(Author's note: I am so sorry that it seriously took me a year to write this chapter and update this story. I will try to update more regularly because I miss writing tbh. Happy Holidays!)

Maya's POV

"I'm sorry," Haley apologized.

"What for?" I asked. She wasn't wrong.

"The look on your face that I just caused," Haley replied.

The worst part is that Riley kept it a secret from me. It wasn't the only secret she kept from me.

Riley's POV

I sat on the lawn on campus underneath the shade of a tree. I pretended to read a book but I was really just reading my own thoughts. It had been a few days since Lucas and I talked. It keeps running through my head. But not just that talk. All of it: the entire history of Lucas and I on replay in my head from start to finish. It seems we have come full circle.

What begins with an act of poor judgement, ends with an act of poor judgement.

It started that summer that Maya was in Pennsylvania with her dad and his family. He wouldn't let me come see her. It had been the longest period of time and the longest distance that had ever come between us as a couple. We texted everyday and we either talked on the phone or facetimed frequently, but it wasn't the same. She was distant in more ways than the physical. She seemed lost. She didn't paint or draw at all. She didn't play any softball or work on her pitch at all. I suspected that she was drinking and hiding it from everyone, but I couldn't tell for sure. She was like a shell of herself. I wanted to bring her back in every way but I couldn't. That's no excuse, of course, but it would be imprudent not to acknowledge that we had drifted apart that summer.

Then Pappy Joe passed away. She called me in tears. It was the most emotion I'd witnessed her express all summer. She was so upset that she couldn't go to the funeral. Kermit wouldn't let her. She told me to go. We both knew I was the only friend in our group who would be able to go and be there for Lucas. So I did.

After the services, we went back to Pappy Joe's house. Lucas was a mess. I tried to keep an eye on him but at one point I stepped outside to take a call from Maya. I cut it short when I heard loud crashing sounds coming from inside. I went back in to the kitchen and found Lucas destroying the place. He was breaking plates on the counter and throwing glasses on the floor. He picked up a chair to throw it across the room but I stood in front of him, grabbing the chair. He froze, unaware that I had come back inside and witnessed his explosive anger. I guided the chair back down and slid it under the table.

"Breathe, Lucas." I told him.

He pulled out the chair, sat down, and just started crying. He was sobbing so hard his shoulders were shaking. I pulled another chair over, placing it next to him so I could sit down and put my arm around his shoulders. I was hoping this would calm him down a little but he leaned into me and cried harder into my shoulder without holding back.

I held him and let him cry for who knows how long. Time seems to pass more slowly in Texas. I had never seen Lucas like this before, but I was glad he felt comfortable enough to be this honest and vulnerable around me. I wished I could take his pain away.

I could feel his warm tears on my skin as they fell from his face onto my collarbone. After what seemed like a long time, he raised his head from my shoulder. He had finally stopped crying long enough to look at me. Instinctively, I wiped away a tear that had rolled down his cheek with my thumb. Neither of us said any words. I wouldn't even know what to say, but my hand was still lingering on his face. When I reflect on this moment, I know I should not have let it linger. That was my act of poor judgement. Well, the beginning of it anyway. It just got worse from there.

He felt it lingering. His eyes were looking at me differently now. There was a small glimmer of hope now that they didn't have a moment earlier.

"Riley," he said, his voice cracking a bit.

"Yes?" I answered.

"Life," he raised his hand to touch my face now. He was letting his hand linger on my face too. "It's too short," he continued. His thumb was tracing the corner of my mouth. I looked into his eyes and I knew what would happen next. I knew he was going to kiss me if I didn't do something to discourage him right then. But the shameful truth is that in that moment, I felt the urge to kiss him too.

Don't do this, Riley. Don't do something you can't take back. Don't do this to Lucas. To Maya. To Haley. Don't ruin everything.

Too late. My racing thoughts were abruptly interrupted by his lips crashing into mine. His kiss was urgent, desperate and passionate. I wish I could say that I pushed him back immediately, but I can't, because I didn't.

I kissed him back.

I know, it's terrible. How could I betray my girlfriend? How could I take advantage of my friend in his moment of grief? Why am I such a monster?

I don't really know if I can rationalize it with any one explanation. It was a culmination of missing Maya, being separated from her, feeling like my relationship with her was in a rocky place, being back in Texas, wanting to comfort Lucas, a curiosity about kissing him, and those inconvenient, unresolved, old feelings for him that tend to get stirred up whenever we have moments alone together like this. I usually wouldn't act on them, even if they were getting stirred up, but this time, they were caught in a perfect storm of tumultuous circumstances that had already knocked down my walls of self control and better judgement.

I did eventually come to my senses and pull back from the kiss. He hesitated, searching my face for clues about my reaction to it. I think I was in shock. It felt as if a tornado had just blown my house away.

Well, I wasn't ready for that. Instead, I chose denial.

"We can't tell anyone about this," I told him.

I expected resistance from him, but surprisingly, he nodded in compliance. Perhaps the guilt that came from the thought of hurting Haley hit him the same way my own guilt about betraying Maya was punching me in the gut. I just couldn't even think about telling her. Not then. Imagining the look on her face made me feel sick.

I was so disgusted with myself, I was literally making myself sick. Way to go, Riley. Way to go.

So it became our secret. But it didn't stay a secret.