Chapter 63
Gil opened the car door, sliding in and laying across the leather seat, cranking down the window and letting his feet rest in the open space. He turned the key, starting the car, sighing deeply, lifting a cigarette to his lips. He lit it, leaning back against the leather, taking a few deep inhales of the smoke before sitting up again, turning to the bottle of vodka he'd brought with him. He took a deep drink, letting it burn down his throat. He turned on the radio, cranking it as loud as it would go, and laid back against the seat, taking another long inhale of the smoke, closing his eyes and just listening to the music. It was so loud the seat buzzed against his back. He smirked, taking another drink, bringing the cigarette to his lips again. He didn't care. He couldn't hear Russia calling him if he wanted to. An hour. All he wanted was an hour…
He winced, feeling someone knocking on his boots. He opened his eyes reluctantly, sitting up, pulling his feet out of the window.
"Estonia?" he asked, confused.
The tall blond country nodded, opening the door and sitting beside Gil. He pulled a cigarette from his jacket pocket, lit it, and leaned back against the leather seats, glancing at Gil, "May I join you?"
Gil stared at him for a moment, then shrugged, "Sure. I don't care." he moved his legs to give Estonia more room and offered him the bottle of vodka, which the country took.
Estonia handed the bottle back to Gil and glanced at the radio, "Punk music? Really, Gil? You could get in trouble…"
"Punk, rock, metal… yeah, look how much I care!" Gil rolled his eyes, turning the music up louder. He glanced at Estonia who shrugged, sitting back, listening to the music with what appeared to be a very faint smile. "You like this?" Gil pointed to the radio, sitting up and starting at Estonia.
Estonia nodded, "Yes," he smirked, not looking at Gil.
"What?" Gil asked slowly, still looking at Estonia. There was something the blond wasn't telling him.
Estonia only smiled.
"Oh come on! You can't always be mute," he took another long drink of the vodka, clearing his throat as he finished nearly half the bottle.
"I thought you hated that," Estonia kept his arms crossed over his chest, lifting his hand onto to smoke. He kept his eyes closed, not turning towards Gil.
"Yeah I do, it's just better than nothing. Alcohol is better than no alcohol. Every time," Gil shook his head with a smile, leaning back again, listening to the music.
"You know…" Estonia said after the song finished and another began, "Russia doesn't pay that much attention to me…"
"Lucky a-"
"Let me finish," Estonia said almost sternly.
Gil rolled his eyes, motioning for Estonia to continue.
"Do you know what that means?" Estonia smirked.
"What?" Gil had to resist the urge not to roll his eyes again.
"It means I managed to get a hold of the new AC/DC album," Estonia said flatly.
Gil turned to look at him instantly, grinning like a kid, "You did not!"
Estonia glanced at him with a slight smile, "Oh yes, I did."
"Well?" Gil said after less than three seconds of silence, "Are you going to tell me about it? Is it good?"
Estonia nodded.
"I seriously don't care if he kills me for it, I want to hear it."
Estonia shrugged, "We could figure something out…"
"What's your price?" Gil crossed his arms over his chest, still looking at Estonia.
"Help Poland."
Gil sighed deeply, looking away, taking another inhale of the smoke, breathing it out slowly, "That's um… Russia gave me orders…"
"Since when has that stopped you?" Estonia half laughed dryly, rolling his eyes, pushing up his glasses.
"Good point…" Gil shrugged, still not looking at Estonia.
"What'd he tell you?"
"That if Poland doesn't have his own country under control by winter, we… he and I are going to make sure Poland… listens…" Gil sighed, turning away, taking another drink.
Estonia closed his eyes, sighing, "And by making him listen…?" he didn't really need to ask, but he wanted to hear Gil admit it.
"Yeah," Gil leaned back with another deep sigh, "He said he can use his pipe, and I can use… barbed wire… I…" Gil shook his head, closing his eyes, "I don't want to… I can't… I can't do it…" not again… Gil glanced back at Estonia, then away.
Estonia said nothing, trying to think. He reached for the vodka, leaning back and drinking almost half of what was left. He sighed, handing the bottle back to Gil, "So if Russia ordered you to, you wouldn't?"
Gil didn't answer, turning off the radio and going to open the door.
"Help Poland Gil. He needs help. Lithuania can't do this on his own… he's… he's going to get himself hurt."
