Chapter 72

Gil looked away from the clear liquid dripping into his arm. His body ached, his mind dulled from everything. One made the other worth it. He brought his hands up to his eyes, shaking his head, sighing deeply, swallowing hard. His stomach churned and his skin went cold. He brought his hand from his eyes to his mouth, swallowing again, trying to focus on something other than the sick rising to his throat. He looked towards the door. He felt worse. Latvia stood in the doorway, looking right at him.

" thought Russia was g-g-giving them them them to you?"

Gil sighed, "He gives me my dose, and I take it. He didn't want to…" he stopped, trying to collect his thoughts. His mind was blurry, foggy. He smiled, laughing a little.

"W-what?" Latvia asked carefully, taking a step into the room.

Gil shrugged, "Nothing, I just can't remember what Russia said, and I don't f*****g care!"

"How how how high are you, Gil?" Latvia asked carefully, walking all the way to the table where Gil sat.

Gil shrugged again, "High enough to feel sick, so that's a good thing," he chuckled darkly, not looking up at Latvia, leaning against the table, his head in his arm, his cheek on the cold wood.

Latvia sighed, looking at Gil's arm where the needle still dripped in the drug. He took one of the tissues from the table and pressed it into Gil's arm, drawing out the syringe.

"Hey!" Gil grabbed the boy's arm, looking into his face, releasing his grip immediately, "Did I hurt you?" he asked, worried suddenly, "Please, please tell me I didn't hurt you…"

"I I I'm the one who's fine!" Latvia snapped, "I hate this, Gil! What you're doing to yourself-"

"This isn't my fault!" Gil snarled, pulling his arm away from Latvia, "I didn't do this to myself, but now I'm stuck with it, so here I am, trying to survive this, just trying to avoid withdrawal because there's nothing worse-"

"Trust me, I know!" Latvia stamped his foot, slamming his hand on the table suddenly, "Gil, stop it! Do whatever you have to do to stop, but stop it!"

"Get out."

"W-what?" Latvia took a step back, his expression changing instantly from anger to pain. Gil wanted him to leave? But Gil always said he liked seeing him… he looked down, tears filling his eyes.

"Get out of here, Ludwig! You aren't supposed to be here!" Prussia snapped, grabbing his brothers arm and half-dragging the boy towards the door.

Luddy struggled, too small and weak to break away from his brother, "I'm just trying to help!" Luddy's eyes filled with tears.

"Don't cry…" Prussia sighed, stopping once outside the door. He looked into the sweet round face of his baby brother, "Look, I'm not angry, I just need to deal with this alone, ok?" he brushed the tears away from the boy's cheeks, "Chin up, come on. I'll be able to play later ok?"

"With swords?" Luddy's face lit up again.

Prussia nodded, "Ja, if you want," he smiled back, "Now, wipe those tears and go start practicing. You're going to need it!"

Prussia grabbed Latvia, wrapping the boy in a tight hug. "Please don't cry… I'm sorry… I'm so sorry…" he whispered, laying his head on the boy's shoulder. He wouldn't cry. He couldn't cry. The drugs wouldn't let him cry.

Latvia cried, wrapping his arms around Gil, resting on his shoulder, his tiny form shaking with the heaving sobs that forced their way out. "Gil, please… please Lithy's already died enough times, please… please, I can't watch you get hurt, I can't do it… please…"

Gil said nothing, looking back down at the syringe on the table. There were a few more drops, his fight. Just a few drops. Little by little, just a few drops.

"You're going to kill yourself… please…" Latvia sobbed, his hands balling into fists in the fabric of Gil's shirt. He pressed his cheek into too-prominent bones in Gil's shoulder, letting the taller country hold him tighter, "Please, Gil…"

Gil said nothing, closing his eyes. The drugs wouldn't let him cry. He wanted to be able to cry. He let his head rest against the soft blond hair, kissing the boy's forehead like he used to for his baby brother, "I'm sorry…" he couldn't cry, "Latvia I don't know how I'm going to stop them… I don't know how to…" he brought his hand to his mouth, choking and swallowing hard as his stomach lurched.

"G-Gil?" Latvia pulled away from him, looking at his face suddenly, "How sick do you feel?"

Gil just shook his head, standing and running towards the bathroom.

Latvia sighed deeply, shaking his head. He went to get Gil a glass of water. When he returned to the man's room he found him leaning over the tub, which ran with cold water.

"G-Gil?" Latvia held the glass towards him, watching as his wet hands shook too much to take the glass. "Are are are are are you ok?" He bit his lip.

Gil nodded with a smile, then rested his head on his arm, "More than just ok…" he laughed, shaking his head, "I'm pretty tired though…" his voice was choked and rough.

Latvia brushed away his tears and held the glass to Gil's lips, holding it as Gil tried to take it, "I'll help you…" he licked the salt off his lips as tears streamed down his cheeks. He set the empty glass beside the tub and lifted Gil's left arm around his shoulders, slowly trying to lift him. Gil was lighter than he'd expected. It scared him. He held the white-haired country to bed, pulling the covers up to his shoulders.

