~~Ch32:Sat2, Golf Tournament ~~
Nya sat at her desk, feverishly working on the final touches to her masterpiece.
"I don't think you should do this," Kai said abruptly, interrupting her focus.
"I have to. I've come too far!" retorted Nya. "I've been slaving over this all week, planning out every detail, plotting out every possibility. It will work!"
Kai groaned and sat up. "Nya, think about yesterday. It was crazy. You want to add to that mess?"
Nya nodded, eyes hard. "I've consulted with Karen on the possible repercussions. All points leads to positive outcomes."
"But he'll be all alone!" finally exploded Kai. "You can't do that to him! Not now! He's already going to be under so much stress, and the media will be there, and there are sure to be crowds and crowds-!"
"Exactly why we need to show solidarity!" Nya proclaimed, holding up her finished ultimate weapon. No one would ever bully her little brother again!
She opened a drawer and pulled out five more, all different colors. Smirking, she slipped on a headband with fluffy white kitty ears and admired herself in the mirror.
"Adorable!" she proclaimed. Though the look on her face was more suited to a general off to battle than a teenager wearing a cute headband.
She turned to her brother, holding out the black kitty ears. "Oh, no! Not happening!" He backed up fearfully.
"Solidarity!" shouted Nya, and lunged for him.
~~ ! Go Ninja Go ! ~~
I groaned as I checked out my outfit in the large mirror by the elevator. Of course my dad would have special golf outfits made. And, of course, they were mostly black instead of the traditional white. Black hat, black polo shirt, black pants.
Black and green checker-patterned sweater vest.
It's a good thing I handle heat better than the average Ninjagian, having grown up in a volcano and all. A few hours in all black were no sweat. Heh, probably literally.
Anyway, the outfit could be worse. My dad's vest, hat, AND pants were black and purple checkers. Not that anyone will dare laugh. To his face, anyway.
He tried to get Mom to wear a black and purple checked mini-skirt. Wow, that frying pan must have hurt. Instead, she had on a white polo, black pants, and purple scarf.
"Aren't you supposed to be neutral?" I asked, gesturing to the scarf which pretty solidly put her as a Garmadon supporter.
She sighed. "He's gonna lose. It makes him happy. What's the harm?"
I nodded. True. He was going to lose.
"I'm going to have the highest score that golf course has ever SEEN!" boasted my dad loudly, completely oblivious to Mom and me as he devoured the last of his breakfast. "They're gonna be all, ahhh! Garmadon! And I'm gonna be all, roar! Charge! Full power super golf ball blast! And it'll be all, pew! Pew! Flaming golf balls, flying everywhere! MUAHAHAHAHA!"
"Will it really be safe to have the public there?" I whispered to Mom, starting to get worried. Well, not starting. Continuing to be worried?
Will there even be a golf course left at the end of today?
"I talked about it with the mayor, dear," my mom consoled me. "There will be a perimeter, and every fireman and EMT in Ninjago will be positioned to allow for a 5-minute response time. Ambulances and fire trucks on standby at every hole. The hospital will also be double staffed, just in case."
I considered that. Might be enough. We'll see. Uncle Wu said he and my friends, as the Ninja, would all be there, so they could help prevent the worst from happening.
And I would be carrying Dad's golf clubs. Those could work if I needed a quick weapon to, you know, stop a flaming or exploding golf ball from killing someone.
"Let's go, family! This will be the best family golfing day EVER! And I get to rule Ninjago at the end of it!"
No, he won't. Really.
~~ ! Go Ninja Go ! ~~
Zane frowned at Kai, already in full gi with his hood pulled up.
"You are ready early today, brother," he commented, pulling his own white gi out of his bag to change.
Kai didn't reply, oddly. Just huffed and raised a hand to make sure his hood was on properly.
"It is only for a few hours," comforted Zane, thinking Kai was sulking over being 'on duty' instead of at Lloyd's side. "Once Garmadon loses, or rather, once the mayor wins, we are free to change back into casual clothes and join Lloyd. We can-"
He felt something bump his head from behind and turned around. Nothing. Huh. Maybe a bug?
Zane rose his hand up to get the something out of his hair and instead felt soft, furry triangles.
Kai pulled out a pocket mirror and held it out to his friend.
The nindroid took the mirror and held it up to see what was on his head. Two gray striped cat ears sat nestled in his hair, somehow glued in place and already much too secure to just rip off.
