By the time I reached for the door, I felt my heart nearly pounding out of my chest. What made it nerve-wracking was honestly strange to me. On one hand, I was facing the same team I'd had since day one. On the other hand, I was their boss and responsible for their well-being.

Here goes nothing…

Whatever conversations they were having with one another paused as I entered the room. All the attention went in my direction and my mind went blank for several seconds. I was panicking about what to say to them. I mean, what words could relay their boss didn't get blown up in Iran? However, there were casualties. Lots of horrible casualties where people wouldn't be coming back to their families as I did.

"I know it's been a long couple of days," I took in a deep breath, directing myself to the window to look out at the beautiful scenery of Washington D.C. "So I'm going to try and make this quick. What happened in Iran, I don't have to explain to you was disastrous." I could see them all nodding from the corner of my eye, although I didn't really care if they were agreeing with me. I just wanted them to know where I was coming from. "Good people lost their lives this week." Some may think I was just pausing for effect as I stared out the seventh-floor window of the conference room when really I was peering into the reflection of a broken soul who had seen too much.

You see, I had lost so many people who meant a great deal to me over the years. Each time they passed like sailing ships, it hurt to a new varied degree. The hardest loss that stood out to me even to this day was still my parents. Even after everything I had witnessed, all the emotions of their death still floated back to me and hit me like a ton of bricks whenever something hard occurred in my life.

"I know you all have questions, and I'm sure there will be a time and place to ask them." Pulling my gaze from my reflection, I let the curtain fall back against the window. "For now, I ask you to put them aside and focus on finding those responsible so families have justice for the loved one they've lost. Am I clear?"

"Yes, ma'am." Jay chimed in, along with Blake, Daisy, and Matt. Nadine stayed quiet, her dark brows wrinkled in concern as she sat next to Jay. I could tell she was observing closely, but I continued on with the conversation.

"One more thing before you get back to work." I tried my hardest to clear the emotion out of my throat from addressing the team. "I want to let you know your concern has not gone unnoticed, whether you've called or texted in the last few days-"

"Ma'am?"

"I'm good, Nadine. Jet lag is still remarkably here." I reassured her, holding up my hand then putting it back by my side. I focused on taking a few slow deep breaths, which seemed to help restore some of my balance and focus. I couldn't think of anything else to say, so I decided the next best thing was, "You're all excused. I'll see you all at the funeral." They all pushed the table and began to disperse from the room. "Jay, how's Abby?"

"She's good. Just kind of hanging around at home trying to get things ready for the baby." He held his notebook tightly in his hands as we walked out of the room.

"And what about you?" I noted his nervousness being a first-time dad. I was the same way when I was pregnant with Stevie. I could lead a team, but as a mom, I was convinced for several months I was going to drop her if I held her wrong.

"I'm hanging in there. We've got the nursery all set up and I think we're finally ready for her to meet the world."

"Well, I'm sure she's going to be well loved when she does." I cracked a smile as we walked down the hall. Oh, it felt so good to smile again, even for a minute. "In all honesty though, I don't think anyone is completely ready for a baby. They change your world and show you more love than you ever could imagine."

"I'm sure they do." He sucked in a deep breath and I could tell he was trying to keep calm about his pending fatherhood, but the fear was still creeping in.

"Can I give you a word of advice?"

"Sure."

"Enjoy the newborn stage while it lasts. You may be more than sleep deprived after she arrives, but it also doesn't last forever."

"I'll take that into consideration." Jay acknowledged as he turned on his heels, then spun back to face me. "What exactly is it like raising a daughter?"

"Having a daughter-or a child for that matter-can be the most rewarding thing you will ever do. A girl may come with just enough drama and sweetness to make you want to pull your hair out, but you can also form a bond with them like no other."

"Great. I'll be bringing her by then if she ever makes me want to pull my hair out." Jay teased, a grin on his face as he turned to look towards his office. I was appreciative that he made it seem so normal and like disaster didn't just strike every part of my life.

"Bring her on by. I'm sure Henry would love it." I laughed, actually laughed imagining Henry trying to hold a baby. He had been an amazing and involved dad and I was pretty sure he had been calm enough for the two of us when Stevie was born. On the other hand, I don't think he had held a baby since his last nephew had arrived.

"Careful. I may take you up on that offer." Jay pointed, shaking his head and disappearing down the hall.