Disclaimer: I do not own Yugioh 5Ds, or any other property in this work that I did not make myself.
Yu-gi-oh! 5Ds after hours
Chapter seven: Yusei and friends do Porkbelly
It was a fine enough day in New Domino City, a suburb of San Francisco, California. Over at the Atlas Penthouse, Yusei Fudo, a resident of the penthouse, was having his morning coffee over at the dining room table. With Yusei was Akiza Izinski, fellow penthouse resident and Yusei's girlfriend. (1) Setting his coffee mug to the side, Yusei opened up a copy of the daily newspaper. "Hey Akiza, listen to this," Yusei said.
Clearing this throat, Yusei read aloud from an article in the paper, "Crow F. Hogan, a resident of San Francisco's New Domino City suburb, has gone one whole week without being arrested. In celebration, the San Francisco Police Department is holding a celebratory police ball over at City Hall tonight at seven."
Hearing this, Akiza spit out the coffee she had in her mouth at the time out of shock. "Holy shit!" Akiza exclaimed, "Crow's gone one week without being arrested?"
"Birdbrain must have been too busy being insane during this past week," Jack Atlas, another one of the penthouse residents, remarked as he and his girlfriend Carly Carmine came walking into the kitchen, having just woken up.
"Ah, good morning, you two," Yusei greeted in a friendly tone before turning his attention back to his newspaper, "Did you guys sleep well?"
"I had the most wonderful dream last night, now that you mentioned it, Yusei," Jack remarked as he and Carly sat down at the dining table with their own mugs of coffee.
"Let me guess," Yusei said, "Crow died in your dream last night."
"Are you a mind-reader, Yusei?" Jack asked. (2)
"What can I say?" Yusei replied with something of a smirk. Returning his gaze to his newspaper, Yusei continued, "You and Crow get along like Oh what the fuck is this?!"
Confused by Yusei deviating midsentence, Akiza asked, "Yusei, dear, is something wrong?"
"Something is majorly wrong, Akiza," Yusei replied as he gave his newspaper a light smack, "Apparently, there's this bill in local legislature that, if it passes, not only will same-sex marriages be illegal in San Francisco, but if there's any same-sex married couple living in San Francisco, their union won't be recognized as legally binding!" Throwing his newspaper to the area of the table in front of himself, Yusei said, "This is-"
"-Great," Akiza interrupted, drawing a confused look from Yusei.
"…Excuse me?" Yusei asked, not believing what his girlfriend had just said.
"What," Akiza replied in a tone that was one part defensive and nine parts confused, "Do you not think that same-sex unions are sins?"
"Oh, my fucking God, Akiza," Yusei said, "I cannot believe that you just said that!"
"I agree, Yusei," Jack remarked, "What your girlfriend just said is completely-"
"-Right on the money if you ask me," Carly interrupted, drawing a shocked look out of Jack.
"Carly!" Jack exclaimed in a shocked tone of mild disgust, "I cannot believe that you, of all people, would ever say something that pisses me off! That's Birdbrain's job, not yours!"
"Well I'm sorry, sweetie," Carly replied, "But Akiza has a point about that bill in the local legislature being a good thing."
"I think that you mean to say that the upcoming bill is a bad thing, Carly," Yusei said, "Don't you?"
"No, Yusei," Akiza remarked, "I'm pretty sure that Carly was speaking correctly the first time." As Yusei and Jack began to argue with their respective girlfriends, a tear in the fabric of space opened up in the dining room. Crow Hogan, Yusei and Jack's friend, walked out of the portal with Brianna Stone, who is Crow's girlfriend.
"'Sup, hoes?" Crow greeted as he slipped his pair of Dimensional Scissors into one of the front pockets of his pants, "What the fuck did we miss?"
"Akiza and Carly think that the upcoming bill that can ban same-sex unions is a good thing, Crow," Yusei explained.
"The fuck?!" Brianna exclaimed, her expression a generous mix of disgusted and pissed off.
"Totally," Crow said, "That's some messed up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit right there, man!"
"Oh, don't tell me you're on the boys' side on this, Brianna!" Akiza said, sounding annoyed.
"I am most certainly on their side on this one, girl," Brianna replied, her tone firm.
"Same here!" Crow declared, "My friend living in Michigan is currently in a same-sex relationship! Hell, I myself was in a same-sex relationship before I started dating Brianna! I'm sorry, ladies, but I got my buds' backs on this one!"
"Well I'll be damned," Jack remarked to Yusei, "Crow and I actually agree on something."
