Chapter 44
"L-Liet?" Poland's voice drifted into the cold room as the door creaked open slowly.
Lithuania sighed, closing his eyes, pulling the covers over his bare and bleeding back. He couldn't sleep. He'd been laying in bed for hours. He felt sick. He didn't turn to look at Poland.
"Are… are you okay?" Poland whispered, stepping closer to his best friend.
Lithuania kept his face turned away from Poland. He winced as he heard Poland's footsteps. He mentally kicked himself for it. He was afraid of Poland now? He pulled the covers closer around his shoulders, hiding his back.
Poland bit his lip, wrapping his arms around himself. He watched Lithuania's shoulders shaking with sobs he tried to hide. "Liet…" Poland's own voice caught with tears, "Liet, did he hurt you again?"
Lithuania shook his head, still keeping his back to Poland, "No."
"I don't believe you!" Poland almost snapped, angry. He stepped closer to Lithuania and reached for the blanket.
"NO!" Lithuania turned around, pulling away from Poland, crying out in pain.
Poland froze, staring at his friend. "L…Liet….?" Poland's voice broke, tears slipping down his cheeks. He reached forward slowly towards Lithuania's face.
"Felya…" Lithuania looked down, letting Poland touch his cheek. He closed his eyes, hiding the pain that caught his breath.
Poland let his fingers brush the dark purple skin on Lithuania's face gently, "I… I thought he didn't… you said he doesn't hurt your face…"
"He usually doesn't," Lithuania pulled his face away, looking down.
Poland bit his lip, wrapping his arms around himself again. He looked at his friend's bare chest as the country hid his back from him. Lithuania's ribs were badly bruised, and quickly self-stitched wounds marked his chest. Poland sighed deeply, "I hate him. I hate him so much."
"Are you all right, Feliks?" Lithuania tried to change the subject, sitting up, being careful to keep his back hidden from Poland's view.
Poland nodded, "I wanted to see if you're ok… I… I could hear you…" Poland shuddered, shaking his head.
"I'm sorry," Lithuania sighed, keeping his eyes down, "But I'm fine. You can go."
"No, you're not fine!" Poland clenched his hands into fists, looking into Lithuania's face as the country looked up in surprise. "You're not fine and I hate that you keep pretending you are! You help absolutely everyone except yourself! You let him tear you to pieces for everyone in this d**n house and then you won't accept any help! You stitch your own wounds, you clean yourself up when he's done with you like you don't matter at all! Well, you do, and I'm sick of you treating yourself like you don't! You've nearly killed yourself to help me so stop being such an idiot and LET ME HELP YOU FOR A CHANGE!" Poland stamped his foot.
Lithuania stared at him, shocked, "I-" he wasn't sure how to even respond.
"Do you have medical supplies in here somewhere?"
"No," Lithuania shook his head, looking right at the cupboard where he kept them. He didn't want Poland to help him. He didn't want him to see the damage Russia had done.
Poland sighed, walking to the cupboard Lithuania had looked at. He found even more medical supplies than he'd expected.
"Felya-"
"Don't argue with me!" Poland looked back at him, "I'm helping you, ok?"
Lithuania looked away. He wasn't sure if he was grateful or angry. His stomach churned at the thought of Poland seeing his back again.
Poland brought the medical supplies back to the bed and set them down. He grabbed a chair from near the small table in the room and pulled it to Lithuania, sitting in front of him. "I'm going to help you, Liet. And you're going to let me. Ok?"
"Feliks, you don't have to-"
"Liet, please… please I can't do nothing. Don't ask me to do nothing… please… please let me help you."
Lithuania sighed deeply, and nodded slowly, his fingers tightening around the loose sheet. He was terrified.
"Just lay down… and… let me see your back…?" Poland's voice trembled a little. He didn't want to see it again, but he had to. He couldn't let his best friend destroy himself anymore.
Lithuania looked at Poland, his eyes pleading with the kind green eyes of the little country.
