Chapter 85

"L-L-Lithy?" Latvia knocked on the side of the doorframe, staring into the dark room. Lithuania sat on a chair by the window, looking out at the snow. He looked far away, distant from the reality of where and when they were. Latvia stepped closer slowly, finally close enough to touch the other man. He spoke his name again, trembling more.

Lithuania sighed deeply, closing his eyes for a moment, turning to look at Latvia with a faint smile. The dim blue of the moon reflecting off the snow the only light on his face, "Latvia," he smiled gently, reaching for the boy's shoulder with another sigh.

"What are you-you th-thinking about?" Latvia asked carefully.

"A lot," Lithuania replied simply, turning to look out the window again, "A lot of…" he sighed again.

"…l-long time agos…?" Latvia finished his sentence.

Lithuania nodded, "Lifetimes ago."

"For h-humans…" Latvia sighed. Sometimes humans had it easy.

Lithuania nodded.

"Are you h-happy, Lithy?" Latvia asked suddenly, breaking the long silence Lithuania didn't realize had passed.

"Are you?" Lithuania didn't want to answer the question.

Latvia sighed deeply, "No."

Lithuania looked at him again, "What would make you happy?" He asked gently. Happiness didn't come up at Russia's house, not often. Talking about it was too painful.

"W-Well…" Latvia tried to collect his thoughts, keeping the tears choked back, "I want to go to my coast, watching the ships and boats go by. It's beautiful there… My forests too," Latvia smiled, "I like climbing trees, and I'm good at it! I have this one tree in the forest by my favorite castle where there are all kinds of marks in it from when I would hit it with my sword! It's huge now, bigger than me! Well…" he looked down, "I suppose… I suppose a lot of things are bigger than me… but you can still see the sword marks if you look really really close!" Latvia grinned, "And that makes me happy. And the food makes me happy, and-" he stopped, turning to look at Lithuania's face again. He could see pain in his eyes, "What… what w-would make y-you happy, Lithy?"

Lithuania sighed again, deeply, looking out the window again, "Going home."

Latvia put his hand on Lithuania's shoulder, not speaking for a moment. When he finally did, his voice was choked, tears streaming down cheeks that were just a little too childish for his age, "I want to go home too…"

Lithuania tried to swallow down the catch in his throat. He rubbed Latvia's shoulder gently, trying to be encouraging, not daring to speak.

"L-Lithy?" Latvia reached up to wipe his tears with his sleeve, the embroidered cuff scratching across his eyes, "We're we're we're going to go home soon… right?"

A choked, soft sob escaped Lithuania's throat. He nodded slowly, bringing his head to Latvia's shoulder, his right hand covering his eyes. He didn't want to cry, but the tears refused to be held back, streaming down his cheeks, threatening to choke him if he didn't let them out. He felt Latvia's fingers in his hair, petting it gently.

Latvia carefully held Lithuania, petting his hair with one hand, his other on the man's arm. He didn't touch his back. Lithuania didn't let anyone touch his back, not unless they had to. He couldn't see the marks through Lithuania's shirt, but he knew they were there. It made him sick.

"We have to go home…" Lithuania whispered, his voice thick with tears as he licked them off his lips.

"S-s-soon…?"

Lithuania nodded.

…

"And then the German army-" Eva stopped suddenly as she saw Germany's face. She could clearly see the distress he was clearly trying to hide, "Luddy? Are you all right? Did I say something?" She gasped suddenly, reaching across the dinner table to put her hand on his, "Oh, I'm so sorry, did you loose someone in the war? I didn't think, I-"

"It's all right," Germany nodded, standing. He picked up his plate, taking a step towards the kitchen, "I'll… I'll be back in a moment…"

Eva turned to Cort, "I'm so sorry… I shouldn't have… I shouldn't have brought up the war… I just… I was reading about it today at work and-"

"It's all right, Love," Cort sighed, "It's just… a hard topic for him." Cort bit his lip.

Eva nodded, "I'm so sorry… did he… did he lose someone?"

Cort thought for a moment, looking down, trying to think of a convincing explanation, "You could say that," he mentally kicked himself for it. He was supposed to keep her from asking more questions, not feed her curiosity, why did he say that? He tried to shut his brain up, trying to think of a logical explanation for his pervious sentence when Germany walked back into the room, sitting across from them again. Cort could see the stress in the way Germany set his jaw, the way he moved his hands, and the tiny beads of sweat just visible at his hairline. He tried to think of a conversation he could start up. Something that wouldn't bring up anything painful for either of them. There were things they hadn't told Eva. Things there was no way she could ever know.

