(*SPOILERS FOR THE RISE OF SKYWALKER. You have been warned.)
Chapter eight: Destinies
Summary: Rey struggles with her darkness and lineage. Leia and Luke guide her.
"This isn't working." Rey said flatly.
"Be patient."
"I have been! I've been at this for months now, and I still can't hear them!" Rey looked imploringly at her master.
Leia sat, calm, and regal as ever, on a fallen tree trunk. "Rey, you mustn't let your frustrations keep you from-"
"I can't help it!" Rey exclaimed, spinning so her back was towards Leia.
"I've tried all you've said, but I can't help it! I can't help being angry. What kind of Jedi does that make me?" She let out a heavy breath. "Luke faced temptations from Darth Vader and the Emperor and didn't give in, while here I am losing control and getting angry with a remote!"
"Rey." Leia said in that gentle, but firm way of hers, and Rey couldn't help looking over her shoulder at her master. "Every Jedi who ever lived, has struggled with the dark side. Trust me when I say Luke was no exception."
She held out her hand to Rey, and Rey, melting a little under her kind, understanding gaze, reluctantly went to her side, sitting on the log as well.
"I saw it most clearly after Bespin." Leia began, and as if the Force itself became lost in memories of one of it's dearest children with the Princess, a vision Luke appeared in front of them.
Rey sat up straighter at the sight of him but didn't dare say one word.
He wore a helmet with a mask piece that hid his entire face from view. He was much younger than the Luke she knew, Rey could tell from his slimmer, lithe form, and smooth, unwrinkled skin.
Luke, or rather, young, vision Luke stood in a defensive stance, an unfamiliar lightsaber in his grasp. He swung his lightsaber in practiced strokes blocking blasts from a remote as Rey had been attempting not long before. The sounds coming from the vision seemed far-away, echoey and dream-like.
"For weeks after, he was more upset, torn up, and ...angry than I had ever seen him."
As though to emphasize her point, Luke swung his blade faster and faster, deflecting every single bolt in a breath-taking and inhuman display until, with a yell, he abruptly ended it by slicing the remote in two clean halves. The ruined machine dropped to the ground with a plop.
He pulled off the helmet with a flourish, revealing bright, golden locks beneath and Rey saw his face, the emotions painted on his features and reflected more deeply in his clouded blue eyes, normally so clear. There was pain, a hint of fear deep underneath…. And anger.
"He found his way back eventually. He always did." Leia added with a fond smile. "Nothing could keep Luke down for long, but… he was never the same."
Vision Luke yelled and the place where he stood must have been an abandoned stone building of some kind, as already fractured and decrepit pillars and blocks fell around him.
"He struggled for a long time. Those of us who were closest to him knew that… something was wrong."
An array of sudden, frantic whistling came from the figure of Artoo-deetoo as he was caught under one of the heavy, crumbling pillars.
Luke seemed to snap back to himself and spun around.
Artoo!
He rushed to the side of his faithful droid in dismay.
I'm sorry! I'm sorry!
With that, the vision was blown away like dust to be replaced by another young Luke seated on a crate in a shadowy corner. He was staring hollow-eyed at something glowing green in his hands.
"We knew Vader had done something to him, beyond beating him and cutting off his hand. No, it… had to be something much deeper than that. Vader had...done something. Told him… something."
A younger, vision Leia, with silky brown locks done up in one of her usual elaborate hairstyles, walked into the scene, sitting beside the vision Luke.
"We asked him of course, but… Luke would never tell us."
Vision Leia placed a hand on vision Luke's shoulder tenderly, concern in her expression as she spoke softly to him. But Luke stood abruptly, shaking her hand off and walking away, clenching his hand around the glowing object.
"I could only imagine what would have been so terrible that he couldn't repeat even to me. As you know, the truth… the truth was so much more devastating than I had thought."
"I know now that, he was questioning everything back then. His ideals, his existence, /. He wondered whether... he should even be a Jedi. Whether he had the right.
Vision Luke walked closer to them and the pain in his eyes was heartbreaking. The vision dissipated before them without a trace.
Rey felt Leia's smooth hand on her shoulder.
"Never be afraid of who you are, Rey."
"I'm not ready." Rey told Lando.