Not that he wanted to.
"How cute!" Zane exclaimed cheerfully. "My congratulations to Nya, wherever she is hiding! May I see yours, Kai?"
~~ ! Go Ninja Go ! ~~
Apparently part of the agreement my dad had signed with the mayor, which I don't think he read but I KNOW Mom has memorized, is that he is NOT allowed to arrive at the golf course in a shark mech, tank, or really anything else my dad would consider "cool".
Instead, the mayor had provided a private boat, which my mom captained, and a limo, which came with a rather terrified chauffeur. Huh.
Limos sure are pretty, though I don't quite understand the hype. I mean, they're so... small.
You know, maybe my judgment of size is a little warped from being raised thinking shark mechs are standard transportation.
Anyway, the limo had free chocolate truffles, two boxes worth for each of us, that Mom said were a present from the mayor, so we could help ourselves. Which was just as well, as Dad had already plowed through one of the boxes while she was telling me that. In the time it took us to finish the truffles (did anyone actually think we wouldn't eat ALL of them?), we had arrived at the Ninjago City Golf Greens.
It's actually outside the city. Go figure. But the location does make sense, since there's nowhere actually in the city large enough for the 18 holes, complete with water hazards, sand traps, and so many trees it was hard to tell where the forest beyond it ended and the golf course began. The only difference was the freshly mown grass.
Police cars were stationed every half mile leading up to the golf course, and as we turned into the long drive, one police car actually pulled in front of us and another behind. Heh, a police escort. I really shouldn't be surprised. Mom wasn't.
Though she did give me a confused side-eye at the pedestrians waving "We Heart Lloyd!" and "Go Green Ninja! Go!" posters. Thank goodness Dad was so busy bragging about what he was going to do once he ruled Ninjago that he didn't even notice.
There was a news helicopter hovering overhead, as well as a news van in the parking lot. Gayle Gossip could be seen standing in front, already reporting live on the day's big event. There were all those firetrucks and ambulances Mom mentioned as well.
Uncle Wu and the Ninja, all in full gi, were waiting for us. Whew. As I watched, they nodded in my direction then slipped away, probably to find somewhere hidden with a good view.
Hundreds of screaming fans were there too, behind a barrier, but I'm pretending they don't exist. The golf course was closed off to the general public today, so that should be pretty easy. They won't be able to get further than the parking lot, so I won't have to see or hear them once the tournament begins. I'm not even going to look...
Is that Karen in a black suit, sunglasses, and a huge green bow on top of her head? With a group of at least six other girls, dressed in the same... and why are they wearing earbuds and carrying walkie-talkies?
You know what? I don't want to know. I REALLY don't want to know. Especially now that I see General No.3 in an almost identical black suit talking to her. The crab on his bolo tie gives him away. If the Lloyd Protection Fanclub somehow joined the Lloyd Protection Squad, I do NOT want to know how. Those girls work FAST.
Our limo pulled up to the curb, right behind an identical limo. The mayor stepped out of that limo, followed by a young man in a white jumpsuit carrying her golf bag.
Dad stepped out of our limo first, followed by Mom, and lastly me, with my dad's golf bag swung over my shoulder. It really wasn't that heavy at all.
The mayor and Dad exchanged smirks, shook hands, and the media snapped their photos of this 'historic' moment, as if the ending wasn't foregone. Then we headed out to the first hole.
A supposedly impartial group of judges and scorekeepers tagged along, though I'm sure we won't actually need them. A few reporters and probably VIPs that I don't know the names of were also included in the group.
The mayor went first and got a hole-in-one on her first swing.
"HAH! Loser!" shouted my dad. Everyone else was too shocked at his comment to even clap or congratulate the mayor on her instant lead.
I handed my dad a random golf club from his bag. It's not like he knew why he had so many or what they were for.
"I'll show you all how it's done!" bragged my dad, placing his ball, preparing his swing and -
"FORE!" roared Dad, absolutely pounding the poor little thing.
It blasted straight through about six trees at almost a perfect 90 degrees off from the direction of the hole. In other words, in the wrong direction.
"That's gotta be good for like, thirty points, right?!" asked my dad eagerly to the poor shocked man holding the scorecard.
The pitiable six trees burst into flames. And, yep, there's the sirens that meant the firemen were coming.
"At least he held the club correctly?" Mom commented casually to me, completely not surprised. Can't blame her. I'm not exactly fazed myself.