"Luddy?" Eva's voice broke through Cort's thoughts, "Luddy I'm so sorry… I didn't mean bring up anything hard… Let's… Let's talk about something else? You pick? Or… Or… You're getting ready for the new football season right? Cort said you work with the team sometimes! That must be so exciting, why don't you tell me about it? Do you know all the players? Are they nice? They seem nice…"

"Eva…" Germany whispered, keeping his eyes on his hands, trying to order himself not to pick at his fingers nervously.

Eva stopped, looking up at him. She wrapped her arms around her stomach, feeling sick with worry. She hated upsetting anyone, especially a friend. It didn't help the feeling that the babies were kicking again.

"Eva, there…" Germany shook his head. He couldn't tell her. He looked up at Cort. He trusted Cort with the secret and he'd kept it. Cort had a government job. That meant secrets. Eva knew that. She understood. She didn't ask questions he knew she wanted to. The only thing she knew about Cort's past was that he was from East Germany, but nothing before he escaped over the wall for what she thought was the first and only time. He looked back into her face. He wanted to trust her. He didn't like lying. Lying to humans was part of being a nation. He didn't like it.

Germany stood again, looking directly into Cort's face, "You need to tell her."

Cort looked away.

"Tell me… what?" Eva whispered, nervous still, looking up at Germany, "Ludwig what's going on…?" Tears filled her eyes, "What does Cort need to tell me…?"

"Everything," Germany sighed, stepping towards the door. He stood straight, nodding to both of them politely, "Thank you for dinner. It was very good. I'll you at work tomorrow, Cort."

Cort nodded slowly, still not looking at either of them.

Germany sighed again, leaving the house, closing the door behind him as gently as he could. He didn't want Eva to think he was angry. He wasn't angry. Dread had settled into his stomach as it turned at the thought of someone else knowing. He could trust her. He had to trust her. She was Cort's wife, that meant he could trust her. He chewed on his bottom lip, trying for stop, as he got into his car. He let his head rest against his hands on the top of the steering wheel for a moment, leaning forward, trying to reassure himself that everything would be fine. Everything had to be fine.

Cort turned to look at Eva, taking her hand and squeezing it gently.

"C-Cort?" she whispered, tears slipping down her cheeks, "Cort what's going on…?"

Cort closed his eyes for a moment, opening them with a determined sigh. He turned, looking into her face, forcing himself to make and keep eye contact. He wasn't going to be afraid of this, "We need to talk, about a few things…"

"Cort…" Eva whispered, shaking her head, "Please, just tell me you're ok? Did I do something? Cort please, are you mad at me…?"

"No, no no no…" Cort shook his head, leaning over and kissing her forehead, "Nothing like that… I… It's…" he sighed, shaking his head, standing, not letting go of her hand, "We can't talk about this here…" he helped her stand, leading her to the couch gently.

Cort sat down first, offering to let Eva cuddle on his shoulder. She sat next to him, turning to look at him instead. He felt her hands going cold. Carefully, he reached around her to the blanket that rested on the arm of the couch and pulled it around her, looking into her face.

"Cort, please just tell me what's wrong…" Eva broke, bringing her free hand to her face, her other still in his, "I'm sorry…" she shook her head, "I'm sorry I'm crying… I'm want to blame being pregnant, but…"

"It's ok…" Cort nodded, reaching up and brushing away her tears gently, "I… This…. This isn't…" he tried to find the words, stopping for a moment to collect his thoughts, "This isn't going to sound very… logical…" he didn't think he was off to a very good start, "At least… not all of it…"

"Ok…?" she whispered, more nervous than before, "Is this… is this about you… when you were a child? You said before it was too painful to talk about. That you didn't want to tell me. I respected that. I still do. You don't… you don't have to… If you don't want to tell me, I won't ask you to…"

"You deserve to know…" Cort nodded slowly, sighing deeply and pausing again, thinking. How was he supposed to tell her everything? How was he supposed to tell her about living personified countries without sounding insane? How was he supposed to tell her that the man she called 'friend' was partially responsible for the war it was her job to study? He looked up into her face, "You know I grew up in East Germany…"

She nodded.

"And I lost my father in the war."

