Kissing Jack was like nothing Ennis had ever experienced before. When he was younger, he had kissed his mama goodnight, but that was nothing compared to what was happening here. Feeling Jack's lips moving against his own...it was hard to describe, but it somehow felt freeing. There was a small feeling of recklessness behind it all. The excitement behind the rebellious act kept Ennis from pulling away at first. But then his mind got the better of him and he was suddenly afraid that someone was going to walk in and catch them in this sinful act.

Ennis broke the kiss, now uncomfortable with how close Jack was leaning in. He could feel Jack's body heat radiating off of him and Ennis's heart suddenly started pounding. "I think it'd be best if I went home," he mumbled, but the look on Jack's face said he understood.

"We got quite a bit o' work done," Jack said, not sounding upset about Ennis wanting to go home early. It wasn't even noon yet. "You sure ya don't wanna stick around and just talk? I can teach ya a lot of things that won't be in any lesson during school." Those words spoke to Ennis in a way he wanted to ignore right now. The lessons ingrained in him by his parents made him sickened by the thought of what had just happened.

Two men weren't supposed to kiss. It wasn't natural.

Ennis lurched to his feet, hearing Jack call his name, but he ignored it as he stumbled out of the classroom. He hurried down the hall to the restroom, banging open a stall before he dropped to his knees and threw up into the toilet. He spent the next few minutes there, emptying his stomach.

Once he was finished and washed up, he stood there at the sink, knowing a sickness hadn't caused him to throw up. It was fear and anxiety. Not from what he had done, but the thought that someone would find out about it. He splashed cold water on his face, hearing the door squeal open, but he didn't turn to see who it was. He knew who it would be. He grabbed a couple paper towels and dried his face.

"I'm not gonna make you do anything ya don't wanna do," Jack said. Ennis threw away the paper towels, but didn't yet turn to face Jack. "But I'm not gonna lie and tell you I don't wanna spend more time with you." His openness about it was just as dangerous as the act itself.

"I ain't a queer," Ennis murmured. But, what else was he? He had thought long and hard about this once before and he had put down in that first paper that he wasn't attracted to any girls or boys at the school. So what did that make him? A freak? "My dad... he'd kill me if I was."

"It ain't right," Jack said, sounding like he was about to go off on another rant about how people treated people who were different than everybody else. "You're afraid of your dad that much?"

"I'm already a disappointment to 'im," Ennis said, not wanting to talk about what happened with his brother. He finally turned and looked at Jack. "If anybody found out what happened just now -"

"No one's gonna," Jack said in a reassuring manner. He sounded like he believed his own words. "It's just the two of us and will only be the two of us." Did he expect Ennis to agree to let this continue?

And why not? Though Ennis was still afraid, he couldn't help but remember that freeing feeling he had while kissing Jack. It was like he could finally be who he really was without anyone judging him for it. Even though he wasn't sure if he was a queer, a homosexual, or not, he found himself wanting to pursue that feeling. Jack wouldn't judge him. And, as he had just said, Jack wasn't going to make Ennis do anything he didn't want to.

"Ennis?"

"Can I help ya out on Saturdays more often?" Ennis asked, not knowing how else to say what he wanted to. "Maybe not as early since I still got chores to do at home, but maybe during the afternoons?"

Jack gave a small smile and a nod. "I can work that out," he said. "It'll look good on your record." They both knew Ennis wouldn't be helping out on Saturdays to get a good grade on his school record, but that somehow just made it more exciting.

Ennis wasn't the rebellious type, so all of this was new to him in so many different ways. "I ain't the fastest learner," he said. There had been several times he had had to skip school to help his dad out so he was probably behind in several areas. "But I'm willing to learn."

"That's better than a lot of students I've had in the past," Jack said. Ennis couldn't help but wonder if Jack had ever been involved with a student like he was with Ennis. Jack must have read it on Ennis's face because he gave an answer for it, "I've never had any personal classes with any student before now. It'll be a new experience for me, too. But not the first time I've...been involved with someone."

Ennis didn't want him to elaborate on that. "What else can you teach me today?" he asked.

"I think you've got enough for today," Jack said. "Why don't we find some more papers to grade?" He started for the door.

"Alma's comin' over for supper tonight," Ennis said. Jack stopped and turned back. "She might not try anythin', but I really don't wanna take that chance. What if she gets me alone again?"

"You can say no to her advances."

"And if I can't?"

"Ya gotta ask yourself if you want to say no to her advances," Jack said. "You said your dad wants ya to establish your dominance with her. Tellin' her no is the best place to start that."

"You want me to -"

"Dominance can be taken in a non-sexual way," Jack said. "You show her who's boss and she might back off."

"Might?" Ennis didn't like the sound of that.

"There's a possibility that she might think you showing your dominance is a go ahead for her," Jack said. "To let her do what she wants because you want it."

"I can't do that."

"Then make sure you don't end up alone with her," Jack said then turned and left the restroom. Ennis hesitated a moment then followed after him.

They found some extra work to do, detailing out next week's lessons. Jack had pictures to go along with some of the lessons. They finished up right around two o'clock in the afternoon. Ennis gathered his things to leave, pausing for a few minutes while Jack got a pass for Ennis to use for Saturday afternoons that would go on his school record. He slipped the paper into his backpack then left.

Walking out into the parking lot, Ennis saw his dad sitting in the driver's seat of the truck. When his dad saw him, he just waved for Ennis to get in the passenger side. Ennis walked around the truck and climbed in, his backpack on the floor between his legs. His dad started the truck and pulled out of the school parking lot.

"I saw Mr. Beers at the bank this mornin'," his dad said, turning off on the road that would lead straight home. "He mentioned that Alma was pretty down 'bout you not goin' horseback ridin' with her."

