Asuka had accepted her fate when the last patch of red of her Eva disappeared into the Shadow. She had been surprised, and relieved, as a consequence, to see that she wasn't dead. Her military training instinctively kicked in. She ran a series of tests. She first saw that she could move her Eva's limbs, even though walking didn't seem to achieve anything. She then tried to see if her sensors and radars could pick up anything... Nothing. She cut the power off her Eva and initialized the life support systems. 4'22. Roughly 13 hours until her Eva's life support would fail. Hesitantly, almost reluctantly, she pushed the button on her butterfly handle to open a communication window.
"... Shinji ?.. Can you hear me ?.." She asked calmly. When she didn't get an answer though, she snapped 'That idiot ! He can get an A on a test but not in the real world ! And what do I do ? I go after him like a goddamn amateur ! That's just great !' "Shinji ! You goddamn coward ! That's all your fault ! And believe me, I'm gonna kick your ass once we get out of here !" She shouted at her radio, with a hint of hope that the threat, no, the promise would at least make him squirm. At least she wouldn't feel as alone then... But for right now, she felt far more furious than alone. 'That jerk !'
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Shinji looked at the blinding white landscape before him in awe for some time. 'Am I inside the Angel ? Am I dead ?' He paused. 'At least I managed to protect Asuka. Now that they know what the Angel can do, Misato will find a plan to exterminate it... And I'm still alive, maybe they'll save me too. I'm sorry Asuka'
He tried his sonars and radars to no avail. He tried to reach someone, anyone. If only to let them know he was still alive. To let her know. He wanted her to know. He still wasn't sure of what she felt towards him, but he knew that she would like to know. He remembered her eyes before he vanished. 'Was she scared for me ? She seemed scared of losing me. I think... I... Hope ?' He put these selfish thoughts aside and went back to his immediate reality. 'I should activate life support. If there's a chance that they save me, all I can do is give them as much time as possible.' He reasoned, activating it. '4'38, that's 14 hours, give or take. I'll die in 14 hours. I don't want to die, I want to see her again. I owe her an apology.'
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Asuka opened her eyes slowly, as if she did not want to acknowledge the situation. She didn't want to be in her entry-plug. It was the first time she could recall that she ever felt that way. Even when she spent hours and hours training, she always liked being in there.
"Scheiß !" She couldn't stand it. She didn't feel the usual comfort and warmth she was used to anymore. Suddenly, she had trouble breathing. She felt as if the LCL was burning her throat and lungs.
"Let me out !" She shouted at the top of her lungs before slamming the button to synchronize with her Eva. She then started to scream furiously in English, German and Japanese as she lashed out with her Eva, trying to grab onto something... Anything to rip out, stomping and punching the "ground" she believed she was standing on. She projected her AT-field in various directions, trying to find an opening, or create one, to slice the Angel from the inside. Destroy it and be free of this coffin.
She quickly stopped when she realized what she was doing and immediately turned off her Eva. Her outburst hadn't lasted long but it had been enough to drain a significant amount of the precious energy stored in her internal batteries.
"Why did I do that ? I just doomed myself... Maybe that's better. Better to die sooner rather than later, waiting for my end for excruciating hours. I doubt that Wondergirl will be able to perform a miracle. And the only one... No, that's not true. One of the only ones who would have honestly mourned me will die here as well. He will... Die... With me."
The thought terrified her, so she squeezed her eyes shut to try to make the memories go away. She forced herself to think about other things. It always more or less worked when she focused hard enough. And right now, she needed to. She went back to her training, to her life in Germany when she was under Kaji's care and finally drifted back to that night when Shinji and her slept in her bed. The comfort she didn't even know she needed she received when in his arms. Their kiss. These managed to calm her mind so she clung to them as she tried once again to fall asleep.
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Shinji initialized Unit 01 and ran his scans. He didn't count how many times he did them since getting trapped but he felt uneasy. Each time he hoped that he would get an answer, or see something different. Or catch something on his radars.
"Asuka ?.. Misato ?.. Ayanami ?.." His voice remained calm, tainted with some kind of resignation.
"I still have 10 hours left." It would have been more if he hadn't drained his internal batteries with these -too frequent- scans. "I'm hungry. I wish I could cook something for us again..." Shinji imagined himself back to the apartment, sharing a nice dinner that he would have prepared for the three of them to enjoy. Maybe a German meal...
