She held his hand. It was a simple gesture, but it meant the world for the both of them. Especially since it was outside of the safety of Misato's apartment ! Well, it was in the elevator on their way home, but still.

Sure, they had already done more, but this was different. Ever since her conversation with Kaji, Asuka's curiosity had reached impossible heights. It had taken her some time but finally the need to verify some theories had been too much. And yes. Holding his hand, this simple action, made her feel better. It soothed her. She had already come to terms with the fact that she liked him, yet she still felt the need to prove it to herself. She didn't know if she refused to believe it, or if she just couldn't.

Shinji, for his part, was elated. Everything in his life right now was going so well ! Asuka was getting along well enough with at least one of his friends, he had people who cared about him, and now this. Feeling Asuka's fingers intertwined with his was almost enough to make his mind go blank. He had the feeling that this was going to be a great night.

The elevator ride had been far too short according to them both, and as soon as it disappeared, they missed the sensation of the other's fingers. Two troubled teenagers thus entered the apartment in silence. The girl went straight to her room while the boy stopped in the kitchen. A few seconds later Asuka came back to the kitchen with a bundle of clothes in her arms and just announced. "I'm going to take a shower."

"Just a shower ?" Shinji asked and immediately regretted it. He needed time to prepare everything for Asuka, but he couldn't have been less subtle about it. "... I-I mean... Dinner won't be ready for a while... If you want, you can take your time." He justified himself. Or at least tried to. He knew that Asuka always took her time in the bathroom, but tonight he needed all the time he could get.

Asuka bought it. Though she also understood that her roommate had something on his mind. " What is it, Third Child ?"

"N-Nothing !" He answered much too quickly, and his stuttering didn't help either. "It's just that I'm trying something I haven't done before tonight. So I might take some time to get it right." This was true enough.

"Come on. Spit it out." She demanded menacingly.

Defeated, Shinji's head dropped, his shoulders slumped. "I wanted to surprise you... Sorry."

Asuka couldn't hide her surprise upon hearing that 'He wants to do something for me ? But why ? And Gott why did I have to ruin everything ? Well played, Soryu.' She didn't even react on his unjustified apology.

"I'm going to take a bath." She just replied, hoping this would be enough. "Just... Let me know when you're ready."

Shinji raised his head just in time to see her disappear towards the bathroom. He sighed in relief and smiled to himself.

.

.

Almost two hours later. Shinji had done everything he had to do. If only Asuka hadn't been as inquisitive, the surprise would have been perfect. Two hours was the bare minimum for her when she felt like taking a bath. He never really knew what she was doing in there for that long, he never understood what was so appealing in soaking in one's own bad memories.

Pen Pen had been very happy to get his whole fridge back. And Shinji was relieved not to have to suffer the penguin's passive-aggressive behavior anymore. Shinji could have sworn that every time he wanted to walk somewhere in the apartment, there was something for him to step on or to make him stumble. His toothbrush and other personal belongings also disappeared and reappeared in incongruous places. Shinji thought that it was a bit over the top, but endured it nonetheless.

He had called Misato, almost too late, but she had dismissed his worries with encouragements and just a little bit of teasing which had made him squirm.

The table was set, the food was in the fridge, the sausages wouldn't take long to cook. "You can come out, Asuka." She stormed out of the bathroom and into the dining room before he had finished his sentence, wearing an over-sized shirt and a pair of cotton shorts. "How long have you been waiting ?" Shinji asked, not even trying to hide his surprise.

"So, what is it ?" She ignored him. She knew she should have waited a little longer but she just couldn't. So she concealed her embarrassment by looking for anything that was out of the ordinary. The table was set nicely, but there was no plates. She kept looking around her when she noticed something very peculiar. "Where is the TV ?"

"I-I moved it into my room. I r-rented a movie." Having to rush through everything in order to be as fast as possible not to keep her "locked up" in the bathroom for too long had occupied his mind, but his nervousness came back to him as soon as she had entered the room.

"And it took you that long ?" She asked sneeringly. "You really should put some muscles on that body of yours."

"I cooked too." He answered coldly, a bit hurt.

"I was kidding Shinji ! What do we eat ?"

It took him a few seconds to regain his composure. 'Shinji ? Did I hear that right ? She called me by my name, without insults or anything ?' He couldn't believe it, it had already happened, but so rarely that it always had the same effect on him. "W-we should watch the movie first..."

"I know. It doesn't matter. I'm hungry !" She said, smiling.