"I had stuff to do," Ennis said, staring straight ahead.

"I get that," his dad said. "But I better hear ya apologize to her when she comes over tonight, awright?" He reached over and patted Ennis on the arm a few times. "Promise me, boy."

"Yes, sir," Ennis said with a nod. "I promise."

"He also mentioned somethin' else to me," his dad went on. "About Starbright." He didn't wait for Ennis to say anything. "That he might hafta take that horse back if you and Alma don't get friendly with each other pretty soon."

Then let him take back the damn horse, Ennis thought, but kept that to himself. "What's he mean by friendly?" he asked, though he was pretty sure Mr. Beers hadn't meant sexually friendly. Hopefully.

"Spend more time with her," his dad said. "Like if she wants to go horseback ridin' with ya, don't wait til the last minute to tell her you've got other plans. It wasn't a nice thing ya did, Ennis. Make time for her. Good start: sit by her at church tomorrow."

The last place Ennis wanted to be tomorrow was at church. "All right," he said, just giving in and not starting up any argument. He wouldn't win anyway. What his daddy said, he had to obey no matter what. As long as he was living under their roof, at least. And according to his dad's plans, Ennis wouldn't be moving out of his parents home anytime soon. He wouldn't be surprised if his dad expected Ennis and Alma to get married and live on the farm.

Ennis looked out the window, thinking about Jack, who would only be here for the next couple of months. Then what would happen? How would Ennis be able to make it through anything without having Jack nearby to talk to? He pushed that thought out of his mind. A lot could happen in the next couple of months.

A lot of bad could happen as well.

Supper with his parents and Alma was pure torture.

Ennis finally managed to excuse himself and step outside onto the porch. The conversation had started out fine. Ennis had apologized and Alma had forgiven him instantly. Then they had all sat around the table and started talking about Ennis and Alma's future together. It all became too much for Ennis really fast. He had excused himself and they were still inside talking.

They were controlling his future and he would do nothing about it. He wanted to do something about it. He wanted to march back in there and tell them all that he was moving away from this goddamned town as soon as he graduated high school. They couldn't control his life if he wasn't living here anymore. But how could he do that? They needed him here to help around the farm. It was his responsibility, now that KE was gone.

Ennis walked out to the barn and entered Starbright's stall, grabbing a brush. He emptied his mind of all thoughts and worries and just focused on brushing the horse. The horse they may or may not have for much longer if Alma's dad thought that Ennis wasn't being friendly enough with Alma.

Tossing the brush away, Ennis sat down in the pile of hay in the corner of the stall. Starbright swung his tail and looked at him, huffing at him before bending his head down to eat some hay.

"Must be frustratin' to be a horse," Ennis said. "Always havin' to go where you're sent. Do what you're told. I guess we're not that different, huh? Hell, even you can't choose who ya wanna be 'friendly' with."

"Ennis? Ya out here?"

Ennis forced himself to remain quiet, but how long could he stay hidden if Alma walked further into the barn? He shook his head and stood up, stepping out of the stall. Alma walked over to him.

"You okay?" Alma asked. "You sick?"

"I'm fine," Ennis said, throwing some more hay into the stalls for the horses. If he didn't have something to do, Alma might do anything she wanted and he couldn't have a repeat of last time.

"How'd the day go with Mr. Twist?" Alma asked. "What all did ya have to help with?"

"Gradin' papers and gettin' lessons ready for next week," Ennis said. He dusted himself off then set about refilling the water troughs.

"So you know what he's gonna be teachin'?" Alma asked. Ennis nodded his head in response. "Can I get a sneak peak?"

Ennis moved to the next stall and Alma followed right behind. "Just wait until Monday," he said. "Ain't that long a wait."

"But I might like hearin' it from you more than Mr. Twist."

"He teaches it better."

"I'd rather hear it from someone less experienced," Alma said then stepped closer to him. "You're not too experienced, are ya, Ennis?" It sounded like she wanted to hear him say that he was experienced.

He didn't want to answer the question. "What're you doin' out here, Alma?" he asked. "I thought you were inside, talkin' -"

"What's the point of talkin' 'bout our future if you ain't there talkin' too?" Alma said. "I told them I was gonna talk to you about it. They said we could take our time." She hooked her finger through his belt loop. "We've got a lot of talkin' to do." She pulled herself even closer to him.

He took her hand and made her let go then backed away from her. "That ain't the right way to act, Alma," he said. "We can't be doin' -"

"You didn't seem to mind last time."

"Well, I minded," Ennis said, the image of Alma taking his hand and guiding it between her legs came back to him. "Just because we're takin' a sex ed class don't mean we can do whatever the hell we want with each other."

"But I don't wanna wait," Alma said. She pushed him, taking him by surprise, so Ennis fell backwards onto a bale of hay by one of the stalls. Before he could get up, Alma hiked up her skirt and climbed onto him. He could feel her heat through his jeans and the way she was grinding against him, he knew she wasn't wearing any underwear.

"Alma, stop," Ennis said, pushing her off of him, but he made sure she stayed on her feet. He got up off the hay bale. "I'm not gonna do anything like that with you right now."

Alma frowned, looking down. "You didn't get hard," she said and he realized she was looking at his crotch. She looked up at him. "Aren't you attracted to me?"

"I'm not interested in that sorta thing," Ennis said. He couldn't tell her that he wasn't attracted because that would be rude and might come off to her as not being attractive to anyone. "Right now, I just wanna be friends."

"You mean that?" Alma asked. Ennis nodded. "All right." He hoped that she would back off now, but he really didn't expect her to. She was obviously lonely and in love with Ennis, so she was desperate. He would have to be careful around her.

Really careful.