Chapter 91

"Gilbert…?"

The voice drifted into his barely conscious mind. He groaned, bringing his arm over his face, too exhausted to roll onto his side.

"Gilbert?"

The voice was louder now, and he didn't want to hear it.

"Gilbert…?"

He felt a hand on his shoulder and turned to look up into Russia's bright violet eyes. He didn't want Russia's hand on him, but he wanted to move even less.

"Are you feeling all right, GDR?"

Prussia pulled away from Russia's hand feeling his hair. He shivered. He hadn't realized how sweaty he was. He felt awful, shivering with cold again.

"Why didn't you tell me it was this bad…?" Russia's voice felt distant, his words barely registering in Gilbert's mind.

"Maybe because I can't leave this bed…?" Prussia said with an eye roll, daring to try it. He heard no reaction from Russia, which surprised him. He'd half expected retaliation.

Russia sighed deeply, "Last time you were like this-"

"You should have let me die," Prussia turned his head away.

"Nyet.

Prussia looked back at him, shaking his head with all the strength he could still find. He swore, half laughing, "Ja. Ja you should have. You built that d*** wall to keep me, and everyone else in, and you should have just let them go. Let them go and let me just die. Please… please just leave me alone…"

"You… you want to die…?

Prussia kept his eyes on Russia's, expecting to see cruelty, hatred, scoffing… but it wasn't there. Just pain. Like the idea horrified him. Like Russia didn't want him to die. Prussia half-laughed and turned away without an answer.

Russia said nothing, staring back at the Nation in front of him. Gil was pale, even paler than usual, dark circles prominent under his eyes. The rise and fall of Gil's chest was weak, and in the silence, Russia could hear every breath shake through his lungs.

"You're dying… aren't you?"

"Get. out." Prussia snapped without looking at Russia.

"What?"

Prussia shivered out of habit to hear the change in the bigger country's voice. He didn't care. He looked back into Russia's face, "Get out of my room. Don't you dare-" he jumped, his words cut off by the back of Russia's hand across his face as his head snapped to the side. He grimaced, hoping Russia wouldn't see it.

"Don't ever speak to me that way again…"

"You don't own me."

"Oh yes I do."

Prussia turned to look at him again, "You won't soon. I'm going back with my brother. And you're going to lose everything. I know everyone else is leaving. What's that like? How does it feel? Does it hurt?" He expected a slap, surprised when he didn't feel it. He saw the pain in Russia's eyes again. He didn't like it. It made it harder to hate him, and he wanted so badly to hate him.

"Don't leave, Gilbert… please."

Prussia kept his eyes fixed on Russia's face. He'd expected orders, he'd expected anger, but not pain. Not desperation.

"I'm not staying…" he whispered, staring at Russia, not entirely sure how he was supposed to react.

"I'll give you Kaliningrad."

Prussia froze. "W… what?"

"You're dying. You barely have land anymore, and when then this is over, you know it'll end in 'reunification'. That would kill you… wouldn't it?"

Prussia didn't answer. He didn't want to think about it. He couldn't see any way he could possibly survive reunification. Not unless they gave him land of his own. Kaliningrad… Königsberg… His city. His city, stolen by Russia after the war, its name changed, it's culture stolen from him.

"I'm listening…"

Russia smiled, looking into Gil's face as red eyes rose to meet his. There it was. That ambition he was counting on, the arrogant ego that was so much a part of the smaller nation.

"You'd get land again. Even just one city would be enough to keep you alive. Especially a city you have so much history in. With the borders open you could see your brother whenever you wanted. You could easily travel often to see him, da?" Russia smiled.

Prussia closed his eyes, remembering what it was like in Königsberg. His city. He opened his eyes slowly, dread settling into his stomach, "I… Kaliningrad belongs to you…"

Russia nodded, "Da."

Prussia set his jaw, "I'd have to stay with you… wouldn't I? I'd still be here… here in your house… owned by you…"

Russia nodded again, "You would have more freedom than before, Gilbert. And most important of all, you'd be alive."

Prussia looked away, "Get. Out."

Russia stood, "Let me know what you choose, Gilbert. I wouldn't want to watch you die."

Prussia forced himself not to turn as Russia walked out of the room, and closed the door behind him. The moment he was alone he relaxed a little, staring up at the blank grey ceiling. He closed his eyes, wincing in pain. His whole body ached, his lungs heaved in his chest with every breath, and the more people that left the east side of Berlin, the more his chest burned with pain.

He'd never imagined what it would be like to die permanently. He was one of the few Nations who'd killed another of their kind, but no one was killing him now. His body was dying as his people were leaving, as his land was becoming not his own. The pain was almost unbearable, and he could bear a lot. Years of being tortured and killed for red eyes and white skin. Years of dying in battle to come back as a 'ghost' to haunt enemy soldiers in a bloody uniform. Years of taking life from thousands upon thousands of soldiers, of watching people die, of killing with his sword, with a gun, with his bare hands… And now he was dying. And no one was killing him. No one conquered him, no one was going to slice a sword through his neck, no one was taking over after a hard-won fight. He was just going to stop existing. Was this it? Would he just fade away like the others but without any fatal wounds? Just the pain that felt like it was tearing him apart.

He rolled to his side, biting his lips into his mouth to keep back a cry of pain from the effort, and pulled a pillow over the side of his face. He hated this. All of it. He was supposed to be the strongest Nation in the world. He was the military conqueror, the soldier, the best general in any army in the entirety of history. And he'd been given a chance to stay alive.

Kaliningrad. Königsberg. His home. His own land. Land that should belong to him, being offered back. The only price was staying with Russia. But Russia was getting better….