"Well I'll be damned," Carly remarked to Akiza, "Jack and I actually don't agree on something."
Akiza was about to speak, but was cut off when a loud crashing sound came from down the hallway where all of the bedrooms are located. The crashing sound was followed by Kalin Kessler, the friend of Yusei, Jack and Crow, screaming in alarm. And that was followed by Leo and Luna the wonder twins coming out of their respective bedrooms to see what the hell was going on. Yusei, Jack, Crow and the girls all ran to Kalin's room to see what had happened.
When they got there, what everyone saw had shocked them into silence; there was a satellite of some kind having crashed through Kalin's bedroom wall. The satellite was roughly the size of a Volkswagen beetle. "Can my penthouse go for one bloody fucking week without suffering major damage of some kind?!" Jack exclaimed at the top of his lungs as he looked skyward.
"That thing almost crushed me to death, and you're more concerned about the condition of the penthouse?!" Kalin snapped.
"Wait a minute…" Crow said as his eyes winced in a manner that conveyed suspicion. Walking up to the satellite, Crow brushed his hand over a blot of dust that seemed to be covering something. After brushing the dust away, Crow revealed an insignia of some kind; it made use of a crescent moon and a five-pointed star, and underneath the insignia was a logo that said 'TEST SISTERS LABS'.
"Son of a bitch," Crow said just loud enough for everyone to hear him. Turning around, Crow said, "I never thought that I'd ever have to deal with those fucking quims ever again."
"You know who's responsible for this mess, Birdbrain?" Jack asked.
"The Test sisters," Crow said to everyone who was in the room in a mildly grim tone, "They are twin thirteen-year-old girls who live over in Porkbelly." Gesturing to the satellite that crashed through Kalin's bedroom wall, Crow continued, "Boys, those Test girls are responsible for this mess. I say we head over to Porkbelly, confront them with the evidence, and make them cover the cost for the damage!" (3)
"Hot damn," Jack remarked in a mildly surprised tone, "Yet another thing that I agree with Crow on! This might actually turn out to be my finest day yet!" After Kalin managed to salvage a clean set of his usual outfit, he and the other guys got into Yusei's Volkswagen van and proceeded to make their way to Porkbelly.
As Yusei and the other guys made their way to confront the girls that Crow was talking about, Yusei said, "I still can't believe it."
"I know," Kalin remarked, "There's a giant fucking hole in my bedroom wall, and we're currently towing the satellite that made said hole to the girls who made said satellite so we can get them to fix their mess."
"Well, that," Yusei continued, "But also the fact that Akiza and Carly are both on board with the upcoming bill in San Francisco's local legislature."
"I'm sorry, I must have missed that part," Kalin replied, "What bill?"
"It's a bill that basically designed to give same-sex couples in San Francisco a giant fucking middle finger," Crow explained, "Which is total fucking bullshit. Hell, Brianna is the only girl in our age group living at the penthouse who is on the same side as me, Yusei and Jack!"
"Yeah, I'm going to have to side with you guys on this one," Kalin remarked, "If two people truly love and care for each other, then I don't see what the big deal is."
"Hells yeah!" Crow exclaimed as he pumped both of his fists into the air, "Penthouse bros for the win!"
"Although Akiza and Carly disagree with you, Yusei and Jack," Kalin continued, "The two of you have to admit that you're pretty lucky to be with someone."
"What are you saying, Kalin?" Jack asked.
"You're dating Carly," Kalin began to explain, "Yusei is dating Akiza, and Crow is dating Brianna."
"Who is a totally hot and sick-ass babe," Crow commented.
"Yes, yes, whatever you say, Crow," Kalin replied, "But that's beside the point." Taking a deep breath, Kalin said, "All three of you guys have someone. What about me, though? When will my love life kick off?"
"…Oh, that's right," Yusei said in a tone of mildly somber realization, "You're the only one of us four who isn't in a relationship with someone yet."
"I know I must sound like a wet blanket right now," Kalin replied, "And I'm sorry about that. It's just that I can't help but want someone in my life, you know?"
"Kalin, dude, there's no need to apologize," Crow said as he laid a hand on Kalin's right shoulder in a sympathetic manner.
"Crow's right, Kalin," Yusei added in an understanding tone, "You're one hell of a guy. You got looks, a strong sense of morality, you're arguably the most sophisticated person living in the penthouse, and you aren't afraid to express how you really feel, like back when you gushed over how cute those puppies that can shoot lasers out of their eyes were. Trust me when I say that anyone would be lucky to snag you as their boyfriend."
