Chapter 90

Gil just watched his brother's face as Ludwig recounted story after story of success. How is country had come back after WWII on the west side of the wall, how he'd become one of Europe's best economies and was only getting stronger, and how he'd been forgiven. How America and France and England forgave him, and so did Italy. How they actually let him hang out with them, playing countless games of football together in teams of three or four, and had some great times together. Gil watched the hope that danced in his brother's eyes... and the joy. He felt tears start to prick in his eyes and fought to keep them back. He'd cried enough. He didn't want to cry anymore. He wanted to be happy. He wanted to finally be happy and to listen to the happiness that was his brother's life now.

Then Ludwig laughed.

Tears spilled over Gil's cheeks. He couldn't hold them back. He smiled through them as his brother's touched his shoulder. He brought his own hand to it, rubbing the skin on his brother's knuckles.

"Are you all right, Gilbert?" Luddy's deep voice asked so kindly, so gently.

Gil nodded, "I just… I missed you. It's nice to hear you laugh again…"

Luddy smiled back. He wasn't sure he believed that Gil was ok. He stared into his brother's eyes. He didn't like what he saw there. The pride was broken, the arrogance hidden behind pain. Deep, deep pain. He didn't take his eyes off his brothers, whispering gently, almost timidly, "What… what happened to you…?"

Gil closed his eyes with a heavy sigh, "I-"

"I finished the midnight snack, breakfast, snack… thing!" Italy popped his head around the corner of the hotel room where the living room was separated from the kitchen.

Gil turned, looking back over the edge of the couch and smiled to see Italy, "I didn't know you were here…"

"Well, when I saw you come in with Germany I didn't want to bother you! So I snuck into the kitchen and made you food! You're really skinny Prussia, you look should eat something," Italy said with a caring smile.

Gil almost jumped. He hadn't been called 'Prussia' since… he couldn't remember how long it had been, not anymore. He looked over at his brother, almost for reassurance that he was even allowed to accept the name. He hated feeling like he needed the reassurance.

Germany was too busy staring at Italy in shock to notice his brother's look of concern, "Italy! You can't just…" He sighed, pressing his fingers on the bridge of his nose and looking up at Gil again, "I'm sorry about-"

"It's ok," Gil laughed a little, looking back up at Italy, "Pasta-Brain's right, I am pretty hungry," he stood, stepping around the couch and towards the kitchen.

"Pasta-Brain…?" Italy looked up at Gil, worry in his face.

"Yeah. My favorite Pasta-Brain ever," Gil smiled, extending his arms for a hug.

"VE!" Italy hugged back tight.

Gil smiled, wrapping his arms around Italy's shoulders and pressing his cheek into the very soft red hair, "I missed you too."

Italy smiled, looking up at Gil with another smile, "You should eat before it gets cold." Italy sighed deeply, looking down and away for a moment, then back at Gil. He moved his arms from being wrapped around Gil's ribs, "You… You're really skinny Gil…"

Gil sighed, nodding slowly. He glanced back at his brother, who looked away. He knew he'd noticed. He was just trying not to say anything about it. Trying not to destroy the happiness they had. It didn't matter about him. Nothing mattered except being together again. He forced himself to smile and looked back at Italy.

"All right, well show me where the food is then!" he half laughed, letting Italy lead him to the kitchen. A small table sat in the room with four chairs, and it was covered in more food than Gil had seen in a month. He had to practically force himself to sit down slowly and not dive into the pile like a starving animal. He looked up to smile at his brother as he walked around the corner and sat down across from him at the table.

Ludwig smiled back at his brother, letting it fade as his brother turned his attention towards the food. He'd seen starving men before and he could just see it in the red eyes. Not quite starving, but very, very hungry. He watched his brother's eyes closer, the dark circles underneath them, the way his cheeks dipped into his face, and his lips were dry and cracked almost scared him. He looked down at his brother's arms. He could still see a hint of muscle, but nothing like what was there before. He remembered swinging from those arms as a child… they were nowhere near that strong anymore, he could clearly see that, even through the long sleeves. But the evidence of his brother being a soldier was still there. Still there in the way he walked, the way he sat up straight, the way he moved while he was speaking, even the way he ate. Ludwig smiled again to himself. His brother was still in there. He didn't want to think about what Russia must have done to him to drive it that far back, but it as still there.

"West?"

His brother's voice broke through his thoughts. He looked at him again, refocusing, "Ja?" he almost forced himself to smile, trying to be reassuring.

