Paper X-Naut: The Hidden Legacy

by Pikmanipulator

During the events of Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door, an X-Naut undergoes his own confused journey as he persistently tries to dog Mario's steps while gradually learning more of the world under the moon. This is a fanfic I once displayed on the late NSider forums back around 2005-2007-ish. I've only been able to salvage up to Chapter 3, and I have no interest in finishing it.

3. Chapter 2: The Ticket to Rogues

Prelude Part 1

Back in Petalburg, X-Naut, Yuxette and Parakete are meeting with mayor Kroop. Nearby is a cheerful, grown Koopa with brown eyebrows, a short brown beard and a blue shell, as well as a Koopa girl with an orange-blonde ponytail, purple clothes, and a green shell.

KROOP: Oh, X-Nut! You're back! Did you hear the news? Murphy defeated Hooktail! And look who's just come back thanks to his efforts! It's Koops's father, Koopley!

KOOPLEY: Yep! But, it's Mario, mayor.

KROOP: Thanks for the compliment, Koopley. These ARE nice eyebrows. But anyways, you helped Murphy, didn't you X-Nut? You did help him defeat Hooktail and get the Crystal Star?

X-NAUT: …Um, no, not really…

KROOP: I knew you did! You and Murphy make a pretty darn good team, I tell you.

KOOPLEY: *steps forward* Um, mayor? Not to sound disrespectful, but I don't recall seeing this fellow back at the castle.

KROOP: *turns to Koopley* What? Why not? …Don't tell me X-Nut didn't catch up to Murphy in time!

YUXETTE: Yux… (Now he gets it…kinda…)

KROOP: …That's a shame, I suppose. But I guess it means that Murphy defeated Hooktail all by himself! What a hero! *turns to X-Naut* But you, X-Nut… I was so drawn into Koopley's return and Koops's departure that I forgot to mention you to Murphy! Pity he doesn't know about you…

X-NAUT: Actually, I'm just fine with that. In fact, I think it might be better if Murphy, I mean, Mario doesn't know I was here.

KROOP: You sure about that? Well, that's fine then. You'll always have a spot of credit here at Petalburg! We won't forget about you, X-Nut!

X-NAUT: Yeah… Thanks.

PARAKETE: *to the Koopa girl* Call me!

KOOPIE KOO: I told you, Koops is my boyfriend!

PARAKETE: Yeah, well, if ever your boyfriend doesn't return from his advent—

KOOPIE KOO: Don't even say that! *slaps Parakete*

PARAKETE: *is sent spinning* Yeeewwoooaaah! *stops spinning* …Fine. I can take a hint. …Sniff…

X-NAUT & YUXETTE: *begin walking away*

PARAKETE: *turns to X-Naut* Wait, X-dude!

X-NAUT: *stops and turns to Parakete* Yeah?

PARAKETE: *flies over* Well, that whole adventure we had in the castle was pretty fun, wasn't it? Even though it was kinda pointless, we still got to stomp Hooktail, and that was awesome! My point is, I really enjoyed it. So, uh, what'll you say to me staying with you dudes a little longer?

X-NAUT: Well, I don't know. I don't think Sir Grodus will be too happy with that…

YUXETTE: Yux… (Yeah, really…)

PARAKETE: Yeah, from the looks of him on that DS thing you had, he's a pretty tough customer.

X-NAUT: Well, I suppose it wouldn't hurt for you to stick around. Just as long as you, um, don't come with us into our base.

PARAKETE: No problem, dudes! You guys are, like, totally the nicest guys someone like me could hope to meet! You're awesome!

X-NAUT: O…K. Now let's head back to the base for a while. Which means, we need to go to the Rogueport Sewers. That's where the entrance is.

YUXETTE: Yux! (We're on our way!)

PARAKETE: All righty, dudes, I'm right behind you!

The trio travels back through Petal Meadows and to the pipe that X-Naut originally came through. They take the pipe down and they emerge in a flooded gray-stone tunnel on top of a rectangular platform in the middle of the water. They hop across some floating platforms to the other side of the room, where they enter through an archway to another tunnel. They hop across the stairs that shape the hallway like a bunch of small hills. Beyond the broken fragments of stone that shield them off from the background, the heroes can see old stone buildings standing far away, silhouetted against darkness.

The group continues left through another doorway and they enter a large underground room, filled with buildings and fallen pillars. Some steps descend from the center of the area downward, away from the buildings, until they become submerged underwater. In the center of the town is an old, disused fountain, surrounded by a quartet of light posts. Yep, it's the same area from the Introduction. The group hops over a fallen pillar and goes over to a building with a locked door.

X-NAUT: There's the entrance. *turns to Parakete* If you don't mind just waiting around here for a while…

PARAKETE: Oh, hey, don't you worry about me, X-dude! I'll just sit tight until you come back.

X-NAUT: Thanks.

X-Naut unlocks the door, goes into the building with Yuxette, and locks it again. He and Yuxette mysteriously reemerge from a door in the X-Naut Fortress. They walk around Sublevel 2, talking to other X-Nauts. Then they go into Sir Grodus's room.

X-NAUT: Uh, ahem! *salutes* Sir Grodus! I have returned from that special mission!

GRODUS: *turns to X-Naut* I see. You are the X-Naut who told me someone else was after the Crystal Stars, correct?

X-NAUT: Umm, yes, sir!

GRODUS: Well, I congratulate you on a job well done, soldier. The news you gave me was quite…helpful. For that, you have passed your first field test. I see I was not mistaken when I said you had great promise within you.

X-NAUT: Uh…yeah… Grodus, may I ask a question?

GRODUS: Of course.

X-NAUT: When I contacted you on my Mailbox DS, I saw Princess Peach. What was she doing here?

GRODUS: Let's just say that the princess will be staying with us for some time. Now why don't you go find your chief? He has just been released from probation.

X-NAUT: …Umm, OK. Roger, sir. *salutes, turns, and leaves the room with Yuxette*

---

Prelude Part 2

X-Naut and Yuxette are back in the Sublevel 2 hallway. Almost as soon as they leave Grodus's room, a familiar voice shouts to them.

VOICE: There you two are!

X-NAUT & YUXETTE: !

CHIEF: *walks over to them* So, did you hear? I'm off probation now! Which means…heh heh…I'm in charge of you again! And boy, do I have a job for you! *walks to some nearby doors* Inside the locker room, there's a bunch of X-Naut uniforms on the floor that need to be picked up and tossed into the laundry cart! *turns to X-Naut* And there's no better X-Naut for the duty than you! So get to it! *walks away*

X-Naut and Yuxette stare after the chief for a bit before entering the locker room. The room has four lockers in the back left corner of the room and two changing stalls in the back right corner. A small table and a couple more canisters sit against the left wall, with a large laundry cart sitting in between the table and the lockers. Other than that, the only things in the room are dozens of empty X-Naut uniforms that almost cover the whole floor.

X-Naut collects every one of the uniforms and puts them into the laundry cart. Once that is done, the chief comes in, pushing another laundry cart, this one already full of uniforms.

CHIEF: Good! I see you're done with that chore. Now I want you to fold and hang every one of these clean uniforms into those lockers!

As the chief pushes the cart with the dirty uniforms out of the room, X-Naut and Yuxette start taking out the other uniforms and putting them in the lockers.

X-NAUT: Man…this stinks…literally. These clean uniforms aren't much better than the dirty ones.

YUXETTE: *gathering uniforms on top of her head* Yux. (Yeah, really.)

X-Naut takes uniforms off of Yuxette's head, folds them, and hangs them. Finally, the laundry cart is empty. Just then, the chief comes back in, pushing the same cart of dirty uniforms.

CHIEF: Bad news. The laundry machine broke down and had to be removed. Fortunately, though… *pulls out a water basin and scrub board* I found these relics in a stash of old junk. They'll do the job just fine, I'm sure! *throws basin and board on the floor and faces X-Naut* Well, time for you to do some old-fashioned laundry work, X-Naut! Start scrubbing! *leaves*

X-Naut and Yuxette just stare at the old washing artifacts and the cart full of the dirty uniforms they picked up earlier.

X-NAUT: Dang… I hope Parakete isn't getting tired of waiting for us…

YUXETTE: Yux! Yux! (Forget this old-school labor! I'm getting out of here!)

X-NAUT: What? But Yuxette, we can't just neglect our chores…and stuff…

YUXETTE: Yux. (We'll just take a short break with Parakete.)

X-NAUT: But…if the chief finds out…

YUXETTE: Yux! (If we visit the stylish stooge for just a little bit and come back here quickly, no one will know we were gone!)

X-NAUT: Sounds a bit risky…

YUXETTE: Yux. (I'm going.) *goes*

X-NAUT: Ah…crud. Wait up, Yuxette!

They both leave the locker room with the laundry cart, the water basin, and the scrub board sitting there, untouched. After several seconds of silence, the chief comes back in.

CHIEF: *looks around* ?

Back at Rogueport Sewers, X-Naut and Yuxette exit the same building that they originally entered through. Parakete is nowhere to be found.

YUXETTE: Yux! Yux! (Oh no! He's gone!)

X-NAUT: I know! But where did he go?

YUXETTE: Yux… (Let's look around and see…)

X-Naut and Yuxette look around the underground town and talk to some folks. A Goomba says he saw a Paratroopa entering Herb T.'S place. The two take a stone elevator directly in front of the fountain. The lift rises up to a higher ledge, where two of the four buildings are. They go into the left building and find a place with two wooden tables and a counter with a shelf behind it. Sitting behind the counter is a mustached Toad, polishing glasses. The customers include a pink Bob-omb, a Bandit, a tubby blue-coated bald buy with swirling glasses, and Parakete.

X-NAUT: Parakete?

PARAKETE: *turns to X-Naut* Oh, hey! X-dude! I was wondering when you'd show up!

X-NAUT & YUXETTE: *go to the table where Parakete is*

PARAKETE: You should try the Chuckola Cola here, man! It's awesome! And this place isn't half-bad, either. I think I just discovered a new hangout!

X-NAUT: Uh, yeah, that's great, Parakete! We just came to see how you were doing. You seem to be doing just fine.

PARAKETE: Am I ever! And you see that crazy-looking guy over there? *turns to the bald, grinning guy* His name's Wonky. He looks weird, but he knows all kinds of stuff! Seriously!

X-NAUT: …Um, OK then.

PARAKETE: *turns to X-Naut* Say, X-dude, you're looking for the Crystal Stars, aren't you?

X-NAUT: Well, yes. Or, not me exactly, but the organization I work for is.

PARAKETE: Cool. Anyways, you got any idea where the next Crystal Star could be?

X-NAUT: Well, without the Magical Map, we don't really have a way of finding them. I know that there was that one in Hooktail Castle, and there's also one in Boggly Woods.

PARAKETE: There is? Why aren't we looking for it, then?

X-NAUT: I wouldn't bother. There's already an X-Naut excavation there, searching for the Crystal Star. I think they've got it covered.

PARAKETE: Oh. That's kind of a bummer, then. We have nothing to do then. ! Unless… X-dude, have you seen Rogueport yet?

X-NAUT: No, not yet.

PARAKETE: Perfecto! Why don't I take you on a tour? I've been to Rogueport before. It'll be fun! C'mon, let's go!

YUXETTE: Yux! Yux! (I'm all for it! Let's go!)

X-NAUT: …Sigh…

The three leave the place and head through the archway in the left side of town. In the next room, there are two enemies, a Spinia and a Spania, a couple of stone platforms that act like a seesaw when stepped on, and a pipe that goes aboveground. The trio takes the pipe up to the surface.

CHAPTER 2
THE TICKET TO ROGUES

Part 1: Rogueport

X-Naut, Yuxette and Parakete emerge from the pipe. They are in a small, slightly barricaded area filled with flowers. A cement path cuts through the garden, with a multilayered fountain on the side. Outside the stone barricade are some streets forming a four-way intersection that is lined with lampposts. On one corner of the intersection is a pair of two-story houses. Next to the houses, across the street, is a very tall building and a shop. Across the street from there, in the southwest corner is a billboard, attended by a very plump brown Bob-omb. The garden is in the southeast corner, where X-Naut and company are taking in the sights.