Smiling, Kalin replied, "Thanks, Yusei."
"No problem," Yusei said. Taking a quick look at the dashboard navigation screen that he installed at some point, Yusei said, "Anywho guys, get ready. We're almost at Porkbelly."
A few minutes later, Yusei's Volkswagen van pulled up in front of a two-story house; the house was painted white and it had bluish-colored roofing. "We're here, bros," Crow said as he got out of the Volkswagen van. Walking over to the utility trailer that was attached to the tail end of the van, Crow stood in front of the side that faced the two-story residence.
"HEY TEST SISTERS!" Crow shouted angrily at the top of his lungs at the two-story family home, "GET YOUR SKINNY RED-HEADED ASSES OUT HERE RIGHT NOW! THE TWO OF YOU HAVE SOME EXPLAINING TO DO!"
A few seconds later, an eleven-year-old boy and a dog of came walking up to the guys from the Test residence's backyard. The eleven-year-old boy had yellow-blonde hair with faint red streaks in it that went upwards, giving the hair a flame-like appearance. The boy wore a black shirt with a yellow hazard symbol on it under a blue short-sleeved casual dress shirt that was open in the front, green cargo pants, and black shoes. The boy also wore a watch on one of his wrists. The dog was of an indeterminate breed, most likely a mutt, and was mostly brown in color.
Looking at Crow and the other guys, the boy asked in a knowing tone, "What did my sisters do to you this time, Crow?"
"Your sisters' fucking satellite crashed through the wall of one of the rooms of the penthouse that I live at, nearly killing my friend and roommate Kalin in the process," Crow explained, "I hope like hell your sisters pull in one epic allowance, because they are going to cover the entirety of the cost of repairing the broken wall that their satellite fucking crashed through! And that's just for starters!"
"Which satellite?" the boy asked in the same tone he used before, "Was it the one that's shaped like Gil's head, or the one that's the size of a Volkswagen beetle? Or is it a third satellite that I'm not aware of?"
"It's the one that's the size of a Volkswagen beetle, little dude," Crow replied.
"Hey Crow, you know this kid?" Yusei asked as he faced Crow while pointing to the eleven-year-old boy.
Gesturing to the boy himself, Crow replied, "This is the Test sisters' little brother Johnny. The dog is his pet named Dukey. Due to some sort of crazy science bullshit the Test sisters did to Dukey, he can both walk like a human and speak perfect English."
"Talking dogs aren't exactly new to us, Birdbrain," Jack said, "Or does Konohagakure not ring any bells for you?"
"Well so long as you guys won't freak out or anything," Dukey said as he stood up on his hind feet.
"Where are your parents?" Crow asked Johnny, "My roommates and I need to talk to them concerning the mess your sisters got themselves into."
"Mom's at work, and dad's taking care of some shopping," Johnny explained, "As for Susan and Mary, they're in their lab."
"Do you think that your older sisters would be willing to hear us out, young man?" Yusei asked.
Leaning to his side somewhat, Johnny spotted the satellite on the utility trailer. "Well, seeing as how you guys have their satellite, I'm pretty sure that they'd at least be willing to give you guys enough time to explain why you're angry," Johnny replied.
"If talking to the girls fails, I'm certain that at least one of Johnny's parents will be home within the next hour or so," Dukey added, "They'll get the girls to own up, mark my words."
"You guys want I should invite you inside?" Johnny asked as he pointed to his family's house.
"At least we'll be able to put the problem on the table," Yusei remarked to his friends as the four of them followed Johnny and Dukey into the Test residence.
About a minute or two later, Yusei and the guys found themselves in a laboratory located in the Test residence, having been brought there by Johnny and Dukey. There, Yusei, Jack and Kalin met two teenage girls with long red hair. The two girls looked identical to each other, side from various aesthetic choices; one of the girls had her hair straight and wore knee socks, a skirt, square-framed glasses and used a five-pointed star symbol in her outfit, while the other girl had her hair curled and wore jeans, curved-framed glasses and used a crescent moon symbol in her outfit. Although this was the first time Yusei, Jack and Kalin had ever met these two girls, Crow had encountered them before.
"Susan," Crow said in as polite a tone as he could manage at the moment (4) to the girl with straight hair. To the girl with curled hair, Crow said in the same tone, "Mary."
"Crow," Mary replied in a neutral tone, "What brings you and your friends over here to Porkbelly?"
"A satellite with your girls' lab logo crashed through the wall of one of the rooms of the penthouse I live at," Crow explained as he himself tried to maintain a neutral tone, "My friends and I brought it with us on the utility trailer attached to the van outside your house."