She nodded again, "Your mother died when you got across the wall, and you have one sister, Gisela…"

Cort shook his head, his voice breaking, tears filling his eyes, "I have one sister… now…"

"Cort…?" She put her hand on his shoulder lovingly.

Cort tried to collect himself. He had to tell her. He couldn't hide this from her anymore. He couldn't hide any of it, "I had three sisters, all older. Bern was five years older than Gisela, and…" his voice broke. He hadn't said her name in so long, "Adelaide…" he tried to force himself to speak. He had to get through all of this. He could get through all of this, "Adelaide was the oldest."

Eva said nothing, waiting for him to continue. She still felt sick with worry.

"Bern was… killed… when the Russian soldiers were in Berlin…" he shook his head, "She… um…" he couldn't say it, "She died… I was only seven… I didn't um… understand then… She was 16…"

"Oh, Love, I'm so sorry…" Eva shook her head, she couldn't imagine. She wanted to ask about the other sister, but she didn't. She didn't want to hurt him.

"Adelaide… Adelaide…" he could barely say her name, "Adelaide was the oldest… She… she used to make a game out of everything… even.. even the scary stuff. Even when the soldiers would come and knock on the door, steal things… she would make it a game for Gisela and I. Like hide and seek, or something…" he shook his head, "She didn't seem scared of anything…" he kept going, forcing himself to speak, "I worked at the fanciest hotel on the East side. I just carried luggage, greeted guests… nothing special…" he sighed, "That's where I met Ludwig's brother…"

"The one on the other side of the wall, right? G… Gilbert, right?"

Cort nodded, "Ja…"

"You know him too?"

Cort nodded again with a deep sigh, "Ja… I met him there… he… he killed my sister. He killed Adelaide. I was 10. I watched. He was ordered to kill her while… while someone else held a gun to my head and gave him a choice. Her or me… he picked her…" Cort brought his hands to his face, leaning forwards.

Eva reached forward, wrapping her arms around him. She didn't know what to say. She didn't have words.

"Then he shot himself… I saw all of it…" Cort looked up, trying to steady his voice, "Russia let us go over the wall… Adelaide was a spy. Her trade was the information she had… and her life… to get us over the wall. Mama, Gisela and me… to get us over the wall…"

"Cort… I don't…" Eva tried to think of words, "Luddy's brother… how can you…?"

"Ludwig is nothing like his brother…" Cort shook his head, "But… this is the part that's going to sound… odd…" He tried to regain composure.

"All right…"

"That wasn't the last time I saw Gilbert."

Eva pulled away, "Cort… Cort, you just said he shot himself…"

Cort nodded, "He did. I saw him do it."

"How did he survive?"

"He didn't."

Eva sat up, looking at him steadily, "Ok, I… I'm worried… about you… but I promised I'd listen… so…" She motioned with her hands for him to continue.

"Gilbert and Ludwig Beilschmidt, aren't human."

"What?" Eva stared at him, more worried than before.

"They're Nations. Countries. Living, personified, countries. They represent the people, the land… the culture… everything that makes up a country, except the government. They have to listen to their government, but they don't represent it… they… they're as old as the countries they represent. Ludwig is Germany. His brother Gilbert… is-was… Prussia. Now, he's East Germany, controlled by Russia. Ivan Braginsky. He's the one…" Cort motioned to his leg, "Who gave me this."

Eva just stared, "W-What?"

"I told you I came across the wall when I was 10. That was true. But it wasn't the last time."

"You said you lost your leg from a crazy man with a gun…"

"I didn't lie. Germany… Ludwig sent me back over the wall as a spy. I asked. I was too young, but I wanted to go. My mother had died, and Gisela ran away. I had nothing… I… I wanted to help my country. So I didn't. Literally."

"This can't be real… this can't be real, you're teasing me… you… you… what?" Eva shook her head.

"I… I went back. That's when I found Gilbert. Countries can't die. They can't, it's impossible. If they do, they just come back, they heal. To them… death is like passing out for a few days, their bodies shut down everything except what's needed to heal whatever injury they've taken, and then wake up. I don't understand it… but that's how it works."

"That doesn't… make any sense…" Eva shook her head, trying to wrap her mind around everything she was hearing, "So… so they're all old…?"

Cort nodded. "Germany… Ludwig… is one of the youngest actually. Russia and Prussia are older, much older. I think… I think Germany told me China is the oldest? I forget now…"

"All the countries in the world… they all have… a… person? What did you call them?"