PARAKETE: Well, this is Rogueport, X-dude! We're on the west side.

X-NAUT: Nice.

PARAKETE: Yep, this is definitely the nicer side of Rogueport. The east side is pretty rough.

VOICE: Hey! Get back here, you!

X-NAUT, YUXETTE & PARAKETE: *turning towards the voice* !

A Bandit, dressed in green clothes and wearing a red band over his white mask, is seen running down the street. Two yellow Piantas dressed in business suits and black shades are chasing him. One gets ahead of the Bandit and cuts him off, and the other one blocks the Bandit from the opposite direction. The Piantas punch the lights out of the Bandit and flatten him against the ground.

BANDIT: Yeowch!

1st PIANTA: Dat'll teach you to steal from da boss!

2nd PIANTA: You're lucky dis time, pal. If it had been da boss himself, you woulda ended up a lot worse.

1st PIANTA: We better not catcha stealin' on our turf again, punk!

The Piantas take a piece of paper from the Bandit and run off, leaving him there.

PARAKETE: Whoa! What a beating, huh? Think that fellow's OK? Well, that's Rogueport for you. Even the peaceful side isn't very peaceful.

The trio of heroes hops off the pipe and checks out the Bandit. The dirty fellow gets to his feet and looks around. On closer inspection, X-Naut sees that one of his eyebrows is cocked and that he has several patches in his clothing.

PARAKETE: Hey, dude! You OK?

BANDIT: Huh? Who are you three? And why are you looking at me like that?

X-NAUT: Umm, we were just checking to see how you were.

BANDIT: Well, I'm just fine! And you, uh, didn't see anything! Understand?

X-NAUT: Uh, no.

BANDIT: Just forget I was ever here, OK? And now, if you'll pardon me, I must be off. *runs off*

YUXETTE: *looking on after him* Yux… (What a weird guy…)

PARAKETE: What a weird guy. Why don't you think he wants us watching him? Maybe we could go…spy on him and see what he's all about!

X-NAUT: Um, wouldn't that be invading privacy or something?

PARAKETE: *turns to X-Naut* C'mon, don't you want some adventure?

X-NAUT: I thought we were going on a tour.

PARAKETE: Oh yeah…the tour thingy. Well, I already told you about this place, so let's go somewhere else!

After spending some time in western Rogueport, the gang heads east and arrives in the wide area of central Rogueport, the place X-Naut White visited before.

PARAKETE: OK, this is central Rogueport. This place is pretty popular, but I'm not digging that gallows, see? Stuff like that ain't too attractive. Still, this place is…pretty popular, y'know… 'Cause of the sea trade and…stuff. Anyways, there's an inn and some shops and even a kitchen… I wonder if the Chuckola Cola here is as good as it is underground… Let's check out the inn, X-dude!

X-Naut checks out the central area before heading into the inn. Inside is Podley, polishing glasses behind the counter. A Squeek and a Bob-omb sailor sit at a table, shooting breezes with each other. At another table is a yellow man with a pointed nose, purple, curled hair, and a fancy red getup. Sitting on the table is a red gem shaped like a skull.

MAN: Theee skull captain Caasts his gaaaaaze Theeee red jewellll Shiiiiines and plaaays It's a booom bassa boom Festivaaal!

X-Naut and his friends ignore the man's tenacious singing and head up the stairs to the second floor of the inn. The room has two beds, a registration counter with a book and a quill pen, and a bucket placed underneath a leaking spot on the ceiling. A Toad woman stands near the registration counter while an elderly Toad man with small specs, a royal garment and a mushroom cane stands near the beds. X-Naut and Yuxette speak with the Toad man while Parakete heads back downstairs to get a drink.

TOAD: Oh! Excuse me, good sir, but would you happen to know where Princess Peach is?

X-NAUT & YUXETTE: ?

TOAD: Oh! Pardon me; I was a bit hasty there. Ahem! My name is Toadsworth, and I am the head retainer at the Mushroom Kingdom castle. I was on a short trip here with Princess Peach, the ruler of the Mushroom Kingdom. I took my eyes off her for only a second, I tell you, and then she was gone! Who knows what trouble she could get into in this wretched town… I must ask you…do you have any idea whatsoever of the princess's whereabouts?

X-NAUT & YUXETTE: …

TOADSWORTH: Oh! How forgetful of me! I understand how far from the kingdom's capital you must live. You probably don't have the slightest clue what the princess looks like! Ho ho ho… Anyhoo, she wears a pink dress and a jeweled crown…oh, and she has brilliant blonde hair, as well. There's no mistaking her. If you see her, you should know right away.

X-NAUT: Yeah, I guess we would…

TOADSWORTH: So, do keep an eye out for her, would you? I am sorry to ask this of you, but I've been absolutely fraught with worry since she disappeared! I don't know how much longer I'll be able to last…

X-NAUT: Yeah, we'll…we'll keep an eye out…

TOADSWORTH: Oh, thank you! Thank you ever so much!

X-NAUT: Sure thing… *walks away with Yuxette* He doesn't know?

YUXETTE: Yux… Yux… (Guess not… And he's the head retainer…)

X-NAUT: If he doesn't know, then I wonder if…

YUXETTE: Yux… (Anybody knows…besides the X-Nauts…)

X-Naut and Yuxette walk down the stairs to Podley's Place. Midway down the stairs, they overhear someone talking. They look over the railing and see a light blue Pianta with a white business suit and rectangular blue shades talking on a phone. Author's Note (2006): "While the Pianta is talking, the man is still singing. His words are shown in red-orange."

PIANTA: So yeah…I need a boat ride…

MAN: Theee 'Stache brooothers

PIANTA: …And make it quick, why don'tcha?

MAN: Besssssst of frieeeeends

PIANTA: …Oh, where?

MAN: Threeee times Red 'Stache

PIANTA: …Well, hadn't thought of dat…

MAN: Lands onnnnn his ennnnd

PIANTA: …Anywhere, I guess…

MAN: Blue 'Stache's belllllllly

PIANTA: …Oh, really?

MAN: Four times is whacked

PIANTA: …Oh, OK. Dat's cool.

MAN: Now all the fiiiiireworks

PIANTA: …Yeah, butter biscuit will love dat…

MAN: Booooom and craaaaack

PIANTA: …Hold on a sec… *turns around*

MAN: It's a boom bassa boom

PIANTA: Hey you! Shut up! *throws something*

MAN: Festivallll— *gets hit* Ow! Hey! How dare you hit Flavio, the richest man in—

PIANTA: *turns back around* Sorry 'bout dat. Anyways…you were sayin'…OK, Rogueport Harbor, twenty minutes, got it. …Yeah, I got da reservation…Uh-huh…yep…OK, danks. We owe ya one. *puts away phone and leaves the place*

MAN: Such insolence!

PARAKETE: *flies over to X-Naut* Hey X-dude! Guess what? I tried the Chuckola Cola here, and…get a load of this, man…it's just as good as the ones underground! These brewer dudes sure know their stuff!

X-NAUT: *still watching where the Pianta went* …

PARAKETE: …Guess what else, X-dude?

X-NAUT: *snaps back to attention* Huh? Oh, what?

PARAKETE: You know that Bandit guy we saw earlier? Well, some dude said he saw the guy run to the east side of Rogueport.

X-NAUT: Oh… That's the rough side of town, isn't it?

PARAKETE: Yeah.

YUXETTE: Yux! (Let's track him down!)

PARAKETE: What did Yuxette say?

X-NAUT: …She said, "Let's track him down!"

PARAKETE: Right on, dude! …Wait, Yuxette is a girl?!

X-NAUT: Uh, yeah…

PARAKETE: Oh… Well then, right on, dudette! Let's go!

The three leave the inn and head to eastern Rogueport.

---

Author's Note (2006): It's time for another support conversation! ...Or Tales skit, however you look at it. This is the first one between X-Naut and Parakete.

PARAKETE: Yo, X-dude!

X-NAUT: *turns to Parakete* Hm? What is it?

PARAKETE: Nothing, just asking what's up!

X-NAUT: Oh…nothing, really.

PARAKETE: …You know, X-dude, I think you gotta learn what it means to be "cool".

X-NAUT: Huh?

PARAKETE: See, when somebody says, "What's up!" to you, they aren't lookin' for an actual answer. I mean, well, it's like a greeting, man. "Wazzup!"

X-NAUT: OK…

PARAKETE: Don't tell me you didn't know that!

X-NAUT: Well…um, I have a lot of things to get used to.

PARAKETE: Oh yeah? Well, if you want to learn to be cool, look no further than me, the Parakeister yo!

X-NAUT: …

PARAKETE: Tell you what… As long as we're here in town, let's check out the clothes pads! We gotta get you some hip threads to replace those old rags you always carry around!

X-NAUT: …My uniform? …Uh…I don't know…I don't think I've ever taken it off.

PARAKETE: Are you serious?! We got some serious work to do, then! Stick with me, X-dude! I'll teach you how to be "cool"!

X-NAUT: …

---

Part 2: The Robbo Thieves

Eastern Rogueport looks the same as it did when X-Naut White visited. There are still the two wooden houses, one of them belonging to Professor Frankly.

PARAKETE: This is east Rogueport. Yep, you can tell just by looking how bad it is. Lots of thieves hang out here. You see that big stone wall? On the other side of that, I've heard, is where the thieves stash their goodies and stuff. You can bet it's probably roughest back there. But you know, that's probably where that Bandit dude went. So let's check it out!

X-Naut and company venture into the house next door to Frankly's. There is virtually nothing inside except for a star-designed floor and a smooth table with a crystal ball resting on top. Standing behind the table is a man with a large, bushy, white mustache and a light blue cloak with a green button. His yellow eyes stare at X-Naut as he stands at the other side of the table.

MERLON: Welcome to the home of Merlon, the super-magician. I foresaw your arrival. I can aid you, if you wish. With three Shine Sprites, I can power up your partners. Of course, that means I boost their Attack power, but I also throw in a new move for free. So… Which partner would you like me to power up?

X-Naut chooses Yuxette.

MERLON: Shall I power up this partner?

X-NAUT: Yes. *gives Merlon three Shine Sprites he found in Chapter 1*

MERLON: Then let us begin! *uses Shine Sprites* SHA-ZIBBY!

The crystal ball levitates into the air and glows with a bright, purple light.

MERLON: SHA-ZOOBY!

The walls and ceiling of the house disappear, and for a moment it looks as if the floor is spinning around in outer space. The orb flashes out waves of light as X-Naut and his friends stare at it, amazed. Eventually the ball seems to explode in a showery burst of white sparks and suck them back up. Yuxette glimmers with a newfound power.

YUXETTE: *smiles and waves tendrils happily*

MERLON: Then you may go!

Author's Note (2006): "In future chapters, when a partner is powered up, I won't explain it in detail; I'll just briefly mention it." So after that, X-Naut heads outside and goes to the opening in the stone wall, which is guarded by the Craw called Gus.

GUS: Whoa! Whoa! Hold up, now! You're an outsider! Past this point is the turf of Ishnail, head of the Robbos. It's 10 coins to pass through. You try to pass without paying, and I'm afraid I'll have to whip you but good.

PARAKETE: We can take you, punk!

GUS: What? You gotta be kidding. You think you can fight your way past here? I'm gonna make you eat your words, tough guy! Let's get this party started!

BATTLE MODE ENTERED!

X-Naut and Parakete vs. Gus.

X-Naut used Tackle Slam! NICE! Gus just lost 2 HP!

Parakete used Shell Toss! Also NICE! Gus lost 2 more HP!

Gus used Spear Throw! Ouch! Parakete lost 2 HP!

X-Naut switched his partner to Yuxette.

Yuxette used Laser Ring! NICE shot! Gus -3 HP!

Gus used Spear Charge! NICE Guard! X-Naut lost 2 HP!

