Chapter 35

"G-Gil? A-a-are you you y-you ok?"

Gil smiled, waking as he felt Latvia's hand on his arm. He nodded, opening his eyes. He hadn't heard the smaller country come in, "Latvia-"

Latvia slapped him.

He winced, keeping his face away from the blond. His heart ached, he knew he deserved the strike.

"That's for h-hurting Lithy!" Latvia brushed tears away from his cheeks, and wrapped his arms around Gil, hugging him as best as he could, "And and and and that's for n-not letting him die…"

Gil put his hand on Latvia's back as the little country's body shook with sobs. He turned to look at him again, sighing.

Latvia looked up at Gil with a gentle smile, "A-are you ok?"

He smiled back weakly, nodding. He glanced at the bandages on his wrists, then close his eyes, realizing nothing was covering the marks in his arms. He turned away, not wanting Latvia to notice them.

"It's ok, Gil… I al-already know," Latvia sighed.

Gil closed his eyes, not wanting to look at Latvia, "Who-" he asked weakly, his voice still almost too choked to make sound.

"No one. I figured it out…" Latvia looked down for a moment, then back up at Gil, "Estonia noticed the painkillers go-going missing…" he bit his lip, "So he asked me if I-I-I was taking them a-again… I'm not, so I knew it-it must be you…" he looked down.

"What?" Gil asked, lifting Latvia's chin gently, looking into the boy's face. He didn't. He couldn't have…

Latvia sighed, "Mmhmm. They made m-me sick, so… I stopped," Latvia brought his hands to his upper arms, "I know it was dumb… b-but… I get it. It's hard…" He looked into Gil's face, a few tears slipping down his cheeks, "Now I just drink too much," he shrugged.

Gil sighed, it felt like Latvia was staring into his soul. He hated it. He didn't think he wanted Latvia to see what was there.

"Y-you have to stop, Gil… p-please you have to stop… please…" Latvia brought his hands to his face, crying.

Gil closed his eyes, tears sliding down his face into his hair. He looked back at Latvia, reaching over to brush the boy's tears away.

"I'm sorry…" he whispered, closing his eyes again.

Latvia sighed, looking up, "I hate watching you do this to yourself! Why are you doing this? Why do want Russia to hurt you?"

Gil looked away, shaking his head. Because I hate what I am. I hate who I am… I hate what I've done, to Poland, to my brother… He looked back at Latvia with a sigh. He still couldn't talk.

"I'm going to fix you," Latvia wiped the tears away, "You're going to stop those drugs. I'm g-gonna make you stop them!"

Gil smiled a little, trying to give Latvia some hope. He wasn't going to stop. "Latvia…" he tried to choke out words.

"No! You don't get to argue with me! You're getting better! I'm not letting you not get better…" Latvia leaned forward on the bed, burying his face in his arms, sobbing.

Prussia looked over at Ludwig, the boy's head on his arms on the bed, sobbing at his side. He held back a groan of pain. He looked down at the bandages on his chest and arms, then back at his brother. He reached over carefully and pet his blond hair.

"Gil, you're awake!" Ludwig looked up, brushing the tears away from his eyes.

Prussia nodded, turning away suddenly so Ludwig wouldn't see the pain on his face.

"Are… are you ok?" Ludwig touched his brother's hair, petting it gently.

Prussia nodded again, trying to breathe. His entire body ached, everything hurt. The deep wound in his side was the worst. "How long have I been…?" He whispered, his voice thick with pain.

"Almost two weeks… the French they… they took Berlin!" Ludwig's little hands clenched into angry fists, "But we'll get it back! I know we will!"

Prussia smiled a little. His brother was always so hopeful. He winced again. The defeat had been had. He'd lost over 10,000 men on the battlefield, and almost 15,000 more had been captured. He turned to Ludwig again, worried as the boy doubled over, coughing hard, shaking.

"Engelchen? (Little Angel)" Prussia forced himself to sit up, putting his hand on the boy's shoulder, "Bruder?" He lifted the boy's chin, gasping a little, angry as he saw blood on his bother's lips.

"I'm… I'm ok…" Ludwig brushed away the blood, smiling up at his brother.

"Berlin?" Prussia bit his lip, afraid the war had hurt his brother more than he thought.

Ludwig nodded, looking up at Prussia, "It's not as bad as you but…" He shook his head, "You lost another 14,000 men… maybe that's why you're so sick…" He started coughing again, his whole body shaking.

Prussia forced himself to pull himself up, turning to sit on the edge of the bed. He lifted Ludwig into his arms, cradling the boy as he coughed so hard it felt like he would break.