It took him a few minutes finish his preparations. Asuka was sitting at the kitchen table, intently watching him while getting her nostrils filled with the delicious smell of cooked sausages. Shinji then put two plates on the tables.

"Kartoffelsalat ? I hope it wasn't too difficult." She said sarcastically. Too sarcastically, in fact. "I really appreciate it. It looks very good, thanks." She added with a smile, reaching to Shinji's hand with her own.

Shinji blushed. "You wouldn't believe how difficult it is to find proper ingredients for western food here." This lightened the mood, Asuka's comment was already forgotten and they ate in silence. Shinji remembered that had they watched the movie first, they would have had something to talk about, but this wasn't uncomfortable, quite the contrary. They both were enjoying just being together, and even if it tasted a bit strange to him, he liked the food nonetheless. Asuka was too, she was savoring each and every bite she took, for once, not shoveling it in her mouth as fast as possible. "Y-You didn't put your hair clips back, I l-like when you let your hair down." Shinji said shyly.

Asuka blushed as well and decided to change the subject after a few seconds of relatively awkward silence. "Gott I didn't know I'd miss proper food that much. That really was a nice surprise Third Child !" She was feeling a bit homesick however. Not that she considered that she had a proper "home". She didn't consider the house she lived in with her father or NERV Berlin home. But she missed her country. She had spent the first thirteen years of her life there, Germany was her home. A home where she didn't stand out as much in a crowd, a home which had shaped her into the young woman she was. She was starting to feel a bit melancholic, so she put those feelings aside for now. "Some sake would go along nicely with this !"

"But Asuka..." She cut him.

"I know I know, we're too young to drink alcohol. Gott, you're no fun !" She said playfully.

"Do you want dessert ?" Shinji asked when they had both finished their plate.

Asuka had stuffed herself with the main course, since she hadn't been expecting more. She was about to politely decline when Shinji took said dessert out of the fridge. "Black forest cake ?! Don't tell me you made it yourself !"

"I did." Shinji simply stated, blushing, again, understanding from her reaction he had made a good choice.

"What are you, stupid ? Of course I want some ! You could have told me before !" Shinji cut two slices and put them on the table. As soon as Asuka's plate touched the table, she pounced on the dessert as if she had been starving for weeks. "That's so good ! One of the best I've ever eaten !" She said with her mouth full, not caring anymore about good manners. If she were being honest, she wouldn't have said that. It was his first time baking it, after all. But the intention, the care behind it, and the fact tat she hadn't eaten Black Forest cake since before she left Germany largely compensated for his lack of practice. "You do realize that from now on, you're going to have to make me more anytime I'll ask, right ?" She sighed in contentment as she finished her plate, rubbing her stomach contently with her right hand. "Let's go to your room !" Shinji blushed upon hearing that. "To watch the movie, pervert." She paused and smirked. "I ate way too much to do anything else." She added teasingly. 'And I spend way too much time with Misato !' She added mentally.

Shinji fell off his chair and quickly stood up, trying -and failing miserably- to look as if nothing happened. They both went to his room. He had installed the TV across from his bed and had brought every pillows and blankets he felt comfortable taking so that they would have a cozy place to watch the movie in.

It was nothing much, but Asuka was really pleasantly surprised. "Why your room ?" She asked.

"It doesn't have windows. So nobody will be able to-to s-spy on us." When he realized what he had said, he blushed even more. He tried to cover himself by adding. "It's the only place we're sure Section 2 will not watch."

He didn't see how much Asuka blushed as well. She said nothing as she flopped on the small bed. She gestured him to come next to her, then showed her appreciation and thankfulness by snuggling as close to him as possible, wrapping him in her arms. "Thank you, Shinji." She murmured before kissing him passionately. "This night is getting better by the minute." She said giddily. Shinji couldn't answer and just pressed play on the remote. The movie started with Henry Purcell's music and a black screen, then the images shown train tracks filmed from above, then a typical pre-Second Impact western Europe landscape from a train window...

.

.

"You know, I wasn't really sold on a romantic movie, but this one was really good." Asuka whispered to break the silence. They had been holding each other on Shinji's bed for the entire film, snuggling against each other to be as comfortable as possible, but none of them spoke a single word before the ending credits started to roll. It was a simple story, a boy meets a girl in a train and decide to stay together in Vienna for the night. Talking and learning about each other in the process.

"It was nice seeing Europe. Does it still look like this ?"