Gil tossed them off shaking his head, "I'm too warm already…" his skin burned, but it felt cold. He opened his eyes, looking into Latvia's face. He didn't know what to say. He didn't think there was anything to say.

"W-when's the last last last time you ate something?" Latvia almost whispered, shaking.

Gil shrugged, "I don't know… a while…"

"Are are are are are… are you hungry?" Latvia tried to steady his voice.

Gil shook his head.

"I-If I get you something, will will will will you eat it?" Latvia tried to keep the tears back. He didn't want to cry, he wanted to help, but he could barely look at Gil. He wasn't sure if he was angry with him, or at the people who'd done this to him. It didn't really matter, he was crying anyway.

Gil shrugged again, "Maybe. Depends on what it is…"

"W-What would you l-l-like?"

"I don't know…" Gil's voice trailed off. He brought his hands to his eyes, grinning and half-laughing again. He felt horrible and amazing. His mind almost incapable of noticing everything that felt wrong, so incredibly wrong, with his body.

"T-Toast and honey?" Latvia asked carefully, "It it it it always helped me…"

Gil nodded, rolling onto his side, inhaling through his teeth as he accidentally hit the marks on his right arm. He ignored it, the rush keeping his mind from focusing on anything that wasn't bliss. The next thing he knew Latvia was standing next to him with a plate of toast and honey. He tried to eat, the kick slowly wearing off. He was so tired.

"I'm I'm I'm not leaving until you finish it," Latvia said, determined to keep Gil alive if he had to do it all by himself.

Gil smiled a little, nodding. His voice felt too rough to speak. He could barely eat the toast, but it was better than nothing. He hadn't realized how hungry he was. He looked up at the boy and smiled gently. He didn't know how to express it, but he was grateful. He told himself it didn't matter anymore if he lived or died, but at least to the little blond in front of him, it did.

…

"That's not good enough!" Germany slammed his hand on the heavy wooden table, shaking the water glasses sitting on top of it. He looked at the faces of the others, "I. Want. My. Brother. Home!" He snapped.

"Germany, please calm down," England shook his head, motioning for the tall blond to sit.

"Calm down? You're telling me to calm down! You and France left! You two promised to help my country recover from the war-"

"Which we did!" England shook his head, "We did help you! America has more resources! We're both still rebuilding!" England motioned to France, "Now sit down you bloody-"

"Germany, please," France shook his head with a sigh, cutting off England's insult in place of a more diplomatic answer, "We'll figure this out. We all want to help you get Gilbert back. That's why we're here, isn't it? This isn't a required meeting. I think you're forgetting we all want to be here, non?"

Germany gave a shaking exhale as he nodded, "Ja… Ja, I know…" he sat back in his chair.

"Look, bro, we know this sucks, ok?" America leaned forward on the table, talking with his hands just as much as his mouth, "But we're here to help you. Besides, Russia's new boss is starting to make changes. I think he thinks he's helping, but I'm gonna make sure the SU falls apart, and y'all are gonna help, right?"

England, France, and Italy nodded.

"Great, then that's settled!" America stood, "Let's break for lunch, and then we'll figure out a plan!"

Germany leaned forward on the table, pressing his forehead into his palms as America, France, and England stood and walked out of the room. He felt Italy's hand on his shoulder.

"Are you ok?" Italy smiled brightly, trying to look around Germany's hands to see his face.

Germany nodded. "Ja," he said simply.

"We'll get him back, I promise!"

Germany turned to look at the little redhead, "Do you really believe that?"

"I know that!" Italy grinned so widely he closed his eyes.

Germany smiled a little and nodded, "I want to believe you, I really do…"

"Hey! Stop being so pessimistic! Your brother is going to be fine! He's pretty awesome you know." Italy pat Germany's shoulder, trying to remind him, "You can't give up hope now! Russia's new boss is going to make mistakes, I just know it. We'll get him back, I promise."

Germany nodded slowly, sighing deeply, "I'll try to believe that, Feli…"

"Buona (good)!" Italy grinned, standing, "Now, we're supposed to be breaking for lunch. I was going to bring lunch, but I forgot, so we're going to have to eat something else…" Italy thought for a moment, "We'll have to be careful."

Germany looked up at him, confused, "Why?"

"If we're not, England might offer us some of his food, and then today would actually be terrible!" Italy laughed.

Germany smiled very faintly. He wasn't interested in England's food either.

"So, I suppose we're going to have to find something else?"

Germany nodded, "All right, let's go find some food then."

"Ve!"

…

Germany looked at America, nervous.

"Hey, this is a good thing, remember?" America elbowed his arm, smiling.

Germany nodded, "Do you really think this will help?"

"Of course it'll help! You've gotta keep the troops spirits up, don't you?"

"Troops?" Germany asked, confused.

"I meant everyone. We're all fighting this war, aren't we? I can't be the only one who wants it to be over."

Germany nodded again, "You know I do."

"Yeah, then trust me, this'll help. I know they're listening on the other side."