X-Naut switched places with Yuxette. Yuxette used her newest ability, Triplicate! By giving up 3 FP, Yuxette created two Mini-Yuxes at the same time!

X-Naut used Power Slam! -2 FP. NICE one! Gus got 4 HP knocked out of him! Only 9 remaining!

Gus Spear Charged Yuxette! The Mini-Yux took the attack! Still one left!

Yuxette used Laser Ring! NICE one, Yuxette! You're getting really good! Gus -3 HP!

X-Naut used his newest special move, Seismic Wave! X-Naut holds his fists in the air and they begin absorbing frequencies of magnetic waves. NICE! X-Naut's gloves increase in size slightly as they absorb the next frequency. GOOD! X-Naut's gloves begin sparkling. Next wave is absorbed! GREAT! X-Naut's gloves are glowing now. X-Naut failed to acquire the next energy level, so he begins the attack as he is. He slaps his hands down on the ground, and magnetic waves course through the stage, zapping Gus and taking away 4 HP!

Gus threw his spear at Yuxette! The other Mini-Yux took the attack!

X-Naut switched back to the front line and tackled Gus, blowing his last 2 HP out of him!

BATTLE MODE END!

GUS: CRUD! You dumb video-game heroes ALWAYS pull this stuff! It's RIDICULOUS! You think violence solves everything, don't you? Huh? DON'T YOU?! *runs away*

X-Naut, Yuxette and Parakete go through the gate and look around the other half of eastern Rogueport. The dirty water that rushes through the area is especially noticeable here, since there's a bridge that leads across the river to just one house. In between two nearby houses, X-Naut sees some footprints going in, so he turns into Paper Mode and slips through with his friends. They emerge in a back alley, where they find a building hidden behind the first two.

Inside, there's a snail-person wearing an orange cap, a green jacket with a yellow shirt underneath, and some round black glasses. Also in the house are a couple of Craws—including Gus himself—and the same Bandit from earlier.

ISHNAIL: You want somethin', chump? This is the fortress of the Robbo Thieves. You lost? What business brings a chump like you to a place like this? Say it ain't vacation.

BANDIT: *walks forward* Hey! You again? Did you follow me here?

ISHNAIL: *turns to the Bandit* Eh? Bandana, you know these chumps?

BANDANA: Uh, no, not really, Ishnail. Well, I met 'em once…

PARAKETE: There he is! That's the Bandit dude who got stomped by the Piantas!

BANDANA: Noooo! Tattletales!

ISHNAIL: What? You got beaten up by them dirty Piantas again? Tell me you didn't try to steal from them again! And bungled it up! Again!

BANDANA: Hmph. Yes, Ishnail.

ISHNAIL: Cripes! Bandana, you're so useless…

BANDANA: It was just a blimp ticket I was trying to steal. No big deal.

ISHNAIL: A blimp ticket? You mean that blimp that goes to Glitzville? The city where all the best brawlers fight it out for the sake of bein' the champ?

BANDANA: Yep, the very one. I was hoping to maybe enter as a fighter and send the fight money I earned over to here, to help you guys out.

ISHNAIL: While that's mighty thoughtful of you, you're still the world's biggest bungler! Can't you do anything right?

BANDANA: Ulp! I, uh, try to…

PARAKETE: Hmm… Didn't really mean to cause all that trouble. But, seeing as that's all settled… Umm, Ishnail, is it? You seem like you're a dude who knows the town pretty well, so… Know anything about the Crystal Stars?

ISHNAIL: *turns to Parakete* What? Crystal Stars? You mean like them things in that old fairy tale? You gotta be nuts, askin' me about those things! I don't know nothin' about 'em, considerin' they even exist!

BANDANA: Huh? Crystal…Stars…?

Everyone turns to look at the Bandit.

BANDANA: Now that you mention it, there's something on the champ's belt in Glitzville that kind of looks like a star made out of crystal.

X-NAUT: Really?

PARAKETE: Bingo! That must be a Crystal Star! In Glitzville, too! Wow!

ISHNAIL: Bandana, you loudmouth! I would've charged them for info like that!

BANDANA: Ooops, sorry, Ishnail.

ISHNAIL: I've heard enough out of that trap of yours for one day! *turns to X-Naut, Yuxette and Parakete* And don't get your hopes up yet, you chumps! You need to take a blimp to get to Glitzville, 'cause the city floats in the sky!

YUXETTE: Yux? Yux… (It does? Cool…)

X-NAUT: Fine, I guess we'll just have to get one.

ISHNAIL: Sorry, Bigshot. All the tickets sold out already.

PARAKETE: What? There's not a single ticket left? …Man, that bites. There has to be SOMEWHERE we can get a ticket!

ISHNAIL: …Well, there's always someone who runs through the tickets, but the only person who does that around here…is that lyin', cheatin', stealin', no-good jerky-for-brains, Don Pianta!

X-NAUT: Who's he?

ISHNAIL: He's the leader of that cursed Pianta syndicate, the root of all greed an' selfishness! Most of us thieves end up poor as dirt, never catchin' a break 'cause of that guy! He even demands protection money from us!

X-NAUT: So…how do we get to meet him?

ISHNAIL: What?! Now you want to meet up with that crumb? Even after all I've told you?

X-NAUT: Yep.

ISHNAIL: Fine, Mr. Insensitive Jerk. I'll tell you how to meet up with Don Scumbag. But it will cost you 64 coins! No way around it, this time!

X-NAUT: 64 coins? …I don't have that much.

ISHNAIL: Then get lost, chump! You've spent enough time here, anyway!

The group leaves the hideout and turn to each other.

PARAKETE: Tough luck, man. That Ishnail's a cheap old snail… Oh well. Better luck next time, huh? We'll check out Glitzville some other day.

YUXETTE: Yux! (But…a Crystal Star!)

PARAKETE: *turns around* Now, where were we before this jamboree started…? Oh yeah, the tour. So, uh, let's check out the rest of this town, X-dude. This way, man.

After they slip back through the crack and emerge in front of the two houses, X-Naut gets an e-mail.

MESSAGE:

XNDM Premiere Issue

X-NAUT FORTRESS TODAY

Providing you with all the inside information as it reveals itself!

We now have details about a new potion that was recently perfected by a team of X-Naut PhDs. Named the 'Fire Potion' after its burning side-effect, the concoction has now become an essential form of self-defense among the top X-Nauts.

The leader of the PhD team was quoted as saying, 'Due to the properties of our newest success, we can assure you that this potion is, quite literally, our hottest product as of late!'

SHOP REPORTER GO!

Our secret coverage covers all of the world's best shopping spots and sees what makes them tick!

Recently, our spies have had their eyes all over the town of Petalburg, with one target: Niff T.'s shop! This shop has apparently been successful for the last 20 years! How has the owner done it? When questioned, Niff T. had this to say. 'You live only once, so enjoy it while you can! Shop now at good old Niff T.'s shop!'

What could the concept of living have to do with this shop owner's success? When Niff T. was about to be questioned more, another news crew appeared, and the spies had to skedaddle. The secret to eternal shopping happiness has eluded us this time, but we'll be back!

COOKING FOR ROOKIES

So you want to take up cooking to feed the organization? Get practice tips from the amazing Chef X!

Today's Yummy Recipe: Fried Shrooms!
Just take any ordinary mushroom, heat it over the Bunsen burner, sauté it up, add seasoning, and whalah! Ze fried shrooms are tres magnifique!

EDITOR'S NOTE

That concludes the premiere issue of the XNDM Service! We hope the knowledge suited you well. Now go out there and face your mission…wiser!

**************************************
Published by the X-Ray Today Committee
**************************************

After reading the message, X-Naut goes into the house on his right. The house is completely empty except for a large billboard on the wall, a light bulb on the ceiling, and a small opening in the wall that has a black and white-striped curtain draped behind. When X-Naut checks the opening, a voice speaks from behind it.

VOICE: Hey. Is this your first time to the Trouble Center? If you plan on using our services, I can explain them to you first. Need an explanation?

X-NAUT: Yes.

VOICE: Then listen and listen good! This Trouble Center is where people come with troubles. That's why it's named that. If you want to see the kinds of troubles people have, check that bulletin board. If you're a nice guy, you'll choose someone and try to help them out. If not, not. Help someone out and they'll give you a reward, probably. Not a bad deal, eh? But remember! If you decide not to solve a trouble, you have to pay to cancel. You got that? Good. Then go help someone out!

X-Naut looks at the bulletin board and looks at all the slips of paper that list the details of each trouble. He finds one called, "Important Thing" by a client called Frankie.

MESSAGE: Dere's somethin' I lost, and it needs to be found right away! It's desperate, and a bit of a secret, so I'd like to explain everything at da harbor.

YUXETTE: Yux… (This sounds kind of familiar…)

VOICE: Do you want to take on this trouble?

X-NAUT: Yes.

VOICE: Do it and do it right!

---

Part 3: The Pianta Syndicate

X-Naut and his friends head back to central Rogueport. From there, they travel southward to the harbor.

PARAKETE: OK, this is the harbor. This where boats come in and do stuff. Lots of sailors here. Yep. That's about all there is to this place.

After stepping down some stairs from a patched-up ledge, X-Naut and co. look for this "Frankie" through all of the Bob-omb and Toad sailors. The gang walks past some stacked barrels and find two Piantas standing by the water's edge. One of them is a female dressed in a sunbonnet and a white, collared dress. The other is the Pianta with dark blue shades and the white suit.

YUXETTE: Yux! Yux? (Hey! Isn't that the same guy from the inn?)

X-NAUT: Yeah, he is. I wonder if he's the one with the trouble…

PARAKETE: That girl Pianta looks kinda cute.

The three go over to the Piantas and speak with them.

X-NAUT: Hey… Is one of you named Frankie?

PIANTA: Dat would be me.

X-NAUT: I got your trouble.

FRANKIE: Oh, really? Good timing. I'm in a bit of a jam here…

PARAKETE: *to the female Pianta* Yo. Name's Parakete.

PIANTA: Well, isn't that a cute name!

PARAKETE: Yep. It's kind of lonely, though.

PIANTA: How come?

PARAKETE: Because it's not accompanied by your name!

PIANTA: Oh… How clever! Tee hee! My name's Francesca.

PARAKETE: Good name. So, now that we're clear on introductions…

FRANKIE: *turns to Parakete* Hey, pal. Are you hitting on my girl?

PARAKETE: *turns to Frankie* What?! YOUR girl?!

FRANKIE: Dat's right. We're startin' our own lives together.

FRANCESCA: Oh, Frankie… You don't have to be so protective of me.

FRANKIE: But, sweet pea… It's just a side effect of love, honey.

FRANCESCA: Oh, Frankie… Tee hee hee!

PARAKETE: …Maaaaaaaan… *flies back to X-Naut*

FRANKIE: *turns back to X-Naut* Oh yeah, da trouble. OK, here's da thing… Francesca and I are…gonna take a little boat trip together. I made all da preparations and everything, but… I found out once I got here dat I was missing da reservation. I know I had da reservation right in my hand… Somehow, I musta dropped it and didn't notice. I need yous to find it for us, and make it quick! Da boat's gonna arrive in twenty minutes, or so I've been told.

X-NAUT: What does it look like?

FRANKIE: It's just a card. I know I had it in my hand when I was makin' da call in da inn… But when I got to da harbor, it was gone.

FRANCESCA: Frankie, how could you lose that thing? Doesn't our escape mean anything to you?

FRANKIE: *turns to Francesca* Of course it does, puddin' pie. I would never be so careless to lose something like dat! Never!

FRANCESCA: But you did! Oh, Frankie…don't you love me?

FRANKIE: Of course I love you, sugar cookie…

FRANCESCA: Really? …Then let me hear you say it 10 times!

FRANKIE: 10 times? Do ya really need da reassurance dat badly, bacon burger?

FRANCESCA: *turns away* If you truly love me, you'll say it 10 times!

FRANKIE: …All right, anything for you, candy tart… I love you! I love you! I love you! I love you! I love you! I love you! I love you! I love you! I love you! I love you! …Dere, I said it 10 times.