"Which satellite was it?" Susan began, "Is it the one shaped like Gil's-"
"It's the one that's the size of a Volkswagen beetle," Crow interrupted, "Look girls, that satellite not only caused massive damage to my place of residence, but it almost crushed my roommate Kalin like how my girlfriend's mom's ass crushed the last few armchairs she sat in. I hope you girls are as smart as the two of you oh so very often claim, because you two had better figure out how to not only clean up your mess, but how to cover the clean-up cost as well."
"Oh, yeah," Mary replied in a mildly embarrassed tone, "Susan and I forgot to make sure our anti Eugene satellite was properly maintained."
"Anti Eugene?" Yusei repeated in a confused tone, "Who the fuck is Eugene?"
Sighing in an exasperated tone, Susan explained, "He's this really annoying boy who constantly tries to flirt with me."
"Susan and I made the satellite that crashed into your home for the sole purpose of monitoring Eugene's movements and whereabouts so that if he ever tries to get close to either of us, we can avoid him," Mary continued, "However, seeing as how both Susan and I have been occupied with…other experiments…we haven't been able to keep up the regularly scheduled maintenance for our various satellites."
"Eugene?" Crow said in a confused tone, "…Oh, you mean Triple-B."
"Triple-B?" Kalin repeated in a tone showing that he required explanation.
"Eugene likes to be referred to as Bling-Bling Boy," Dukey explained, "He fancies himself as something of a genius supervillain. Granted, he's not the most effective person in the world at the job, but seeing as how he's got roughly the same level of smarts as Johnny's sisters even though he's about a year or so younger than them, Eugene's not the least effective person in the world at the job, either."
"Yeah, Triple-B and I go way back," Crow explained, "I'm his go-to man whenever he needs to hire a mercenary." (5)
"Then how come neither Mary or I ever had to basically throw Johnny and Dukey at you to stop whatever plan of the week Eugene comes up with?" Susan asked.
Scoffing in a mildly annoyed tone, Crow replied, "Because not all of Triple-B's plans involve trying to win your affections, Susan! Hell, I'm surprised you never even considered the possible benefits of hooking up with my home slice Triple-B!"
"…You have got to be kidding me," Susan said in a deadpan.
"You think I'm joking?" Crow began, "Triple-B has a laboratory that's just as advanced as the one that you and your sister have here, if not more advanced. He owns a private island that is the perfect tropical getaway. The dude is loaded. Granted, Triple-B is as fat as my girlfriend's little brother, but big guys have a certain air of attractiveness that tends to draws girls to them. And before you say anything, no, I am not talking about gravitational pull. At this point, I'm honestly surprised that you haven't tried throwing yourself at Triple-B yet. Hell, if I was a girl your age, I'd be throwing myself at Triple-B!"
"That's what I've been saying this whole time!" Johnny proclaimed as he threw his hands into the air, "Plus, if Susan did hook up with Eugene, then he'd no longer be a recurring villain that my sisters would throw me and Dukey at to stop."
"Not to mention the fact that Eugene comes with financial security, which is something that not only Gil doesn't have, but is far better than anything Gil can ever offer," Dukey added.
"I think we're getting a little sidetracked here, everyone," Yusei interrupted, "The girls' satellite crashed through Kalin's bedroom wall, and we need to work out a plan on how the girls can clean up their mess."
"Yes, yes, we should discuss that," Susan said, her tone showing a certain eagerness to get onto that subject and leave the previous subject behind.
As Crow and Jack discussed the business of covering the repairs to the penthouse with Susan and Mary, Yusei and Kalin enjoyed some snacks down in the Test residence kitchen with Johnny and Dukey. Both Kalin and Dukey were drinking to-go cups of coffee from a local name-brand coffee shop of indeterminate popularity. "I can't believe it took me this long to find someone who likes hazelnut coffee as much as me," Dukey remarked to Kalin.
"It's a pretty good flavor of coffee, if you ask me," Kalin replied, "Have you ever tried adding hazelnut-flavored coffee creamer to your coffee?"
"Johnny's dad is too cheap to get proper creamer," Dukey explained in a mildly annoyed tone, "I usually have to take my coffee straight unless I get a to-go cup from the local shop."
"Dukey, you should try the coffee from this family-owned store that's located in New Domino City," Kalin explained, "It is nothing short of fantastic."
"Isn't New Domino City a suburb located in San Francisco?" Johnny asked, one of his eyebrows arched in mild confusion.
