Spending the evening with Hikari had been nice. Even though Asuka wasn't entirely looking forward to seeing how the night would go. She was still too proud to show her weaknesses, so she hid how she felt to Shinji, but she knew that her nightmares hadn't disappeared, that they were still there, waiting to come back. She tried not to think about it, enjoying the time she was spending with her best friend. They had a good time chatting about this and that, exchanging pleasantries, cooking (Asuka even helped !), Hikari had wanted to ask her if she wanted to cook something for Shinji, but abstained when she remembered why Asuka was here in the first place. She wanted to talk to her about him though, to understand what was in her mind, but she didn't want to sour the mood.
Long story short, they had a great time, nothing to complain about.
'Is she going to tell me about her crush for Jock Stooge one day ?!' Except that. Finding stuff to complain about had always been one of Asuka's strong suit. Except that this time, her complain was justified. Her whole plan relied on this, and she knew that demanding answers was the easiest way to fail her little operation miserably. And Asuka Langley Soryu did not fail. She had to wait. Which was another problem, since she wasn't known for her patience. Waiting for Hikari to spit it out was taking a toll on her nerves. She wanted to lead the discussion towards him, but the only things she could think about concerning Toji were demeaning to say the least, and since she had never called him by his name, she thought it wouldn't work as planned. She still had time, she could still wait until the next morning, when they would be on their way to school.
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The evening passed and gave way to the night. The two girls went to bed in Hikari's room, which, in the image of her resident, was tidy and clean, almost spartan, with very few decorations and furnitures, yet still felt welcoming and cozy. It was rather big, with a double bed, a meridian in one corner, a desk on the opposite corner and a TV. Asuka was sleeping on a futon on the floor between the bed and the TV. They went to her room relatively early, not to bother (and be bothered by) her family. They played video games for a while, idly chatting at the same time. Eventually, they decided to go to bed and call it a night, but Asuka didn't want to sleep yet.
"So, wanna talk about Suzuhara ?"Asuka finally asked, her voice low so as not to disturb Hikari's family. She couldn't stand waiting anymore.
"How did you know ?" Hikari replied a bit startled.
"It's pretty obvious. The three stooges are the only ones who can't see it." Asuka answered, smiling. A reassuring smile which was meant to show that she wasn't judging her friend. Not that it was very much visible in the dark room.
"Ikari seems naive" Hikari stated, once again trying to steer the conversation towards Shinji. If she was to talk about her crush, so was Asuka, she thought.
"Actually, he's just a dolt" Asuka said, raising a finger to emphasize her point. "He's an idiot too. He hasn't got any idea as to how to relate to others."
"Why are you always like this when talking about him ? Do you hate him that much ?" Hikari was disappointed. Once again Asuka wasn't going to tell her anything, nor be honest with herself.
Asuka didn't expect that question. And she didn't want to lie to her friend, yet she couldn't tell her the truth. As much as she trusted her, this was their thing. Hers and Shinji's. She had already compromised enough by telling Misato, she wasn't about to tell anyone else yet. "I... Don't hate him... I... We... He's one of the only ones who can understand me..." She lamely answered, unnerved by her hesitation. "Since he's a Pilot as well." And quickly added. She didn't know what else she could say to be honest without saying too much.
"Then why are you always like this with him ?" Hikari asked, quite surprised that she had been able to coax this much from her friend.
"... I don't know. To be honest I don't mind spending time with him that much. I want things to be clear I guess. We live together, we train together, we fight together... I don't want people to think that we could be a thing." It was mostly an honest answer. 'This is our secret. Nobody has to know.' She added mentally.
"Most people already believe it Asuka. Some of your admirers gave up on you because of that." Hikari stated. She wasn't too keen on gossiping, but her role of class representative meant that she had ears everywhere.
'And I don't want to find out what they'd do if they knew.' Asuka thought before answering, getting carried away. "And some others think of it as a challenge. Those same boys who only want me as a trophy." She spat the word with visible disgust.
"I thought you liked the attention." Hikari wasn't sure about herself when she said that. But she heard this directly from Asuka in the past, who had always taken great pride in not going unnoticed.