"I've got you…" Prussia whispered, kissing his brother's head, holding him, not caring as he felt his brother's blood drip down his arm. "I've got you they won't hurt you… I promise I won't let France kill you. I promise…"

"It hurts…"

Prussia winced himself, the pain so intense he almost couldn't think enough to speak. "I know…" he whispered through grit teeth, holding Ludwig tighter, "But I won't let them kill you." He closed his eyes, trying to hold back tears as his brother wrapped his little arms around his neck, leaning on his shoulder, crying and coughing.

"Are you… sure?" he whispered.

Prussia nodded, "I'm sure."

"I trust you…" Ludwig tried to relax, tried to stop coughing. He brushed the blood away from his lips and planted a kiss on his brother's cheek, "Ich liebe dich, bruder…"

Prussia held him until he fell asleep. He turned, laying the child on the bed beside him. He pulled the blankets back over himself, unable to hold back a quiet cry of pain. He looked back to his brother, petting the almost white-blond hair gently. He would never let anyone hurt him. Never. No matter what it cost him. He would never let anyone hurt him.

Gil brought his hand to his face, covering his eyes, turning away from Latvia. He didn't want to cry. He couldn't cry. He wouldn't cry.

"Promise me…" Latvia sobbed, looking back up at Gil, pulling his hand away from his face, pointing to the needle marks in his arm, "P-p-pr-promise me you'll s-stop this!" his voice was choked with tears, but angry.

Gil looked away, "I can't…" He shook his head.

Latvia threw Gil's arm down, angry, hurt, and still crying. He stood, walking towards the door.

"Where are-" Gil tried to speak, reaching for Latvia, trying to catch his coat before he moved out of reach. He wasn't fast enough.

Latvia spoke without looking back at him, "I'm-I'm not going to watch you slowly die! I'm n-not going to! I c-can't! I-I-I-I won't!" He ran out of the room.

Gil closed his eyes, still fighting tears. He turned to look at Lithuania, who was awake, watching silently. Gil let himself look into the other country's face.

Lithuania turned away.

…

Hungary let the knife slam through the beets into the cutting board a little harder than was necessary. She noticed Belarus doing the same. Neither of them spoke. Hungary almost wanted to break the silence, but Belarus was holding a knife, so she thought better of it. The blonde country wasn't as violent as most of the other's thought she was, but she was still unpredictable. Hungary stacked the slices of beets and chopped them into long strips, tossing them into the bowl beside her and taking another of the vegetables from the sink. They weren't as bad as she'd expected them to be, but they stained her fingers pink, which she didn't particularly like. She glanced at Belarus again, still not sure if she should speak.

"I won't hurt Gil, if that's what you're worried about," Belarus said finally.

"Who said I was worried about that?" Hungary asked casually. She wasn't sure if she wanted to hug Gil, or hit him with a frying pan. He was an idiot…but the look in his eyes was one she'd never seen from him before: defeat. Even after lost battles, his beautiful red eyes were never defeated, they were never anything less than strong and proud. He'd given up, and that made her angry.

"I can tell," Belarus sighed, "You're worried about him. I can tell that too."

"Oh?" Hungary asked, trying to sound less concerned than she really was.

"You should be…" Belarus sighed, stopping cutting the potatoes for a moment, turning to Hungary, "There are four new ghosts here…" she bit her lip, unsure if she wanted to talk about it.

"Ghosts?" Hungary stopped her own vegetable chopping, and turned to Belarus, wiping her pink hands on her apron.

"There are lots of ghosts in this house, Elizabeta… lots of ghosts. Almost all of them are kind, though there are a few that would rather play pranks than behave… none of them are dangerous…" She shook her head.

"And the new ghosts… are they… dangerous?" Hungary wasn't afraid, just concerned.

Belarus shook her head, "No… they're sad… Liz, they're so sad…"

Hungary stared, shocked as Belarus did something she'd never seen from the girl: she started sobbing. Hungary wasn't sure how to react for a moment, then stepped forward, extending her arms to hug Belarus, who accepted the gesture to her surprise.

"They're thin and scared and so so sad… It hurts to see them… they're in so much pain…" Belarus sobbed, almost choking with tears, "And one of them is a child… Liz, he's so young… he's like a skeleton I don't… I can't…" she couldn't speak, her whole body shaking with sobs, clinging to Hungary.

Hungary held her tightly, trying to comfort her, "Do… do you know why they're here?"

Belarus nodded, trying to regain her composure, "They said they're here… for Gilbert Beilschmidt…"

"For Gil!?" Hungary gasped, worried, "Why? Are they going to hurt him?"

Belarus shook her head, "No they're not angry! They're not angry at all… just… sad… I don't know how to explain it! Every time I see them I cry. It hurts to see them. They're in so much pain…" she covered her face with her hands.

Hungary winced, "You're sure they don't want to hurt him? That they're not angry?" Why weren't they angry? They had every right to be angry. Did they know he didn't know?