"Austria isn't Germany, but it looks similar enough. It's not completely like this though. Second Impact messed things up pretty bad in Germany too." She paused. Again, getting brought back to her youth in Europe. It's not that she disliked Japan. In fact, the more she lived there, the more she liked it, for several reasons. But still, she was a stranger, a gaijin, in this country. It had been disturbing enough when she started dreaming -or having nightmares- in Japanese instead of German. She felt like she was losing her roots. Again, she mentally blocked those thoughts for the time being. Shinji had not wanted to make her wistful with this. He wanted to make her happy, and thus, there was something that she wanted to return the favor. "You know... They kind of reminded me of us..." She was looking at a dark corner of Shinji's room. "They started talking and fell..." She quickly corrected herself. "And got closer..." Then trailed off. "But it has only been one sided. For us I mean... When I talked to Kaji yesterday, he told me one thing..." Shinji was unsettled as seeing Asuka like this. She wasn't her usual self. She sounded scared, almost timid. "I guess what I want to say is..." She paused, gathering her courage. She paused for a long time. The silence was getting heavier in the room but he didn't want to interrupt her. Whatever she wanted to say, she would say when she would have decided. He wasn't about to try and force her to say anything. He just held her a bit tighter.

The silence was broken by something. It took Shinji several seconds to realize that it was his phone. He was startled, already thinking that it was to tell him there was an Angel attack. Asuka showed some signs of frustration but she let him pick up it up. She stayed close to him to listen though.

"Hello ?" Shinji asked nervously.

"Shin-man. I'm outside. Open, I have something important to tell you."

As soon as Shinji hung up the phone, Asuka exploded. "Gott I'm going to kill that Stooge !" She yelled as she bolted towards the front door.

"Asuka wait, if you open the door he'll suspect something !" Shinji pleaded, but Asuka's rage made it impossible for her to listen to reason.

"What the Hell are you doing here ?!" She screamed as soon as the front door opened.

If Toji had been surprised at seeing Asuka opening the door instead of Shinji, he didn't show it."Not now. Please, Asuka."

He had never called her by her name before, so she understood that this was something important. Her anger receded a little as a consequence. "Okay. But you're going to pay for this."

"Stay with us. You have to know too." Toji said before sitting at the kitchen table, seemingly not noticing the incriminating evidence all over it. When the three Children were seated, he sighed heavily before speaking. "I'm the Fourth Child."

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.

The night didn't offer much rest for Shinji and Asuka. Toji didn't stay long after his announcement. It would have been useless. If he had come there for comfort, it wasn't being provided by the other two Children. The three of them had stayed silent for some time, Shinji in utter shock, Asuka between disbelief and anger, Toji was expecting something, anything, that never came, which eventually prompted his decision to leave.

Consequently, the next day was just as bad. None of the Children were in the mood for small talk, Toji wasn't even in class this day, so all of the members of their little group ate alone. '

'Why did he have to be the Fourth Child ? It doesn't make sense !' Asuka was furious. 'This Stooge will be more of a liability on the battlefield than anything else ! We'll have to hold his hand and make sure he doesn't get hurt rather than focusing on the Angels !.. It's not his hand I'd like to hold ! Aaargh ! And he couldn't have come at a worst moment too !' Her frustration had reached peak intensity since her aborted attempt at talking to Shinji. 'Everything seemed so easy in that movie, so natural, why can't I tell him what I need to tell him like that ? I'm really trying, Shinji... I just can't !' She dropped her head in frustration and disappointment, stifling a sigh with her hands.

Toji for his part was at school, just not in class. At lunch break, he moved to a roof where no one ever came in order not to be disturbed during his introspection. He was disturbed nevertheless by someone.

"Suzuhara..." Rei said to attract his attention.

"Oh, Ayanami, if you're looking for Shinji, he isn't here... You know about it, don't you ?" He paused for a second. "That's funny, you're the last one I expected to come talk to me out of the three of you..." He sounded empty, no emotions at all transpired from his voice. "It's pretty rare for you to be concerned about someone else."

"Really ? I'm not sure I understand." She replied as undemonstratively as him.

"You care about Shinji." Toji stated the obvious, even if it was more obvious for him than her.

"His well being is indeed important to me." Rei realized.

'Thanks for thinking about my well being.' "Yeah. You definitely have something for him." He didn't understand how the conversation came to this point, even though he was the one who brought the subject in the first place. He was getting less and less comfortable with it. The rational part of his mind knew that Rei wouldn't offer him any help on the subject that was troubling him, but it hadn't stopped him from hoping.