Poland shook his head, "No. I have to. Please…"
Lithuania sighed again, nodding. He took another deep breath and turned onto his stomach, pulling his legs up onto the bed, exposing the torn skin on his back to Poland. He closed his eyes, his heart pounding in his chest as he heard a gasp escape Poland's lips. He turned back to look at him.
"I… I'm ok…" Poland nodded, trying to breathe, trying to force himself not to pass out. Memories flashed in his mind. So much blood… he shook his head, closing his eyes for a moment, trying to breathe. He could do this. He could do this.
"Felya…?" Lithuania put his hand on his friend's reassuringly, "I'm ok, really, you don't have to-"
"No! Yes, I do!" Poland shook his head, opening his eyes. He stood, turning to the medical supplies, "I'll be right back…" he took a small bowl into the bathroom. He set the dish in the sink and turned the water to lukewarm. He sighed, looking up into the mirror for a moment, then back down. He didn't like looking at himself. He was still too skinny. The light caught an object near the bathtub, flashing a bright light into his eyes. He blinked, turning to look again, walking towards the tub. His heart jumped. Slowly, he knelt beside the tub, picking up the razor blade that sat on the edge. He ran his finger along the edge. It was dulled from use, but still sharp enough to work. He looked back at the bathroom door, biting his lip. He jumped again as water splashed onto the floor. He'd left the sink running.
"Nnnnnno," he stood, keeping the razor blade in his hand. He ran to the sink and turned off the water, lifting the bowl to let a little water drain before pouring some out of the dish, carrying it back to the bed. He set it down on the nightstand, and turned to Lithuania, his voice low, worried, "Liet… what's this?" he held up the razor blade, his hands shaking.
"Nothing!" Lithuania shook his head quickly, his eyes flashing with fear, "It's nothing, just-"
"It was by the bathtub…" Poland set the blade down on the nightstand, "Liet were you… you weren't…"
Lithuania said nothing, looking down for a moment. The pain in his eyes when he looked up a Poland made the blonde country jump.
"L-Liet no…" Poland shook his head, kneeling beside the bed, grabbing his friend's wrist, covering it with his own hand, holding it gently, "Liet please no… please… why would you…" he couldn't say it. He couldn't even say it.
Lithuania didn't look at Poland.
Tears streamed down Poland's cheeks, "Why would you do something like that? Why? It wouldn't even fix anything, you'd come back in a few hours, and-"
Liet turned to look at him, "Because for a few hours, I wouldn't have to deal with any of it. For a few hours, I wouldn't have to be in pain. For a few hours, everything would go away and I could rest… just for a few hours…"
Poland shook his head, "Please… Please don't, Liet… Please… Please, dying hurts and-"
"You think that matters to me anymore?"
"They killed me over a hundred times and it still matters to me!" Poland almost yelled, looking down almost instantly, brushing the back of his wrist over his eyes. He looked back up at Lithuania, "I'm sorry…"
"No… no, it's ok, you have to right to be angry for-"
"I still shouldn't yell at you…"
"I'm used to-"
"I know! That's why I'm mad at you! Because you put up with it!"
"And what else am I supposed to do!?" Lithuania's voice was hot, "Fight back and let him hurt Bela? Let him hurt you? Or Latvia, or Estonia, or Prussia? Fight back and let him torture more of my people? Destroy more of me than he already has?" Lithuania sat up, angry, hurt, slamming his fists into the bed, "What am I supposed to do!? How the hell am I suppose to fight back without hurting more people that I love!? Don't you get it, I can't! I CAN'T! No matter how much I want to…" Lithuania looked down, fighting tears, "He can do whatever he wants to me… I… I can't watch him hurt anyone else… I can't… I can't do it Feliks, I…" He leaned over his hands, trying to keep the tears back. He didn't want to cry anymore. He looked up, keeping his arms wrapped around himself, "I… I pretend I can protect them from him, but I can't… I can't…" his voice trembled, tears slipping down his cheeks, "I can't protect any of them, not unless he lets me." Lithuania set his jaw, angry, "And he only lets me because I'm his 'favorite'. He says he doesn't like hurting me, but… I don't know if I believe him. Sometimes I could almost, almost call him a friend… then… then he gets angry… he says he hates hurting me, but…" He looked down, sighing deeply.
