Author's Notes…

Hey, guys! I'm feeling way better. Finally getting back into the groove of updating. If anyone likes the show The Magicians, I started a small Queliot fic if anyone is interested.

Thanks for all the well wishes!

For Carla

Chocolate

Chapter Ten

The Not-So-Silent Sentinel

As Somewhere Over the Rainbow/What a Wonderful World began to play on the credits, Rey sniffled, tears on her cheeks. She thought, perhaps, that the movie might not have evoked such an emotional response from her if she wasn't so on edge from what had happened earlier with Poe. But having Ben's voice gently commentating in her ear for the last three hours had been soothing.

Soothing enough that she wanted to break down one of the barriers she'd so firmly placed between them.

"Ben…?" she sniffled.

"Yeah?" he sighed. He sounded like he was getting comfortable, and that he was a little sleepy.

"Would you… mind terribly if…?" She trailed off, her heart skipping as she swallowed.

No.

Wait.

She shouldn't. She wasn't thinking clearly. She was lonely. It wasn't a smart decision.

Silence prevailed.

If Ben was good for anything, it was for conveying that he had absolutely no qualms with waiting for her to figure out what she wanted to say. The only problem with this was that it made her heart pound harder as the seconds ticked past.

Rey sank into her pillows and placed her fist against her forehead, chewing furiously at her lip. Her mobile was close to dying—she was surprised she hadn't had to hook it up already—and her shoulder was cramped from where she'd been cradling it for more than half the movie. She hadn't wanted to put him on speaker. She'd wanted his deep voice in her ear and was unsure if she'd ever be able to describe the way it…

If she wished to get what she wanted, she thought, she wasn't going to get it without reaching out and grabbing it.

"Will you come to my place?" The words quavered, and it was more noticeable than they might have been otherwise.

"Are you sure?" Ben murmured.

"I'm not sure of anything anymore," Rey whispered. It was, perhaps, more honest than she had been with herself in quite a while. "But I want to be held. Can you do that? Will you come here?"

He let out a long sigh.

And nothing.

Rey tried not to panic. Keeping it out of her voice was even harder, given how her throat constricted. "Ben?"

"Am I allowed to answer in a way that sounds really cliché?" he drawled.

Rey had to smile, relief flooding her. She could tell that he wanted to come over, no matter what his tone. "Yes."

"I'll do anything for you. Hang tight."

I'll do anything for you.

Rey stared at nothing, rubbing her upper arm slowly, Netflix running a screensaver on the tele. Those were words she'd long wanted—waited to hear. She hadn't… expected them to come from this man, and she wasn't… she didn't know what to make of it.

It was something anyone could say, and so easily. People did it all the time, without regard to the feelings of the person receiving the message. But Ben… He didn't strike her as the sort to say anything he didn't mean.

She'd managed to clear her mind during the film. One would think watching death fall in love with a mortal woman would just rub salt in the wound, but it hadn't. She'd genuinely enjoyed the story, the music, all of it. She could see why there was so much of the score on the playlist he'd given her.

But now she was alone again, and she didn't think she could stand it.

Her phone buzzed on the nightstand, where it was charging, and it made her jump. Shaking herself free of her reverie, she reached over, thinking it was Ben. Her heart simultaneously clenched on itself and sank.

Poe: We need to talk.

"Oh, fuck me," Rey breathed.

And fuck him.

And fuck the world for dealing her such a shite hand lately.

Some god of fortune must have finally decided to poke its head out of its arse, because a knock came at her door. She set the phone down, hurrying across her flat, rushing to open the locks. Her heart was pounding now. She wasn't sure who it was—she wasn't sure who she wanted it to be, but some part of her must have been praying it was Ben, as that was who she received.

Tears touched her lashes. "Have you ever seen Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind?"

Ben, mouth already open to greet her in some fashion, closed. He furrowed his brows. "…Yes?"

Rey sniffled, wishing that she could stop blubbering. Who did she need to pray to for that? "I wish I could do that—I wish I could wipe my mind of every memory I have of him." She stood aside to let Ben in, rambling on as she did so. "But without the last part of the film. I want—I want him gone. Forever."

"Every memory?" Ben asked unexpectedly. He stood in the center of her living room, his eyes trailing over it, not missing a thing in that uncanny way of his. "All of them?"