She pondered the idea for some time "I don't think so. Furthermore, it would be inappropriate for me to interfere between Pilot Ikari and Pilot Soryu."

"You mean they..? That would explain why Soryu was so pissed yesterday." He trailed off.

"I am only speculating. I have no certitudes as of yet." This information would have made him blow a fuse normally. He would have questioned his friend on his betrayal until he would have confessed, but he was much to preoccupied by his own problems to pay it any heed.

Shinji left the classroom as soon as the bell rang, in silence. He isolated himself as well. He didn't want anyone to be the unfortunate victim of his anger.

'Father, why did you do this ?' He had reflected on this all night, and came to the conclusion that the person responsible for Toji being a pilot was the one who made him come to Tokyo-3 in the first place, the one who was also responsible for all his suffering. 'Why do you always do this ? Why do you do everything you can to destroy everything I care about ? Why...' His blood froze in his veins at that moment. 'He must never find out about Asuka. I can't stand the idea of something happening to her.' His fears for Toji were not forgotten, but they weren't on the forefront of his mind anymore either.

.

.

As tired as he was, Shinji still couldn't sleep. Even Asuka's presence couldn't calm him and allow him a much needed rest. He didn't blame her for sleeping though, she had always been more pragmatic than him, not to mention less attached to Toji. He had pondered for some time why she was asleep now and not the night before, but couldn't find any answer.

The more he tried to convince himself there was no use in staying awake, that it wouldn't change who was to pilot Unit 03, the more frustrated he got. With himself, mainly, but on a broader level with everything. It was unfair for Toji to be a pilot, to have to suffer like he suffered against the Angels. He managed to free himself from Asuka's embrace without waking her and went to the balcony from the door in her room, leaving it slightly ajar not to wake her up with the sound it could make. Maybe some fresh air would relax him, maybe.

"Kaji-San ? You're not asleep ?" He was surprised to see him on the balcony as well, a cigarette in his mouth.

"No, not yet." Kaji whispered back without turning his head from the horizon.

Shinji decided it was a good opportunity to learn some things. "What's my father like ?"

"Well, there's a surprise question." Kaji retorted with his usual grin forming on his lips. "I thought you'd ask about Asuka. Or even Katsuragi."

"It seems like you're always with my father." Kaji was trying to dodge the question, but Shinji needed answers. He blamed his father for what was happening, and he needed to understand why is father was acting like he was.

"Commander Fuyutsuki is the one who's always with him. Have you been asking around about your father ?" He took one last drag before flipping his cigarette over the railing.

"I haven't been around him much." He tried to keep his frustration to himself.

"So, you don't really know him ?" Kaji asked, trying to find a new angle to divert the conversation from this subject. 'The boy doesn't need to know how much of an asshole his father is.'

"I thought I had learned about him lately. About his work, about my mother... But I just don't know anymore." This time he failed.

"People really don't understand themselves Shinji. So they can't understand each other. Understanding 100% of anything is impossible. That's why we spend so much time trying to understand our own motivations and those of others. That's what makes life so interesting." 'And boy, let me tell you, you won't get bored if you try to understand your father !' He joked to himself, his smile getting a little wider.

"Does that mean you don't understand Misato-San either ?" Shinji asked, deadpan, wiping Kaji's grin out of his face.

He took a second before answering. "The kanji we use for the word "she" literally means "woman far away". Women will always be on the distant shore of a great gulf of misunderstanding. The current dividing men and women is deeper than the ocean." Kaji said with philosophy. He had come to terms with this theory already, and he felt it was a thing that Shinji needed to know.

Shinji kept silent for some time, thinking about what he just heard. "Then I'll do everything to reach Asuka on the other side. Or I'll spend my life trying !" He knew Asuka hadn't told him everything about her, and that he didn't understand everything that made her who she was, but he also knew that he genuinely thought every single word he just said.

"You really mean it, don't you ?" Kaji knew this was a rhetorical question, which was promptly confirmed by Shinji nodding his head, a determined frown set on his face. "You guys just might be able to do it, you know. You both are more similar than you think."

"She's the strongest person I know. I'm scared that one day she'll wake up and realize how much better she would be if I wasn't in her life !" Shinji said honestly. "I'm not anything like her ! I'm weak, I'm pathetic, I'm worthless !" Shinji raised his voice. He wasn't whispering anymore, in fact, he was almost screaming when he finished his sentence. He was about to continue when Kaji interrupted him.