"Yeah, my friends and I came here all the way from San Fran," Yusei replied after chewing and swallowing a small cookie.
"Well that-" Johnny began, but he was cut off when an explosion sounded from above. "…My sisters must be doing something," Johnny remarked in a deadpan, his expression matching his tone.
"Or Crow is doing something," Yusei replied as he, Kalin, Johnny and Dukey got up to go investigate, "At this point, Crow and explosions have become synonymous with each other." (6)
When Yusei, Kalin, Johnny and Dukey entered the Test sisters' lab, they saw that a fair portion of the roof was missing. Hovering just outside of the hole in the ceiling was a flying saucer, approximately the same size as the average family car, that had a transparent dome on top, so you can see who was piloting the flying saucer. Oddly enough, the flying saucer was shaped like a cat's head, and the pilot was, even more oddly enough, a purple cat.
"Ah ha!" the purple cat laughed as he pointed to where Yusei and the others stood, "Now that I have captured the Test sisters, my plans shall come to fruition! Soon all of Porkbelly will be mine!" Upon a closer look, Yusei and company saw that Susan and Mary, both tied up and gagged, were sitting behind the purple cat.
"Mr. Mittens!" (7) Johnny swore as he pointed up at the flying saucer, "Give my sisters back right now, you bad kitty!"
"You son of a bitch!" Crow exclaimed as he aimed his Sig Sauer 9MM at the flying saucer, "Those girls have to cover repair costs for the place I live at!" Crow then fired a few shots at the flying saucer, but it had no effect. In response to Crow's failure, Mr. Mittens laughed like the villain he is.
"Did you really think a basic handgun would be able to harm my flying ship?" Mr. Mittens said in a mild taunting tone, "Oh, and by the way, I'm not a son of a bitch. Dukey is, though." (8)
"So, handguns aren't good enough for you, eh?" Crow replied in a 'so that's how you want to play it' kind of tone. Holstering his Sig Sauer 9MM, Crow pulled out his RPG-7 and mounted it on his right shoulder.
"Woah," Mr. Mittens remarked in a tone of subdued shock, "I didn't see that coming."
"Alrighty then, you bad kitty," Crow continued as he aimed at Mr. Mitten's flying saucer, "Let's bust out the big-"
"Crow, if you fire that thing at Mr. Mitten's ship, you'll kill my sisters!" Johnny exclaimed.
"…Which means that they won't have to own up to the mess they made," Crow continued as he lowered his RPG-7, "Thanks for catching my mistake, Johnny."
"What the hell do you want with Johnny's older sisters?" Yusei shouted up at Mr. Mittens as he pointed accusingly at him.
"Their genius intellect is just what I need for my plans to take over Porkbelly," Mr. Mittens said, "I doubt that miniscule minds such as yours would be able to comprehend the complexity of such an awesome plan." The purple cat followed this up by laughing evilly.
"Man, what is with villains who only want to take over a single city without any plans for further conquest?" Crow asked rhetorically, "I mean, if I was a villain-"
"Which you are," Jack interrupted.
"-Which I'm not," Crow continued, emphasizing when he said 'not', "But if I was, I'd at least go for taking over the world. …Or destroying it. …Yeah, I'd probably destroy it."
"Can we talk about something more pressing than the evil versus oblivion debate right now?" Yusei exclaimed at Jack and Crow while gesturing to Mr. Mittens' flying ship, "Like, oh, I don't know, THE KIDNAPPING THAT'S CURRENTLY IN PROGRESS?!"
"Too late, Johnny Test and friends!" Mr. Mittens exclaimed as his ship flew up a few feet, then flew away towards the city.
"You have got to be kidding me!" Dukey exclaimed, "I thought today was going to be a simple day discussing matters concerning what Johnny's sisters owe to the people whose house their satellite damaged, but NOOOOO! We have to go and stop whatever insane scheme that cat has cooked up!"
"Hey Johnny," Yusei began, "I don't suppose your sisters have some means in their lab that would allow us to go after them and their kidnapper?"
"Of course, they do," Johnny replied, "Follow me." Yusei and the guys followed Johnny and Dukey through the lab for about a minute until they came upon a flying ship similar to the one Mr. Mittens had used, albeit non-cat themed and (conveniently) big enough to seat six.
"Dukey and I are the ones here with the most experience with piloting the ships my sisters build, so we'll drive," Johnny said as he and Dukey climbed into the pilot's seat and co-pilot's seat respectively.
"Works for me," Yusei replied as he and the others climbed into the other seats in the flying ship. After turning the flying ship on, Johnny took up and took off in the direction that he and the others saw Mr. Mittens flee in.