Poland didn't speak for a moment, looking at Lithuania's face, watching the tears stain his friend's cheeks. He didn't know what to say. He couldn't argue. Lithuania was right, if he tried to defend himself he would end up hurting everyone else in the house. "Can… can I help your back now…?" He asked, his voice shaking.
Lithuania sighed deeply, nodding, "Okay, if you're sure…" He looked back at Poland.
The blond country smiled, nodding, "I'm sure. I want to help you Liet… in any way I can. Please…"
Lithuania nodded again, turning to lay on his stomach again. He closed his eyes, wincing as he felt Poland dab a wet cloth against the broken skin.
"Am I hurting you?" Poland whispered.
"I'm all right," Lithuania smiled at him gently. It wasn't painless, but Poland's touch was kind, gentle.
"Let me know if I hurt you."
Lithuania nodded.
Poland looked at the wounds once they were cleaned, biting his lip, "Some of these need stitches too…"
Lithuania sighed.
"I can do it, it's not like I haven't before… but…"
"Just do it. I'm fine."
"I should get painkillers for-"
"No. Just do it. I'm fine." Lithuania repeated with a sigh.
"If you're sure…" Poland's hands shook. He picked up the needle and thread, turning to Lithuania's back again. He tried to steady his hands. He grabbed his chest suddenly, gasping as memories flooded his mind, overwhelming him. He fell to his knees, dropping the needle, gasping for breath. He brought both hands to his chest, clawing at the deep cut the monster in his head was stitching closed as he screamed and cried in pain, the inside of his body on fire from the 'doctor's' experiments. He shook his head, covering his ears, closing his eyes tightly, screaming in the memory of pain, trying to make it stop, trying to make it go away.
"I'm here…" Lithuania's voice drifted into his mind as he tried to fight back, tried to push away the memories… "I'm right here, you're ok. It's just me, you're ok…" Poland could feel Lithuania's arms around him. He didn't move to hug him back, reality slowly fading back in. He looked around the room, disoriented for a moment. He turned to look at Lithuania, who was kneeling in front of him, holding him.
Poland frowned, pushing Lithuania away gently, clenching his hands into fists. He slammed his right hand into the bed as hard as he could, "I'm supposed to be getting better!" Tears streamed down his cheeks.
"Give yourself time…"
"How much more time!?" Poland bit his lip, shaking his head, "I want to help you and I… and I will…" Poland nodded, standing again, offering Lithuania his hand to help him back onto the bed, "I will help you!"
Lithuania looked at Poland, worried, "Felya…"
"No! No, I said I'd help you and I will. I don't care what happened before. I'm fine now!" he instinctively reached to cover the numbers on his arm.
Lithuania sighed, noticing the action, "Okay…" he laid back on the bed, watching Poland closely.
Poland leaned down and grabbed the needle from the floor. He set it down and picked up a clean one, threading it and turning to Lithuania's back again. He took a deep breath and slipped the needle into the skin around the deepest wound.
"We're going to be okay, Liet… we are."
…
Italy sprinkled salt into the pot of water he'd just started heating on the stove. He was going to make the best pasta Germany had ever had. He'd noticed the bigger country was always stressed. It worried him. Germany needed to learn to relax. He'd tried to teach him, but he'd gotten bored and said that painting wasn't relaxing. It frustrated Italy. He'd tried teaching him to dance too, but that was even less effective than painting. Germany could dance very well, but he didn't enjoy a second of it. Unless 'dancing' involved swords. Italy knew how to use a sword, and very well, but he didn't enjoy it. He preferred dancing for enjoyment, for fun. He often wondered if Germany enjoyed having fun, or if he found it tedious. He never was quite sure. He turned around suddenly, hearing the lock turn on the door.