"You're not !" Kaji's didn't raise his voice, but spoke with much more passion and authority now. "Just think back to what you've accomplished since you arrived in Tokyo-3. You climbed into the Eva and protected us every time we needed you to. With barely any hesitation ! You stood in harm's way to protect everyone around you ! You found someone who needs you, even if she might never admit it, to you or anyone else." He turned his gaze to look Shinji in the eyes. "You are braver than you think, Shinji. And you should endeavor to prove it to her." He paused briefly for emphasis. "And more importantly to yourself."

Shinji wasn't expecting such an outburst, or so much praising. It made him feel better, even if he still had trouble believing it. "I... I will. For her. She's well worth the effort." He paused. "Thank you, Kaji-San." The long-haired man's little speech shook him. Maybe people had a better opinion of him than he thought.

'You're right, she is... And I know someone else who is...' He thought, this little conversation was almost enough to make him rethink the importance of his quest for the truth. "Goodnight, Shinji."

Silently, Shinji went back to bed. Asuka had her back turned to him, so he couldn't see the stray tear which escaped her eye as she closed them. 'I'm not, baka Shinji. I really am not.'

.

.

The next day, the sun was scorching in Matsushiro. But the Fourth Child, Toji Suzuhara, designated pilot of Evangelion Unit 03 didn't have trouble breathing because of the stifling heat. It was because it was the second time in his life that he had to breathe a liquid, and the first time that he had time to think about how much LCL smelled like blood.

The first time, he had been too scared to even register what was happening, then too stunned at seeing his friend fight for his life inside the Evangelion.

For their lives.

He had been asked to get into his entry-plug while they finished preparations for the test. 'First they make me sit through a boring briefing for hours too damn early in the morning ! And why ? I just need to sit still and focus on my "link" with the Eva. It could have taken three seconds ! Then they make me wait, doing nothing for the better part of the day and now I'm waiting, again, bored out of my mind, again, in this entry-plug, while those nerds finish their calculations on whatever... Well, at least my plugsuit looks cool.' He was about to settle in more comfortably to take a nap when a voice shattered his hopes of dozing off.

"Pilot Suzuhara, we're initiating the activation test. Get ready." It was the voice of Dr Akagi, he thought as he grabbed the butterfly handles, closing his eyes and breathing the foul-smelling liquid deeply.

His heart accelerated, and he was pretty sure he was sweating, but he couldn't be sure since it would instantly dissolve into the LCL. 'Here goes nothing.' He grimly thought as the techs spoke over the comm which he wasn't paying attention to, too focused on this particular moment. The tension he hadn't felt throughout the day hitting him full force right now. He wasn't a Pilot before. He still wasn't a Pilot. But he was going to be. Any second now. He thought about Shinji, and regretted again that he punched him as his heart threatened to break through his ribcage. He thought about his sister, who was getting better treatments now that she had been transferred. Thanks to this. He would be able to protect her from now on.

The entry-plug's walls turned from black to the kaleidoscope of colors and patterns which signified the Eva's activation before settling on a view of the outside world. An Eva cage, steel and concrete everywhere, ensnaring the giant war machine. Toji didn't have time to admire the "view", however, as his world turned white just a second later.

It was at this moment that the Matsushiro Secondary Experiment Facility disappeared in a gigantic explosion.

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A/N : Another one down ! I had this chapter mostly typed for the longest time, but I got stuck towards the end and I just couldn't manage to find what to write, so I procrastinated for a long time before forcing myself to go back and finish it ! I really didn't expect Shinji of all characters to be the hardest to develop for me ! Also, I adopted a second cat, not really interesting, I know, but I can use him as an excuse, he doesn't like when I type because it wakes him up !

On an other note, I think I finally found my ending. Took me long enough ! I'm still not sure though and sometimes, I wish there would be someone I could bounce ideas at to see if they are good or just plain stupid !

I'm still looking for a good image for my cover. I'm pretty sure this one is good enough, but maybe the grass is greener somewhere else !

To conclude, I have to say that I'm sorry. I really wanted to have the fight against Bardiel in this chapter, but I kinda got carried away. The vast majority of this fic is planned, but I'm still unable to precisely know what my chapters will contain.

Anyway, thanks again to everyone who reads this. It really means a lot. If you have something to say, don't hesitate to review !

Bye !