FRANCESCA: *turns to Frankie* Oh, Frankie… Tee hee hee!

FRANKIE: Eh-heh… *turns to X-Naut* So…can you hurry up and find dat reservation?

X-NAUT: Yeah, sure thing.

The three heroes walk up the steps that lead to central Rogueport when Yuxette pipes up.

YUXETTE: Yux? (Those two seem to be making a big deal about one boat ride, don'tcha think?)

X-NAUT: …Maybe.

YUXETTE: Yux? (So, where do you think Frankie left his thingy?)

The trio walks through central Rogueport and returns to the inn, the place that Frankie last had the card. They look around Podley's Place, eventually talking to the singing man.

MAN: Ah! What are you doing? Sneaking up on a person as he sings most jovially! …Who, me, you ask about? Ah! I am called Flavio. I am, how you say? A trader. The richest man in Rogueport.

PARAKETE: Hey, dude, you wouldn't have happened to see some card lying around, have you?

FLAVIO: Hm? What is this you say? A card? Well… *holds up a shiny card* There is this!

PARAKETE: Whoa, where'd you find that?

FLAVIO: Some rascally blue Pianta threw it at me while I was singing! The nerve of him! Flavio will not forget that disrespectful act!

X-NAUT: Well, um, we need it back.

FLAVIO: What is this? You say this card is yours?

PARAKETE: Yeah, whatever. Just hand it over.

FLAVIO: Hmm… This is a reservation, is it not? A luxurious getaway cruise, no less! Taking a vacation, are you? Well…I don't believe there's any reason for me to keep this… Flavio already owns the finest ship in the sea! Why waste money on a cruise? So anyways, here is your card back. *gives card to X-Naut*

X-Naut obtains the Reservation Card and goes back to the harbor.

FRANKIE: Hey, isn't dat the card?

X-NAUT: *gives Frankie the Reservation Card*

FRANKIE: Aw, yeah! Dat's it! We've got da reservation back!

FRANCESCA: Oh Frankie, was there ever any doubt? Tee hee!

FRANKIE: … Anyways, thanks for solving my trouble…uh, what did you say your name was?

X-NAUT: It's…X-Naut.

FRANKIE: Got it. Weird name, but I got it. Sorry to tell you this, pal, but…I don't exactly have a reward to give ya.

PARAKETE: What?

FRANKIE: Baby cakes and I were sort of in a big hurry to catch this ride, so we didn't bring anything worthy of giving out as a reward. We didn't know we'd have to go crawling to the Trouble Center for help at da time.

PARAKETE: So…we get no reward? That blows!

FRANKIE: Again, sorry 'bout dat.

YUXETTE: Yux! Yux! (Wait! I think I have an idea!)

X-NAUT: *turns to Yuxette* What is it, Yuxette?

YUXETTE: Yux? (Frankie is dressed like those Piantas we saw on the west side, right?) Yux! (If he's in league with them, maybe he's part of the Pianta Syndicate!)

X-NAUT: *puts a hand on his chin* Yeah…so what's your point?

YUXETTE: Yux! (If he's part of the Pianta Syndicate, maybe he can tell us how to meet Don Pianta!)

X-NAUT: Hey...that's right! Ishnail certainly didn't help us, but maybe… *turns to Frankie* Um, excuse me… Do you know who Don Pianta is?

FRANKIE: …Yeah…he's my boss.

X-NAUT: Maybe…for a reward…you could tell us how to get in touch with him?

FRANCESCA: What? You want to meet Daddy? Why?!

PARAKETE: Daddy?

X-NAUT: I was hoping to get a ticket to the blimp that flies to Glitzville.

FRANKIE: Ah…I get it. Well, I gotta say, da boss isn't somebody you can just up and talk to. He's all about business, and if you get on his bad side… Well, just try not to. Anyway, since you helped us out, I'll tell you how to meet da boss…on one condition.

X-NAUT: What is it?

FRANKIE: If you meet da boss, you gotta swear not to tell him dat you saw Francesca and me here.

PARAKETE: Why not, man?

FRANKIE: We can't tell you. It's a guarded secret.

X-NAUT: …All right. I swear I won't tell them anything.

FRANKIE: Good. Now listen closely… *edges in close* To enter da office of da boss, you gotta go to da Westside Goods. Den you've gotta buy a Dried Shroom and a Dizzy Dial, in that order. Remember dat. Den, da receptionist will ask you what your favorite color is. You answer "yellow". Got dat? Yellow. See, "yellow" is da password dat'll get ya into contact wid' da boss. Got all dat?

X-NAUT: *nods*

FRANKIE: Good. Now get goin'.

X-Naut heads back to the west side of Rogueport and goes into the shop, the Westside Goods. Inside the brick store is a long counter filled with groceries, with a lineup of items sitting on top. Shelves stand along the wall behind the counter. X-Naut strolls across the patio-brick floor and picks out a Dried Shroom and a Dizzy Dial from the counter. The shopkeeper, a blue-tinted Boo girl with kitty ears and a red bow tie, receives X-Naut's payment for the items.

PEEKA: Aw, thanks so much! Yeah, yeah… Here we go. All righty, Mister. What's your favorite color?

X-NAUT: Yellow.

PEEKA: Yep. That's it. You check out. You know the password. So, um, you must be an acquaintance of Don Pianta! Good for you. *floats to a door on the far side of the shop, whispers something, and turns back to X-Naut* All right, you can go through the door. Go on with your bad self. *floats back to the counter*

X-Naut and his party go through the door and appear in a back alley. They go up a flight of stairs and enter another door. Inside is a classy pad that includes a wide green mat, two red chairs, some short cabinets, a bright chandelier, and a large oak desk. The two suits that beat up the Bandit, Vinny and Tony, stand in front of the cabinets along the side of the room. Sitting in front of the desk is Don Pianta himself, an orange, mustachioed Pianta with black shades, a black suit, and a black hat.

DON PIANTA: Eh? Who might you three be? An' whadda you doin' here? You're lucky to catch me in a good mood. You got somethin' to say? Say it, just don't spray it.

X-NAUT: Uh… We came here because we need a ticket to Glitzville.

DON: What? You want a… You want me to give you a ticket for da blimp? Oh ho ho! Dat's funny! You know why? It takes some guts to ask me for dat. I'm Don Pianta! I make bawlin' kids cry!

VINNY: *steps forward* You want I should arrange for a stretcher, Boss? Dis weirdo's askin' for one!

TONY: *steps forward* You like pain, funny guy? If not, you'd better not be lookin' for trouble like dis!

DON: Hold up, dere, boys. I like dis kid's gumption. He just came to talk, right? Dat ain't a crime. We don't even know these guys' story yet! So, you really want a ticket to Glitzville, fella? Badly?

X-NAUT: *nods*

DON: Well den, you gotta have a reason for wantin' to go to Glitzville. Tell me.

X-NAUT: Well, um, you see… I have my own boss, and, uh, he…really wants me to enter as a fighter and win that champ's belt.

DON: Is dat true?

PARAKETE: Sure is! So how's about it? Can we get ourselves a ticket?

DON: Well, I suppose I could give you dis here ticket… But what would I get in return, huh? You've gotta do a little favor for me before you get dis ticket!

X-NAUT: …Umm, OK, what's the favor?

DON: I dunno. I don't have anything dat needs to be done. You're da one who wants dis ticket, so you think of somethin'!

X-NAUT: …Uh, I can't…

PARAKETE: Nope, I've got nothing! So what happens?

DON: Nothing, eh? I'll tell you what happens, den! Boys, take 'em outta here!

VINNY: You got it, Boss!

The Piantas surround X-Naut, Yuxette, and Parakete, who start looking around frantically. A moment later, the front door of the Westside Goods opens, and the group of three is tossed out.

TONY: And stay out! *slams the door*

YUXETTE: *rises upward* Yux… (Ouchies…)

PARAKETE: *hovers above the ground* Man… That was brutal.

X-NAUT: *gets to his feet* Well, so much for that.

---

Part 4: New Strategy

X-Naut and his gang walks back to the harbor, where Francesca and Frankie are still waiting for their ship. They turn their attention to X-Naut as he comes near.

FRANKIE: So, did you get a ticket from da boss?

X-NAUT: *shakes his head*

FRANKIE: Is dat so… He booted you out, eh? Sorry to hear dat.

FRANCESCA: Oh, Daddy! Why do you have to be so mean? …Um, did he mention anything about us? You didn't go back on your promise, did you?

X-NAUT: *shakes his head*

FRANCESCA: What a relief! Thank you so much!

PARAKETE: What's the big deal about you two and Don Pianta anyway? …Are you on the lam?

FRANKIE: No, it's…not like dat. Truthfully, Francesca and I have decided to elope.

FRANCESCA: *turns to Frankie* Frankie!

FRANKIE: It's OK, my little cheese and crackers. We can trust 'em. ...So yeah, dat's our secret. We reserved for da boat trip for dat reason, and we owe you our gratitude for helpin' us out. I don't think anyone else knows about dis yet, so keep a lid on it, will you?

X-NAUT: *nods*

VOICE: Hey, you!

EVERYONE: !

Everyone turns to the source of the voice on top of the battered ledge. The yellow and white figure of Jr. Troopa hops off of the ledge, falls on his face, and scrambles to his feet, jeering at X-Naut.

JR. TROOPA: It's me again, Jr. Troopa! I came here to search around Rogueport, 'cause that was my order. And look what I find! Not the person I was told to search for, but someone I still wanted to see!

PARAKETE: Yo, X-dude… You know this little man?

JR. TROOPA: You remember me, don't you, X-Naut guy? Don't tell me you'd forget a face like this!

X-NAUT: Uhh…

JR. TROOPA: Aha! See? Nobody can forget me! I make a lasting impression! Anyways, I haven't forgotten that beating you gave me back in Petal Meadows! Now it's payback time! *dashes forward*

BATTLE MODE ENTERED!

X-Naut and Yuxette face off against Jr. Troopa for the second time.

JR. TROOPA: Hahahahahaha! Wait 'til you see this new trick up my sleeve! *withdraws into his eggshell* Hahahahaha! Like this solid defense? Let's see you damage me now, tough guy!

X-NAUT: *uses Tattle Log* That's Jr. Troopa. He's the nutcase that we battled before. I almost forgot about him... Max HP is 15, Attack is 2, and Defense is 1. Looks like he's using that eggshell to defend himself… But it doesn't look too hard to penetrate. Let's just nail him and get this over with.

Yuxette uses Laser Ring! NICE! Jr. Troopa loses 2 HP!

Jr. Troopa uses Headbutt on X-Naut! NICE Guard! X-Naut -1 HP!

X-Naut Slams NICEly into Jr. Troopa, knocking out 1 HP!

Yuxette follows up with another Laser Ring, landing a NICE hit! Jr. Troopa loses 2 more HP!

Jr. Troopa Headbutts X-Naut once again, but X-Naut reduces the damage to 1 with another NICE Guard!

X-Naut goes behind Yuxette, who performs their defensive strategy using Triplicate! -3 FP, but now there are two Mini-Yuxes protecting Yuxette, who is defending X-Naut!

X-Naut crashes into Jr. Troopa with a Power Slam, NICEly dealing 3 damage to the juvenile Koopa! Just 7 HP left!

Jr. Troopa charges at Yuxette and smacks his eggshell into one of the Mini-Yuxes!

Yuxette readies her next attack and shoots another Laser Ring, which NICEly sends Jr. Troopa flying! -2 HP!

X-Naut uses an item called Thunder Bolt! A flash of lightning descends from the sky, striking Jr. Troopa and dealing 5 damage, defeating him!

BATTLE MODE END!

JR. TROOPA: Uuuuuuurgh… I can't believe I just lost again… *collapses*

VOICE: Hey! You three! Over there!

X-Naut and his partners look past the dazed Jr. Troopa and see Ishnail standing on the docks with the Bandit at his side.