"I do hate it !" She blurted out vehemently. "They are just lusting after my appearance, my body. It's shallow and it signifies nothing. Even worse, I'm the Red Demon for most of them ! They can't stand me yet they want me. I feel sick just thinking about them !" Her mind went back to Shinji and what he told her about his mother. 'None of these jerks can understand me, or would even try to. And I still lock out the only one who can...'
Seeing her best friend like this, Hikari was moved, she had never told her such personal things before. "It's unusual for you to be this open. I'm glad you trust me enough to tell me all this."
"I don't talk about myself, you're right. I don't like to. But I learned there's some good to be had when talking, so I'm trying..." She paused not sure of how to continue, and having talked about her enough for now. "Can I ask you one thing ?"
"What ?" Hikari knew that the conversation just came back to her and her crush.
"What do you see in a simple minded stooge like that ?" Asuka asked calmly, her tone indicated to Hikari that she wasn't insulting him. Much.
"His compassion..." Hikari answered, blushing.
"I really don't understand you sometimes..." She stated, nonplussed. Inside, however, she was happy, her plan had worked, again, with some adjustments, maybe, but it had worked, with the benefit of having shared something with someone, which relieved her of a weight on her shoulders. Even though it hadn't been her goal, she was happy to feel relieved of it. 'One more success for Asuka Langley Soryu, strategist.' She amusedly thought. "That being said, I can help you. How would you like to eat with him at school ?"
"You could do that ?" Her voice couldn't have sounded happier.
"I can use my influence so that the Stooges and us eat together. I'll have to tell everything to the idiot, of course. We'll tell the other Stooges that it's NERV related, they'll never suspect anything." Asuka explained.
"I don't know." As much as she would have liked to eat with Toji, Hikari still wasn't sure.
"Don't worry. I'll make sure he won't tell anyone." Asuka had already thought of everything. And she knew Shinji wouldn't jeopardize the both of them being able to spend more time together.
"But we'll be using him. It doesn't seem fair." Hikari inquired, worried.
Asuka hadn't thought about this, because she knew he was the one who had wanted this in the first place. The idea had crossed her mind as well, but she didn't want to admit it to him. Thankfully, the answer came naturally to her. "This is nothing compared to what I'll have to endure. I'll have to be there too ! Plus, he'll have the privilege of basking in my glory."
"And you'll be able to spend more time with him !" Hikari teased, hoping that after what she had said, Asuka would finally take the hint !
"Don't push it. This is a great sacrifice I'm willing to make to help you. You'll be forever in my debt !" Asuka joked in her most solemn tone.
"I agree ! When do we start ?"
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With all that he had to do, Shinji arrived home later than usual, laden with several grocery bags. "I'm home." he said automatically as he kicked off his shoes while focusing on not dropping anything. When he reached the kitchen, was greeted by one of his roommates.
"Hey Shin-Chan, I thought you'd be here when I arrived !" Misato said before seeing him struggling a little with his burden. "Oh my ! What's all this ? I thought we had enough groceries for a while ! " She added as she came closer to him, not to help, but to rummage through one of the bags. "Hmmm, potatoes, sausages, flour, chocolate..." She then added with an overly teasing tone, even for her. "Well well well ! Does my lovely Shinji intend to do something special for his lovely girlfriend ?"
Shinji instantly blushed upon hearing the word 'girlfriend'. "Y-yeah... Sh-she's not here t-tonight, so I wanted to surprise her." he stuttered lamely.
"That's so very sweet of you Shin-Chan !" Misato kept on teasing him, ruffling his hair in the process. "You're such a sweetheart !" Shinji couldn't do anything but stay frozen while Misato was punishing him with her teasing skills. She finally stopped and took his bags to put them on the kitchen table. "I'm sorry Shinji. It's just that I'm really happy for you guys !"
Regaining his composure enough, he finally spoke. "T-that's alright... Misato-San, c-can I ask you something ?" Shinji asked, clearly embarrassed.
But embarrassed from what he had to ask or what she had done, Misato had no clue. "Of course, what is it ?" It took her as a consequence all her willpower not to start teasing him again.