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"The LCL is becoming murky. The filtration system's power is running out. A few more hours and I won't have enough oxygen. My breathing will become shallower and shallower. The LCL will bring me less and less oxygen. I'll become lightheaded, and tired, and finally I'll go to sleep. Forever."
Stating what she had learned during her training in Germany helped her in no way, but it kept her mind busy. She had spent most of her time trapped in her entry plug sleeping, but she was still tired. She just couldn't keep her eyes opened. "Maybe it'll be sooner than expected." she didn't bother anymore to keep her thoughts inside her head. "Maybe I'll be asleep when the time will come." She finally said before drifting back to sleep.
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Night had fallen over Tokyo-3, so the temporary command center had to be illuminated with construction lamps. Ritsuko was standing before a dozen NERV employees, among them were Misato and Rei. Behind her was a white board with black patterns and writing in several languages. It looked like Ritsuko was a teacher and the others were her students, had it not been for their NERV uniforms.
"So that shadow is actually the Angel's body ?" Misato asked bewildered. She wasn't sure that she had understood everything right.
"Correct." Ritsuko answered. "It's six hundred eighty meters in diameter. With a thickness of three nanometers. Sustained within that ultra-thin space is an inverted AT-field." She kept on stating the facts she had gleamed from her researches in the past hours. "Abstract mathematics defines the region within as a Sea of Dirac. It could be connected to another universe." She said this last sentence with some kind of fascination, which would have frightened Misato if her mind had not been clouded with worry.
"What about the sphere ?" Misato asked while raising her hand.
"It disappears when the imaginary circuit of the body closes. The object in the sky is only a shadow." Ritsuko answered again. Misato wasn't facing her anymore. She had turned her head in order to look at the black and white sphere which was still floating over Tokyo-3. It's top was dark, but the bottom was lit with the same lamps which were used at the temporary command center.
"So the black shadow that swallowed Units 01 and 02 is the target." Misato stated downcast. "What can we do against it ?"
Rei was leaning against a NERV truck, a bit behind everyone else. She was paying attention to what was being said, but she was also thinking about her fellow pilots. A very subtle hint of worry could be seen on her face.
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When Asuka opened her eyes, she was not in her entry-plug anymore. Surprised, she looked around her. She was standing in front of a window, which gave a view of a fairly small room. On the opposite wall was another large window, the light shining through the venetian blinds indicated her that it led to the exterior. On the far left corner, there was a plant that she couldn't identify on a nightstand, and right next to it, at the center of the room, was a bed. There was someone on it. A small girl in a dark dress with long red hair. The light from the window, and the fact that her head was low made it so Asuka couldn't see her features, but she knew who she was. She also recognized the hospital room.
What the... ?"
"You are afraid of death ?" said the silhouette on the bed. She wasn't moving. She didn't seem to be even breathing.
"I am Asuka Langley Soryu ! I'm not afraid of anything !" Asuka quickly answered.
"You are afraid of death ?" The silhouette's tone changed a little, becoming more affirmative.
"I'm a soldier ! I know that each time I go to combat can be the last !"
"You are afraid of death." The silhouette wasn't asking anymore.
"I'm thirteen ! Of course I'd rather have as much time as possible, but I accepted the possibility of dying when I became a Pilot !" Asuka was becoming more and more desperate. She didn't understand the situation and those five words seemed more powerful each time they were uttered.
"You are afraid of death !" The silhouette seemed to be almost mocking her now.
"... I don't want to die." Asuka answered in a whisper, with tears in her eyes.
"You are afraid of death."
"..." She didn't answer. Instead, she focused on the few good things in her life. Living with Misato, even if she was the sloppiest human being on Earth, she was the big sister she never had. The time she spent with Kaji in Germany, and how good he had been to her, how he helped her during this time. Hikari, her best friend, even when she didn't deserve it. Her Eva, and how proud she was of being a pilot. How comfortable and warm she always felt in her entry-plug. Exactly like with Shinji. She felt good in his arms. And she was happier since that night. He was too, she could see it, when they were together they were able to stave off their respective demons... She liked his cooking too, even if she never...
"If you had died with her all these years ago, you wouldn't have experienced all this pain." The silhouette interrupted her thoughts. This sentence hit her like a ton of bricks, all her bad memories coming back to her at once, drowning all her previous recollections. She had considered the idea on some occasions, when her sorrow was almost too much to bear, but she had learned to live for herself.