ISHNAIL: I gotta say, that was some beating! You got some skills, I see! You're the chump who's lookin' for Crystal Stars, right?

X-NAUT: *nods*

FRANKIE: *steps forward* Hey, you're Ishnail! Da leader of dem Robbos! What're you doin' here…in public?

ISHNAIL: *looks at Frankie* I was just about to ask you the same thing! Frankie, the number-two man in the Pianta Syndicate…on a stroll with his girlfriend?

FRANCESCA: *steps forward* Why, you… How dare you make fun of us! You're just jealous because a snobby little thief like yourself can't even dream of finding any love in the world! So you mock us! Hmph! I could just slap you right now!

ISHNAIL: Whoa, easy there, lady. I didn't come here to make fun of nobody. I just gotta have a word with these this fella… *walks over to X-Naut* So, if you're searching for them Crystal Stars, then you must do a lot of travelin', right? Then I have a favor to ask of you. Would you take this miserable excuse for a thief along with you? Yeah, I bet you know, but his name's Bandana. So far, he's screwed up every burglary he's ever attempted! So as a result, I'm sendin' him somewheres to get some discipline. I think it might help him and us Robbos if he spent some time away from Rogueport. But the guy wouldn't last two days on his own. And seein' as you both travel and fight, you might do him some good, too! So, will you take him off my hands?

X-NAUT: Sure, he can come along.

ISHNAIL: Excellent! Now go on, Bandana! Get lost…err…I mean, travelin'! And don't bother comin' back until you become a better thief! *walks off*

FRANKIE: Why that lousy… Someday, I'm gonna show dat guy who's boss.

BANDANA: *walks over to X-Naut* Uh, hi there, folks. Sorry about the whole…thing. Hope it doesn't bother you all.

X-NAUT: Nah, it's no bother. I'm sure if you stick with us, everything will be OK.

BANDANA: Eh? Really?

YUXETTE: Yux! (Really!)

PARAKETE: Sure thing! I could use some buds who aren't totally spaced out.

YUXETTE: Yux! Yux? (Hey! What's that supposed to mean?)

BANDANA: Well, gee, you guys are great! Thanks!

Bandana joined X-Naut's party! Bandana's Abilities: a Primer. Bandana can pull his bandana down over his eyes, allowing him to see the locations of items!

BANDANA: *pulls his second mask over his face and looks around* I spy with my little eye…nothing. Nothing at all.

A chest appears.

BANDANA: *looks around again and spots the chest* I spy… Gasp! It's an item! Let's grab it! NOW! *jumps at the chest*

The chest disappears, leaving Bandana to fall flat on his face. In battle, Bandana can attack enemies and steal a coin in the process with his Knock Off! He can also steal an enemy's item with his Pickpocket!

BANDANA: *gets back on his feet and turns to X-Naut* So, sorry about calling you a tattletale back then. So, umm, where are we headed? To Glitzville, right?

X-NAUT: Well, that was our plan, but we couldn't talk Don Pianta into giving us a ticket.

BANDANA: What? Don Pianta wouldn't give you a ticket? Oh, well that stinks. Well…since I'm with you now, we can always try to steal it!

FRANKIE: Nuh-uh. I know you. Da boss won't tolerate you stealin' from him anymore.

BANDANA: Yeah, I know. I was just kidding. I've already tried at least five times. But then again, I was always by myself back then. If we could just work together somehow… *looks around* Hey, um, what's-your-name? Well, since you have an X on your clothes there, how about I call you X-buddy? Yeah… This isn't exactly the best place to discuss a topic like this… So, know any places that we could…make plans without being caught?

PARAKETE: Sure is! It's down in Rogueport Sewers! I call it, "Our Number-One Hangout!"

BANDANA: Sounds good! So, just lead the way there!

X-Naut and his newly-enlarged party leave the harbor with Frankie and Francesca wishing them luck and Jr. Troopa still lying on the ground. They walk back through the central shopping area and to the west side. After dropping through the sewer grate in Paper Mode, the gang goes back to the underground town and enters Herb T.'s place.

BANDANA: Hey, this place! Good choice! These other customers are used to schemers like us. You know, 'cause usually people who live down here are usually ex-convicts or something along those lines…

PARAKETE: OK, enough with the lecture. Let's get planning!

The four take their seats at a table.

BANDANA: So the question is…how do we get a ticket from Don Pianta?

PARAKETE: Not the way we tried.

X-NAUT: Don Pianta said he won't give us a ticket unless we do something helpful for him. We couldn't think of anything.

BANDANA: Hmm… Then I guess we have no choice but to steal it from him! But how?

YUXETTE: Yux… (Maybe we could distract him with something…)

X-NAUT: …Maybe…but what does Don Pianta care about?

BANDANA: Huh? Did I miss something?

X-NAUT: Uh…this is my companion, Yuxette. She speaks in some kind of Yux language. For some reason, I can understand it.

BANDANA: Really? …Hi, Yuxette! Nice to meetcha!

YUXETTE: Yux! (Nice to meet you too!)

BANDANA: Well, since I just formally met somebody, I might as well get to know the rest of your names. What's yours? *points to Parakete*

PARAKETE: The name's Parakete, but weren't we talking about—

BANDANA: That's good! *looks at X-Naut* What's your name?

X-NAUT: X-Naut.

BANDANA: X-Naut? That's weird. I think I'll keep calling you X-buddy. Is that OK, X-buddy?

PARAKETE: I call him X-dude.

YUXETTE: Yux! (Let's stay on track, people!)

X-NAUT: Yes, let's. Now what were we talking about again?

VOICE: Uh huh huh huh huh huh! Trying to get at Don Pianta, are you?

X-NAUT, YUXETTE, PARAKETE & BANDANA: ! *turn to the voice*

The old, balding man with crazy glasses, a wide grin, and a blue coat is standing behind them. He's the man that Parakete introduced as Wonky.

WONKY: Sorry, but I couldn't help overhearing your conversation. So, you're trying to get a ticket from Don Pianta? Well, I know something that guy cares about. Perhaps that information could help you. But of course, I won't tell it to you unless you pay me 5 coins!

X-NAUT: All right, I'll pay you. *gives Wonky 5 coins*

WONKY: I've heard that Don Pianta is an iron-fisted mob boss, but I also hear he has a daughter named Francesca. Don Pianta has a soft spot for his daughter. Why, I'm sure that if he thought Francesca was in trouble, he'd go running for her as fast as his legs could carry him!

BANDANA: We already know Francesca…but I didn't know Don Pianta cared so much for her.

PARAKETE: Fat chance we'll get her help. She said she was eloping with Frankie. …Sniff…

WONKY: There's more, too. I heard that, some time ago, someone fell in love with Francesca. However, his feelings weren't returned, and then, out of loneliness, he forged a badge. The rumors say that he gave that badge a sound effect…that sounds just like Francesca's voice! But he hid this badge down in the Pit of 100 Trials. Have you heard about it? It's a long, fierce pit that extends deep underground. It's dangerous, but on every 10th level, there's a reward. And that badge is one of those rewards! Er, so I've heard. And that…is…that! If there's anything else you need, just ask old Wonky!

X-NAUT: Going down all that way for a badge that just has Francesca's voice on it? Sounds kind of pointless to me…

YUXETTE: Yux! Yux! (X-Naut! Wonky just gave away a possible course of action!)

BANDANA: Hey, X-buddy… Is Yuxette thinking what I'm thinking?

X-NAUT: *turns to Bandana* Maybe.

YUXETTE: Yux! (Maybe we can use Francesca's voice as a diversion!) Yux! (If Francesca herself can't help us, maybe we can use the badge instead!)

X-NAUT: *nods* Yuxette says we can use the badge to distract Don Pianta, allowing us to steal the badge.

BANDANA: Hey, yeah… That's exactly what was thinking! …Sort of…

PARAKETE: OK, cool, cool, but how are going to do that?

BANDANA: Leave that to me! I may not be the greatest thief, but I'm a good planner! …I think. All right, listen up. This is what we're going to do…

The four schemers sit quietly at the table, discussing their plan in absolute secrecy.

---

Part 5: Trials of the Underground

A few minutes later, the team of four exits from Herb T.'s place.

BANDANA: First of all, we need to get that badge. Which means, it's off to the Pit of 100 Trials!

X-NAUT: Gee, that…is one complicated plan.

PARAKETE: Complicated? I think it's just whacked-out!

BANDANA: Well, sure it's unusual, but it'll work! …I hope.

Since the path to the right of the town is blocked by a fallen pillar, X-Naut and his friends head left into the room with the seesaw platforms and the Spinias hanging out below. Not having anywhere else to go, X-Naut drops down from his ledge, battles a Spinia that attacks him, and takes the pipe up to western Rogueport. From there, the gang heads to east Rogueport and takes a pipe (which was exposed by Professor Frankly in the interlude) down to the other side of Rogueport Sewers.

X-Naut recognizes the area as the way he took to and from Petal Meadows. Instead of traveling down and up the series of steps that stretch ahead of him, X-Naut turns his attention to a nearby heap of crumbled walls. Connecting two of the short walls is an iron gate. Behind the rubble and the gate, X-Naut can see a green pipe that leads downwards. X-Naut slips through the gate bars in Paper Mode and goes sliding down the pipe.

X-Naut emerges on the second level of a new room. The second level is just a long walkway that overlooks the first level, with gates keeping anyone from falling off. X-Naut could slip through the bars in Paper Mode, but he decides to take a walk along the path. A Paragoomba spots him and attacks, but X-Naut and friends defeat it easily. Then they round a U-turn in the walkway and step down some stairs to the first level, which is just another path that travels alongside a river of sewer water. After defeating a Spiny Goomba, X-Naut has Yuxette blast open two item blocks, which contain a Volt Shroom and a Sleepy Sheep. Then X-Naut checks out the three alcoves in the wall. Two are blocked by gates, and the other one is blocked by a pair of medium-sized yellow blocks. Yuxette destroys them with her Laser Rings, but unlike the item boxes, these blocks require fully-charged shots to destroy. Once the two blocks are gone, another green pipe is revealed in the alcove.

The next room is very tall and filled with ledges of all sorts. To X-Naut's left is a high ledge with a giant yellow block sitting next to it. To the right is a wide expanse of room, with an even taller ledge in the upper-right corner. A smaller, yet unreachable ledge sticks out from it along the wall. X-Naut and his party battle the two Spinias in the room and check out the single alcove in the middle of the wall, next to the protruding ledge. It is also protected by bars, but it's not a problem when you have Paper Mode.

X-Naut follows the tunnel behind the bars until he finds himself in a room that has nothing in it except for a square ledge in the upper-left corner and a longer ledge with steps carved into it in the upper-right corner.

BANDANA: Well, it looks like we're at a dead end. What will we do now?

VOICE: Hey!

X-NAUT, YUXETTE, PARAKETE & BANDANA: ! *turn to the source of the voice*

A Goomba girl with brown, braided hair seems to have just appeared on top of the ledge with stairs. She walks down the steps and faces X-Naut and his group.

GOOMBA: What are you doing here? Are you the ones who are threatening the Punies?

X-NAUT: What? Punies?

BANDANA: Just who are you?

GOOMBA: I just so happen to be someone who cares about nature…a lot. I like to go to Boggly Woods the most, where the Punies live.

X-NAUT: …Isn't that where…?

GOOMBA: But recently I heard that some scumbags are venturing into the woods and tearing up the Great Tree! *looks closely at X-Naut* Are you one of them? Surely you wouldn't find it in your heart to do something so cruel to nature, would you?

X-NAUT: Uh…n-no, of course not…

PARAKETE: Who cares about a bunch of tiny critters anyway?

GOOMBA: Ex-CUSE ME?!

YUXETTE: Yux. Yux. (Just ignore him. He doesn't know what he talks about.)

GOOMBA: Is that so… Well, then… *looks around* …Oh, great. Just great.

BANDANA: What's the matter?

GOOMBA: Looks like I lost something of mine. It's this pretty little locket, and it's REALLY important to me. *looks at the group* Are you thinking of doing something for me?

