Author's Notes…

This chapter is slightly NSFW. Please read at your own discretion.

For Carla

Chocolate

Chapter Twelve

When It's Overrated

The next three months were the most amazing Rey had ever had. Mostly because she had never been quite so happy. At least, not in recent memory.

It didn't always take much. Seeing Ben made her whole heart light up. Sometimes they met early in the morning for breakfast or coffee, and he was not prepared for it. He'd be wearing glasses—which he looked incredibly handsome in—and some of his hair would be sticking up. A haze would hang over his face; he'd grunt at her until he woke up more, constantly rubbing his eyes and yawning.

He'd catch her watching him with a faint grin on her face after a while and then usually take a giant bite out of her blueberry muffin to make her squeal in protest. He'd fend her off, batting at her hands while she attempted to retake the muffin she looked forward to all week. The muffin she knew she'd only ever get half of.

On Tuesdays, they jogged before she went to work at his favorite park by the riverside. They'd either be lazy and feed ducks bread or they'd break into a race, which he always won. The only times he didn't, he'd let her take first place. It was a hollow victory. The bastard had long legs. While it was sexy, it also made him difficult to compete against, and she was very competitive.

That was what made their Wednesday evenings so interesting. Trivial Pursuit, Scrabble, Yahtzee, Monopoly, Sorry, Backgammon, Chinese Checkers, Chess, whatever struck their fancy so long as it didn't involve technology. They generally started out with good sportsmanship. It wound up devolving into bickering over technicalities or downright viciousness. They'd had a particularly savage game of Sorry that they still weren't talking about.

Thursdays, Ben devoted time to working on his deadlines, so Noelle wouldn't lose her mind, and Rey paid attention to Finn, so he wouldn't leave a million voicemails about why she was ignoring him.

"We're a family, Rey! I mean, don't make me choose sides… I really don't want to!"

Interestingly enough, he hadn't exactly said whose side that would be, but Rey found she didn't have room in her life for toxicity. If he wanted Poe, he could have Poe. All she knew was that Finn was happy with the time she set aside for him and that he never brought the other man up anymore. That was good enough for the both of them.

On Fridays, they saw a movie. How this was carried out varied. So far, they'd gone to the theater to watch oldies, something new they'd wanted to see, or something new they wanted to make fun of, discussing all three hours into the night. They also had gone to a drive-in on a few memorable occasions—memorable because Ben owned a Porsche convertible, and it was comfortable as hell, not to mention the novelty of the event itself. Otherwise, they'd visit the other's apartment and watch a film there, or they'd do what they had done that first time and see something together over the phone.

Saturdays had her stomach in knots. They went somewhere nice to eat, his treat. She hated that he paid, but he never let her cover any of it, even her own half. And she had to take care with her clothing and hair, fussing with them for hours in advance. She wanted to look perfect. The way his face lit up when he saw her… It always did that, if she was being fair, yet on those moments when she really dressed up, she knew it: she took his breath away.

It was on Sundays that she missed him the most. He was busy with writing again, and Finn wasn't always available. She needed new friends. The thought was exhausting. She was too consumed with Ben Solo. He made her head spin.

And he had maddeningly stayed the perfect gentleman.

She couldn't get her nails done. She chewed on them so anxiously that it wasn't worth paying for the manicure for chipped polish (she couldn't get fail nails, she always broke them). And her phone—that, she waited by constantly. What would they talk about today? Would he answer right away? Would he finally realize she was too much for him and back off? Because that had become an increasing fear lately.

When had she begun to want him so badly?

They never did more than kiss. His hands never strayed to untoward places. He never asked her to stay the night or to stay over. He paid her compliments, none of them sexual in nature. It was like reading a teen fiction romance novel. Why wasn't he touching her?! Why wasn't he talking about her mouth on his cock again?! Why wasn't he doing shots off her body?! Did he not want her anymore?

She finally grew desperate enough that she knew she had to talk to someone about it.

The bowling alley was slow, considering it was a Thursday night, as Rey watched Finn toss a ball down a lane, fouling in the process as his foot crossed the line. His name, where it was highlighted on the TV screen above them, had a mark put through his second turn. He cursed, his hands on his hips in his Peter Pan power stance.

This was a mistake.

Abort plan.

Repeat: abort plan.

"What did you want to talk about, anyway?" Finn sank onto the sofa next to her. The bowling alley was relatively new, having opened five months ago. It had a fancy restaurant, an arcade room to put other arcades to shame, a laser tag and bumper car place, and one of those escape room gimmicks that were popular these days.

In other words, it was extremely nice. It was also extremely cheap that night. Ninety-nine cent games with five dollars for a pair of shoes. They were clearly trying to get more people into the building during the week to pay for the building's upkeep, as every day of the week had a different deal.

Finn had wanted to check the place out.

He'd neglected to mention he hadn't bowled in twelve years.