Germany looked towards the gate, his view still blocked from his brother's side of the wall. He just wanted to see him, just once. He wasn't there. He turned back to look at America's president, standing on a stage at a podium with flags and press all around him. He shook his head. This had to be just a publicity stunt. He looked around at the faces of his people, warmth rising to his chest. The looks on their faces, the way they were holding hands, the way they looked up at America's boss… they had hope.

"There is one sign the Soviets can make that would be unmistakable, that would advance dramatically the cause of freedom and peace. General Secretary Gorbachev, if you seek peace, if you seek prosperity for the Soviet Union and Eastern Europe, if you seek liberalization: Come here to this gate! Mr. Gorbachev, open this gate! Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall!"

Germany closed his eyes, praying Russia's boss was listening, that his brother was listening. He looked down at America, who was grinning. He felt the country's hand slap his back, hard. He smirked a little, looking back at America's boss, who nodded to him with a smile. He looked back at the wall again, then at his people. He felt it too. Hope.

…

Gil fell to his knees, staring at the television as it panned across the crowd. There, standing next to the man in the leather jacket, was his brother. He was too far back in the crowd for Gil to see his face, but it didn't matter. It was his brother. He looked strong. He even saw him smile. He brought his hands to his face, leaning back against the wall, pulling his knees to his chest, and let sobs overtake him. He hadn't cried in so long, but his brother was ok. His brother was there, they were talking about tearing down the wall, and his brother was all right. Nothing else mattered, Luddy was all right. He looked back up at the television just in time to get another glimpse of his brother, closer this time. He saw tears on his brother's cheeks, watching the blue eyes follow the length of the wall. He shook his head. He wanted to be there. He wanted to be at the wall, listening on the other side. He wanted to scream so loud his brother would hear his voice. He wanted to hear his brother call back. He wanted to tear down the wall with his own hands.

He turned to see Russia standing in his doorway, leaning against the frame. The blue light from the television bounced onto the giant's face. He looked sad.

"Do you want to leave me…?" Russia's voice sounded choked, almost like there had been tears in it moments before.

Gil looked up into the violet eyes, "Ja. Ja I want to leave you. I want to get out of this house…" he stood, shaking his head, "I want to stop these drugs. I want to stop being your… bird… I want to see my brother again…" he stepped closer to Russia, his eyes flashing with the defiance he hadn't felt in a long time, "I'm going to go home."

Russia's expression changed, "This is your home, GDR. I still own you."

"Not for long. Your new boss is going to ruin everything you've worked for-" his voice was cut off as he felt the back of Russia's gloved hand on his cheek. He winced hard, taking a step back, his body instantly shaking with fear he couldn't control.

"I. Still. Own. You." Russia's voice was cold again, all traces of sorrow gone from his eyes, leaving only ice. Ice and anger. "And as long as that wall stands, you belong to me. As long as you're here, you obey me, you don't fight me, and you do whatever I tell you to do. Is that clear?"

Gil clenched his hands into fists, "Make me!"

Gil opened his eyes, suddenly realizing he was on the floor. He brought his hand to his throbbing cheek. There was blood on his fingers as he drew his hand back. He looked up to see Russia towering over him, pipe in hand.

"Don't fight me, GDR. It would be much easier for you if you didn't. You know that, da?" Russia smiled, that horrible, sickening, childish smile.

Gil watched as the giant turned and walked out of his room. He stayed on the floor, too weak to move. He wasn't going to give up. His people were fighting back. His brother's people were fighting back. He wasn't giving up. He couldn't give up. He would keep fighting. Russia could do whatever he wanted to him. He would keep fighting.

A/N: So... as I'm sure you can all tell, I'm advancing the story! I wanted to try and stretch it to chapter 89 before the wall comes down... we'll see if that happens. I'm thinking I can't wait... we'll see. I've been really wanting to write what happens as, and after, the wall does come down, and so I'm speeding on ahead. There's still a LOT to cover before we get to November 9th, 1989, but we're getting there. Gil is still HORRIBLY dependant on those drugs, and WAY too weak to really fight back towards Russia, but we got to see a glimpse of Gil as he was before at the end of the chapter. But the Gil we saw, in the beginning, is still his 'normal'. But that fight is still in him! Yay!

I know it's been a while between updates. I'm acting in a show right now (Original Cast in a show! Woohoo!) and... this sounds like such a silly excuse... I'm playing a really really rich character, and I have to wear fake nails, and they're really hard to type in, and saying that makes me sound so prissy, but it's for my character, I hate them lol. I can't do anything. I literally took them off just to write this chapter and I'm gluing them back on tomorrow lol. That's how sick of them I am, lol. Anyway, more chapters to come soon. Now that I'm getting towards the wall coming down, I do feel more motivated to update. I was having a bit of trouble with adding MORE to the horrible, awful, violent-ness that is living in the SU... even though I do love writing some good angst (that isn't over, trust me. Gil has to RECOVER from all of this, remember!? As do the others...) but yeah, looking forward to keeping that hope for the 'end' in there! (not the end of the story, but the end of the SU! YAY!)

Thank you so much for all the continued reviews! I love reading them! :D :D yay! They really do encourage me. I hope you all like this chapter! 3 Cookies and hugs and pumpkin bars and apple cider for everyone! yum!