Author's Notes…

For those who don't know me from my other stories: I never take this long to update. For those who don't know me from my other stories and for those who do: I've been sick. Started with a head cold, grew into a sinus infection, and is now a very bad case of bronchitis. Combined with finals, UGH. But I am here! Believe me, I have been aching to update!

The synopsis to Meet Joe Black belongs to IMDB.

For Carla

Chocolate

Chapter Nine

Ticking, Ticking, Ticking On

"What were you thinking about?"

"W-What?"

"You're flushed."

"O-Oh…"

"Rey?"

She cleared her throat and emptied her head of all thoughts from that night. Or tried to. It was fairly difficult to do so when Ben was standing there, so very scrumptious and—

"I have an idea!" she floundered.

A dark eyebrow lifted.

Rey tapped the tips of her fingers together and paced around the office. She wanted to word this properly. Otherwise, she'd come off sounding like a ninny, which she most definitely did not want. If Ben could be poetic with words—on paper, if not in person—then she could, as well. Somehow. So far, all she'd done was prove that she was completely mental. Off her head. Stark raving mad. Bonkers. Loony—

Right. That's enough of a thesaurus for nutty for one day.

"I… You want to be in my life, right?"

Ben sat in the chair behind his desk. He propped his feet up and folded his arms over his stomach, tilting his head back on the headrest. His expression was interested, urging her on.

"And we want to get to know one another. Right?"

"Right."

Right.

Too many rights.

Rey scratched at her head.

"I just… I only… er…"

Bugger it.

"I want you in my life, too," she said. "But—slowly. I—can we pretend… we… or not pretend, but… can we put—that we had sex on the back burner?" she asked him earnestly, setting her hands on the edge of his desk. She rose onto her tiptoes and bit her lip.

"Are you asking me to court you?" The side of his mouth quirked.

"Maybe," she frowned.

He dropped his feet to the floor. He placed his arms on the desk, peering up at her. "Okay, Rey Kenobi. Then prepare to be swept off your feet."

Rey was immensely glad she was holding onto the desk.

And judging by his gaze, he knew it, too.

He always knew.

God-blessed knees.

"Are you always so lucky with women?" she whispered.

"No," he murmured. "Just with you."

Her heart, the damned thing, was causing a ruckus behind her ribs, clanging away. "And why is that?"

"You tell me," he replied.

"W-What…?"

He reached out and took one of her hands in his own. Shivers raced down her spine as his thumb traced the lifelines on her palm. "Only you can tell me why you're attracted to me. Right?"

"Right…" Pink tinting her cheeks, she laughed softly, glancing down.

"And that's your favorite word… right?"

She rolled her eyes. "Oh, piss off," she said without heat.

"Well, I was trying before you said you wanted to take it slooow…" he drawled, pressing kisses to her hand. He nipped at her knuckles, and her laughter grew to fill the room. "Okay. I'm going to send you home. I'll pay for the cab-fare. We're going to have a date tonight."

"Wha—?"

"You'll be snug in your bed, all alone, and I'll be in mine, all alone."

"You lost me," Rey deadpanned.

He grinned and pressed one last kiss to her hand. "Don't worry. I have a very specific set of instructions."

Ben Solo: Got the link?

Me: Just now.

Rey paid the taxi driver and exited the cab. She waited until she was in the safety of the building containing her flat to pull her mobile back out. She tapped open the link Ben had provided her with, loading Spotify. It brought up a playlist titled, "ashley hayden's OST for rey." It made her smile to herself.

She hit the elevator button for her floor and scrolled down the list of music Ben listened to whenever he was writing.

Wandering Jane – Dario Marianelli, Jack Liebeck, Benjamin Wallfisch (Jane Eyre)

Corynorhinus – Hans Zimmer, James Newton Howard (Batman Begins)

Time – Hans Zimmer (Inception)

Gone – Ioanna Gika (Snow White & The Huntsman)

Walkaway – Thomas Newman (Meet Joe Black)

A Frequent Thing – Thomas Newman (Meet Joe Black)

Served It's Purpose – Thomas Newman (Meet Joe Black)

Ashes – Thomas Newman (Little Women)

The Children – Ramin Djawadi (Game of Thrones: Season 4)

Hide & Seek – Amber Run

Black Out Days – Phantogram

Rue's Farewell – James Newton Howard (The Hunger Games)

Ender's War – Steve Jablonsky (Ender's Game)

Cornfield Chase – Hans Zimmer (Interstellar)

Loss of a Twin – Brian Tyler (Eagle Eye)

Genesis – Ruelle

She wasn't even close to finishing the playlist when the elevator dinged. Shaking her head, she brought Ben's message screen back up.