BANDANA: *steps forward* Yeah! We can help you locate your lost locket! We'll show you how honest we are!

YUXETTE: Yux… Yux… (An honest thief… How ironic…)

BANDANA: *whispers to X-Naut* We can drop our plan for a little while, can't we, X-buddy?

X-NAUT: Fine with me.

GOOMBA: Honest, huh? Well, then, if you truly want to help out, maybe this will help you. *runs back up the ledge and activates something*

A hidden passageway opens up between the two ledges. X-Naut climbs up the first ledge, enters the tunnel, and emerges on the opposite ledge. A blue switch sits there, which X-Naut activates with a stomp. Nothing seems to happen, but when X-Naut and co. exit the room and return to the tall hall, they find that the high ledge to the right has been stripped of its cover-up paper, revealing a staircase. X-Naut climbs up and finds a panel extending out from the ledge, as well as a doorway. Through the door, X-Naut finds an open black chest and a small locket in the corner of the room. X-Naut picks it up and obtains the Locket of Wisdom! He quickly returns to the room where the Goomba girl still stands on her ledge.

GOOMBA: Whoa! Did you find it? Wow… Oh, man, I owe you BIG!

X-NAUT: *hands over the Locket of Wisdom*

GOOMBA: YESSSSSSSSS! Thank… Ha! Thank NOTHING! Whee hee! Foooooools!

The Goomba transforms into purple wallpaper, just like the Toad at Hooktail Castle. X-Naut finds himself facing another spooky spirit.

SPIRIT: Boy, are you guys dense or what! You shouldn't be so eager to help a perfect stranger! Just because you're honest doesn't mean they are! Allow me to set an example! Prepare to be cursed beyond any curse that's ever cursed you! Buggly-wuggly-WOOOOOOO! You're cursed!

X-NAUT: *is cursed*

SPIRIT: Whee hee hee hee hee! Enjoy that curse, sucker! You got what you deserved! You wanna know about the sweet curse I just dropped? Then listen well! From now on, whenever you turn paperlike in certain areas, you'll turn into a paper airplane! Whee hee! Trembling yet? Suffer the rest of your days under my terrible curse! Oh, I can't help but chortle! You're DOOMED! Who curses like me? NO ONE!

A panel with a triangle symbol appears in front of X-Naut.

SPIRIT: But I'm still unsatisfied. I need to see your misery to truly appreciate it! Ready? If you stand on an airplane panel like this one, the floor will start to glow.

X-NAUT: *steps onto the airplane panel*

The panel starts to glow a yellowish color.

SPIRIT: All right, you're on the panel. Now try turning into a piece of paper! And bam! You're a paper airplane!

X-NAUT: *turns into a piece of paper, folds into an airplane, and starts gliding downward*

SPIRIT: The worst part of this curse is that you must aim your nose up and down to steer! I suppose that if you got good at it, you might fly a long way, but that's the ONLY good thing. So, be honest. Isn't this curse just about the worst thing you can possibly imagine?

X-NAUT: Maybe.

SPIRIT: What does that mean?! Oh, whatever. If you stop yourself in mid-flight, you MIGHT return to normal! Maybe!

X-NAUT: *unfolds back into himself*

SPIRIT: Farewell, you foolish fool! Whee hee hee hee!

The wallpaper crumples up and disappears. X-Naut is back in the room with his companions, who are giving each other odd looks.

BANDANA: OK, what was up with THAT girl?

YUXETTE: Yux? (Another "curse"?)

X-NAUT: Yep. Let's get going.

The team exits the room and heads up the stairs once more. X-Naut steps onto the airplane panel on top and goes into Plane Mode, gliding over to the far ledge on the left. Once he lands, he reverts to his normal papery self and enters the doorway. The room beyond…happens to be the room of the Thousand-Year Door. X-Naut and his buddies emerge from the doorway on the right ledge and walk down the stairs to the pedestal in the center.

PARAKETE: Whoa, X-dude, would you look…

BANDANA: At…

YUXETTE: Yux! (That!)

The Thousand-Year Door looms powerfully before them, its intricate star designs glistening gold over mighty terra cotta oak wood.

BANDANA: Could that be…the Thousand-Year Door spoken of in legends?

X-NAUT: It must be.

The group walks closer to the door.

PARAKETE: Wow… I see it, but I just don't believe it, man. The legends…they were true!

X-NAUT: So, this is the Thousand-Year Door… A legendary treasure is said to lie behind it.

YUXETTE: Yux… (But the door will only open when the seven Crystal Stars are exposed to it…)

BANDANA: Hey, X-buddy, are you after that treasure? You are searching for the Crystal Stars, aren't you?

X-NAUT: No, the treasure doesn't really interest me. But my boss, Sir Grodus, seems to want that treasure.

PARAKETE: Sounds like something an evil mastermind dude would want. X-dude, you sure your boss isn't out to rule the world?

X-NAUT: *turns to Parakete* What? Of course I'm sure!

The group heads back up the ledge that they entered upon and slips through some bars that divide the ledge. On the other side is a springboard that catapults X-Naut to an airplane panel above. X-Naut uses his new "curse" to glide over to the opposite ledge across the room. Once there, X-Naut shuffles through the next doorway and finds himself in a circular, dank room composed of black stones. Several hooks jut out from the walls and two green pipes rise out of the ground. One is taller than the other, so X-Naut heads over to the shorter one in the center, which is accompanied by a wooden sign. X-Naut reads it.

MESSAGE: DANGER! DO NOT ENTER! This pipe is the entrance to the Pit of 100 Trials! First Attack and Bump Attack badges don't work here, so BEWAAAAAAAAAAARE!

X-Naut jumps into the pipe and emerges in the 1st level of the Pit. It looks very similar to the above room, only rectangular. There are no pipes; just a yellow plate in the center of the floor. A Gloomba, a stronger, dark blue version of a Goomba, is seen walking around the floor. It sees and attacks X-Naut, but he and his friends defeat it with relative ease. As the Gloomba disappears, a pipe appears from the yellow plate on the floor. X-Naut goes down to the 2nd level and battles a Spinia. The next pipe appears when the Spinia is knocked out. The heroes keep going down, battling Gloombas, Spinias, Spanias, Fuzzies, and Dull Bones. Eventually, they reach Level 10, which contains a large treasure chest and a pipe that returns to the entrance. X-Naut opens the chest and finds a badge called Multislam. It's not the badge X-Naut is looking for, so he hits a switch and jumps down the revealed pipe.

The next nine levels house Paragloombas, Clefts, Pokeys, Dark Puffs and Piders. After defeating them all and reaching Level 20, X-Naut opens the large chest in the room and finds the Attack FX V badge!

BANDANA: Way to go, X-buddy! Now, let's get back to the surface. And be sure to equip that badge!

---

Part 6: Don Pianta

X-Naut equips the Attack FX V badge as he and his team makes their way up to the surface. They backtrack through all of the rooms through until they emerge from the pipe in eastern Rogueport. They proceed to the west side, where Bandana stops them and tells of his plan.

BANDANA: All right, now it's time for the major part of the plan. This is where all that we've done comes into play. Here's what we've got to do, and we've got to do it perfectly!

Bandana whispers urgently to his friends. Later, X-Naut is standing near the end of the north street with Yuxette by his side. He looks down the street to the four-way intersection, where Parakete is flying around idly.

YUXETTE: Yux? (You ready, X-Naut?)

X-NAUT: *turns to Yuxette* I'm kind of nervous… If this plan doesn't work, we may find ourselves in deep trouble… *looks at Parakete*

PARAKETE: *looks around and then turns to X-Naut and gives him the thumbs-up*

X-NAUT: *turns to Yuxette* All right, Yuxette! Let's do it just like we were told!

YUXETTE: Yux! (Ready when you are!) *uses Duplicate*

A Mini-Yux is produced from Yuxette's focused energy. With one rotation around its parent, the Mini-Yux creates a yellow-greenish line around Yuxette, forming a barrier. X-Naut readies himself and then charges toward Yuxette, aiming not for the Mini-Yux but for the shield itself. X-Naut collides with the shield and bounces off, but the impact triggers the sound effect of the badge.

VOICE: Tee hee hee!

X-NAUT: …Hmm. That sounds familiar. Whoever made this badge did a good job of imitating Francesca's voice.

YUXETTE: Yux! (Do it again!)

X-NAUT: Right! *slams into Yuxette's shield again*

The noise of X-Naut's collision is transformed into the giggling of Francesca once again. From his spot, Parakete gives X-Naut and Yuxette a small nod before turning to the townsfolk.

PARAKETE: Oh my gosh! This is, like, totally not cool! Some Pianta girl is getting mugged by this dude! Can ya not hear the cries, people? Yeah, a Pianta girl! I heard her name was Francesca! She's getting her purse stolen—or wait—she's getting kidnapped! Oh, the horror! The inhumanity, man! Somebody's got to get some help! This is, like, way gnarly, dudes! Like, seriously!

All of the townspeople just stare at Parakete. Meanwhile, inside Don Pianta's office, the syndicate leader is having a chat with his henchmen, Vinny and Tony.

DON: WHAAAT?! You're sayin' dat my daughter Francesca an' Frankie have gone missing?

VINNY: Yeah, Boss. We're sorry, Boss. But we haven't seen 'em at all lately.

TONY: But I'm sure they're around somewhere, Boss. Dey can't be too far away.

DON: *jumps* Den what're you two waiting for? Find 'em NOW!

VINNY: & TONY: Yes, Boss! *run off*

DON: *turns around* …Frankie… I wonder if he…

VINNY & TONY: *suddenly run back in* Boss!

DON: *turns around* You boys back already? Did you find 'em?

TONY: Not yet, Boss, but, uh, dere's somethin' ya might wanna hear.

DON: Eh? What is it now?

VINNY: Dere was dis Koopa guy in town who was yellin' about a girl Pianta gettin' mugged and kidnapped.

DON: WHAT?! …I'm goin' down dere immediately! *runs out of the office*

VINNY & TONY: Hey, Boss! Wait up, Boss!

The two Piantas follow Don outside, running down the steps and scurrying into the back entrance of the Westside Goods. A few seconds later, Bandana peeks out from behind a cluster of barrels and then jumps out into the open.

BANDANA: *looks around* Well, so far, so good. *runs up the stairs and enters Don Pianta's office*

Back on the other side of the shop, Parakete is still calling out for help while down the street X-Naut continues to ram himself over and over again into Yuxette's barrier. By now, the all of the townsfolk have gotten the message and are panicking and running around in circles. X-Naut is starting to exhaust himself and Parakete is running out of things to say, but they still carry on.

PARAKETE: Oh, somebody…alert the officials! Do something! Will nobody answer those cries of distress?

X-NAUT: Tee hee hee!

The three Piantas finally exit the Westside Goods and take a look at the scene around them.

DON: What's goin' on here?! *sees Parakete* You! Tell me what's goin' on!

PARAKETE: *flies over to the Piantas* Oh, thank goodness you're here, man. This Pianta girl, Francesca…she's gettin' towed away!

DON: By who?!

PARAKETE: Uh…this big…blue Pianta! Yeah! It was a…big…blue…

DON: Grrrrrrraaaaaaarrrrrr… FRANKIE! *turns to Vinny and Tony* You two! Get out there and find 'em!

VINNY & TONY: Yes, Boss! *run to the center of town* Everybody, clear out!

All of the townsfolk stop their panicking and run away in random directions.

PARAKETE: *flies around to the north street* The sound was comin' from over there!

X-Naut and Yuxette quickly stop their voice-faking charade and run to the side of the street as Vinny and Tony stomp past them. Don Pianta continues to stand in front of the Westside Goods. The door to the shop opens and Bandana rushes out, carrying a thin piece of paper. In his hasty getaway, he bumps into the back of Don Pianta.

BANDANA: Oops! Pardon me.

DON: *turns around*

BANDANA: ! Aaah! It's you!

DON: ! Hey! It's you!

Bandana scurries around a building's corner to the north street with Don Pianta chasing him. Bandana runs blindly into X-Naut, knocking him to the ground.

