning," Jason said even as he leaned forward to watch.
Percy tilted his head back a little so it rested near Jason's. "Okay, the little kid's the devil and they have to kill him."
"Thanks, dude," Jason whispered.
The boys continued to whisper to one another about the movie as the girl's shared frustrated looks. Annabeth almost wished Piper and Jason were still making out in the backseat. Now she felt like she was intruding on something.
"Look at this, Damien, it's all for you," cried someone in the movie just before a scream echoed out of the speakers.
Both girls screamed and fell towards their significant other. Jason gave Percy a thumbs up before Piper dragged him back down for another make-out session.
"Annabeth, it's just a movie," Percy reminded her.
"I know, just surprised me is all," she said as she calmed down.
Percy had no doubt that had she been paying attention, Annabeth would have been telling him about all the scientific flaws and impossibilities the movie showed. He'd learned after years of knowing her that it took a lot more than some demon movie to scare her. In fact, as far as he knew the only thing that truly scared her were spiders for whatever reason.
"Do you want to sit somewhere else?" Percy offered as the sounds from the backseat increased.
"God, yes," Annabeth answered.
(***)
"Okay, now this is how we sneak the devil music past Ozzie and Harriet," Travis Stoll was telling Frank. The Stoll brothers had come over to the Jackson's basement to inform their foreign friend of their brilliant idea.
Nico leaned forward from where he'd been sitting on his chair.
In Connor's left hand was an Alice Cooper record and in his right hand was a Pat Boone cover. "Observe," Connor ordered in a grand voice. "Alice Cooper, meet Pat Boone."
He began to slide the Alice Cooper record into the Pat Boone cover. Halfway in he began acting as though there was an invisible force stopping him.
"Don't resist me, Pat Boone," he cried.
Travis smirked as he egged his brother on. "No, you're hurting me!"
"Come on, take it!" Connor acted like there was a huge fight of wills going on between him and the Pat Boone cover.
"Oh, it hurts! No!"
"Ah, ha!" Connor exclaimed victoriously as he successfully slid the record into its new cover.
Nico snorted and Frank looked at them skeptically. "What if your parents hear it?"
"Then Satan commands us to kill them, Frank," Travis said bluntly.
"Or," Nico said slowly, "you can use headphones?"
Connor and Travis considered this new option for a moment before shrugging in unison. "Yeah," Travis conceded.
"That'd work, too," Connor admitted.
(***)
Later that night, having eaten at Soter's, Paul and Sally were sitting in their Camaro on the side of the road. Paul was still apologizing for how terrible their night had been.
"Oh, it's not your fault, Honey," Sally reassured him. "You know how emotional I get when I read Cosmo. And at least we gave it a try, right? I guess we have slowed down, flattened out - oh, at our age, it's inevitable."
Paul's hand came to rest behind Sally's neck in order to pull her in for a deep kiss. "Hold on, Sally, the night's not over, yet."
(***)
The hood of the Vista Cruiser wasn't exactly the best place to watch a movie in the drive-in but it was certainly better than watching it from inside the car. Percy tried several times to start a conversation to fill the tension-filled air between them to no avail.
The car started rocking and Percy wanted nothing more than to just go home.
"Well, Piper and Jason certainly made themselves comfortable," Percy muttered.
Annabeth chuckled quietly, "It is a roomy car."
Percy started off on a tangent about the car and what the full-body catalog said about it when he felt Annabeth's head rest gently on his shoulder. He felt her shake her head at his ramblings as his arm fell around her shoulders.
They sat in companionable silence just curled up to one another and watched the now silent movie.
After a moment, Annabeth shifted slightly to look up at him, presumably to ask him a question, before she froze. They were barely an inch from one another's face. Without thinking, Annabeth leaned forward and kissed Percy.
She started to pull away before Percy pulled her closer with a hand in her hair. The kiss deepened as the car still rocked under them and the sounds of the movie played distantly in the background.
(***)
The windows of the Camaro were steamed up and a single hand fell upon the window as police lights flashed by. A police officer approached the car and tapped on the window with his flashlight.
A flashlight lit up the backseat of the Camaro, illuminating the couple tangled up together. "Alright, kids, break it up. Let's go," the police officer ordered. As two faces looked up to him in shock, he added, "Oh, hey, you're adults. I'm sorry, folks. My mistake."
"That's quite alright, we all make mistakes," Paul said. "Now, why don't you go bust some pot-smoking teenagers before I give you a good adult-size kick in the ass?"
The officer nodded and gave them a quick goodbye before leaving.
"Oh, Paul, so threatening," Sally said in awe.
Paul grabbed ahold of his wife again, before playfully threatening, "Yeah, but you're not getting off that easy."
(***)
The Stoll brother's sat on their couch with Frank in between them. Frank and Connor had headphones on while Travis kept a lookout for their parents. A minute later, Travis started making some random, rapid hand gestures.
Connor and Frank smiled happily and threw an arm around one another. In unison, they started singing, "Raindrops keep falling on my head."
Mrs. Stoll strolled happily through the living room on her way to the kitchen.
As soon as she was out of earshot, Frank leaned over to ask Travis, "This loud music will not damage my hearing?"
"Nah, man, it's good for you," he assured him.
(***)
When Percy returned home from the drive-in he found his dad sitting in his recliner. He didn't think he'd ever seen his dad so relaxed which instantly made him never want to know what his parents had been up to.
"Hey, Dad," Percy greeted.
"Hey, Son. How was the movie?"
Percy shrugged in answer. "Eh, pretty gory."
"Yeah, how did it end?" Paul asked, still watching TV.
Percy's smile turned a little lopsided. "I don't remember."
"'Atta boy. My night was fantastic," his father informed him absently.
There was a second where Percy had to brace himself for all the unwanted mental images that came with that statement. "Right, well, that's… that's great. G'night, Dad."
"'Night, Son. Oh, and be quiet going upstairs," his father called out after him. "Your mother is very tired."
Percy shuddered before racing up the stairs.
Soter was the Greek personification of safety and preservation.
The Kerkopes were primate-like creatures that liked to play pranks and steal things.
And when Frank says, "Wáng bā dàn," that means son of a bitch in Chinese. I literally looked up different curse words in Chinese just for this and, let me tell you, they've got some interesting curses. I highly recommend you look some up!