After a few minutes of flying, Yusei and company all landed at the entrance of Mr. Mitten's abode/lair. "So, we go in guns a blazing," Crow began as he climbed out of the Test sisters' flying ship, "Kill the cat, save the day, then drag the Test sisters' sorry asses back to their place so we can continue discussions about what they owe us?"
"Going in guns a blazing is not necessary," Kalin replied, "All we need to do is defeat the talking cat, stop whatever plan he has cooked up, rescue the girls, then get the hell out of dodge."
"I always thought that going in guns a blazing was a good strategy," Johnny remarked.
"And I say that such a strategy is dangerous and crazy!" Kalin and Dukey said in unison, although they didn't realize it until after they were done talking. When they did realize it, they both turned to face each other, shooting each other a thumbs-up (or, from Dukey, whatever the canine equivalent would be).
"Kalin and your dog have a point, Johnny," Yusei said as he turned to face the Test boy, "We need to think of a stealth-based strategy that would allow us to take out the cat, extract your sisters, defeat whatever plan that the cat has in store, and get the-"
"Birdbrain just went inside while shouting his name as a battle cry, Yusei," Jack interrupted, "And he's-" Jack was cut off when the sound of a round fired from an RPG-7 went off inside of Mr. Mittens' lair. "…That," Jack finished, his tone and expression both flat.
"Fuck!" Yusei swore angrily as he and the others all ran inside after Crow, "This is the same fucking mistake Crow made that got us killed last week while we were playing Heroes of the Storm!" (9)
Once inside, Yusei and the others ran through a series of hallways, following a trail of destruction that Jack said he was eighty-seven percent sure was Crow's doing. About a minute into their impromptu raid, they ran into a male elderly butler. "The short fellow with orange-red hair that resembles a broom went that way, sirs," the butler said as he pointed the way. Before the group could continue, the butler said, "Oh, and one more thing?"
The guys stopped short and turned to face the butler again. "When you see the cat," the butler continued, "Aim for his forehead."
"Right," Yusei replied as he shot the butler a quick salute before he and the rest of the group continued down the way that was pointed out to them. After another minute of running, the group eventually reached a control room-style command center. In the upper right corner of the room were Susan and Mary, both still bound but no longer gagged, in a giant birdcage.
In approximately the center of the room, Crow was running around, Mr. Mittens covering his face and randomly waving his paws around, trying to scratch at Crow. Smoke was coming out of some of the control consoles and computers; one of the control consoles even blew up when Yusei and the others arrived.
"Get this fucking cat off of me!" Crow exclaimed as he ran around like a chicken whose head was just cut off.
"Goddamn it, Birdbrain," Jack swore as he ran up, yanked Mr. Mittens off of Crow's face, and threw the cat in a random direction. "There you go, Birdbrain!" Jack exclaimed as Mr. Mittens flew through the air, "The fucking cat is no longer trying to-" Jack was cut off when Mr. Mittens finally landed with a slam on one of the control consoles. When the purple cat slammed down like that, a giant monitor screen displayed the message 'MEGA-DYNAMYTE BOMB FIRED AT PORKBELLY' before cutting to a video feed of a large missile flying towards Porkbelly. The missile was over about approximately the center of Porkbelly when it exploded, destroying everything within the entirety of the radius of the city.
"Well good going, you idiot!" Mr. Mittens snapped in an annoyed tone at Jack, "Because you threw me against the launch button on this control console, the mega-dynamite bomb I made was fired at Porkbelly! I can't take over a city that's been destroyed!"
Running over to the monitor that showed the video feed, Yusei did a quick check of the data read out. "Oh, my fucking God…" Yusei said in a shocked tone, "Everyone in Porkbelly is dead!"
"Even Gil?!" Mary asked in a tone of great worry, drawing a nod of grim confirmation from Yusei.
"This…this can't be…" Susan said, "Gil can't be dead! He just can't be!"
"WHAT ABOUT OUR PARENTS?!" Johnny exclaimed at his sisters with tears in his eyes.
"Oh, umm, yeah," Susan and Mary both said in unison in not-so-upset tones, "Our parents are dead, too."
"Oh, don't you even try and pull that one, missies!" Kalin and Dukey snapped at the twins in scolding tones. Once again, when they realized that they spoke the same thing in unison, Kalin and Dukey turned to face each other to shoot each other thumbs-up.
"The hell were you doing with a bomb that can level an entire city, killing its entire population in the process?!" Yusei snapped at Mr. Mittens.