VOICE: *activates* Tee hee hee!

DON: *just stands there* … *looks from X-Naut and Yuxette to Parakete and back* Boys!

VINNY & TONY: *come running back*

DON: Francesca's voice… It was comin' from dese loons!

VINNY: ! Hey, yeah! And dey're da ones we booted out earlier!

TONY: And dere's dat Bandit loser again! …Is he…holdin' a blimp ticket?

BANDANA: Sorry, X-buddy. I guess I goofed again.

DON: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH! I get it now! You all were workin' together to get yer thievin' hands on my tickets, weren't you! As if dat wasn't enough, ya used my daughter's voice to distract us! You scum… You think you can do dis to Don Pianta and live?! Yer all dead meat now! Boys! GET 'EM!

VINNY & TONY: Yes, Boss! *rush at X-Naut and his friends*

BATTLE MODE ENTERED!

X-Naut and Bandana face the two Piantas, Vinny and Tony. [Can't flee this fight!]

X-NAUT: *uses Tattle Log on Vinny* That's Vinny, one of the Piantas that works for Don Pianta. Max HP is 20, Attack is 4, and Defense is 0. Yowch. Pretty strong. His main attack is predictable, however. He mostly just runs and punches you. He's especially a pain when he's partnered up with his brother, Tony. We'd better take them out one at a time.

Bandana uses Knock Off on Vinny! NICE! Bandana dealt 2 damage to Vinny and swiped a coin from him!

Vinny uses Pianta Punch on X-Naut! Ouch, that one hurt! X-Naut -4 HP!

Tony uses Pianta Punch also! This time, X-Naut gives a NICE Guard, but still loses 3 HP!

X-Naut switches places with Bandana, who Knocks Off another coin on Vinny! NICE! Vinny lost 2 more HP!

X-Naut Tackle Slams Vinny NICEly, dealing 2 more damage!

Vinny pounds Bandana with a Pianta Punch, but the Bandit manages to Guard NICEly! Bandana -3 HP!

Tony goes in and does another round on Bandana, punching 4 HP out of his system!

Bandana switches out and Yuxette takes his place.

X-Naut Jump Slams Tony, dealing a NICE 2 points of damage!

Vinny Pianta Punches Yuxette, but she gives NICE Guard! She still lost 3 HP!

Tony repeats his brother's move and takes 3 more HP out of Yuxette, who NICEly Guards again!

Yuxette used Triplicate! -3 FP, but now there are two Mini-Yuxes on guard!

X-Naut uses his new attack, Multislam! -2 FP. X-Naut charges up his move and then performs a Jump Slam on Vinny! NICE one! Vinny lost 2 HP! But it's not done yet! Just after bouncing off Vinny, X-Naut does a somersault onto Tony! GOOD one! Tony lost 2 HP as well!

Vinny uses Pianta Punch on the first Mini-Yux, knocking it out!

Tony does the same on the other Mini-Yux!

Yuxette fires a Laser Ring at Vinny, who gets hit NICEly on his noggin! -3 HP! Vinny just has 9 HP remaining!

DON: *from offstage* Come on, boys! Stop dawdling about and finish 'em off! You ain't gonna let dese chumps make a mockery of da Pianta syndicate, are you?

VINNY: No way, Boss!

TONY: We'll take care of 'em, Boss!

X-NAUT: *uses Tattle Log on Tony* That's Tony, one of the Piantas that works for Don Pianta. Max HP is 20, Attack is 4, and Defense is 0. Not something to make fun of. If we can get the timing of his punches down and attack him in return, then I think we'll be OK. It's when he's paired with his brother that we need to watch out. Attacks that hit multiple targets are pretty effective against them, so let's go on that.

Yuxette Guards against Vinny's attack, reducing the attack to 3 damage!

Tony closes in and hammers Yuxette with a Pianta Punch, but Yuxette still Guards! -3 HP!

Yuxette shoots another Laser Ring, which nails Vinny NICEly! -3 HP!

X-Naut uses his Dizzy Dial item! The whole theater seems to spin around at a blurring speed. When it stops, Tony becomes dizzy, but Vinny manages to avert his gaze!

Vinny runs in for another Pianta Punch on Yuxette, but she counters with a GREAT Superguard! Yuxette took no damage, and Vinny lost 1 HP!

Tony stumbles forward for a punch, but his swing just sends him spinning around.

Yuxette uses a Mushroom on X-Naut, who eats it and refills 5 of his HP!

X-Naut unlocks his hidden power and uses Seismic Wave! He holds up his clenched, gloved fists and starts absorbing energy! NICE! X-Naut's gloves enlarge! GOOD! The gloves start sparkling! GREAT! X-Naut's gloves are glowing! WONDERFUL! The gloves grow even larger! The gloves stop absorbing energy from there, so X-Naut slams his fists on the ground. Tremors course through the wood panels of the stage, knocking Vinny and Tony for a loop! They both lose 5 HP, which is enough to KO Vinny!

VINNY: Uuugh! Sorry, Boss! *faints*

Tony comes in for another Pianta Punch, but Yuxette does another GREAT Superguard! Tony -1 HP! Now he has only 10 left!

Yuxette switches out and Parakete comes in.

X-Naut batters Tony with a NICE Tackle Slam! Tony loses 2 HP!

Tony tries to move in on Parakete, but his dizziness gets ahold of him and he misses! As he steps back from his opponents, his shakes off his status condition.

Parakete uses his Shell Toss on Tony, damaging him for 2 points!

X-Naut Power Slams Tony NICEly for the cost of 2 FP! Tony lost 4 HP!

Tony delivers a quick Pianta Punch to Parakete, who Guards in the nick of time! Parakete -2 HP!

Parakete finishes off Tony with another NICE Shell Toss!

TONY: Aaargh! Forgive me, Boss! *falls*

DON: What's da matter wid you boys? Can't you beat a buncha miserable nobodies? *jumps onto the stage* Graah! I ain't gonna let you get away wid dis! I'll make you regret pullin' yer stunt on me, even if I have to do it myself! It's time for you to face da wrath of the Don of Untimely Death!

X-NAUT: *uses Tattle Log* That's Don Pianta! Max HP is 22, Attack is 4, and Defense is 1. Looks like we really ticked him off… Note to self: don't listen to Bandana's plans anymore. This guy's as tough as nails. He attacks with a single punch, but sometimes he dishes out a double-punch. There's no way out of this, so we're just going to have to whale on him.

Don Pianta runs forward and strikes Parakete with a Pianta Punch! Parakete Guards, but still loses 2 HP!

Parakete counterstrikes with a NICE Shell Toss! Don Pianta loses 1 HP!

X-Naut hits Don Pianta with a Power Slam! It costs 2 FP, but it's NICE nonetheless! Don Pianta -3 HP!

Don Pianta flexes his muscles, and dashes forward and punches Parakete! Parakete Guards and only takes 2 damage, but Don suddenly strikes with a second punch, dealing 3 damage! Peril! Peril! Parakete is hanging on by his last HP!

Parakete gets the heck out of there and gets replaced by Yuxette.

X-Naut dishes out another Power Slam on Don, dealing 3 more damage!

Don Pianta Pianta Punches Yuxette, but she Superguards once again! Don takes 1 damage!

Yuxette uses her strategy once again with Triplicate! -3 FP. Here come the Mini-Yuxes!

X-Naut appeals to the audience, who cheers and fills up his Star Power Gauge!

Don Pianta muscles up for his Double-Punch again! He smacks away at Yuxette, but both of his punches hit the same Mini-Yux!

Yuxette shoots Don with a Laser Ring!

X-Naut follows up with a Tackle Slam! Total damage: 3! The mob boss still has 11 HP remaining!

DON: Bleah! You're tougher dan you look, fella! But dat's never stopped Don Pianta before! I'll make sure you get your just desserts for yer scam!

Don Pianta punches out the second Mini-Yux!

Yuxette uses Duplicate, producing one more Mini-Yux! -1 FP. The team is now officially out of FP!

X-Naut uses Jump Slam! Boom! NICE! Don Pianta loses 1 more HP!

Don Pianta knocks the stuffing out of the last Mini-Yux!

Yuxette appeals to the audience! The Star Power gauge is now full!

X-Naut uses Seismic Wave once again! Begin the power-up! NICE! GOOD! GREAT! WONDERFUL! EXCELLENT! X-Naut's gloves are now bursting with power. He slams them on the ground with such force that it knocks a whopping 6 HP out of the Don of Untimely Death!

Don Pianta Double-Punches Yuxette, who Guards against each punch. Yuxette loses a total of 6 HP. Danger! Yuxette only has 2 HP left!

X-Naut switches places with his partner, and then switches out Yuxette for Bandana again.

Bandana scurries up to Don, waits a moment and then Knocks Off 1 HP from the sinister mobster, as well as a coin.

Don Pianta readies himself to Double-Punch X-Naut, but he Superguards, canceling out the attack! Don -1 HP!

At long last, it's time! X-Naut Slams into Don Pianta!

Bandana follows up with another Knock Off! Total damage: 2! Don Pianta is defeated!

DON: Doh! I can't believe it! You actually beat me! But dat's impossible! *collapses*

BATTLE MODE END!

Back on the street in Rogueport, Don Pianta is still standing, breathing hard. Vinny and Tony stand nearby, looking totally out of it.

VINNY & TONY: ع

DON: I still can't believe you beat all of us Piantas… We're supposed to be tough! …But I guess you were tougher. Although I still won't forgive you for dat phony voice trick.

X-NAUT: But we just wanted the ticket to Glitzville!

DON: …Yeah? You really wanted it DAT badly? …Fine den. Keep it.

YUXETTE, PARAKETE & BANDANA: Huh? What? Yux? (Huh, what?)

DON: Not like it makes a difference. I still got plenty more tickets. And seein' as dat you beat us Piantas, you'd be perfect for Glitzville! …But listen, if you really wanted a ticket dat badly, you should've just asked.

X-NAUT: But—

DON: I know, I shoved ya away da first time. But in dat battle, I saw how determined you were. If ya just used dat kind of spunk for somethin' other dan fighting, I'm sure you would've gotten dat ticket eventually.

X-NAUT: …

DON: I'm lettin' you go for now, but if you utter so much as a single word about defeating us…I swear we'll pulverize you 'til we can't pulverize no more!

X-NAUT: *nods*

DON: Good! Den keep your ticket and we'll just forget dis ever happened, OK? *turns to Vinny and Tony* You two!

VINNY: & TONY: !

DON: Looks like we've been gettin' sloppy. Time to get ourselves some serious training done!

VINNY: Yes, Boss!

TONY: You got it, Boss!

Vinny and Tony walk back to the Westside Goods entrance. Don Pianta starts to follow them but stops and turns back to X-Naut.

DON: You can bet your money that da Pianta syndicate will be back and better dan ever. So…I don't ever wanna see you stealin' from me again! You hear me? Don't come back! *leaves*

X-Naut and all of his partners gather together and look at Bandana.

BANDANA: Wow! Incredible! We actually got the ticket from Don Pianta! Amazing! Maybe he's not as bad as Ishnail says he is… Ahem. *notices everyone's stares* …What? OK, so maybe I handled things the wrong way, but at least we got the ticket, right? Which, I guess, rightfully belongs to you, X-buddy. *hands the piece of paper to X-Naut*

X-NAUT: *obtains the Blimp Ticket*

Suddenly, more lights start shining around X-Naut.

PARAKETE: Ah!

BANDANA: What the…?

Another piece of X-Naut's memory is restored! X-Naut's Star Power is now 3! And X-Naut remembered the special move Twistornado!

END OF CHAPTER

After an almost-successful theft, X-Naut finally showed Don Pianta who was da boss. Fortunately, Don Pianta was gracious enough to let X-Naut keep the blimp ticket. Now, with the ticket, X-Naut can finally travel to Glitzville, where another Crystal Star hides. With his hopes high, X-Naut heads to the blimp with his new pal, Bandana. Will X-Naut be able to snatch the Crystal Star before this Mario?