"Forget about it," she said, highly aware of her mobile in her purse. It was tucked safely beneath the cubby hole of their side of the table. Finn had gotten a tower of beer—they didn't sell pitchers—and she was careful with her devices, now especially. With how often she exchanged messages with Ben, she didn't want to risk coming out of pocket with money she didn't have for a new phone.

"Nah, nah…" He shook his head at her and waggled a finger. "I know that look. You're brooding. Might as well get it out now."

Rey hung her head. "Am I that transparent?" She was having to raise her voice to be heard over the music that pounded through the establishment. It ranged from every decade, maintaining an upbeat, poppy theme. At the moment, Island in the Sun by Weezer was playing.

When you are on a golden sea… You don't need no memory…

"Yeah." Finn nodded with a grimace. "Yeah… Yeah, a bit, yeah."

Just a place to call your own… As we drift into the zone…

"I got it," Rey grated. "'Yeah.'"

He raised his hands to ward off her wrath. "Hey, man, you asked the question."

She stood and grabbed her bowling ball. She'd chosen it for the color—a pretty, swirly purple—and not the weight. She'd never gone bowling, and she didn't much mind about winning or not tonight. No, tonight was about… figuring out the inside of that man's head.

Rey swung, and the ball hit the floor with enough force to make her hiss through her teeth and wince.

"Shite," she said.

Surprisingly, it bowled over a few pins with it.

"Hey! Yes!"

She high-fived with Finn and grasped hands briefly.

"Now you get to go again!" he cheered. "And Rey?"

"Hm?"

"Try not to break the floor this time."

She rolled her eyes. "So long as you don't foul again," she muttered.

"What was that? Hey! Get back here! Rey!" Finn whined.

A minute later, she walked back to their seating area to see the screen. Hm. Seven points. Not bad for being her first time. Or so she figured. She really didn't know anything about bowling.

"Look… I need a man's opinion," she said as Finn sank his fingers into the three holes of his ball.

He jerked his head up. "Say what?"

She folded her arms and pressed her lips together, averting her eyes.

"On what? That Ben guy you've been throwing me over for?" Finn asked dryly.

She trailed him to their lane. "I haven't been throwing you over! You get me every—"

"I get you once a week," Finn stated bluntly. "I used to get you a lot more than that, but I'm settling since I like seeing you so happy." He paused to roll his ball, more carefully than he had last and behind the line. He got lucky, knocking all the pins down, and let out a whoop. Rey scowled.

All right, so maybe she cared about winning more than she was willing to admit.

This place wasn't half-bad. She'd ask Ben if he liked bowling. Take him here. See what unfolded. It'd be good to kick his arse at something else. Cathartic. Not that they were keeping score or anything, but so far, they were pretty even on the playing field.

"What about you, Finn? Are you seeing anyone?" Rey asked, tugging her hair behind her ear.

"Don't change the subject. It's your turn."

Rey sighed and grabbed the purple ball. "It's just… he hasn't… done anything."

Her friend's brows furrowed with confusion. She didn't blame him. It was confusing, damn it!

"'Done anything'?" Finn echoed.

She was less reckless with the ball, less showy. She'd read somewhere about the center arrows to roll true. She hefted the ball, swung it twice without releasing it, and then let it go smoothly. It listed to the right, half the pins toppling over.

"Yes!" She pumped her fist.

On her second turn, she hit nothing, her elation deflating in seconds.

Grrr…

"He hasn't done anything," Rey said, still casting dark glances at the lane on her way back to the ball dispenser. It was now The Enemy. She would end it before the night was over. It would rue the day it had dared to present a challenge from the beginning. "Since I told him he could be in my life, could… court me… he hasn't done anything."

She shrugged, gnawing on the edge of her thumbnail, tapping her foot.

"Are you jonesing for something?" Finn asked warily.

"No!" she snapped. "Of course not! I just—I can't think, all right?!" She shoved her fingers into her hair, squeezing the sides of her head in an ill-fated attempt to get her brain to shut up. "I'm constantly wondering what he's up to. If he's going to text me back. What he's doing if he takes a while. I mean, how do you know? How do you know if he's bored of you or not? How do I know he isn't? How do I know he's into me at all anymore, that he hasn't changed his mind because I'm—I don't know—boring, like I said?!"

Rey threw her hands up. "I just—I can't! I'm doing everything I can to be interesting, you know?! He's so intelligent! God, the things he talks about! I mean, did you know that there's this thing out there called the Hercules-Bor… Bor… Something-or-Other!"

"The Hercules-Corona Borealis Great Wall?" Finn put in.

"Yes!" Rey frowned. "You know about it?"

"I'm a fan of space," he said with a dismissive wave of his hand. "Just keep going." He had one arm folded over his chest, his chin resting on hand, his expression signaling that he was listening intently.

"Well, about that thing! And how it—kind of breaks—physics or something!"

"Technically, it—" Finn began excitedly.

"THAT'S NOT THE POINT, FINN! GEEK OUT LATER!"