"I was actually planning on dropping that bomb on Bling-Bling Boy's island," Mr. Mittens explained, "You see, after I lost twelve-thousand dollars to Bling-Bling Boy last week during the weekly villains' blackjack get-together, I was so angry that-"
"Oh, I know you did not just say you were planning on killing my home slice Triple-B!" Crow exclaimed at Mr. Mittens. Pulling out his Sig Sauer 9MM, Crow aimed it at Mr. Mittens and said, "There's a nice place for you in Satan's ass crack in Hell!" Crow then fired at Mr. Mittens, but he missed. Instead, Crow's shot ended up hitting a giant computer monitor that, upon being damaged by Crow's bullet, went haywire. "Fuck! I missed him!" Crow snapped.
As Crow took a few more shots at Mr. Mittens, Johnny ran over to the cage that his older sisters were trapped in. Pulling out a device that resembled a giant smartphone attached to a handle, Johnny aimed the device at the lock on the cage. A laser-beam began to continuously fire from the device, gradually melting the lock. "Hey, I don't recall Mary or I ever making that," Susan remarked when the lock on the cage was about fifty percent melted.
"Eugene gave it to me as thanks for being one of the only two people who came to his birthday party last week," Johnny explained, "Dukey was the other person and got a porterhouse steak for showing up."
As the laser from Johnny's device continued to melt the lock on the cage, Susan said in a tone of subdued surprise, "If we get out of this alive, I'm totally going to take Crow's suggestion and throw myself at Eugene."
"About damn time you saw reason!" Crow exclaimed at Susan while still facing and shooting at Mr. Mittens, who was now running across control consoles to avoid getting shot by Crow. As the purple cat did this, Crow ended up shooting the same monitor that he damaged about a minute previous. When this happened, smaller monitors around it displayed 'ERROR' while warning blares sounded from throughout the room. When this happened, Johnny had just managed to get his sisters out of the cage and untied.
"Hey Crow!" Johnny began as he and his sisters began to run towards the rest of the group, "What did you-" Johnny was cut off when a wall of monitor screens fell over onto the Test siblings. Aside from some electrical noises, Yusei, the guys, Dukey and Mr. Mittens also heard a sickening crunch. That was followed by blood pooling out from underneath the collapsed wall of monitor screens.
"Fuck!" Crow snapped angrily, "I can't believe this happened!"
"I know!" Dukey exclaimed as tears started welling up in the corners of his eyes, "I can't believe that-"
"That the Test sisters got out of paying my roommates and I what they owed us for wrecking one of the walls in our penthouse!" Crow interrupted.
"Dukey just lost the entirety of his family, and you're more concerned about not being able to collect upon a debt that someone owed us?!" Kalin yelled angrily at Crow.
"I just lost the entirety of my family, and you're more concerned about not being able to collect upon a debt that someone owed you?!" Dukey yelled angrily at Crow in unison with what Kalin was shouting at Crow. Realizing that they had, once again, spoken in unison, Kalin and Dukey turned to face each other. This time, however, Kalin and Dukey merely nodded to each other in acknowledgement.
"See you humans later!" Mr. Mittens proclaimed as he jumped out an open window to escape. When he did this, Yusei and the others all ran over and looked out of the window; as such, they saw Mr. Mittens fall towards the ocean. Aiming his body so that he would dive into the water, Mr. Mittens proclaimed, "You shall remember this as the day that you almost caught-"
Mr. Mittens was cut off when a shark leapt out of the water, ate Mr. Mittens in one bite, then dove back into the water. Getting out of the window, Yusei and the guys all looked at each other with confused looks. "Well that was anticlimactic," Yusei remarked in a casual tone that sounded of mild disappointment.
As the blaring warning sounds grew even louder, Crow said, "Shit, I think this place is about to blow! The fuck do we do?!"
"Here's an idea," Dukey replied, "RUN!" A few minutes after Dukey's exclamation to run, Yusei and the others could be seen running out of Mr. Mitten's lair. A few seconds after they all got out, the entire place blew up. A large chunk of debris fell on the flying ship that Yusei and the others took to get to the lair, crushing it.
"Well fuck," Yusei remarked, "Looks like we're walking."
"All the way back to fucking Porkbelly?" Jack asked, "Yusei, you saw from that video feed that Porkbelly is now a smoldering crater with a population of zero!"
"No, Jack," Yusei explained, "We're going to head to the nearest place with a phone, call for a ride, head to the remains of the Test residence to see if my Volkswagen van is in a good enough condition to be salvaged, then we work from there."