"Germany! You're home early-" Italy froze suddenly, seeing the tall blond stagger in through the door, "Germany are you… are you ok?" he ran up to him, worried.
Germany nodded, "Just… tired…" he forced himself to hide the pain in his voice, "It was a long day at work and I… needed a break. I'll go back after supper… but…" he leaned against the counter, trying to steady his breathing.
"Germany, something's wrong! Tell me what's wrong!" Italy put his hands on Germany's shoulders, terrified.
Germany gripped his side, gasping in pain. He fell to the ground, bringing several dishes with him. They shattered on the ground, cutting his hands. He didn't care. He winced in pain, trying to hold back a low cry.
"Let me see!" Italy moved Germany's hands, almost ripping open the taller man's shirt. A bandage was wrapped around his waist. "W… what…?"
"Never mind… I'm…fine," Germany set his jaw tightly, giving a low grunt of pain.
"No, you're not! Germany what's going on?"
Germany shook his head, not wanting to answer, "T-Terr… There's a new group of… some bombs went off… people got hurt and…"
"And you?" Italy's voice was worried, terrified even. He attacked the bandage, "Let me see…" He pulled back the bandage to find a deep wound. "Luddy…?"
"I'm… all right… I just… a lot of people got hurt and I…" he couldn't swallow down the blood that dripped from his mouth.
"I'm calling America… please let him call him, he can help!" Italy's voice was frantic as he wiped the blood from Germany's lips.
Germany shook his head, "I can handle it! I'll heal in a few days and…" He let out a sharp grunt of pain, closing his eyes. He turned, trying to stand.
"No! Not without help!" Italy pulled Germany's arm over his shoulders and helped him stand, "I've got you…"
Germany smiled a little, weakly, "Usually… I'm the one taking care of you…"
"You may be better at fighting," Italy looked up at him, still worried, "But I'm better at medicine. I'll get you cleaned up and sewn up. Just lean on me ok? We'll go to your room so you can rest!" Italy nodded, determined.
Germany gave a single nod in return, trying not to lean too hard on Italy, steadying himself on the hallway walls as they walked slowly to his room.
"Does…" Germany winced again, "Does this mean I don't get that pasta for supper?"
Italy looked up at him with a soft smile, seeing the pained playfulness in Germany's eyes, "Ve…" he shook his head, rolling his eyes. He helped Germany to the bigger country's bed, helping him take off the formerly white shirt that was stained with blood. He turned to the bandage, starting to unwrap it.
A loud hissing noise erupted from the kitchen.
Italy gasped, "I left water on the stove!" he ran out of the room.
Germany smiled.
A/N: This was a fun/good chapter to write. Some sad/dark things, and some major bittersweetness happening with Liet and Poland... but also some happiness. Liet is learning to let himself be helped (he's quite bad at it still... but he's trying!) Poland is doing MUCH better than the last time we saw him, and Italy is adorable as usual. Germany's injuries are from a terrorist group called RAF that was most active during the 70's and 80's. Unfortunately, it's going to get a bit worse before it gets better, adding another thing to Germany's plate of things to deal with/stress about. But Italy will try to help.
Filming wraps on Friday, so I should be back to very regular updates! YAY! :D :D :D (but It's really sad guys, I'm gonna miss everyone so badly! You really do become a family on set and I hope I get to work with everyone again really, really soon!)
As always, reviews are deeply appreciated! I LOVE reading all of them! And you guys review so FAST after a new chapter goes up! It makes me so happy to know that you guys are enjoying this story so much! :D :D :D :D Cookies and hugs and lemonade and tea and all things happy and good to all reviewers! (Kattie, thank you for such a long review on the last chapter. It was fun to read!)
Song that REALLY makes me think of Liet: "Skin" by Sixx:A.M.