"Now you are going to die alone... With him. So close yet too far away." The silhouette raised her head with an insane smile. Her face was the incarnation of madness. The dream vanished in front of Asuka's eyes but this face, her own face, was carved in her mind.
"I don't want to die alone." Tears now mixed with the murky LCL as Asuka couldn't help but cry. She put her arms around her knees and curled into a ball.
"... Shinji..."
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"Who's that ?" A voice very similar to Shinji's asked.
The alarm of a railroad gate could be heard, approaching then getting further away.
"Who ?.." Shinji repeated, a bit surprised. He didn't seem to have realized that he was not in his entry-plug anymore, or maybe he didn't care. He was now sitting in a rail coach. It was dusk, or dawn, he didn't know about that. All he knew was that the sun was low on the horizon and that it bathed the whole car in an orange light. It shone directly in front of him. Across from him, on the bench on the other side, was the silhouette of a small child that Shinji couldn't see clearly, the sun hitting it from behind. The train didn't seem to be moving, yet Shinji could clearly hear the sound of the wheels against the rails.
Shinji Ikari." The voice answered without inflection.
"That's me." Shinji retorted, a little surprised.
"I am you. This self incorporates another self. The self has always been composed of two selves."
"Two ?" Shinji didn't quite understand what the voice was saying.
"Yes, the self which is observed and the self which observes itself. To expound, the Shinji Ikari that exists in your mind is only one Shinji Ikari. There's also the Shinji Ikari in Misato Katsuragi's mind, The Shinji Ikari in Asuka Soryu's mind, the Shinji Ikari in Rei Ayanami's mind and the Shinji Ikari in Gendo Ikari's mind. All are different Shinji Ikari, but each of them is a true Shinji Ikari." The silhouette, the Shinji in the others' mind, explained as he would have told a child. "Your fear is of the Shinji Ikari who exists in the minds of others." It stated, as if it knew exactly how Shinji's mind worked.
"I'm just afraid of being hated." Shinji answered, dumbfounded by the truth behind the silhouette's words. Images of people flashed before his eyes. Ideas which were forced into his mind. Toji punching him while Kensuke explained that Toji's sister was injured during the fight with the Third Angel. Misato yelling at him because he had refused to fall back during the Fourth Angel. His father telling him harshly to go away.
"No, I don't want to hear this !" The sensation was strange. Shinji couldn't clearly identify which of his senses was used.
"You're afraid of being hurt. That's why you always run from reality. No one can justify life by linking happy moments into a rosary. In particular, I cannot." The silhouette said, implying that Shinji himself couldn't.
"I've found someone that makes me happy. Someone who is happy with me !" The previous images were replaced by images of Asuka. Their week of sync training. Her smile when he saved her life in Mount Asama. The warmth of her body when they hugged. The absolute bliss he felt when they kissed. The sheer perfection of seeing her sleeping peacefully in his arms.
"Are you really happy with her ?" The silhouette taunted. "Is she ? Does she even like you ? Or like to spend time with you ?" As it kept on harassing Shinji with questions, it started to change. It was growing bigger, taller, with long red hair and a red outfit. Its smile was nefarious and its eyes full of hatred. "Maybe I'm just using you. Like your father." Its voice had changed as well.
"How is that possible ? How can you become her ? Is she here as well ?" Shinji was oscillating between fear and rage as he waited for the silhouette to answer.
"She joined us a few seconds after you."
With these words, Shinji understood what the silhouette really was. "NO ! Don't you dare hurt her ! I won't let you ! Release us !" In an instant, Shinji didn't care about what was happening, his mind was filled with rage and determination. The train vanished as if the Angel withdrew, taking with it a hallucination. Now back in his entry-plug, he synchronized with his Evangelion and let all his wrath free. He was breathing heavily, his heart was racing. He used all his Eva's remaining power in vain and continued shaking the butterfly handles after the internal timer reached 0:00, shouting and screaming and begging for it to move. He started to cry. "I have to save her... Please ! I don't care if I die, I just want her to be safe."
Just when he was about to accept his and Asuka's fate, a white silhouette, as if it were made of light, appeared in front of him and floated towards him, cupping his cheek in her right hand before hugging him.
"Mother ?" He asked before the pressure of the LCL seemed to increase. He wasn't sure that this was true, but he couldn't help but feel lightheaded. The last thing he heard before he passed out was a muffled roar.