---

Lord Crump's Interlude

Inside a large, circular room coated with pale yellow leaves and rows upon rows of tree trunks forming the walls, Lord Crump stands. He paces back and forth across the layers of the ground, which grow heavier the closer to the walls. Ten large black-and-white podiums with white statues stand near the north wall of the room. The statues depict slug-like creatures, each with four stubby legs, two googly eyes, and a single antenna that extends out in between the eyes. The statues seem to watch Crump as he looks around.

LORD CRUMP: Hmm… Lemme see… That thing's gotta be around here somewheres… *turns around* ! Buh…huh? What's that? Whoa! Sounds like a mob! Better clear out… *runs off and hides behind a podium*

Through a gap in the west wall, a mustachioed man in a red cap and blue overalls trots into the room. Following behind him is a female Goomba with a blond ponytail and an archaeology suit, a Koopa with a light-blue shirt and a band-aid on his noggin, and a rather shapely wind spirit woman with thick lips, violet hair, green pearl earrings, and a golden necklace. Behind those three arrives at least a hundred and one tiny critters that resemble the figures crafted in the statues, only with small orbs attached to their antennae.

CRUMP: It's that Mario guy! And…those are all of those Puni creatures! But how? How?!

Mario walks up to the black-and-white-designed plate in the center, the lowest point in the room, and places an orange orb onto a pedestal. All of the Punies crowd near it, stepping onto the plate. When all of the critters are on board, the platform glows, the room shakes, and then an emerald Crystal Star floats out of a basin mounted on the front statue.

GOOMBA: Wow, Mario! Check it out! The Crystal Star! Score!

CRUMP: *runs out of hiding and grabs the Crystal Star*

MARIO, GOOMBA, KOOPA & WOMAN: !

KOOPA: What? Did he just… Hey! What's going on here?

CRUMP: Buh! Buh! Buh huh huh! Man, am I lucky or what? Or am I just gooooood? "Oh, you say you need a Crystal Star, Lord Crump?" BOOM! Falls right in my lap! *notices Mario* ! Still, this is humiliating! You shouldn't have been able to escape that cell… So, for insulting my awesome trap, I'm gonna repay you with a little present! Know what it is? *pulls out a remote* Oh, just a little something I like to call A REMOTE TIME-BOMB DETONATOR! *walks toward the wall while facing Mario* I'm gonna use this to bury you and those squirmy Punies in rubble! Sound fun? Well, enjoy your final minutes inside this dank old tree! And with that…pow! I'm gone! *presses the button*

A timer set for 300 seconds (5 minutes) starts ticking. A pipe appears from the wall near Lord Crump, and he takes it to the room above. It's a small room with small streams of water running along the ground, weaving around the white bushes. Crump opens a metallic red electronic door as two X-Nauts run past him to stall the pursuing Mario and his friends.

The next room is extremely spacious and has two levels, but Lord Crump knows his way around the tree…for the most part. He takes another gray-colored pipe to the level above, which consists of a thin, zigzagging walkway with two openings on either wall, as well as a pipe that leads upwards. Crump runs across the long, sharply swerving walkway until he gets to the opposite side with an opening. He goes through, only to find that the room beyond is a dead end. He runs back, through the zigzagging walkway again, and he dashes through the opening on the opposite side. The room there is another dead end. Sweating profusely, Lord Crump turns back to the walkway and takes the pipe leading upward.

The room Crump emerges in is equally as spacious as the last one, but with only one way out. He runs across the leafy landscape to a gray pipe at the other side of the room. He takes it up to the second level, which is a more straightforward walkway, traveling alongside the southern wall. Crump follows it back to the other side of the room, where he takes another pipe upwards.

The next room is split by a large gap in the middle, from which pink bubbles float up. A large, gray pillar rises up in between the two sides of land, providing a platform to hop from one side to the other. Lord Crump jumps onto the platform and attempts to jump to the left side, but misses and falls into the gap, landing in a pond full of watery, pink liquid. Crump shuffles out onto the left bank, where he takes a pipe right up to the level above, the land he attempted to jump to. He opens the electronic door embedded in the wall.

Author's Note (2006): "At this point, Lord Crump is given the opportunity to save, as if that's important to this story."

Lord Crump crosses the next room and heads for the opposite side, which happens to be the exit out of the Great Tree. He is stopped by a rather shriveled-looking Puni with droopy eyes, a gray upper torso, a droopy lower torso with no visible legs, and a droopy antenna with a purple orb bobbing on it.

PUNI ELDER: You won't be going any farther this-a-way!

CRUMP: *jumps* What?! Are you nuts? Move it, you old geezer!

ELDER: *grows huge all of a sudden* WHAAT?!

CRUMP: *shrinks*

ELDER: *goes back to normal size* Did you just call me an "old geezer"? Where do you get off, talking like that?

CRUMP: *shrinks more*

ELDER: You got no respect, brat! Don't think my age has a thing to do with my might!

CRUMP: *shrinks even more*

ELDER: Even if it kills me, I won't let you through! I'm ready! ELDER POWER ACTIVATE!

CRUMP: *reverts to normal size and takes a step back* Whoa. What's your problem, Gramma? You got an ear hair tickling your brain, or what?

ELDER: Oh! Ooh! What the…OUCH! Can't…take…another…step… Oooooooog…

Something cracks.

ELDER: *winces* …Urk! What a time for my stupid back to start acting up!

CRUMP: You hotheaded old coot! You dare defy me? I could shine my boots with you!

VOICE: Ahem! You'll do no such thing!

CRUMP: *turns around* !

Mario and his partners are standing just a few feet behind Lord Crump.

WOMAN: Honestly, did you REALLY believe we'd let a wretch like you escape? I do believe you'll be handing over that Crystal Star and promptly exiting this tree!

CRUMP: Buh! Buh! Buh huh huh! You guys are nuts, you know that? Oh well. I guess I'd better shut off this timer. *takes out the remote, presses the button, and puts it away* OK, you pests! One pummeling coming up…with extra fists! Metal fists, that is! *pulls out the remote again and pushes the button*

A giant orb floats down from the ceiling, the top half made of glass, and the bottom half being red metal. Crump jumps into the orb, and four flaps of reddish-pink paper spread out from the orb crosswise so that Crump looks like he's sitting in the middle of a giant X.

CRUMP: Awaken, Magnus von Grapple! Time for a technological thrashing! Enjoy!

The paper X folds downward into a box, and from the box sprouts zigzagged paper arms and legs. Smaller paper boxes form the fists and the feet. Soon, Lord Crump is sitting inside his own robot and makes it stomp over to Mario and his partners.

CRUMP: Are you crying yet? Yeah? Sorry, but this thing isn't armed with tissues. Well, Magnus von Grapple has that effect on people. Total, weeping terror. And you ain't seen nothing yet! Check out the power on this bad boy!

Lord Crump commands Magnus von Grapple to walk around and stomp on Mario and his friends as they run about and try to attack the giant mech. He launches the rocket-powered fists at them, which automatically home in and strike Mario and his partners until they knock the fists out, upon which they will eventually return to Magnus. Also, with each successful attack, a Charge gauge slowly fills up. When it reaches its maximum capacity, Magnus von Grapple is able to unleash an earthquake to strike Mario's entire group except the spirit woman, since she floats above the ground.

There is no way for Lord Crump to defeat Mario and his partners, no matter how much he attacks them. His hits merely rack up points on a scoreboard. The goal is simply to obtain the high score. Magnus von Grapple has a health gauge that slowly empties out with each hit it takes from Mario and his partners. Once the gauge hits zero, the score is saved as Magnus starts malfunctioning.

CRUMP: Bleeeeee-harrrrgh… This could be the end…

Magnus von Grapple explodes and Lord Crump is blown onto the ground, away from the Crystal Star.

CRUMP: Buh! Bu-AAAAAARGH! No! Magnus von Grapple! How could we lose?! *hops onto his feet and turns to Mario's group* Hurff… Hurfff… Hurffff… I'll remember this, losers! *turns and runs away*

VOICE: Lord Crump summons us!

Mario, his friends, and the whole mob of Punies watches as several X-Nauts run past after Lord Crump.

X-NAUTS: Retreat! Heads up! Run away! Wait up! *trips, gets back up, and runs out*

---

X-Naut White's Interlude

Back at the site of the Thousand-Year Door, X-Naut White reads a book while sitting on the pedestal in the middle of the room.

X-NAUT WHITE: Hmmm… The Thousand-Year Door…looks just like the great door in these pictures. *puts away the book and stands up* But there are also those weird inscriptions on the walls… *looks at the walls inscribed with designs* But the book doesn't mention anything about them. They must still be a mystery… I'll copy them down and show them to Professor Frankly. *takes a clipboard, walks to the walls, and draws* That should be enough. Now to head back to the surface.

X-Naut White leaves the room through the right exit with the clipboard in hand. He hops off the ledge in the next room and heads for the green pipe just beside the wall, but a Spinia spots him and spins into him, knocking him down. The clipboard falls on the ground and the Spinia, seeing that White is trying to get it back, picks it up on top of its head and spins away. White chases it, avoiding the second Spinia in the room. He finally catches up to the thief and stomps on it, stunning it and making it drop the clipboard. X-Naut White picks up the clipboard and runs for the green pipe, jumping over the second Spinia as it dashes for him.

X-Naut White successfully makes it to the room above, the garden-variety corridor. He attempts to make his way up the steps to the right while avoiding the Spiny Goomba. Since the path is narrower than the room before, it's much harder for White to get past the enemies, which all seem to be interested in stealing the clipboard for some reason. White runs left across the long ledge after getting up the steps, avoiding an interloping Paragoomba. He finally reaches the green pipe and slides through it.

White appears from the top of the pipe partly surrounded by rubble and bars. Since White doesn't have Paper Mode, he jumps off the ledge to the right onto the ground just below, only to find a Goomba, a Paragoomba, and a Spiny Goomba all patrolling the area. They spot X-Naut White and run at him, but he quickly jumps up the stairs leading left and jumps through the last pipe.

Now X-Naut White is on the surface of eastern Rogueport. He hops off the pipe and shuffles into the house on the right, Professor Frankly's place.

WHITE: Professor Frankly!

PROFESSOR FRANKLY: *turns to X-Naut White* Whuzzuh? Who is it this time? Oh! Trevor Napkins! What brings you here?

WHITE: *walks up to the desk* While searching around the Thousand-Year Door, I glimpsed these inscriptions. I don't know what they are, but I thought that if anyone would know, it would be you, professor.

FRANKLY: Well, how flattering! Anyhoo, I guess I should take a look at those things…

WHITE: Here are some sketches I made of them. *shows Frankly the clipboard*

FRANKLY: Hmmmm…

WHITE: So? Do you know them, professor?

FRANKLY: *sets down the clipboard* Nope! Never seen them before!

WHITE: *jumps out of surprise* What?! But, professor…

FRANKLY: Sorry! But it's true! In all my years of research, I've never come across symbols quite like these. Usually, I know EVERYTHING about these kinds of things… But these symbols stump even me! To have something this perplexing come up in my research… This is no small matter. I shall look into this immediately!

Suddenly, the room is filled with the loud, beeping music of a ring tone.

WHITE & FRANKLY: !

FRANKLY: Great Goomba's ghost! What's that?!

WHITE: Um, it's just my Mailbox SP. Let me take this message… *goes outside and opens Mailbox DS*

The image of Sir Grodus appears on the top screen.

SIR GRODUS: X-Naut White! How is that research coming?

WHITE: Very well, sir.

GRODUS: Well, I summon you back to the fortress. You will resume your research later.

WHITE: Yes, sir. *closes Mailbox DS and goes back inside the house*

FRANKLY: *is reading a book*

WHITE: Professor Frankly, an urgent meeting has been called. I must return to my ship for a while.

FRANKLY: *still reading* Very well, Mr. Napkins. I look forward to more of your research.

X-Naut White leaves the place while Professor Frankly continues to imbibe his book.