Annoyance flared within Rey. "If you're going to say even the good ones and the bad—"

"There she is."

Rey swallowed. "What?"

Ben turned toward her, shrugging one shoulder. "Your spunk. It was missing."

And it was back just as quickly. Rey set her jaw, speaking through her teeth, "So you plan to annoy me, then? If so, then get out—"

"Oh, don't get so bent out of shape." He wrapped an arm around her shoulders and jerked her into his body. "I didn't mean it that way." He squeezed her. "You said something about being held?"

She kept her arms at her sides out of sheer principle. "I changed my mind."

"Did you? I guess I'll just go, then—" He stopped when she clutched onto him so tightly he likely had trouble breathing. Then he kissed her hair.

She squeezed her eyes shut and let his shirt absorb her tears.

"It's kind of another cliché that there's a storm happening outside right now." Ben's fingers stroked through her hair in gentle motions that sent prickles all the way down her spine. She'd spent the last hour-and-a-half bundled up in his arms, and she had no intention of going anywhere, not anytime soon.

"It's peaceful," Rey murmured somewhat sleepily. Her hand rested near enough to his heart that she felt it beating beneath her fingertips. It was every bit as comforting as the rest of him, sprawled as she was over his large, warm body.

"I guess I can't argue that," he hummed.

"Stop being in such a cheery mood," she grumbled. She'd asked him to make her feel better, yet he insisted on riling her up. If he wasn't careful, he was going to get an elbow to his gut.

"I can't help it," he said.

"I'm sure you can," she disagreed wryly.

"I can't." His lips brushed over her temple. They were barely there, it was such a graze. Then why did heat insist on trickling through her body?

She buried her face in his shoulder. "You can."

"Did I miss the memo where we're two now? Ow!" he cried as she smacked his arm. "You're really abusive today." She whacked him a few more times, and he got a good hold on her arm, trapping it against him. "Where did all those good manners go?"

She bit him.

"OW!" He shifted, tumbling her beneath him, settling between her thighs. "Quit it." He pinned her wrists to either side of her head.

Rey stuck her tongue out at him, and Ben huffed a laugh, shaking his bangs out of his eyes—eyes that were truly lit up with humor. He was happy, in a giddy sort of way, and he was having a difficult time hiding it. Then again, she didn't think he was trying very hard, judging on the impish smile he was giving her now.

"What?" She narrowed her eyes distrustfully.

"You're fucking beautiful."

"Oh, come off it." She rolled her eyes, wriggling out from under him. He let her.

"You are. Hey—" He grasped her thigh and tugged her body into a proper spooning position. She didn't resist him and told herself it was only because he was so bloody comfortable. "Where do you think you're going?"

"Away from you," she sighed, notably not moving.

Thunder rumbled.

"Well, it's almost midnight…" His thumb traced a path over her wrist. "I should get going."

He said it like he didn't want to.

And…

And she really didn't want him to, either.

Rey tightened her grip on his hand before he could go anywhere.

"Stay?" she asked, unable to look at him, afraid she'd lose her nerve. Ben's stares were too intense sometimes. They made her choke up, forget what she was saying or how to say it. She didn't want that right now. She didn't want him to leave her side.

"For how much longer?" he murmured. "I have to be up early."

"How early?" Gaining courage, she twisted onto her back so she could see him.

His lips twitched.

"Don't you dare laugh at me, Ben Solo."

"I'm not," he said.

"You look like you're about to," she insisted.

"I will if you keep this up," he promised.

Grrr…

He snickered.

"Ben Solo!"

He cupped her cheeks in his hands and smiled down at her. With his body curved over hers this way, she couldn't help but feel… protected from the world. Shielded. He was doing what she wanted, what he seemed to want, as well—keeping her safe in this moment. Tonight.

I'll do anything for you.

"Stay," she whispered. "Don't make me ask again."

Ben kissed her on the tip of her nose.

For a moment, her body sung with the high of his closeness.

"You're being very bossy," he whispered.

Smack.

"OW!"

Despite the pain weighing her heart down, a giggle slipped free from her, and something inside of her changed at that.

She was vaguely aware that her smile had gone dopey.

"Do you want to be the big spoon or the little spoon?" she asked.