"You… um… are you ok?"

Ludwig just looked at Gil for a moment, into those broken red eyes. He nodded slowly, "I'm ok."

Gil looked back steadily too. He nodded, "Me too…" he whispered. He wasn't sure if he was lying or not. Only he was sure. He knew he was lying.

"It's ok if you eat more, Gil," Italy grinned, breaking the painful silence.

Gil nodded, picking up his fork again. He nearly dropped it, barely catching himself. He looked down at his hands as they started shaking. He winced internally. Not now. This couldn't start again. Not now. He looked up at the clock in the kitchen. It was almost two in the afternoon. They'd talked all night and all morning. He tried to mentally calculate how many hours it had been since his last dose. Almost 18 hours. He wasn't surprised he was starting to feel it.

"Luddy…." he started, praying his brother wouldn't ask too many questions.

"Ja?" Germany looked up instantly.

"I… uh… I should go back. To my own hotel… I should… There's something I have to get… I'll come back if I can… and the wall's down, so… so we can be together… I promise."

"Gil if it's the…. drugs…"

"How do you know about that….?" Gil stared at him, shaking his head.

"Cort, he works for me now."

"What?" Gil smiled, a real, actual smile, "Cort works for you?"

Germany smiled back with a nod, "Ja. He's almost my right hand at this point… he just got married, we're here in Berlin because of his wife… they're going to have twins soon, very soon. The next few days."

"Cort's a… dad? What? WHAT?" Gil stared, still shocked, still smiling.

Germany nodded, "Yes he is."

"That… wow…" Gil shook his head again with a smile, then winced. He had to get out and get to the drugs. He didn't want their first meeting in 40 years to end with him in withdrawal.

"Gil please let me take you to a hospital. I have someone who can-" Germany's words were cut off as a knock slammed against the door.

Gil jumped hard, immediately staring at the door, trying to hide the fear in his eyes. He doubted he was successful.

"I'll get it," Germany stood with a nod and walked towards the door. He opened it slowly to see the smiling face of Russia.

"Is GDR here?" he asked simply.

Germany sighed. He couldn't legally hide Gil, no matter how badly he wanted to. He opened the door and looked back at his brother.

Gil froze, staring up at Russia. He stood slowly, walking up to him, trying to hold his head high. His hands were shaking badly again, and he was starting to get a headache. His body craving, begging enough to make it hard to hide. He tried to keep it together.

Russia pulled a small leather case out of his jacket and held it out to Gil.

Gil closed his eyes tightly for a moment.

"Gil…?" Germany asked carefully, looking down at the case, trying to process what was happening.

Gil looked up at his brother.

"Look at me," Russia snapped the order.

Gil obeyed instantly.

A cold chill went down Ludwig's spine to see his brother act like that, especially in front of Russia.

Russia slipped the case back into his pocket, "You're coming back home with me, GDR. You aren't allowed to be with your brother," he grabbed Gil's arm.

Prussia pulled his arm away, looking back at his brother, then to Russia. He didn't want to go. He wanted to stay with his brother. He had to stay with his brother. He could get the drugs he needed in Berlin. He was sure of it. But Russia was right, it wasn't legal yet… and he could already feel his body growing waking with the people leaving across the wall… "Ok. Ok, I'll go with you," he looked up at Russia, forcing himself not to look at his brother.

Russia smiled that sickeningly childish smile that Prussia had grown to despise. Gil followed him towards the door, glancing back over his shoulder at his brother, trying to keep the tears back.

"I'll come back. I promise," he nodded, not caring what Russia did to him for it. He couldn't watch his brother's response, following Russia out of the room.

Germany stared at the door as it closed and turned to Italy for a moment before walking to the nearest chair and sitting down, leaning forward, his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands. He wasn't sure where the tears were coming from, relief, pain, fear for what Russia had done and would do to his brother… everything at once. He hated crying. Especially crying in front of someone else. He felt Italy's arms around his shoulder's and the smaller country's head on his back.

"He'll be ok…" Italy whispered the promise, "I just know he will be."

Germany nodded slowly. He wouldn't stop fighting. Not until his brother was back forever.

…

Prussia's head snapped to the side with the force of Russia's hand on his cheek. He looked back at the giant country as they sat in the back of the car heading back to Russia's mansion.

"How dare you go and see your brother without permission!"