I did give her a doubtful look, though. "I dunno, Mom. In that one movie they said to hold it like a baby bird. If that's so, I think Dad killed it."
"Well, close enough," she laughed. "At least he figured out the part that's supposed to hit the ball."
The mayor was giving us really weird looks for acting so casual about the whole thing. Well, she was taking it better than the judges, scorekeepers, reporters, etc., who were visibly gaping at us in disbelief.
"This could be a while. Why don't most of you go on ahead with the mayor?" I offered to the poor judges and scorekeepers. And probably everyone else, too. "Just radio back when she's done."
"Sixty points!" cheered my dad gleefully, dancing as he saw the firemen working to put out the poor trees. "Two hundred!"
Taking pity on the poor scorekeeper that lost rock-paper-clamp and had to stay with us, I went up to Dad and tapped him on a shoulder.
He turned to me, slightly surprised. "Yes, La-loyd! It's a little early to be congratulating me! But I suppose-"
"Each swing is one point," I explained, not bothering to explain the rules beyond that. "You have to keep playing or you won't get any more points."
Dad laughed. "It's fine! It's fine, La-loyd! I knew that! Just had to get an early victory dance in! Now let's go find that ball so I can get more points!"
~~ ! Go Ninja Go ! ~~
Nya returned to where she'd left her team for not even five minutes, only to find that the six trees Garmadon's golf ball had plowed through had rather amazingly included the two they'd all been hiding in.
They silently watched the flames in a mix of awe and horror for a good few minutes. In that time, the firemen lost the battle for two of the six trees, incidentally also the two they'd been hiding in, and they came crashing down in a deafening CRACK CRACK CRACK BOOM!
"WHY did we think Garmadon would be less dangerous with a golf club than with a shark mech?!" exploded Jay, halfway to a panic attack. Cole patted his back and instructed him to calm down and just breathe.
Death by flaming golf ball. Embarrassing, thought Nya.
"Where did you go, anyway?" Kai asked her.
"To put my grand plan into action!" she declared solemnly.
Kai groaned, hoping this day would somehow, miraculously, manage to get better from here. For Lloyd's sake.
~~ ! Go Ninja Go ! ~~
There was no ball to be found. I'm pretty sure the forces involved disintegrated the poor thing.
The scorekeeper shakily explained that Garmadon could start again from the beginning and it would count as his second stroke, and he recommended trying to avoid the trees this time.
Brave man.
Dad looked over to me as we trudged through the aptly named "rough" back to the starting point. "Nice look! Suits you!" he commented happily, and rather randomly. I had no clue why he would comment on my outfit now, and especially since he must have ordered the design himself. Weird, but then that's, heh, par for the course? with my pops.
Mom giggled out of the blue, but when I turned to look at her questioningly, she just averted her eyes and shrugged.
Dad's second swing sent the ball blasting off into the sky, over the forest, over the CITY, and out to the ocean beyond.
"Water hazard!" laughed Dad. "See, I know stuff!"
"Um, actually I think th-that's out of b-bounds..." stuttered the poor scorekeeper.
"Either way, that's two!" cheered my dad, not to be deterred. "Here comes three!"
~~ ! Go Ninja Go ! ~~
"One hour in, viewers, and it looks like we have nothing to worry about!" announced Gayle Gossip, sitting in a golf cart a ways off from the action. "The mayor has just completed the seventh hole three under par and it appears Lord Garmadon..." She tapped her earbud. "Yeah, he's still on the first hole."
The mayor at least was playing properly, which meant no talking or commentary while she lined up and swung. It was kind of boring, to be honest. So... professional. Not like Garmadon's group - for all they were the 'evil' side, they were much more entertaining! She had been driving back and forth, and wow, Garmadon's group was FUN!
For all it was somewhat terrifying. Lloyd Garmadon and Misako Irondragon had nerves of steel, not even blinking when balls came straight at them, usually just ducking, tilting their heads, stepping to the side, or yanking others out of the way.
She suspected Lloyd Garmadon had actually saved her life, yanking out a club and deflecting a ball that had been coming straight at her face while she'd been watching. How he'd reacted so fast... yeah, she was now totally in the "he's the Green Ninja" bandwagon.
He hadn't even blocked the camera, and when she looked over his hands were free again. As if nothing had happened.
So cool.
And sooooo cute.