"The remains of my home, you mean," Dukey said in a somber tone. Sighing, the talking dog continued, "Where will I go now? I'm a genetically enhanced dog with the ability to walk and talk like a human. I don't think I'll fit in anywhere other than the home that I had lost."
"…You wanna move in with us?" Kalin offered, drawing a mildly surprised look from Dukey.
"Excuse me, Kalin?!" Jack began, "You want to invite a talking dog to move in and live with us?!"
"What other option does Dukey have, Jack?" Kalin shot back, "Besides, he's loads more intelligent and well-behaved than Crow!" Jack raised his right index finger in a gesture that showed that he was about to argue what Kalin was saying. However, Jack stopped short of saying anything, considered what Kalin had said, and decided to drop the argument.
"I think I should feel offended here," Crow began, "I mean, sure, I often get us into-" Crow was cut off when something large and alive landed behind the group. Turning around, Yusei and the others came face-to-face with a four-legged dinosaur-like creature that had metal attachments all over its body. The plate over its chest bore a large blue gem-like stone. The large creature roared angrily at Yusei and the others.
"Oh fuck, it's the neighbor girl's Dialga!" Yusei exclaimed as he and the rest of the group backed away quickly out of alarm and fear.
"The neighbor girl owns a deity as well?!" Kalin snapped angrily, "Why the fuck does no one ever listen to me about the pertinence of covering things like that as soon as we're made aware of them?!"
Throwing its head back, Dialga charged up a Roar of Time attack. When it was done, Dialga fired its signature move at Crow, hitting him dead-on and throwing him back with such force that Crow did not stop flying backwards until he collided into a solid obstacle. After it had attacked Crow, Dialga roared again at the others in a tone of warning before it flew up into the air and took off for home.
When Dialga was gone, Yusei, Jack, Kalin and Dukey all ran to where Crow landed. When they found him, Crow was laying on the ground at the base of the tree he had slammed against. Yusei bent down to check for a pulse. "Yep," Yusei replied as he got back up, "Crow's dead."
"My dream has come true!" Jack proclaimed skyward, holding his hands up as if in prayer. (10)
Later back at the Atlas Penthouse, Kalin and Dukey were sitting at the dining room table, enjoying to-go cups of coffee from the local family owned coffee shop. "Mmm, you were right, Kalin," Dukey remarked, "The coffee from that shop is fantastic!"
"I know, right?" Kalin replied as he sat his cup down.
"So, about what you said about Yusei and Jack's respective girlfriends showing support for an anti-same sex couple bill, only to drop any support that they had for it," Dukey began, "How did those girls change their minds?"
"Oh, Yusei found out that while we were in Porkbelly, Akiza and Carly were caught in a car crash, and that some same-sex couple pulled them out of the wreckage and got them immediate medical attention, saving their lives in the process," Kalin explained.
"Well that's anticlimactic," Dukey remarked.
"Well we are approaching seven-thousand words at this point, so we are kind of dragging here," Kalin pointed out.
"I guess," Dukey replied before taking another sip of his coffee. Setting his coffee down, Dukey said, "Hey Kalin…thanks. For everything. For taking me in, giving me a new home. Thanks."
"Hey, I may still be lacking a girlfriend," Kalin remarked, "But a talking dog best friend is still pretty dope."
"I'll drink to that!" Dukey replied as he and Kalin both raised their respective to-go cup in a toast.
END, CHAPTER SEVEN
Author's Notes:
1. By popular demand from the 5Ds fandom.
2. Now all Yusei needs to do is lose the use of his legs and go bald.
3. This is Crow's most logical (and reasonable) plan to date.
4. Trying to be civil towards the Test sisters was nothing short of a Herculean feat for Crow.
5. It helps that Bling-Bling Boy is…financially secure.
6. …Well that goes without saying.
7. I picked Mr. Mittens to be the villain of this chapter mostly because he was the only villain I could think of who'd make for a decent antagonist for the chapter.
8. This is technically correct.
9. Yusei plays Genji, Jack plays Tassadar, Crow plays Diablo, and Kalin plays Sylvanas.
10. From then on, Jack began to worship Dialga, deity of time and slayer of Birdbrains.
This chapter dragged on for much longer than I was hoping; I had to cut a few things and reduce the resolution of the plot concerning Akiza and Carly to a brief explanation from Kalin, and this is still the longest chapter yet. Hopefully I'll have more control on the next chapter. Also, for those who may be wondering, I have a friend in real life who absolutely loathes Johnny Test, so I figured that he'd get a kick out of what happened here.