"Try and stop me!" Prussia snapped, his voice breaking as Russia's hand tightened around his throat. He brought both hands to it, trying to release it, trying to breathe.

"Don't make me."

"You're… you can't…" Prussia choked, struggling still, trying to get the words out, "You're… falling apart…. you can't…. keep me…"

"I. still. own you!"

"For now," Prussia smirked, his vision blurring as Russia gripped tighter.

…

Gil opened his eyes slowly with a groan. His back stung. He was in his bed back at Russia's house lying on his stomach. He reached over his head to feel his back gingerly. No broken skin, but it was painful to touch and he could feel swelling under the skin. He could take bruising. That was far from new.

"Gil?"

He heard a voice behind him, and turned carefully onto his side, "Toris…" he sighed with a slight smile, "Why are you here?"

"To see if you're ok."

"You care too much, you know that?" Gil laid back onto his stomach, keeping his face towards Lithuania.

The dark-haired country shrugged, "So I've been told."

Gil winced a little in pain. He hadn't expected it, not with how weak Russia was. He figured that was the only reason his skin was still intact. Russia wasn't strong enough to break it anymore, at least not with his pipe. He inhaled through his teeth as he felt a cold cloth being laid over his shoulder blades.

"This'll help," Lithuania said kindly, adding more cold clothes.

"Thanks…" Gil sighed. It wasn't bad, just unexpected, "So… you're leaving too?"

Toris nodded, "Yes. I can't stay anymore. I'm going to leave… I'm working on it, trying to make it happen without bloodshed… my people don't want to fight, they just want Russia to leave them alone…"

"Do you think he will?"

"I don't know…" Lithuania sighed deeply, changing the subject, "So the wall is down."

Gil nodded, "Ja… and I saw my brother…"

"You did?" Lithuania smiled.

Gil nodded again, "Yeah… he uh…. he's a lot stronger. He doesn't look like the kid I left… he grew up. I missed it… I guess… he had to grow up too fast…"

"The first war?"

Gil sighed, nodding, "Yeah, the first war… it was bad… the second was worse for him… but now? Now he's strong and… forgiven… accepted back. Not like me…"

"You don't think you'll be accepted back… or forgiven?"

Gil shook his head, "No," he sighed, "No I don't. I don't belong here anymore. Monarchy, military… that's what I'm good at… and…" Gil sighed deeply, closing his eyes, "If I go back to my brother… I'll need my own country, won't I? What if when the SU falls they don't give me one back…?"

Lithuania said nothing.

"I don't want to stay with Russia… but… what I will I mean if I'm not…? If I go back to my brother…?"

"Are you asking me if I think you'll…"

"Yeah. I guess I am…"

Lithuania sighed deeply, closing his eyes, "I don't know, Gilbert. I really don't…"

Gil half laughed, "I'm still trying to decide if that actually bothers me… the idea that I might… actually... die… This… world… I don't really fit anymore… I don't know if I belong here… or… with the others… ow!" he turned to look up at Lithuania suddenly as he felt the man's very cold fingers on one of the wounds that he hadn't realized actually did include broken skin.

"Sorry… Just trying to bandage this…" Lithuania bit his lip in concentration.

Gil nodded, laying his head back down on the pillow. He didn't speak again, just kept his thoughts in his own head… he didn't want to admit that he was scared. Dying permanently meant leaving Ludwig, and that was the last thing he ever wanted to do again.

A/N: YAY! New chapter! I hope you all had a very happy Hanukkah, a very merry Christmas, and a fantastic New Years! I sure did! Another chapter for you all now that the holidays are over! I'm going to be working on set again this next month, but I hope to keep updating as well. Obviously, I'm not really updating daily anymore... (though I'd love to get back to that...) but I'll certainly let less time go by than this past update. (go holidays for adding BUSY-NESS to life!)

It was almost a year between the wall coming down, and the actual reunification of Germany, so Prussia doesn't get to stay home right away. And so the fight for reunification begins. Not everyone loves the idea...

As always, I LOVE reading your reviews and messages! Thank you so so SO much! I will reply to all I can! I've been getting a LOT of guest comments lately that I'm unable to reply to... :( I wish I could! Know you guys certainly get all the same treats and hugs from me even though I can't reply to you guys! Thank you for all the support and continued reading! leftover New Years treats for all of you! And how about a special batch of Potato Latkes so you all get Hanukkah treats too! XD Thank you all for the support! Really! I love you guys! :D