She had carefully not mentioned the adorable blond kitty ears on top of his black golf hat, perfectly matching his shiny, lush hair beneath. He didn't seem to be aware of them, or maybe he just didn't care, but she just couldn't bring herself to embarrass him by pointing them out.
Though she couldn't resist asking him, on camera, if he was a cat person.
Lloyd looked puzzled, which was even extra adorable, and shrugged. "I suppose? Like, I've never had one, but they're awfully cute. And I like how they're so smart and self-sufficient."
~~ ! Go Ninja Go ! ~~
It took about two hours for the mayor to win. The poor scorekeeper stuck with us had been fast running out of room for his tally marks for Dad's first hole, so it was just as well.
I had been keeping my own tally, and yeah, even if Dad got a hole in one on the next swing, and then on every one of the next 17 holes, there was still zero chance he could beat the mayor's score.
The man looked so terribly relieved at the announcement over his walkie-talkie. Then he looked over at my dad, lining up another shot in the wrong direction, and suddenly looked terrified.
I took pity on the man. "Go ahead and call it a game. I'll handle my dad."
"Sure you don't want me to handle it? He'll be quite upset," commented Mom.
I chuckled. "Nah, I've got this. Watch me."
To her surprise, I shouted in the brattiest, most obnoxious voice I could muster:
"Hey, Dad! You lost! Miserably! Just like I planned!"
He froze and slowly turned to me, eyes wide.
I sauntered up to him, then posed with my hands on my hips. "I knew all along that highest score LOSES in golf! I didn't tell you on purpose!"
Mom looked about to have a heart attack. Heeheehee!
Dad was staring at me, wide eyed, and suddenly he broke into a huge smile and lava tears started dripping from his eyes.
"Really?!" he exclaimed, voice shaky.
"Yes! Now you HAVE to take time off work to hang out with me!"
Dad let out a choked cry of joy and pulled me tight into a four armed hug.
"I'm so happy! Pulling one over on your old man - setting him up to lose, all for your own personal gain! That's so, so EVIL! I've never been more proud! Though, you know," he pulled back with a puzzled frown. "If you wanted more father-son time, all you had to do was ask!"
I raised an eyebrow. "You'd really take a six month hiatus from conquering Ninjago if I'd just asked?"
Dad thought about it. "Eh, probably not! And it was good practice for your scheming! Well done, son! That's my clever boy!"
My friends came over from the direction of the clubhouse, now in casual clothes, well, except for...
"Why are you all wearing cat ears?"
Kai looked completely miserable in his black kitty ears, slightly askew, one ear even flopped over. Cole walked next to him, looking completely unaware of his own set in bold orange with black stripes. Jay was blushing furiously in his extra fluffy brown cat ears. And Nya and Zane actually posed when they caught Lloyd's confused eyes on them, Nya in angora white and Zane's a gray tabby.
"They're caddies too!" cheered my dad through his happy fire tears. I quickly stomped out the embers where they fell on the grass. "This is the best day of my life! I must be dreaming!"
"You know what? I don't care," I decided aloud. "How about we play an actual round, everyone?"
"Way ahead of you," answered Nya with a smirk, holding up two large pails of golf balls. Good thing. Dad was down to two. Two balls that is, and I had lost track of how many times people working for the golf course had brought us more buckets filled with balls.
"Can I go first? I've been wanting to try this all day!" I exclaimed, a little excited at not having to stand around anymore. I quickly sorted through the clubs until I found one that I liked the look and weight of.
Nya handed me a ball. I set it on the little stand thing, a tee I think?, held the club the way they said in that one movie, the way I'd seen the mayor stand this morning, and - smack!
Wow, that was satisfying! A sort of swish, smack, phew!
We watched as the ball sailed through the air and - huh. Hole in one.
"Can you do that again?" asked Zane. "It was paw-some! A-meow-zing!"
"Possum? A, a what?"
"Purr-ific!"
"No," said Nya. "Do not ask. He's been at it all day. But do swing again!"
Kai set up another ball. I aimed, swung - swish, smack!
"This is, kind of... too easy," I said, a little disappointed. Another hole in one. Ah well. It still felt good, though now I don't get why it's such a big deal.
"Twice in a row. I don't think that's a coincidence!" laughed Kai, grabbing me around the shoulders and squeezing me in a bro hug. "We've got a prodigy, here!"
