DISCLAIMER: Me and Doctor Snivy (the author who wrote Night Raid Watches Death Battle) have collaborated to write this fic. Please go read his stories. :) I don't own Red vs Blue or Akame Ga Kiru, but the fic is mine.
Everyone were now settling down as the next episode starts playing and everyone was excited on what happens next.
Pan out on Grif and Simmons, who are approaching another Red soldier (Sarge) clad in red armor.
Sarge: Hurry up, ladies. This ain't no ice cream social.
"Ice cream social?" Sheele repeated in confusion.
"I don't know what an ice cream social is, but I can definitely want some ice cream." Mine muttered as she feels her sweet tooth acting up.
"Me too." Akame added as she wants some dessert soon.
Simmons: Ice cream social?
Simmons and Grif exchange looks.
Cut to Sarge.
Sarge: Stop the pillow talk, you two. Anyone want to guess why I gathered you here today?
"To go on a suicide mission?" Lubbock guessed.
"Shore leave perhaps?" Bulat added his suggestion.
"Or to be your awfully wedded wife." Leone finished with a grin, causing both boys to go green and Bulat blush.
Grif: Uh, is it because the war's over and you're sending us home?
Sarge: (mockingly) That's exactly it, Private. War's over. We won. Turns out you're the big hero and we're gonna hold a parade in your honor. I get to drive the float, and Simmons here IS IN CHARGE OF CONFETTI!
Everyone were now concerned about this man running the Red Team like a lunatic.
"Man, this guy is completely nuts." Tatsumi commented.
"And who would pick him as the leader of the Red Team anyways?" Najenda asked with a raised brow.
"Absolutely no idea." Akame answered blankly.
Grif: I'm no stranger to sarcasm, sir.
Sarge: Goddamn it, Private! Shut your mouth or else I'll have Simmons slit your throat while you're asleep!
Everyone widen their eyes in shock at the sudden death threat.
"Jeez, that escalated quickly!" Leone exclaimed.
"Yeah it was all a joke for one second and the next is serious death threat mode!" Lubbock added.
Simmons: Oh I'd do it, too.
"Oh great, Simmons is like that obedient slave that follows orders without question now." Mine groaned and doesn't want the rookie to act like a love sick puppy if she's training him.
"Now things are starting to get weird really quick now." Bulat said with a slight sweatdrop.
Sarge: I know you would, Simmons. Good man. (Brief pause) Couple of things today, ladies. Command has seen fit to increase our ranks here at Blood Gulch Outpost Number One.
"They're getting a new recruit?" Sheele asked.
"Let's hope he's not a country bumpkin like the one we have right now." Tatsumi went red at the pink sniper's comment.
"Hey!" Tatsumi protested but Mine ignored him and kept watching.
Grif: Crap. We're getting a rookie.
Sarge: That's right, dead man. Our new recruit will be here within the week, but today we received the first part of our shipment from Command.
Grif and Simmons exchange looks again.
Sarge turns towards a hill behind them.
Sarge: Lopez, bring up the vehicle.
"They have a fourth person already!" Leone exclaimed in shock.
"Now it's soon to be five on two, which is a disadvantage to the Blue Team now." Akame added.
"Man, sucks for those guys." Lubbock commented in sympathy for the Blues.
A large, amour-plated, jeep-like vehicle comes over the rise with Lopez in the driver seat, who pulls up along side the Reds.
Simmons: Shotgun!
Grif: Shotgun! (realizes he is too late) Fuck.
Everyone were all chuckling or giggling at their antics while Mine and Najenda questioned the IQ that these grown men have.
Sarge: May I introduce our new, light reconnaissance vehicle.
Camera closes in on the front of the vehicle and starts to move left, circling it.
"That's a pretty awesome vehicle." Tatsumi admitted as he gaze at the vehicle.
"And the machine gun on the back makes it capable of combat situations." Najedna added as she grinned at the aspect of having these combat vehicles.
"A lot more cooler then the horse carriages we have." Leone admitted.
Sarge: It has four inch armor plating, mag bumper suspension, a mounted machine gunner position, and total seating for three. Gentlemen, this is the M12 LRV! I like to call it the Warthog.
Cut to Grif and Simmons.
Simmons: Why Warthog, sir?
All of the members of Night Raid thought of the same thing.
Cut to Sarge.
Sarge: Because M12 LRV is too hard to say in conversation, son.
Cut to Grif.
Grif: I know, but why Warthog? I mean, it doesn't really look like a pig.
"It looks way too big for a pig, it's more likely a bull to me." Mine pointed out.
