Okay guys, awkward story.

Actually directly involving my injuries this time.

So as a direct result of my luck, my brain bleed is right where your action control and mouth filters are. Yay me.

Also, btw, I am bipolar and part of my brain injury means I can't take my meds for it.

So even if I sometimes am able to control the uncensored part of me, that flies out the window when my emotions get amped up. Which they do a lot even when I have my meds, without them guess who is rarely in a state of stable emotions and is not currently physically able to handle a broken brain.

Why bring this up?

Because along with the "oh hey, you just got hit by a car" mentality that makes it difficult for some people to break bad news to me, but while I am usually honest, with the brain break I can be uncomfortably forward about personal subjects and not even notice.

I SWEAR this was completely an accident. But luckily this is what let me know that I am still dealing with brain issues.

So, my boyfriend and I are long distance and as such we don't get to see each other much.

BUT he was in town to visit family between semesters and I am in town because I am not medically cleared to live on my own so I'm back with my parents. (Another post about that sometime and the super fun of being in the middle of their divorce!) SO WE GO OUT!

I was so nervous and excited. It was insane. I hadn't seen him since Christmas and I thought for sure it would be much longer until I saw him again.

Did I mention that emotions trigger my brain into spewing forth information that is 1) nobody's information (definitely need to know basis stuff) and 2) maybe they do need to know, but definitely not here and definitely not now.

So here we are at dinner and my poor sweet innocent boyfriend is hearing all about how I've been sexually assaulted on nigh on a constant basis since I was 3 and when adults found out they said it was all my fault so I basically deserved it. Great dinner conversation, right? I am honestly not too sure if I said more than that. I got into such a state that my brain stopped making memories… maybe a blessing?

Fun

So that's bad enough, right?

I made it home and I didn't calm down enough to notice the inappropriateness of my conversation topic for quite a while.

When I did I STRESSED out. I seriously spent DAYS freaking out about it and here's the worse part. A few days ago, so about two weeks after, I finally come across the notion that this just might have been…

A BREAK-UP DATE. At what point in the night is it a good idea to interrupt your date who almost died recently and is telling you some of her past trauma, that you're ready to fly solo again?

SO AGAIN, super not on purpose, but I might have just super guilted my boyfriend into staying with me.

That's the fun of a brain injury I guess. Who knows if I'll ever get up the guts to ask him if that was his intention, but even if it was, he is NOT a liar, but he is the sweetest guy, and would never be able to actually tell me that he had meant to break up with me.

Yay me!