Chapter 18

GDR opened his eyes, closing them again immediately in pain, the pressure on his chest overwhelming. His shoulder throbbed, and the sheets under his side were wet with blood. He felt Russia's hand on his shoulder.

"GDR?" Russia's voice was worried.

GDR didn't answer, just looked up at Russia.

Russia sighed, looking at the blood on the bed, "If I had known speaking to Poland would hurt you so much…"

"You wouldn't have cared," Prussia growled, rolling over, turning away from Russia. He winced as he felt Russia's fingers on the mark on his back.

"I would have. Poland isn't worth it, Gil." Russia traced the cut on Gil's shoulder, it was still open and bloody. It needed attention.

"How can you say that?" GDR shook his head, not looking at Russia. "Do you know what they did to him… what… I… did to him?"

Russia nodded, still inspecting the wound. "Yes. But you are atoning for your sins, are you not?"

"And how am I ever going to do that?" Gil whispered, pulling his hands to his face, biting back tears. He wouldn't cry in front of Russia.

"You were the knight, you tell me."

Prussia closed his eyes, "Blood."

Russia traced his fingers over the Soviet symbol. "Then you're free."

Gil shook his head, "Not from this. Never from this. Some things aren't forgivable…" He let the tears fall onto his pillow, hoping Russia wouldn't see them.

"I know," Russia whispered, turning away with a sigh. "You and I will always be the villains in their stories. You and I will always be the monsters they don't want," Russia smiled sadly.

Gil turned to him, not trying to hide the tears anymore, "And that's ok with you?"

Russia shrugged, "I guess it's just my part in history. I've accepted it, I suppose, but I do try. I wish they all knew I don't hate them…" Russia sighed, then smiled, "But I suppose they need a monster to fight."

"America?"

Russia nodded, "Da. America. I don't know why he can't realize that absolute equality is best. It keeps people safe. It protects them."

It cripples them. GDR pushed the thoughts away, "Are you afraid of war with America."

Russia sighed again, pausing. He nodded, slowly, "Da. But he is also afraid of me. And this, I think, will save us."

GDR nodded, "An advantage to being the monster."

Russia smiled, nodding, "And so, you understand."

GDR sighed, pulling himself, wincing. His heart pounding. He closed his eyes, pressing his hand into his chest, trying to steady his breathing. He looked at Russia, who sighed, glancing at the empty bottle of painkillers on the nightstand.

"I told you, I'm sorry. I didn't know talking to Poland would…"

"I'm fine," GDR lied, shaking his head, "I'll… I'll make myself be fine."

Russia nodded, "Good, I will need you strong."

GDR nodded back, wincing in pain, his arm giving under him, his shoulder burning.

"You need to have that taken care of."

GDR nodded again, inhaling through his teeth, "Yeah… probably… just… not Liet… I don't want to see him." He shook his head.

"I'll try to find someone else," Russia stood, glancing at the empty bottle again, "Are you sure you're all right?"

Gil nodded, his eyes darting to Russia's scarf for a moment before he caught himself. "Ja. I'm fine."

"Khorosho," Russia smiled, "I'll send someone up right away." He walked out of the room, closing the door behind him.

Gil shivered, putting his hand on his shoulder, trying to press into the wound. He looked down at the bed. It was soaked in blood. It stuck to his sides, back, and arms. He sighed, standing, steadying himself on the headboard of the bed. He still felt sick. He walked into his bathroom and splashed cold water on his face. He looked into the mirror, turning to look at his shoulder. The wounds were deep and angry. He winced again as his movement drew more blood. He touched the markings. The hammer and sickle, proof of his allegiance to Russia. He hated it, but he needed it. His chest ached like someone was tearing him apart. He needed the wall. It was keeping him alive. It was keeping his people safe… but he hated it, and everything about it. He didn't look at himself in the mirror, turning away, back to his bed. He ripped off the sheets, throwing them beside the door. He looked down, seeing his military jacket lying on the ground. He sighed, leaning down carefully to pick it up. He dusted it off, irritated with his treatment of it. He folded it carefully, and set it on the dresser. He would iron it later. He gasped suddenly, falling to his knees in pain as his shoulder burned from the movement of folding the jacket. He gripped it, closing his eyes as he felt blood drip down his back again. He looked up, hearing the door open.