"Since when did you start caring?" Gil snapped, getting out of the car and slamming the door behind him.
Estonia sighed, picked up the vodka bottle Gil had left, and finished it. I've always cared…
…
Poland coughed hard, bringing his hands to his face, rolled on the bed, laying on his side. The coughing grew harder until he couldn't breathe, trying to inhale enough to cough again, his lungs aching in his chest. He sat up, leaning on his arm, trying to steady the cough enough to breathe, tears streaming down his cheeks. Finally, he took a deep gasping breath, letting himself fall back onto the bed, exhausted, wiping the sweat and tears off his face. He turned to look at the water glass on the nightstand, debating if it was worth it to use the energy to reach for it. His hands were shaking so badly he didn't know if he would even be able to grip the cup. He closed his eyes, turning away from the glass.
"Here."
Poland turned suddenly as a white hand held the glass towards him. He looked up to Gil's face, "What… what are you doing here?"
Gil said nothing, nodding to the glass, "You looked like you needed this."
Poland nodded, taking the cup carefully, not wanting to touch Gil's hand, "Danke."
Gil smiled, surprised, "Bitte."
Poland sat up, sliding up the bed to sit against the headboard, and carefully took a drink, nearly dropping the glass as his lunges heaved with another cough. He felt Gil grab the cup from his hand. He was too busy trying to breathe to care that Gil touched him. He felt the man's hand on his back, the touch gentle, almost comforting as he coughed until he cried again. He brushed the tears away from his eyes with his wrist, turning to look at Gil, who pulled his hand away.
"What… what time is it?" Poland asked, looking around the room.
"Almost three in the morning."
"What are you doing up?" Poland looked at Gil, somewhere between annoyed and curious.
"I could hear you."
"Sorry," Poland said, somewhere between sarcastic and genuine.
Gil sighed, tossing a bottle of medicine on Poland's legs over the covers, "here."
"What is…" Poland picked up the bottle, turning it to read the label. It was supposed to help with heavy coughing. He looked up at Gil, confused, "You're… being nice to me?" He tuned, coughing into his elbow, then looking back at Gil.
"Yeah, guess I figured I owe you one?" Gil shrugged.
"Yep," Poland looked up at him, his eyes still carrying more pain than Gil knew what to do with, but there was a spark in them. A tiny speck of fire.
"I'm sorry, Feliks… I'm… I'm still sorry…" he turned away.
"I know…" Poland sighed deeply, then immediately tried to stop the heavy cough that rose into his throat. He failed, leaning forward, gasping again.
Gil put his hand on the smaller country's back again, trying to be reassuring, grabbing one of the tissues from the nightstand and slipping it into Poland's hand.
Poland pressed the tissue to his eyes as he stopped coughing, his breath still shaky and choked. He looked up at Gil, glancing at Gil's arm but not asking him to move it.
Gil drew his hand away, sighing, "How are you doing?"
"I'll be fine. And yes, I'll be fine my December. You can go report to Russia now," Poland said, turning away and laying back down.
"I'm not here from Russia," Gil almost snapped, "I'm here because believe it or not, I'm actually sorry and I actually do kinda care about you!"
Poland rolled back to look at Gil for a moment, then turned away again. "Sure. Thanks."
"Feliks…" Gil tried to think of what to say, "Feliks, stop it!"
Poland turned to look at him again, sitting up, staring at him, shocked, "What?"
"Stop it. It's been… what? How many years now…?"
Poland looked away, "You honestly think I can ever forgive you for-" he closed his eyes with a sigh, "I can't, Gil. I've tried. Believe it or not, I actually, like, kind of want to forgive you… but…" he shook his head, "I can't. I can't, not yet…"
"Well I'm going to keep trying to help you until you can," Gil said, determined, nodding once.
Poland looked up into Gil's face. He wasn't sure if he believed him. He wanted to. He really really wanted to. "You really didn't know…?"
Gil shook his head, "I really didn't know."
Poland nodded, looking down, "And if you had…"
Gil closed his eyes.
"Would you have stopped it?" Poland looked up at him.