"My turn! My turn!" exclaimed Dad, shoving past Jay to hold out his grabby hands for the club I was holding.
Sure, Dad. It's totally the club. And it's not like he had just spent two hours at this exact. Same. Spot.
Dad lined up his shot... facing the wrong direction. Again. Well, since the fate of Ninjago City no longer depends on this...
"Dad, you gotta aim for the hole. If you hit it too hard, it goes too far. Too soft, and it doesn't reach. Least amount of hits to get the ball in the hole wins."
His mouth and eyes opened in an ooooh! sort of expression, probably understanding for the first time... just how badly he had lost that last game. Then he nodded, looking like this was all very new and interesting information. As if poor No.3 hadn't spent the last week telling him the exact same thing.
He lined up his shot, finally pointing in the right direction, and swung! This time he landed on the green, not bad. Could probably putt it in pretty easy from there.
"Hey! It didn't go in!" whined Dad.
"Well it is a par 4 hole, Dad. That means most people take four swings to sink the ball. Um, get it in the hole."
Dad looked over at me with a huge smile. "You're a genius, Lloyd!"
Seriously? I got all of this from a video game like three years ago. And maybe a movie or two. Also years ago.
"Can I try?" asked Mom.
None of us, except maybe Dad, were that surprised when she also got a hole in one. I guess I had to get it from somewhere.
Cole elbowed me and I realized I must have the silliest grin on my face. He rose an eyebrow and I started giggling.
"Excuse me, can you take our photo?" I heard Nya's voice behind me.
I turned around and saw Nya had been talking to Gayle Gossip, who seemed shocked at the lack of rage and wanton destruction on my dad's part. She must have bravely approached to report on Dad's terrifying reaction to the outcome of the tournament.
Was I the only person in Ninjago City that hadn't been worried? Well, not about my dad's temper, anyway. I knew I could handle him.
Gayle nodded, apparently at a loss for words, and took Nya's phone. Nya quickly ushered us all together.
"On three, everyone say 'kitties!'" shouted Nya eagerly.
I giggled. Kitties, Nya? I guess playing on her theme for the day.
"On three! One, two,-"
"Kitties!" everyone laughed. (Well, I'm pretty sure my dad said 'caddies', but close enough.) Zane even made a kitty emoji face that was just adorable!
Nya texted the photo to me that evening. I'll treasure it forever. Even though I found out I'd been wearing blond kitty ears. All day. On television. With probably every person in the city watching.
Oh, whatever. The whole rest of the day was so much fun, I really can't find it in myself to care!
My parents and friends and I spent the next few hours playing a VERY not serious game of golf, in which no one kept track of scores and sabotage of your opponents (usually jump scares when they were about to swing) was both encouraged and applauded. Even then, everyone knew my mom and I tied for the win. Turns out you CAN get a hole in one on every hole, at least for the two of us.
Anyway, yeah, best day of my life.
~~ ! Go Ninja Go ! ~~
Author's Notes: Whew! It's done! And didn't I tell all of you not to worry? Lloyd has totally been planning to 'take credit' for Garmadon's loss from way back!
Credit to Bookkeeper2004 for the idea of flaming golf balls everywhere!
Credit to Sunny Lighter for Lloyd being a natural at golf, that he should be Garmadon's caddie, and that Garmadon destroys the trees the Ninja were hiding in! Plus the inclusion of the Lloyd Protection Fanclub in black suits keeping an eye on the crowd, lol! Oh, and the joke about wearing black being no sweat after living in a volcano and Zane's kitty emoji face and endless cat puns! Probably some other stuff too, lol, so let's just say give her like, x5 the usual credit for this chapter! Oh - and speaking of the Lloyd Protection Fanclub, she's got another gift-fic for me starring Karen and No.3! Keep your eye on Gift-Fics that Found their Place for it! It's absolutely hilarious!
Credit to EMPFangirl02 for inspiring how the Ninja look with kitty ears! Check out her fanart if you haven't yet - instructions on my profile! The idea that Nya glued the ears to the guys actually came after seeing her adorable pic of Kai trying to yank them off!
Special thanks to my reviewers from last week: kiap kiap, Lea1985, Beaner97, Carrie2sky, Watcher321, ThisMARVELous galaxy, Sunny Lighter, Kifo Entiegon, EMPFangirl02, Pitch'snieceanddaughterofMew, Bookkeeper2004, and Silvermags! Thanks, everyone!