This was gonna be hard. Almost impossible. I kinda want to claim it is impossible, since then I'd have an excuse to never have to do this.
But it has to be done.
I have to talk to my mom.
The elevator ride seemed both longer and shorter than usual. Longer in that I felt every second tick by. Shorter in that it wasn't nearly long enough for me to get my thoughts in order.
We got off on the floor with our bedrooms. I led the way, not quite able to make eye contact with her, and opened the door to my own room.
The journal she'd mentioned in her letter was on my nightstand. I sat on my bed and pulled it into my lap.
"M-maybe you should... read that first," began Koko. Mom.
I shook my head and set it aside.
"Aren't you... aren't you tired of running away?" I asked. I heard her gasp as if punched. But I hadn't said that to hurt her. I said that because...
"I know I am. I don't want to read about... about you leaving. About how much you missed me and dad. Your pain and regrets. I just... I just want..."
What? What did I want? I stared at my hands in my lap.
After a minute of silence, I pulled off my backpack and took out my sketchbook. Flipped it to her letter and took it out.
"You read it?" she asked softly, hopefully.
"Yeah. You said you're sorry. For hurting me. For, for not..."
She hesitantly sat next to me on the bed.
"You said you want to know me. I've been thinking a lot about that. And I... I think... I think I want to know you too."
She timidly reached a hand out. I, just as timidly, set my hand in hers. She squeezed.
"I saw that video, of you at the hospital? I'm sorry."
I couldn't bear to look at the pain in her big, brown eyes - but she reached over and gently nudged my chin up with her other hand.
"You have nothing to be sorry for, Lloyd. I'm just... I'm still... horrified. That someone could do something like that to you. And so very, very grateful you survived. I'm the one who's sorry."
I blinked at her in confusion. What did she have to be sorry for? She had nothing to do with Pythor, I was sure of that. The whole Pythor mess was entirely my fault. I'm the one that let him out in the first place. Not that she could possibly know that.
"I should've been there. Maybe I could have prevented it."
I doubt it.
We lapsed into another silence.
"I shouldn't have left. It was for nothing," she whispered. "I didn't find a cure. I didn't find a way to stop destiny. All I found was a stupid scroll that confirmed all my worst fears. If I can't stop destiny, I shouldn't have thrown away the... the few... the few years..." She choked and tears slipped from her eyes. She wiped them away impatiently. "The little time we would have together," she finished.
I blinked in surprise. "Don't you want me to be the Green Ninja?" Wasn't that what all of this mess had been about?
She looked genuinely startled. "Oh, darling," she whispered. "Of course not. I just want you to be happy."
I had to look away. My eyes fell on the journal.
"You never wrote. You never called. I thought you were dead, because I didn't want... I didn't want to think..."
In answer, she reached over and flipped open the cover of the journal.
The first line, the very top of the first page, was [My dearest Lloyd,].
Without her prompting, I flipped the page.
[My baby boy,]. Another, [My precious Lloyd,]. I flipped through entire sections, all the way to the end. Every page started with some sort of endearment and was written as a letter. To me.
"I didn't expect to be away so long," she whispered. "I kept telling myself, one more lead, one more journey, then I'll go home. One more chance to find Garmadon's cure. One more chance to find some clues about the Green Ninja, to find the original prophecy, to stop it. I told everyone it was to prove myself right... Now, I think I wanted to prove myself wrong. By the time I realized years had gone by, I was just in so deep. I was so close to finding all the answers, or so I thought."
Shakily, I closed the book and hugged it tight. "I thought you abandoned me. I thought you left, just left, and never looked back. Wanted nothing to do with Dad. With me."
"I thought of you every single day," whispered Mom. "I worried about you, every single day. I... I missed you. Every single day."
She reached out, but hesitated. When I didn't pull away, she reached the rest of the way and stroked my hair. My face. Wiped my tears.
"I love you. Have loved you. Will love you. Every. Single. Day."
I believed her. The evidence was right in my hands. Thousands of pages, written over years and years, each one addressed to me.
"I am so, so sorry," she whispered. Again.
I couldn't say I forgive her. Not yet.
But I would.
"What did you find?" I whispered, not sure I wanted to know, but a terrible curiosity was beginning to nag at me.
She smiled sadly and patted the journal. "Only questions. I suppose that's the nature of life, of history, of everything. Every time you think you've found an answer, it just leads to more questions."
"But you found the scroll?"
She nodded, but the look on her face was one of tragedy, not victory. Seeing that look on her face killed any desire to see it for myself.
~~ ! Go Ninja Go ! ~~
Koko watched her son shrink at the mention of the scroll, plus whatever look was on her own face.
She watched him set aside the book and pull his feet up on the bed, hugging his knees tight.
Maybe she was partial, but wow, her son had to be the most adorably sad kid on the planet. It was taking everything not to hug him tight and cuddle him until he was laughing again, like he had as a babe.