Me: That's a depressing assortment.

Ben Solo: Have you read my works?

Me: I'm going to need to introduce you to happier music. I noticed there were a lot of pieces from Meet Joe Black.

Ben Solo: Ever seen it?

Me: No.

Ben Solo: Good. That's what we're gonna watch tonight.

Pleasantly puzzled, she began to text her response, only to pause.

Poe was lounging in a familiar position against her front door.

"We need to talk," he said without delay.

"Look—"

"No, no, no." He held up a hand. "None of that." He came to stand in front of her. "We're best friends. Wanna clue me in to what's really going on?"

Not really.

"I—I can't," she replied. "I really can't."

"Why not?" he pressed.

"Because I don't have the energy for it," she stated plainly. "Not now. And to be dramatic, maybe not ever."

"This isn't like you." Poe's brows pushed together.

"I can't do this in the hallway." Rey got her key in the door with a jangle and the grind of metal on tumblers.

"So let's go inside, then!"

She whirled in the threshold of the door, her hands holding onto it, one palm occupied with her mobile and her keys. "Poe… please. You're right. We are best friends. And I need you to respect the fact that I need space."

Would it work?

Would he actually listen to her?

"I've been respecting that for months!"

No.

Of course not.

That would be too easy.

He grasped her by the shoulders, staring intensely into her eyes. Poe Dameron, Knight in Shining Armor, full of fire, ready to save the day, never knowing when to quit, when to give it up as a bad job. It was like she was watching it all unfold from another plane. Why? To protect herself from the aftermath of this disastrous confrontation?

"I have to know what's going on! I can't take this anymore! It's not the same without you! I have Finn, but… come on, it's Finn!" He laughed, but without the usual chemical makeup that Poe's life was comprised of—jolly good fun. "Where are you? Where are my deep conversations? Where are—?"

"That's what you have a wife for," she whispered. "That's what you marry for—you marry your best friend. That's the way it's supposed to be."

"That's your theory? I marry my best friend and forget the rest?"

"Yes—"

"Rey, c'mon—"

"Don't!" Rey clenched her eyes shut. "Don't do this to me! Don't make me stand here and do this!"

Don't make me hurt you. Please. Please don't make me hurt you.

"Do what?!" Poe released her to throw his hands up. He was frustrated. She knew the feeling—was intimately tied to it. "You're there every day of my life for years, and then you vanish into thin air! Is it the guy? If it's the guy, then just tell me!"

It would be so simple to… to say it was the guy… to say it was Ben… to make up a lie…

"Poe, please…" she begged.

"No!" He put his fists on his hips, the dreaded hurt spreading over his face, and she couldn't bear it, she couldn't bear it. This was her worst nightmare. She'd always put her friends' feelings before her own, all of them. Poe, Finn—

"I'm in love with you!" she cried.

His mouth worked open a few times.

She waited.

And waited and waited and waited and waited.

But he had nothing to say.

"Right," she said in a tremulous voice, praying all the while that it didn't crack. She didn't want to cry in front of him. She was an ugly crier, and she'd lost enough of her dignity already. "That's what I thought."

And then she shut the door and locked it.

The world swayed all over the place.

Rey staggered through her apartment. Her keys hit the floor. Her purse followed shortly after. Her cell, she had no idea where it went. She only hoped that the screen hadn't cracked, wherever it had vanished to.

I'm in love with you! I'm in love with you!

—love with you!

—love with you—

lovewithyoulovewithyoulovewithyou

It was like a fecking psychotic remix.

And that helpless gaze.

Poe Dameron, Knight in Fecking Shining Armor, speechless.

Her knees hit the tile of her bathroom floor in time for her to push open the toilet lid and vomit up the contents of her stomach.

Cookie dough ice cream.

Vanilla with sprinkles.

Rey stay sprawled on her side on the fuzzy pink bathroom rug for the better part of an hour.

You couldn't have known, she thought. You couldn't have known he'd show up. You couldn't have known he'd push the issue so hard.