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All that Asuka managed now was a state of half consciousness at best. Her body and mind were numb, her breathing shallow. Her plug suit still gave her some life support, since it still had more than half its energy reserve, but it couldn't do much against the lack of oxygen.
She slowly and tiredly opened her eyes to take in her surroundings. She couldn't see far, the LCL was too turbid now. She could barely discern her butterfly handles. She couldn't even see her own feet now. She had stopped curling into a ball, it took her way too much energy just holding her legs with her arms, so she sat back on her entry-plug's memory foam chair. 'So that's it.' Thinking was getting hard for her but it was one of the only things she kept forcing her to do just to ensure herself that she wasn't dead yet. 'I'm gonna die here... That's anticlimactic. I would have hoped to die fighting like a soldier... Or of old age, worshiped like a hero... I hope Shinji makes it out of here... He'll be better off without me anyway. I'm just a pathetic little girl. I'm a failure, that's why everyone abandoned me. It's my fault, not theirs... I hope he'll survive.'
"You've been one of the few lights in my life Shinji." she said in ragged breaths. "I'll be forever grateful for that." She paused, reflecting on how much she cared for the boy. She would have shed a tear if her eyes had been opened. The LCL made it awkward and unpleasant to talk, but she still had some things she wanted to say out loud, even if her voice wasn't much more than a whisper.
"Thank you, Shinji. See you soon, Mama."
With her fading consciousness she failed to notice the tremors around her. Her Eva had been trembling for the past minute or so. She hadn't even noticed the ear-splitting noises and inhuman roars outside.
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"A forced Eva salvage ?" Misato wanted to know about the plan Ritsuko came up with, but she knew something was wrong as soon as she heard how it had been phrased.
"It's the only possibility that might work." Answered the doctor. "We would drop all 992 existing N2 mines into its center, while simultaneously activating the AT Field of the other Eva, disrupting the circuit enclosing the Angel's pocket interior. If we concentrate enough power into the same microsecond, we might destroy the Angel and the Dirac Sea that makes it up." She managed to say without giving away how much she hated the idea. She was able to hide her true feelings thanks to -or because of- the time she had spent working with Commander Ikari. It always made it easier for her to think about the big picture.
"But the damage to the Evas would be... Shinji and Asuka wouldn't... What kind of rescue operation is this ?" Misato was getting angrier and angrier at each word pronounced by her friend.
"This operation's priority is to recover the Evas themselves. That the bodies may be damaged or destroyed has no bearing." Ritsuko replied coldly.
Misato couldn't control herself anymore. Ritsuko just told her that her pilots were completely expendable. The only thing important to her seemed to be the Eva. She couldn't believe her ears. Her head was spinning. There were too many things she didn't know about the Evas, but that wasn't important at the moment. "Now wait a second !" She snapped back at her.
As if on cue, the Shadow which constituted the body of the Angel started to crackle and break apart in a deafening noise. A red liquid erupted from the freshly opened wounds. The whole body of the Angel was bleeding.
"What's happening ? Could it be..."
Misato was interrupted by Ritsuko "Impossible ! It would take an enormous amount of energy to break through ! Neither of the Evangelions are capable of this !"
The next thing they saw proved her wrong. The black and white sphere hovering over Tokyo 3 turned black as a red arm pierced through it in a fountain of blood. Then another. The arms tore a hole in the sphere, revealing two glowing white eyes. Eva-01 pushed itself halfway out of the sphere before howling its superiority over its fallen foe. The sphere, not able to sustain itself in the air anymore, exploded in a rain of bloody parts and gore. Unit-01 landed on the ground in that rain of blood. At the same time, Unit-02 crashed face first close to it on the asphalt.
"My God, what kind of monster have we copied from ?" Ritsuko asked nobody in particular. She was too transfixed by the sight of the howling Evangelion before her eyes.
Misato heard her and filed this information for later use. For now, she was too impatient to see how her charges were to think about anything else. She took her phone and called the command center "Eject the entry-plugs and send recovery teams ASAP !" She ordered while running to see her pilots for herself.
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AN : Well, this was tough to write ! Sorry for the cliffhanger. It wasn't my intention to finish the chapter at this point, but it got bigger than I thought, so I chose to cut it into two parts. The good news is that the next chapter is well underway and should come relatively quickly !
Thanks for reading !