"Sorry. Go on."

"Whatever, look! He's handsome! So—so… so handsome!" Sinfully handsome. "So fit."

"That's a matter of opinion, I think…"

"And he—he always knows what to say! No matter what's happening with me, he… he handles me! And normally, that would aggravate me to no end, and it doesn't! And he's my favorite author, God, he has the most beautiful writing… Finn, I—I'm me… I'm a fencing instructor, I don't do anything…"

"Oh. My. God."

Thinking something had happened, Rey wrenched her head up at his alarmed tone. "What?"

His eyes were wide. "You're in love with him!" he accused.

"I…" Rey staggered back. "I—am not!"

"Are, too!"

"AM NOT!"

"ARE TOO, ARE TOO, ARE TOO!" Finn jumped and pointed.

"Stop doing that, you look ridiculous!" Rey shouted, hands fisted at her sides. "I am not, Finn! And I'm being serious! If he's so into me, then why hasn't he done anything?!"

Finn was hooting with laughter.

"Are you quite finished?" Rey said coolly.

He bent over, clutching his stomach, his body shaking silently. "Almost," he gasped.

She clucked her tongue and stared up at the ceiling, a hand on her cocked hip. "Any day now, Finn."

"…Whoo!" he said, coming up for breath. He shook his head. "Damn, girl! I was not expecting that!"

Offended, though she didn't know why, Rey set her jaw. "And why is that?"

"Are you kidding?!" he chuckled. Seeing she wasn't, his chuckle deepened. "Come on, Rey."

"Come on, what?"

"You ran away from him in the bookstore! You avoided him for weeks!"

"And now I've spent the last three months with him! Isn't that a good indication that I—"

"Ahhhhh!" Finn crowed, shaking his finger at her in that annoying way of his. She was about to break it off. "You're in love, you're in love, you're in love."

"Keep saying it if you want your penis to stay attached to your person," she threatened.

"Whoa, hey, now. We don't have to bring it there." Finn grinned. "That's not really necessary, is it?"

"I don't know," she challenged. "Is it?"

"You get super scary like this." He gestured in a downward circle. "Your eyes flash. You look like the devil."

"Keep digging your grave, Finn!"

"Why is it such a big deal?" Finn sighed. "It means you've moved on, right? From Poe? It means you're happy?" He knocked his shoulder into hers companionably. "I don't think he doesn't want you. I think he's scared to spook you off again. You ran from him—"

"—in a bookstore, yeah, yeah, everyone keeps reminding me…"

Was Finn right?

Her stomach was clenched so tightly she couldn't breathe.

Was she in love with Ben?

"Stop being such a gentleman!"

Ben blinked.

Birds twittered in the early morning, sunlight filtering through the trees in the park and making dappled spots on the ground. Many denizens of the city were still asleep, leaving Ben mostly alone with Rey. Mostly—a couple was staring as they pushed past with a stroller, a baby fast asleep beneath its hood.

"Um…" Puzzled, he tilted his head. He was finally alert, the last of his grogginess slipping away. "Okay…"

Rey crossed her arms and swallowed. Unable to hold his gaze, she let her own drop to where she was smudging dirt around with the toe of her shoe.

"I thought that's what you wanted," Ben murmured, stepping close. "You said you wanted to move slow. Are you saying you want something else now?"

"No! Yes—I—" She wished her head would stop aching. She'd spent the last four days in agony deliberating over her feelings, and she still didn't know. That's what she was telling herself, at least. She was too terrified of the real answer. "Do you still want me?"

"Do I still—?" Ben scoffed. "Are you being serious?"

"Yes," Rey said, wounded.

"No, I mean—" Ben clasped his hands over her upper arms and dragged her to him. He cupped her face in his palms once he deemed her close enough. "Are you serious?" Like this, she couldn't avoid the intensity in his brown eyes. "You know how much I want you."

"I… I do?" She swallowed again.

"Rey…" He closed his eyes, resting his forehead against hers. "You're all I ever fucking think about…" His hands lowered to circle her waist. They were so large, his fingertips almost touched, and with the way they were holding her, she could tell he wanted to move them along her body. "But I don't want to fuck this up. You said you wanted to go slowly."

"I did say that…" she whispered, distracted. His skin was so warm, she could feel it through her shirt.

"Did you change your mind?" he breathed.

His hands slid down, grasping her arse and pulling her against him, where she could feel his trapped erection against her. His teeth hooked over her ear, and she could hear how his breath trembled. Her eyes rolled back a little, her nerves already sensitive. It had been months—she was like an untapped source of sexual tension.

"This is what you do to me," he murmured. "Like I'm a goddamn teenager again."

She exhaled raggedly.

He pressed a kiss to the column of her throat that she felt all the way down to her core, where it was tingling between her thighs.

"Please tell me you've changed your mind…" he whispered.

They were in the middle of a bloody park, and she hadn't a care in the world about it.

All she could do was moan.