"I... Don't know when we'll be able to... But... You know..." He was too sheepish to finish his sentence.
"You're just too sweet ! Of course I won't be there to get in your way ! Just tell me when you know and I'll go out with Kaji if I'm not at NERV dealing with paperwork !" She did her best to keep her tone and expression as happy as it was, even while thinking about how much work she still had to do in the aftermath of the last Angel battle.
"... Sorry." Shinji felt guilty for imposing himself and his ideas on her. Not to mention Pen Pen, whose fridge was to be partly commandeered in order to store the ingredients he had bought. It was the only place where he was sure Asuka wouldn't go to.
'Don't worry about it ! I told you. You deserve to be happy. Both of you, so if I can help, count on me to do it !" Misato brushed his worries cheerily. "I saw you rented a movie. Don't forget to watch it before you guys eat, so at least you have one thing to talk about !"
It's at this moment that it hit him. For most of his life, Shinji Ikari had been alone. Living with his teacher had been nothing more than convenient, he had a roof over his head, food in his plate, but barely any social interaction. At this time, he merely existed, and it was enough for him, at least, it felt like it was enough. But upon hearing Misato's answer, he finally understood that living with others could be so much more, and he realized how much he had missed in the last years. Getting closer to Asuka had opened his eyes. And Misato helped him understand that things that could have been so trivial, so insignificant, were incredibly important. Her helping him was one thing, Toji standing up for him was another, Rei smiling to him was one too. In the past, he would have brushed these things off, but now they were impossible to ignore. They overwhelmed him. He managed to finally answer a simple "Thank you." with tears in his eyes and a cracking voice.
Misato understood. She had seen how the boy used to be in the few months that she had known him. It was heartwarming for her to see him growing like he was doing. She thus settled for a slight nod and a smile before leaving him alone. She faintly heard Shinji pleading and negotiating with Pen Pen in order to use his fridge for a few days over the sound of the TV.
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Like every day since she had moved in with them, Shinji had prepared Asuka's lunch for the day. He had been slightly disappointed as a consequence when he saw her eating a bento prepared by Hikari. Only slightly because he was really happy to see her. It had not even been a full day, but he got used to having her sleeping next to him really quickly. He had settled for giving his extra lunch to Toji.
"Shinji, that's a hidden talent ya got there. The Demon really can't appreciate anything !" Toji exclaimed, his mouth still filled with food. He had been glad to eat a properly cooked meal instead of the disgusting food of the cafeteria, but he hadn't anticipated it to be this good !
Shinji however, felt rather conflicted. On the one hand, even as small as it was, this praising of his cooking filled him with joy. He hadn't been praised a lot during his short life, so each and every one were memories he kept close to his heart. The small ones like this one and the more important ones alike. On the other hand, it was getting more and more difficult for him to keep a straight face when his friends insulted his girlfriend... Misato's choice of words sure had a way to stir the young boy's mind. He had kept a long part of the night thinking about it. Of course he had already given it some thought, but never had it been so overpowering before. 'Girlfriend ?' The question kept ringing in his brain. Just one word. One word which carried so much implications. 'Is she my girlfriend ?' The idea thrilled him, but he couldn't talk to her about it, lest he suffered a swift retribution. If the discussion was to be brought up, she would be the one to do it.
It was the only thing he could think about, consequently, he wasn't able to suppress the grimace which contorted his features when he heard the blow directed at his fellow pilot.
"What is it ? What did she do ?" Kensuke didn't fail to notice this slip in his friend's composure. Toji's face grew more serious as he put down the bento box to fully concentrate on what Shinji would say.
"Nothing !" he quickly answered. Much too quickly not to be suspicious.
"Very convincing. Come on, tell us !" Toji pressed.
"She was at Hikari's yesterday. How could she have done anything ?" Shinji said, matter-of-factly. He felt guilty for being glad for so many reasons that she wasn't there last night. He had missed her, her presence, her warmth, her scent, but he couldn't deny that it had been convenient for him. And it kept on being convenient, which made him feel even guiltier.
"Oh. Well then, I hope you enjoyed your respite." Kensuke joked. "It must have been nice to have a peaceful evening for once !"