Belarus nodded, "I'm sure. They're not angry. They're not angry at all… I… I didn't talk to them much… I was crying and they were upset. They didn't like making me cry so they went away… I… I don't want to see them anymore, but I do sometimes. They… they break my heart, Liz… I don't know how else to explain it… they're all so thin… so sad…" she shook her head, trying to brush away her tears, "If anyone comes in…" she sniffed, turning back to the chopping board, "I was cutting onions, understood?" She pointed the knife at Hungary.

Hungary nodded, stepping back, putting her hands up, "Very understood," she turned back to the beets again.

A crash rang through the hallway and a loud cry of pain followed it.

Hungary dropped the knife on the cutting board and ran through the kitchen door, rounding the corner to find Poland on the ground, a tray of former dishes on the ground. Almost everything had broken, and Poland's leg bled. She ripped off her apron and knelt beside him, wrapping the white cloth around his leg, pressing into the wound.

"It's… not bad…" Poland shook his head, recoiling at her touch a little.

"What happened, Lelkem (honey/sweetie)?" She asked, pushing his hair out of his face gently.

He shook his head, pulling away, wrapping his arms around himself, almost kicking her back.

She pulled her hands away immediately, looking at him tenderly, worried. She paused before she spoke, hoping it would give him a moment to calm down, "Flashbacks?" she asked finally, gently.

He nodded, bringing his hands to his ears, shaking his head, kicking at nothing.

"Sh… Sh…" she tried to calm him without touching him, "Sh, you're ok…"

He shook his head, "No I'm not…" he whispered.

"Yes, you are…" She moved closer as he stopped kicking. "You're ok. You're right here, I'm right here. No one's hurting you, it's ok… you're ok…"

"No, I'm not ok!" he shouted, slamming his fists into the ground, looking up at her, "Look at me…"

"Feliks…" She whispered, looking down, closing her eyes with a sigh.

"I said 'look at me!'" he bit his lip, trying to fight the tears.

She listened, looking into her cousin's face, sliding around to sit beside him, leaning up against the wall, "Feliks…?"

He wiped away his tears, looking away from her, "I'm a mess… I can't do anything without…" he shook his head, the tears refusing to be held back, "without seeing things… feeling things… I hate it… I hate it and I can't stop it!" he slammed his fists on the ground again, "I want to get better, Liz…" he shook his head, almost choking with sobs, "I want to get better…" he looked up at her, tears streaming, "Why can't I get better?"

Hungary closed her eyes, a few tears slipping down her own cheeks, "You are… you are getting better. I promise you, I've seen it. I've seen how strong you are. I know how strong you are. You're going to be ok, you're going to get better…"

Poland turned, hugging her, letting his head rest on her shoulder, sobbing. He moved his legs over her lap, still sitting on the ground, so he could hug tighter, pulling his knees up towards his chest, curling up, trying to protect himself, trying to feel normal.

Hungary wrapped her arms around him, holding him tightly, petting his hair. She let more tears fall. He hadn't let her hug him, not once. She hadn't held him since before the war. He hadn't let anyone touch him. She rested her head on his, petting the soft blond strands, pressing his head into her shoulder, holding him.

"I just want to be me again…" he whispered, licking the tears off his lips.

"You will be," Hungary nodded, brushing the tears away from her eyes quickly before letting her arm return to his shoulders, holding him, "You will be, I promise."

"I just want to be ok…" his voice shook with tears again, "I just want to be ok…" he pressed his face into her shoulder, trying not to sob again.

"It's ok…" she whispered, "It's ok, I've got you. You can cry, it's ok, I won't tell anyone…" she shook her head, petting his hair. She could feel him shake with sobs again, his tears soaking the shoulder of her dress. She didn't care, "It's ok," she whispered, kissing the top of his head, "It's ok, I've got you."

A/N: Lots of tears in this chapter. Some healing, some not... As Gil wants to loose himself, Poland wants himself back... Gil's getting worse, Poland is healing...

More Latvia and Young!Ludwig for you! Yay! The battle Prussia is referring too, by the way, is the Battle of Jena–Auerstedt durring the napolionic wars. It's an interesting read if you have the time! History, YAY!

Belarus can see the ghosts too... hmm...

Not much to say about this one. I feel like it's a bit of a filler again, and isn't my favorite chapter... (though I do love the Hungary and Poland scene in the end of this!) But I will be jumping ahead a bit soon, and there are some (hopefully good!) surprises coming! Though more angst for some of these characters!

As always, I love to read your reviews! Reviewers are given cookies and fresh berries and cream from my garden! As well as tea, cocoa, and hugs!

Updates may slow to only a few times a week, as I am starting work as hair desiner on a film. I've been working on it for months now, but we actually start shooting on Monday and I have 5am call times... so... but I will still continue to update I promise! We only shoot through August, so I won't be gone forever! Thank you all again for your continued support! :D