Gil sighed deeply, shaking his head, "I don't know… I really don't know… high on nationalism, drunk on promises… It's not an excuse, I know, but… Luddy and I weren't thinking. We weren't, we didn't care. It just… it felt good to be so powerful, so strong… everything Hit- everything he said… all his promises, we didn't know how he planned to achieve the 'greatness' he promised… if we had… God, I pray we would have stopped it… but… I… I don't know… I don't know…" He looked back at Poland, shaking his head, "I really don't know… yes? I hope so, I…"
Poland said nothing for a moment, turning to look away from Gil, biting his lip, "And… now?"
"Now I'd stop in a heartbeat. If I could go back in time and change everything I would do it. I'd do it if it killed me… permanently!" Gil brought his hands to his arms, looking down, sighing deeply.
Poland turned to look at him again, "Isn't that one of the 'country perks'? Having to live with your mistakes over the past thousand years…"
Gil half laughed nodding, "'perks' sure…"
Poland smiled sadly, looking down, "I guess that's just how it works for us. Old wounds heal, generations change, new wounds added, generations change again, people make the same mistakes as their grandfathers did-"
"And sometimes they learn from them!" Gil stopped him, "Sometimes people work hard to make sure it never, ever happens again…"
Poland looked up at him with a slight smile, nodding, "Yeah… yeah, and it's good that happens…" he tried to keep down a cough, failing again. Gil handed him the glass of water again, which he took gratefully, looking back up at him, "We heal with our people, and mine are finally getting stronger, Gil. They are…" He leaned forward again, coughs shaking his entire body until tears streamed down his cheeks again.
"Really?" Gil asked, handing him another tissue.
Poland nodded, taking a deep breath as the coughing stopped, "Really! And when they're done figuring this out, I'm going to leave. I'm totally getting out of here! I don't care how long it takes. Russia doesn't scare me. My people are getting strong enough to fight. He can't win forever…"
Gil sighed deeply, resisting the urge to glance at his arm, "Good for you, Feliks," he nodded, taking the empty glass from the blond country, "I'll get you more water." Gil took the cup downstairs to the kitchen and filled it, bringing it back up to Poland, who was still sitting up when he returned. He set the glass on the nightstand, turning to walk out of the room. Light caught metal lying on top of the dresser. Gil glanced back at Poland and walked to the object, picking it up. He bit his lip, turning, holding the razor up to Poland. "Why do you…"
"It's Liet's…" Poland sighed, coughing hard again, looking back at Gil with a smile, "He gave it to me."
"What?" Gil asked, confused. He couldn't imagine Lithuania being willing to part with it.
"He's getting stronger too, Gil. He gave it to me because he knows I won't give it back, or let him take it back."
Gil set the razor back on the dresser with a sigh. "He really gave it to you so he would stop…" he didn't want to finish.
Poland smiled, "Yeah. Like I said, he's getting stronger too"
"Do you think he'll actually stop?" Gil closed his eyes.
"I don't know… it won't be easy… butte's trying… and, that's better than not trying." Poland smiled.
Gil nodded, turning to look at Poland again, "I'm still sorry, Feliks."
"Someday, Gil, I think I will be able to… forgive you… but… I'm just like… trying. Ok?"
Gil smiled sadly, nodding, "Yeah. Yeah, I understand… we're all just trying, Feliks. I think that's the best we can do here."
Poland nodded, "Just don't give you. You should… you should keep trying too."
Gil looked up at him, sighing deeply, "No promises."
"Not accepted. Try again." Poland shook his head, crossing his arms.
"And why do you care?" Gil almost snapped, not sure if he was irritated or grateful.
"Because sometimes I'm almost as much of an idiot as you are, Gil."
"Thanks," Gil rolled his eyes with a half laugh and a smirk.
"Seriously though. Don't give up, K?"
Prussia sighed deeply, shrugging and nodded, "Sure. I'll try."
"Good!" Poland nodded, laying back down, "I'm tired now," he paused, "Thanks for helping me."
Prussia nodded, walking out of the room without another word. He wasn't sure he could keep trying, but he wasn't going to stop.
A/N: Sorry it took me so long to update! I've been sick, and it was my brother's birthday. Two good excuses I do believe! As it is, author's notes are brief because It's past 1 in the morning, and I need to sleep lol. That's how I will get better and not be sick! XD
As always, I LOVE reading your reviews! We're flying through the 300's so fast! Wow guys! Thank you so much! Cookies for everyone!