But Shinji just answered "Hmmm." before going back to wallowing in his guilt.
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"I was worried about you." Shinji always felt more comfortable talking in the darkness of their room, when her head was laying on his chest, when she wasn't facing him directly. Since they had told Misato, it was now officially their room, not only hers. That being said, he had slept in his own bed when she wasn't there. He didn't feel comfortable enough yet. He still felt like he would have intruded in her privacy.
"Seriously Ikari, you really need to stop thinking I'm just a helpless little girl !" Asuka shot back, a little annoyed. 'But never stop worrying about me, please.' Her own mind implored.
"I'm sorry... Ouch !" He yelped in pain as Asuka pinched him. He understood why. "It's just that... That you... Y-you looked tired today a-and you haven't had any nightmares since we..." He wasn't sure it was a good idea to talk about this, but he wanted to be honest with her. And he had genuinely been worried about her.
'So you noticed that.' Asuka was surprised, but not in a bad way. "We stayed up late talking." She answered plainly. Shinji, however, had also noticed that Hikari didn't seem as tired as her. "But I had nightmares too. How did you know ?"
He didn't really know how to formulate this. He was sure she would get angry. Against his better judgment, he decided to be truthful with her. "I heard you sometimes before..."
"And you never tried to comfort me ?" She did sound a bit angry.
"I didn't know how ! I-I was sure you'd kick me out of your room, literally." He was getting really nervous now.
'You could have just held me.' Asuka thought. "You could have tried." He was right, she probably would have been really pissed at him for seeing her like this, for pitying her. It wasn't as bad now, she knew it was genuine care, not pity, and she could open up more, even if she kept most of her thoughts and feelings to herself.
"You want to talk about them ?" Shinji inquired, not knowing where to go from this. However, he held her a bit tighter as a response. He was there now. He would comfort her if he could, right now, it was the only thing he could think about.
"No." Her answer was harsh, not leaving any room for discussion. They stayed like this, in each other's arms for some time, in silence. Shinji felt his eyelids getting heavier, the soothing effect of her body against him relaxing him so much that he was almost asleep. "Did you know that Hikari had a crush on one of your stooges ?"
Shinji jolted. He wasn't expecting to be pulled out from sleep. Asuka chuckled at his reaction. "She has a crush on Kensuke ?" He asked, drowsy.
"On Jock Stooge, idiot ! Gott, you really are dense !" She corrected him, smiling. "Anyway, thanks to them, we have our cover now." She added.
"It was well worth getting yelled at then." He barely finished his sentence before yawning.
"Gute Nacht, Dummkopf !" She said softly before planting a soft peck on his lips. A victory, however small, always made her happy, and being able to gloat about it made it even better.
"Good night, Asuka."
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To say that this first lunch they spent together had been awkward was an understatement. Hikari had been thrilled, of course, at first, as well as Asuka and Shinji, even though they didn't show it. Asuka had done a great job at looking deeply annoyed by the situation. In the end, she didn't have to act anymore. The other two didn't seem very happy to have to share this moment of freedom from the painfully dull lessons with the Red Demon and the Pigtailed Dictator. Thus, they all ate in uneasy silence, every small talk and conversation attempts falling flat.
Suffice it to say, Asuka was not happy about that. She hadn't expected the most pleasant lunch break of her life, mainly because it was a silly thing to expect, but at least the two Stooges could have made some efforts. She hadn't spoken much to Shinji on their way to NERV as a consequence, because she didn't want to vent her frustration on him too much, even if it had been his idea in the first place ! As she wasn't sure that she would be able to stay calm, she had settled for quickening her pace, leaving him behind. 'And now I have to go fetch Misato for Doctor Fake Blond. Don't they have phones in this organization ? Gott !' She was about to go change into her plugsuit when she had been asked by Ritsuko.
She found her in the cafeteria, and was pleasantly surprised to see who she was with. Not as much as she thought she would be though, but hey, she still had to act like she was. "Kaji !" She shouted in her cutest voice. She then turned to Misato. "The doc wants to see you." Before turning back to face Kaji, completely ignoring Misato's answer. "So, are you going to buy me a drink ?" She half asked, half demanded in the same mellow voice.