Of course, giggles probably wouldn't be Lloyd's reaction right now.
"The, the scroll. It's... it's pretty irrefutable? Uncle Wu seems to think so. Ice too."
Koko nodded. "It... it has a picture. Painted by the First Spinjitzu Master. All six ninja together, all with distinguishing marks."
Lloyd frowned, remembering Cole's words. "It can only draw us together," he mumbled.
"What was that, sweetie?" asked Koko.
He looked about to blow her off or change the subject, but instead he sighed, releasing his knees. "Something Cole said. That, that destiny can't control who I am or what I do. It can only bring us together, as, as... family."
"He sounds just like Sarah," said Koko, smiling gently. It was a beautiful thought. Sarah had never believed in destiny, not when she inherited her powers over earth, not when the doctors told her she would die in a few short years, not when Koko had begged for help after...
Her smile dropped. Sarah had probably been the most dismissive of all the Ninja when Koko confided that Lloyd was the Green Ninja. Ray and Maya had been just so distracted with the twins, Liberty had been too depressed after giving up Jay to think about anything else, and Ice... That jerk. He'd told her he would handle it and to go back home. Stirred up all sorts of memories of when people hadn't believed she could be a ninja without elemental powers.
It still hurt. Even after their apologies. Remembering how dismissive everyone had been. How not concerned, how busy with their own lives and problems. How not one had understood just how scared she was, just how panicked and desperate. Until she was gone.
But Lloyd didn't need to know all that.
"Dad knows?" he asked, voice hesitant.
"He refuses to believe it. All bringing up the subject ever did was make him angry," she replied, just as softly. "He could probably see you in the gi and would insist you were a stranger, even with the others calling you Lloyd right in front of him."
Lloyd smirked slightly. It was a little lopsided, like Koko had seen in photos of herself. Sort of smiling and trying not to at the same time.
"But everyone else? All the Ninja and their families?"
She nodded. Now they did.
Lloyd tilted his head as he processed all this. "Maybe I've been thinking of this wrong all this time."
Koko blinked in surprise, jolted out of her negative memories.
"Wrong?" she asked.
"Thinking being the Green Ninja means I have to fight my dad. Maybe Cole's right. That it's not who I'm supposed to fight, but who I'm supposed to fight alongside. Kai, Nya, Cole, Zane, and Jay. That we're meant to be together. That..." He blushed slightly, ducking his head in embarrassment. "That I don't have to be alone," he finished softly.
Koko froze, surprised. Lloyd hadn't even seen the scroll. But, all on his own, he'd interpreted that picture in a way she'd never considered. She'd been so focused on the written script, she'd only thought of the picture in terms of identifying Lloyd beyond any doubt.
Not... not that it could mean something more. Something about all six of the kids.
Not kids. Ninja. Heroes.
But, if so, why had the prophecy not said anything about the other Ninja? Or had she not looked hard enough?
And if she'd missed that, perhaps she'd missed more? After all, like she'd just been explaining to Lloyd, when did anyone ever have ALL the answers?
"Mom?" prompted Lloyd, worried at the stunned look on her face, for apparently no reason that he knew of. "You okay?"
"Just, just thinking, Lloyd. What else did Cole say?"
Lloyd smiled faintly as he thought back to his friend's encouragement. "He said he doesn't believe I'm meant to kill Dad. He thinks I'm... we're... going to save him."
Koko brought shaky hands up to cover her mouth. Tears broke from her eyes. Beautiful didn't begin to cover it. The hope that had died when Wu confirmed her translation of the scroll surged anew in her heart.
Maybe, just maybe, this new generation could succeed where hers had failed. Could see beyond failure and pain and any claims that something was impossible.
Wu was always saying that sometimes all you need is a new perspective.
"Mom?"
"I would like that," whispered Koko. "I would like that very much."
"You'll help?"
"I spent over a decade looking for a cure, Lloyd. I'll help in any way I can."
~~ ! Go Ninja Go ! ~~
Author's Notes: And there we have it! Lloyd's kind-of reconciliation with Koko, though of course a lot of important stuff still has yet to be talked about. But the important thing is, well, Lloyd can finally call her 'Mom'.
Next chapter is, well, a little insane. Sunny Lighter assures me that it's entirely plausible in Ninjago, however! I'll just give you guys a tiny hint: maybe Lloyd should've kept to his policy of waiting until after sunset to ride Green Dragon.
Special thanks this week to: Silvermags, Sunny Lighter, Carrie2sky, Bookkeeper2004, EMPFangirl02, Pitch'snieceanddaughterofMew, Watcher321, Beaner97, and Lea1985! Especially Sunny Lighter, of course, for all our chatting back and forth that helped me understand just where Koko and Lloyd were at mentally during this chapter.