Lithuania barely glanced at him, carrying a tray of medical supplies. He set the tray down on the bed. "Well? Are you going to come over here?" He said, not looking at GDR.

Gil sighed, standing, walking towards the bed. He sat down, facing away from Lithuania. He heard him sigh.

"So… you really did it." Lithuania's voice was disappointed.

GDR nodded, keeping his head down, "Ja. I had to."

Lithuania didn't reply, picking up a clean, wet cloth from the tray. "You're covered in blood you know."

Gil shrugged with his good shoulder, "I'll clean up later."

"Not with a new bandage on. Go shower," Lithuania glanced back at the bloody sheets, "I'll deal with that mess," he sighed.

Gil looked back at him, standing. "All right." He nodded, then stopped. Is Poland ok? He kept his mouth shut, turning back into the bathroom attached to his room.

Lithuania watched him close the door, breathing a sigh of relief. He turned to the sheets, closing his eyes suddenly, his breath catching in his throat. He shook it off, rubbing his eyes with one hand. He'd cleaned his own blood out of his sheets so many times he'd lost count. He hadn't wanted any of the others to see what Russia had done to his back. Except for Belarus. He smiled. She knew, and she didn't care. One person, who didn't care. He picked up the sheets, rolling them over his arm, and opened the door.

Lithuania closed his eyes, trying to ignore the pain as he heard a knock at the door. He didn't answer, hoping whoever it was would just leave, thinking he was asleep. He could feel the wounds on his back sticking to the sheets, now soaked with blood, and he could barely move. He didn't want to see anyone, or worse, for them to see him. He pulled the covers over his shoulder with a whimper of pain, trying to hide the damage Russia caused. He winced as the door opened.

"Torshka!" Belarus flew to his side, closing and locking the door behind her. She touched his shoulder through the blankets, staring at the blood that had soaked through the sheets, dripping on the floor. "What did he do to you?" She breathed hard, both angry and afraid.

"Nothing. Please… please go." He shook his head, pulling the blanket around his shoulders tighter.

"Let me see it," She shook her head, biting her lip, "Please…"

He turned, looking at her. "I can't…"

She didn't listen, pulling the blankets away from him.

He winced, wrapping his arms around himself looking away, closing his eyes, waiting to hear her scream.

Belarus gasped, covering her mouth with a shudder, "My… brother did this to you?" She shook her head, tears filling her eyes.

Lithuania nodded, slowly, breathing hard with pain, trying to hold back the choke that would betray him if he spoke.

"Let me help you," She stood. "I'll be right back." She left the room, returning in a few minutes carrying a clean cloth and bandages.

"Natashka you don't have to-"

"Shush!" she shook her head, "Yes I do." She bit her lip again, "Can you sit up?"

"I don't think so…" he winced as he tried to move his arm.

"I'll help you," she reached forward, helping him to sit on the edge of the bed, she turned to look into his face, her dress covered in blood… his blood.

Lithuania looked away, not wanting to see pity in her face. He sighed as he felt her hand touch his cheek gently, turning his face towards her own.

"Torshka… please… I'm all right. You know blood isn't new to me. Let me help you. Please." She pet his cheek gently, feeling him relax with her touch.

He nodded, closing his eyes.

She smiled, walking to the other side of the bed, kneeling behind him. She picked up a cloth and touched the wounds gently, dabbing away the blood with the cloth, trying to hold back tears.

He could hear them in her breath, "Are you sure you're all right?" He didn't know what his back looked like, but judging from what it felt like, it wasn't something he ever wanted her to see.

She nodded, "Yes. I'm all right." She swallowed hard, "Except for being angry with my brother," She shook her head, "I'll kill him for this…"

"Don't." Lithuania shook his head.

"You're defending him?"

Lithuania nodded, "Yes.

Belarus sighed, picking up one of the bandages. "All right." She started wrapping it around Lithuania's shoulders gently, carefully.

"Natashka?" Toris whispered as she finished bandaging the wounds.

"Yes?"

"Do you miss me?"

She replied with a kiss.

Lithuania smiled, tucking in the last corner of the new sheets on Prussia's bed. He sighed, walking to the bathroom door where he could still hear the water running. He knocked.

"You need clean clothes, don't you?"

"I thought you weren't helping me anymore?"