"Sure thing kiddo ! I wanted to show you something !" He said as he selected a drink for his former ward. He knew her well enough not to have to ask her what she wanted. They then walked side by side outside until they reached a small garden in a clearing surrounded by various trees with...
"Watermelons ?" Asuka asked, nonplussed.
"Yeah, aren't they cute ? This is my hobby. Keep it a secret, okay ?" Kaji said cheerily. "Growing... Making something grow is really great. One can see and learn so many things from the process. It also brings pleasure." He had something on his mind, something that he had wanted to talk about with her or Shinji for a while now, so he steered the conversation towards it. Asuka stood still, her eyes on the watermelons, she didn't answer. "Have you found what gives you pleasure, Asuka ?" Kaji continued his monologue.
Images of Shinji came through her mind. A slight smile appeared on her lips. "I don't know." It was an honest answer. Sure, she had something that made her happy right now, but she didn't know if it would last, or even if it was indeed real happiness. There were many questions she still had to answer.
"I think you have..." She turned her head towards him, not sure of where this was going. After a short pause, he continued. "I know about you and Shinji."
Asuka's eyes went wide. "How ? I'm going to kill Misato !" She was annoyed, but not that angry. Kaji was one of the few people she trusted, to a certain extent. She wasn't someone who could trust someone blindly. He was still the only one she wasn't mad at for knowing so much about her past. Even though nobody deserved to know, he had proved himself to her.
"She hasn't told me anything. I checked on you guys when Katsuragi and I came back from the wedding." He paused. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to spy on you."
"That night was..." She trailed off, pensive, before her haughtiness came back. "So..." She started on a teasing tone. "How did it make you feel ? Weren't you sad when you understood that you missed your chance with me ? That no woman you'll ever be with will be as good as I am ?" She flicked her hair over her shoulder with her right hand to emphasize her point.
"Missed my chance ? I guess you like the boy more than I would have expected !" He joked, making her blush. She turned her head to hide it.
Asuka was flustered. She hadn't expected her comment to backfire so much. She hadn't expected it to backfire at all, in fact. "I mean..." But she didn't know how to finish that sentence. Having someone tell her this, especially Kaji, had a tremendous effect on her. Indeed, she liked the boy, she trusted him far more than most, she had told him things that almost nobody else knew. She had shared her doubts with him. She had showed him so much in the last days. It scared her. She felt like she was losing herself, that she was losing what characterized her. Yet she couldn't help but feel excited at the prospect as well. She was realizing more and more that she wasn't alone anymore.
Kaji let the silence linger some time before continuing. "Did you tell him ?"
"You know this isn't me... Besides, he knows." She said, staring at the watermelons before her.
Kaji nodded. "Maybe he does. But there are some things that should be said." He trailed off, obviously, it was an advice that stemmed from his own experience. She didn't answer. "You've grown a lot in the last months. It takes a lot of strength to live by oneself, but it takes even more courage to allow others close to you, especially for you." He was about to continue when his phone rang. "Yes ? Hello ?" He paused to listen to his interlocutor. "It's Katsuragi. The sync test will be starting soon."
Asuka took a few steps towards Central Dogma before she stopped. "Thanks, Kaji."
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The next day, Shinji was barely able to contain his impatience. Asuka had been in a good mood since she had reclaimed her position of highest sync ratio holder. She had bragged about it on their way home, during dinner, before sleep and on their way to school in the morning. As a consequence, he was expecting impatiently. Surely, lunch wouldn't go as bad as it had the day before, one might have said that it couldn't. If Asuka was in a good mood, maybe things would be less awkward. When the bell rang, he was about to go to his friends when the school PA system stopped him.
Attention student Toji Suzuhara. Toji Suzuhara, report to the Principal's office.
"What the..." Toji wasn't able to finish his sentence as Kensuke cut him.
"What did you do ?" Kensuke asked. His tone was enough to convey the "again" he left out of the question.