Akame was just daydreaming of steaks and bacon at the mention of pigs and bulls right now.
Sarge: (after a brief pause) Say that again.
Grif: I think it looks more like a puma.
Some of them kinda agreed to this.
Sarge: What in Sam Hell is a puma?
Everyone all went silent once Sarge said that.
"How long has he been in the military?" Mine asked with a twitch in her eye.
"Long enough to retire or be sent to the nut house." Tatsumi answered.
Simmons: Uh, you mean like the shoe company?
"Is there a shoe company named like that?" Sheele asked.
"There's no such thing Sheele." Najenda replied with a sigh.
Grif: No, like a puma. It's a big cat, like a lion.
Sarge: You're making that up.
"With him leading the Red Team, it's only a matter of time before they're defeated." Bulat said.
"Yeah and maybe he need his meds afterwards to get his brain straight." Lubbock added.
Grif: I'm telling you, it's a real animal!
Sarge: Simmons, I want you to poison Grif's next meal.
Akame paled at the thought of food being wasted away to murder someone is horrifying.
Simmons: Yes, sir!
Now everyone in Night Raid wished they won't have to meet anyone that's similar to Simmons following Sarge's orders.
Sarge: (pointing at the front of the Warthog) Look, see these two tow hooks? They look like tusks, and what kind of animal has tusks?
Cut to Grif.
Grif: A walrus.
Sarge: Didn't I just tell you to stop making up animals?!
"Those are real animals you old geezer!" Mine shouted in anger.
"And now there are some parts that might be annoying." Leone said.
"No kidding." Akame agreed.
Cut to a view of the Reds through the sniper rifle scope.
"And back to the Blues." Najenda commented.
"Let's see what is happening on their side." Bulat added.
Cut to Church, wielding the rifle, and Tucker, wielding a M6D pistol.
Tucker: What is that thing?
Church lowers the rifle.
Church: I don't know, man. Looks like uh… looks like they've got some sorta car down there. We'd better get back to base and report it.
Tucker: (taken aback) A car? How come they get a car?!
Church: What are you complaining about, man? We're about to get a tank in the very next drop.
"Tank?" Sheele repeated.
"Probably another vehicle, but more powerful than the Red's vehicle." Lubbock answered to her.
"I hope it's epic." Leone muttered in excitement.
Tucker: (disappointed) You can't pick up chicks in a tank.
The girls twitched at how Tucker said that like an ungrateful pervert.
"I'm totally hating him now." Mine growled.
"But we have someone to fill that role." Leone grinned as she cracked her knuckles.
Lubbock paled in fright knowing what she meant and kept watching without looking at her.
Church: Oh, you know what? You could bitch about anything couldn't you? We're going to get a tank, and you're worried about chicks. What chicks are we gonna pick up, man? And secondly, how are you gonna pick up chicks in a car that looks like that?
Tucker: (sighs) What kind of car is it?
Church: (looking through the scope of the sniper rifle) I dunno, I've never seen a car like that before. It looks like a... uh... like a big cat of some kind.
Tucker: ...What, like a puma?
Church: Yeah, man, there you go.
"Even the Blues agreed that it's a puma." Bulat commented.
"Yeah, puma seems alright for the Red's vehicle." Tatsumi nodded in agreement.
Cut to Red Team.
Sarge: So unless anybody has anymore mythical creatures to suggest as a name for the new vehicle, we're going to stick with the Warthog. How about it, Grif?
Grif: No, sir. No more suggestions.
Sarge: Are you sure? How 'bout Bigfoot?
Grif: It's okay.
Sarge: Unicorn?
"Sounds stupid." Akame said bluntly.
"I don't know it sounds nice." Sheele replied.
Grif: No really. Uh, I'm cool.
Sarge: Sasquatch?
Simmons: Leprechaun?
"Too ridiculous." Leone commented.
"Not intimidating as well." Mine added.
Grif: Hey, he doesn't need any help, man.
Sarge: Phoenix?
Grif: (sighs) Christ.
Sarge: Hey Simmons, what's the name of that Mexican lizard? Eats all the goats.
Simmons: Uh, that would be the chupacabra, sir.
Sarge: Hey Grif, Chupathingy! How about that? I like it. Gotta ring to it.
(End of episode)
"Well, that episode seemed... interesting." Tatsumi spoke up.
"Yeah and naming those vehicles was pretty dumb to be honest." Mine admitted.
"But they were interesting to have those against the Empire." Bulat suggested.
"True, let's watch another episode cause this is getting too good to learn new ideas." Najenda said.
Soon Lubbock grabbed the remote and quickly played the next episode to start playing.