"You think we were ready? Any of us? Han and I hardly knew about anything beyond helping ourselves. Luke and Leia were just kids. Luke in particular… Do you really think he was any different from you? I admit I wasn't in the picture for most of his journey to becoming a Jedi ...but I know I saw the worst of it."
Lando's eyes grew distant as he was transported to the past.
"But he kept going, and so can you. Because neither of you fight alone."
"What are you doing?"
Luke's question, asked so bluntly conveyed a thousand words in just a few.
There were a hundred questions packed into that one.
Why are you here?
What happened?
Why are you burning your ship?
What are you running from?
Why are you throwing away what I gave back?
Why are you hiding?
What are you so afraid of?
"I'm doing what you did! I'm staying here! Where I can't hurt anyone anymore!"
Tears stung her eyes, and her throat bobbed with a lump.
The void in her felt vaster than it ever had. All her life she had wanted only to find her place, to know who she was. Now that she had, she was more lost than ever before.
She didn't know where she belonged.
She was Rey from nowhere.
The wind caught up Luke's hair and robes, and Rey could feel the sympathy and peace radiating off him. Rey couldn't meet his eyes.
"How did you handle this?" She whispered. "Is this how you felt realizing you were related to… a monster...?"
"Rey…" Luke leaned down to gaze straight into her eyes, blue meeting brown.
Luke straightened and turned slightly, gazing over the cliffs, over the sea.
"The dark side… it doesn't just tempt with power, might, and control. It knows your deepest desires... and your deepest fears."
Luke was silent for some time. When he spoke, his voice was low, gravelly and quiet.
"I was tested too, Rey. As every Jedi is at one point or another."
Rey remained quiet, knowing it would be a mistake to interrupt him now.
"I was barely older than you the first time I was tested. As part of my training, I entered a place entrenched with the dark side of the Force and there I was confronted. I was shown my worst fear."
Luke seemed to gather his strength.
"I saw Vader… I fought him… but when I killed him, and saw the face behind the mask… it was not the face of a strange man, a droid, or a monster... it was me. My own face."
Rey's lips parted in silent exclamation of horror.
"My greatest fear was not Vader. It was that I would fail, and become him."
Rey's vision was vibrant in her mind, trapping her, choking her.
"You saw yourself on the throne of the Sith because that is what you most fear. That is what you carry with you. That is the fear you hold in your heart."
Luke shook his head at her. "Most of us are more susceptible to fear, rather than anger. Fear is the bare root of all evil, Rey. Fear leads to anger, anger to hate and hate to suffering, and not just in ourselves."
Luke's eyes sparkled and he stared at the ground. At the rain hitting and sinking into the earth.
"...Fear makes us do terrible things and make terrible choices…. Even if it's to run away..… It drives us to abandon all we love."
Tears were running down Rey's cheeks now. The image of young Luke and Leia sitting together, Leia beseeching him, and Luke walking away was pushed to the forefront of her thoughts.
"But…...You so often meet your fate on the path you take to avoid it."
"Is that simply my destiny then?" Rey whispered to no one. She could barely get the words past her throat.
"Destiny." Luke scoffed softly.
His voice grew more serious than she had ever heard from him.
"I was told it was my destiny to kill my father. I was told by my father and Palpatine that it was my destiny to fall to the dark side."
His intense eyes stared into her soul.
"They were wrong." He breathed.
"I cannot say it doesn't matter where you come from… It does… in some form or another...But our paths are our own. Our destiny is our own."
Luke's metal hand came up, brushing her cheek affectionately.
"Overcoming fear, that... is the destiny of a Jedi."
His tone and eyes only grew softer. "Your destiny."
"My destiny… is my own."
A/N: So I just saw The Rise of Skywalker recently, after, *cough*, weeks of putting it off for no other reason than that I was busy. Overall, I thought it was very good… considering where we left off with the last film…... but anyway! I liked Rey's struggles with the dark side and her identity and was constantly reminding me of Luke's own struggles.
With Leia and Luke being the children of one of the worst villains the galaxy has ever known I think they could relate to her on a very deep level with her learning of her heritage.(More specifically Luke. I realize Leia must have had a hard time too, but Luke had to deal with it first, while he was fighting a war and training as a Jedi.) I'm surprised and a bit disappointed that that particular detail wasn't taken advantage of more in terms of Luke and Leia mentoring and relating to Rey.