"I don't know." He answered, genuinely unaware as to why he was to go see the Principal. He didn't show it, but he was scared. Scared that it was to tell him bad news about his sister. She was recovering well enough, but it didn't prevent him from being concerned. She was still far from having fully recovered. His fears were mostly unfounded, since she just had some broken bones and some reeducation to undergo, but he couldn't help it. He loved his sister too much not to worry about her.
He thus left the classroom without even looking at anyone else. Shinji's shoulders sagged, today wouldn't be the day when he would see his friends start to get along with Asuka. He was all the more surprised when she tapped on his shoulder.
"So, you guys are coming with us or what ?" She asked, although her tone was neither interrogative, nor amicable.
He looked at her quizzically. "Erm, why ?"
"Because we have to, idiot. You really think I would spend even more time with you if I had a choice ?"
She had to remind him, but finally Shinji got it, they had to keep the act so they wouldn't blow their cover. At that moment, he had really wanted to slap himself. "S-sorry... Kensuke ?" His friend understood and came, albeit reluctantly.
Everyone was surprised at the end of the lunch period. It hadn't been unpleasant, far from it. They had all managed to at least tolerate each other, even if some uneasiness remained. They chatted together about mostly uninteresting things, but it was a major improvement over the previous time. Some insults had been exchanged, of course, but it hadn't soured the mood too much. They had speculated on why Toji had to go see the Principal, talked about how boring their teacher was, about homeworks. Kensuke had talked about his trip to New Yokosuka with Shinji while the girls had talked about themselves as they weren't interested by old warships. All the while, Shinji kept mostly quiet, secretly enjoying every second of this, they all enjoyed it, but Shinji made sure to make the most of it. He had been surprised to receive a message from Kensuke shortly after the class resumed.
Kensuke A. : I really didn't expect the Demon to be able to talk and not scream !
Shinji didn't answer, but he smiled. He assumed it was Kensuke's way of saying that he had enjoyed it too. Maybe there was hope !
Toji came back later and didn't speak a word to anyone. He didn't share Shinji's sentiment. He didn't answer any question, nor did he seem to even hear them. He was too deep in his thoughts. Kensuke tried to press him further to no avail, so he left him moping alone. His impromptu meeting in the Principal's office left him troubled.
'Fourth Child.' He hated his new title. He had accepted because he had managed to have his sister transferred to NERV's hospital, so she would get better treatments, but it left a bitter taste in his mouth. 'Unit 03's pilot.' He had seen how painful it had been for Shinji when he fought, he had understood why he hated piloting. 'Activation test in two days.' He still hated the Evas himself for what happened to his sister, he had forgiven Shinji, but not NERV.
He still was on duty so he stayed in school longer than everyone, thinking about every implications of being an Eva Pilot. The more he thought about it, the more he thought he had made a mistake. He grabbed a late lunch before he finished his chores. Hikari saw him when she made a last round through the school corridors. She stopped to look at him, not knowing what to say or do. Telling him about duty didn't seem like a good idea.
"Suzuhara ! Are you okay ?" It was the only thing she could think of to break the ice.
"I'm fine. I'll finish my duty after my lunch, don't worry." He said in a flat tone.
Hikari guessed from his body language that he wasn't, but didn't insist. She nodded and left him alone.
After having finished his chores, he went to the basketball court. He stayed there a long time, facing the hoop, still deep in thought. 'I shouldn't have accepted. I should have told that doctor to go to hell !' Yet he couldn't bring himself to run away from it. It was too late of course, and he started to believe that he did belong inside an Evangelion. Now, he would have the power to change things, he would be able to protect his family, his friends, Tokyo-3 and the world. He didn't have to like that, he just had to do it. He threw the ball into the hoop as his resolve hardened. It had taken him excruciatingly long hours to come to this conclusion.
Meanwhile, on the other side of the Pacific Ocean, a gigantic airplane took off, carrying as its cargo the black behemoth which was to become the most defining part of his life.
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A/N : Hey !
I finally found a precise timeline ! Not that I had looked thoroughly before but hey, I'm not going to make as much mistakes on that front from now on ! Also, I made some ellipses I didn't mention, mainly because I didn't know I made them when I wrote the previous chapters !
Anyway, thanks for reading ! If you have advices, suggestions or anything, don't hesitate !
Bye !