Well, now she was just lying to herself. Isn't that what Poe did best? Worm his way in and figure out where all someone's buttons were, mashing on them until they spilled their beans?

This isn't your fault. It's not. It isn't. He would have found out eventually.

She didn't know what hurt more. That he'd never figured it out, or that he'd given her exactly the reaction she'd expected.

Saying something sooner wouldn't have made a bloody bit of difference. This is not your fault.

Her heart was aching so badly. She'd been… still hoping… somewhere in there… some… shred of her…

Rey had been there all along, and Poe hadn't felt anything at all for her in that way. He'd been so genuinely surprised. And that look in his eyes—it had told her everything she'd wanted, needed, to know. That he didn't share any inkling, any shred, any iota of what Rey held inside of her soul. There was nothing she could have done. Ever. She wasn't his girl. She'd known that when he'd married himself away.

But this was different. This was brutal. This was a sledgehammer to the mirror she'd held in front of her for so many years.

There was no longer any illusion.

Rey curled into a ball and squeezed out more tears. The damned things were endless. She had no idea how to console herself. It wasn't something she could just bounce back from. She was damaged straight to her core. No near misses, no semi-penetration. Bulls-eye. She was a goner. She was going to need a new heart.

She sobbed until she heard it.

Her standard ringtone, Conqueror by AURORA.

She sniffled—considered ignoring it.

But it wouldn't cease.

Blowing her nose with toilet paper, she got herself into something resembling a person with their shit together. She rooted out the source of the noise in the depths of her purse. Ben Solo was flashing on her mobile. She fell flat on the arse and tipped her head back, fat tears rolling down her cheeks as she choked on another sob.

After three deep breaths that did nothing to quell the misery within, she answered the call, saying nothing.

"What's wrong?" he demanded instantly.

"Why does something have to be wrong?" she asked in as normal a tone as she could muster.

"Well, for one, it sounds like—" He broke off. Reining in his cutting tongue? Color her impressed. "It's that guy, isn't it? You told him."

"Yeah," she sighed.

"All right, get up."

"Ben, I really don't feel like—"

"Get the fuck up," he said. "Are you the heroine of your story?"

"I… what?"

"Is this your story?"

"Yeah?" she wobbled, confused. She sniffled again.

"Right. You're not the supporting character in his shitty ass novel. And you have me. And your friends. Now get up and listen to me. Are you standing yet?"

"I…" Rey faltered. Then she scrambled unsteadily to her feet. "Y-Yeah…"

"Good. Go get in the fucking shower. Finish crying it out and whatever girly shit it is your kind do in there. Then call me back. Got it?"

He hung up before she could answer.

She contemplated her phone for a long moment.

Rey ran her wrist under her runny nose.

Ah, sod it.

"Comfortable?"

"I guess…"

"Got the popcorn?"

"Kettlecorn, but yeah…"

"Pillows all nice and fluffed?"

"Mmn."

"Netflix up?"

Rey gave an exhausted sigh.

"Meet Joe Black paused?"

"I'm beginning to think this is benefiting you more than me," she grumbled. "Weren't these our original plans?"

"And?"

She had no comeback to that and so let it go.

"Okay, stay on the phone with me. Press play."

"Anthony Hopkins?" Rey asked skeptically as the move started. "You're going to make me watch a horror film?"

"He's not a bad guy in this."

Admittedly intrigued, Rey relaxed into her pillows and snugged her favorite throw blanket up to her neck. "Are you one of those people who gets mad if someone talks during the movie?"

"I'll tolerate it in light of tonight's circumstances."

"How nice of you," Rey replied, not bothering to hide the dryness to the words.

"You have no idea."

"What's this film even about?"

"Hold on… I'll IMDB the synopsis…" There was a clacking of keys. He'd grabbed his laptop. "'Death, who takes the form of a young man, asks a media mogul to act as a guide to teach him about life on Earth, and in the process, he falls in love with his guide's daughter.' Hm. Pretty apt." He punctuated the last word with emphasis in that way of his.

"As long as it's not depressing," Rey muttered. Though it did sound very interesting.

"No. Now watch, or you're going to miss crucial points to the story."

Rey couldn't help it.

She laughed.

And her heart was all the lighter for it.

Maybe it wasn't as broken as she thought.