"Nations."

"They all have a nation…"

Cort nodded, "You can't tell anyone. Please, if the wrong people find out…"

"About immortal countries? Oh I'm sure there are lots of wrong people to find out…" she shook her head, "Oh Cort… I… I don't know if I can believe you…"

"I can prove it," Cort nodded, "Well… you can actually. Prove it to yourself…" he sighed, "Ludwig Beilschmidt, Germany, as old as the country… high ranking officer in his army…" he hoped he wouldn't have to say it. He saw it dawn on her face.

"Oh, God…" she brought her hand over her mouth, shaking her head, "No… you're not saying he…"

Cort nodded slowly, "He fought in the war. He helped… he helped lead the war."

Eva stood, shaking her head, "No. No, I can't believe that. He… he hurt… do you how many people he…"

"He didn't know. Not about everything. I promise he didn't…"

"No. No there's no way he couldn't have known. He had to. He had to have known…" She shook her head, "How could he… how can you be friends with someone like that!?" She covered her face, sobbing, "How can you… Cort… Cort…?" She didn't know what else to say.

"I love you…" he whispered, trying to reassure her.

She didn't answer, turning and walking up the stairs. She didn't know what to say. She climbed into bed, rolling onto her side and turning off the light. She felt Cort slide in next to her and wrap his arm around her stomach. She closed her eyes, laying her arm on his.

"Ich liebe dich…" he whispered again. She could hear the tears in his voice.

She squeezed his hand but said nothing. She didn't trust herself to speak. He was shaking, though slightly. He was scared. She closed her eyes, rolling onto her other side, facing him, and wrapped her arm around him, cuddling under his chin. She smiled slightly when he kissed her hair, rubbing her back.

"Do you still love me…?" he whispered, trembling. He hated asking. He hated being so afraid of her leaving. Everyone left. He couldn't lose her too.

She nodded, still saying nothing, giving his side a gentle squeeze. She closed her eyes, falling asleep to the sound of his heartbeat.

A/N: Lithuania and Latvia talk about important things in the beginning, but most of this chapter is Cort telling Eva about the countries and what he's lived through. So many of the characters have lived through hell at this point. And Cort may seem quite needy... but considering everything that's happened to him... I'm not mad at him for it, and neither is Eva. Her knowledge about the countries is going to be important, so rest assured I'm not just going off talking about OCs... but I really do love these characters. I write real-novels too, and character creation is fun for me. I don't think Eva, who's lived a pretty normal life up until this point, reacted strongly to all she heard. In fact, I think she took it rather well... but get getting a bit angry seems to fit to me. She doesn't just stay this perfect happy person all the time. She's genuinely shocked, and it may be a while before she's ok again, especially ok talking to Ludwig... Lots of set up in this chapter. I know what Cort said is all stuff you already know, but I still think it feels different hearing it from his perspective. Also some exposition on country rules.

This is one of the chapters when the histoy-squishing shows up again. Cort is WAY too young to have been alive in WWII if the timeline was played straight. It's a bit wibbly wobbly in this story... but more Wibbly. I didn't really move thing around as much as condense them... kinda? So... hand waving some of the timiing issues here. XD

To answer a guest's question, and perhaps some other confusion, yes, I do like the idea that Germany was HRE before, but doesn't remember it. Only bits and pieces. That's why he dreams about it sometimes. But it feels distant to him, like it's not him, but it is...? I hope that makes sense. I think it makes him feel closer to his brother to see him so long ago, even in a dream, but it's also confusing to him. This will be an ineteresting topic of discussion for him and Gil later. Because he's going to be asking a few questions.

Thank you again for all the reviews! I know some of my story ideas may seem strange or out of place, but trust me. Things are going to fit together, even if it doesn't quite all make sense now. :) I know I was pretty bad about replying to comments last round, but I'm going to be better again! I really do love replying to reviews! :D I love talking to you guys about this story... getting ideas... etc! More to come soon! We inch ever closer to the moment-you've-all-been-waiting-for! And then more after that! :) Thank you again for the reviews! Tonight I made Lentil soup, so I will share with all of you! And hot cocoa made with real chocolate, or hot mulled apple cider! Your choice! I like adding Cinnamon sticks, Star Anise, and Cloves to my Apple Cider. What a treat! How about you guys?