Lithuania rolled his eyes, turning to Prussia's dresser and grabbing the first pair of clean pants he saw. He opened the bathroom door, just barely enough to get is arm through, and set the pants on the counter, closing the door. He sighed as the water stopped, and turned back to the tray of medical supplies he'd brought. He glanced at the nightstand, noticing the empty pill bottle for the first time. He picked it up, reading it. He closed his eyes, sighing deeply. Poland. He looked back at the door of the bathroom as Gil walked out, wearing the clean sweatpants he'd given him, his blood-soaked military pants in his hand. Lithuania nodded for him to set them by the door.

GDR listened, dropping the clothes, walking back to his bed and sitting down. He sighed, turning his back to Lithuania again.

Lithuania picked up some of the ointment, slipping on a glove, applying it to the deep wound. He winced, how could Gil have done this to himself?

GDR sighed, biting his tongue. If Lithuania wanted to speak, he would reply, but he had nothing to say.

Lithuania kept working, the silence uncomfortable. He swallowed hard, "Poland… um… said you didn't hurt him…" Lithuania tried to find the words. He closed his eyes, trying to block out the image of how he'd found Poland after Gil had left. The memories he'd dragged up had been almost too much. He had wrapped the wire around his neck, pulling it as tightly as he could. Lithuania had stopped him, holding him while he sobbed, closing his hands over his ears, trying to block out the sounds Lithuania knew would take too long to fade away.

"Did you really think I would?" GDR said, almost coldly.

"I hoped you wouldn't."

"What he said…" Gil dared to ask, "Was it all true?"

Lithuania sighed, "All of it and more." He tried not to think about it.

"Will he be all right?"

"Yes. Someday…" I hope.

Gil nodded, wincing as Lithuania pressed against the wound.

"I'm sorry. This needs attention." Lithuania shook his head. Was this really necessary, Russia?

Gil nodded again, "Ja… it… wasn't…" He stopped, trying to decide how to word his thoughts, "I didn't want this. But I have to… I need to."

Lithuania sighed, "I know."

"Does that mean you forgive me?" Gil looked back over his shoulder, "Again?"

Lithuania sighed again, deeply, "Well… I guess you're probably going to need at least one sane friend in this place…"

"And Poland?"

"I forgive you, Gil, for everything you did to me in the past, and for going commie on me. But I can't forgive you for Poland. He has to do that, not me."

"And you said he won't, not ever."

Lithuania said nothing, "Well I forgive you. But don't push your luck. I still think you're an idiot."

"Me too." Gil shrugged with his good shoulder again. "Liet?"

"Mm?" Lithuania concentrated on the wound, taping it together as best he could. It was too late for stitches.

"Do you think I'm a monster?"

Lithuania paused for a moment, considering. "I think you've done monstrous things…" He sighed, "But what country hasn't? We have our dark sides. To some, we're villains, to others we're heroes, depending on who you ask, and when."

"What I did to Poland…" Gil shook his head, "Not even what I didn't know. I hurt him. I hurt him with my owns hands… and worse…" He closed his eyes, "I'm not proud of it."

"There. There's your answer." Lithuania picked up a bandage and started wrapping it around Prussia's shoulder.

"What?" Gil looked back at him, confused.

"Monsters are proud of their work. Monsters accept it as who they are. That's it. You're not a monster."

Gil looked away, sighing deeply, "I'm glad you don't think so." I do.

A/N: A somewhat lighter chapter from the last one. Still a bit dark, but not as dark as before. Also some cute LietBela that's trying very hard to destroy the non-pairingness of this story. I know at least none of you reviewers have seemed to mind. I promise it won't be too big of a thing in the story. I just like really Lithuania having at least one piece of happiness in Russia's house. The one good thing about being here: he gets to see her every day. Even though they rarely speak to each other, unless they're alone. It's cute, ok!? And I needed some sweetness after yesterday's chapter! (*hugs Poland*)

Liet and GDR/Prussia are making up, which is good. But their friendship has certainly been strained. And it may be strained more...

Russia, in the beginning, is one of my favorite scenes in this story so far. His little speech I think sums him up rather nicely in many ways, as does Lithuania's accidental rebuttal to it in the end!

Reviewers will be given milk, cookies, and hugs, served by Latvia and Lithuania (of their own free will) :) (Though why they want to do what I ask them too, after all I put them through, I do not know...)