Gil winced as the sound of Russia shouting at someone, probably Lithuania, echoed down the halls, easily carried through the house. He couldn't do this. He couldn't stay. But if he left… He shook his head, throwing the pillow off his head, crying out in pain as his arms burned with the effort. He fell back onto the bed, almost gasping with pain, closing his eyes, trying to force himself back to the soldier's discipline he used to have. The kind of willpower that could make all pain go away. The kind of strength to do whatever he had to do. It wasn't there. His body was weak, his willpower gone.

Gil shook his head again and turned to look at his bedside table. He sighed smiling slightly. Russia had left a small black leather case on the nightstand. Gil reached for it. Maybe it would help.

…

Germany leaned forward, his head in his hands. The chair was uncomfortable, made worse by hours of waiting, made worse by hours of exhaustion. The downside of being a Nation when someone he cared about, a human, was in pain.

"I'm sure she's doing fine, Germany…" Italy's voice drifted into his mind.

Germany nodded, smiling slightly to feel Italy's hand on his shoulder. It helped to have him there. The ever-optimistic redhead who followed him around like a lost dog and sort of accidentally became his closest friend along the way. He looked up at him with a nod.

"I know… just-"

The sound of crying broke his sentence. He jumped to his feet, gasping suddenly with a smile, a real smile.

Italy stood almost at the same time, grinning, "There's one!" Italy looked like he was ready to jump up and down with excitement.

Germany chuckled a little, nodding, "So there is."

Another cry, this one louder. Two babies crying in their first seconds in the world.

Germany brought his hand to his eyes, surprised to feel tears pricking them. He'd never been this close to a child being born before. He'd felt life before, but this was different. This was stronger than anything he'd ever felt. Stronger than anything else in the world. He looked at the door of the hospital room, smiling again to hear the excited and crying voices of adults as the babies' voices calmed. It seemed like hours before a nurse beckoned him inside the room.

"I'll wait out here until later…" Italy said, almost sadly.

Germany nodded, grateful for being left alone with Cort and Eva. Eva had barely spoken to him since the dinner that went wrong. Cort tried to help, tried to talk to him. He was the one who'd invited them to stay for the birth… Eva hadn't said a word to him about it. He doubted he'd ever earn her forgiveness. He didn't think he deserved it. Not after everything he'd done. He stepped through the door of the room, smiling to see Cort holding one of the babies, and Eva the other.

"Ludwig! You're here!" Cort grinned, moving so the Nation could see the tiny human he held in his arms. "It's a boy and a girl, Luddy. We got both," Cort whispered, tears streaming down his cheeks.

Germany smiled, "They're beautiful," he nodded, walking up to Cort.

"Ludwig…?"

He turned, surprised to hear Eva's voice. She was crying too. She looked tired, exhausted, but her eyes sparkled, and her sweat-soaked hair curled around her face. She was practically glowing. He couldn't smile. He wanted to, but he couldn't, afraid of what she was going to say.

"Would you like to hold her…?" Eva smiled, glancing down at the beautiful little angel in her arms, then back up at him.

Germany blinked, staring at her. "You… you want to let me…" he wasn't sure he wanted to. He would break it. He was sure he would break it. She knew what he'd done. How could she offer to let him hold something so precious…

"Luddy. It's ok," She smiled through tears, holding the child out to him, "It's ok…"

He looked at her for reassurance again, shocked to see her smile was still there. He reached out for the baby, wrapped up in a blanket, then pulled his hands back, "I… I don't…."

"Like this…" Eva smiled still, moving his arms and laying the tiny human in them.

Germany looked up at her as she started to let go.

"It's ok, Luddy. I promise it's ok. You'll be fine!" she laughed.

"You… trust me…? With…. with this? Something so…" he looked down at the baby in absolute awe. It was so tiny, so innocent. It's little face scrunched up in discomfort for a moment, then relaxed into sleep, it's eyes staying closed. He looked down at the little fingers that opened and closed, barely bigger than toothpicks. He'd never seen a human so small, or so perfect.

"D…does…" he whispered, not even realizing he was, "Does she have a name…?"

Eva nodded, "Gemma," she smiled, "and the boy is Konrad."

Germany smiled back, "I like their names."

"I'm glad you do," Eva said, her eyes still sparkling, "Luddy…"

He looked back at her, practically tearing his eyes away from the tiny sleeping child in his arms, "…yes?" he whispered hesitantly.

"You… you really didn't want anything that happened in the war, did you…?"

Germany sighed. Now. Now of all times. He couldn't blame her. He was holding her child. "I… looking back, no. But now I'm… 'sane'… back then… it was different. It was like being drunk… or high… I've heard that Nations can get high on nationalism that's too strong. I think I can safely say that's true… I didn't know what I was doing. I didn't know what was really going on… they practically worshiped me, and… and I let them. But I hate everything I did during the war. Everything. If I could go back in time…"

"It's ok…" Eva nodded, sighing deeply, "It's ok, Luddy…"

"I… I know you don't have to forgive me…"

"I do. I do it's ok. I…. I don't understand it. Not really. What you are, what everything means… but… but I forgive you," her eyes sparkled more, "Which is why…" she looked up at Cort.

Cort smiled, "We want you to be Gemma's godfather."

"WHAT?" Germany blinked, "You… you want what? I don't know what to do with… with any humans, let alone mini ones!"

Eva laughed, her clear, crystal laugh, "They won't be mini forever, Ludwig."

"That's… that's even weirder…"

Cort laughed too, shaking his head, "Sometimes, Luddy… sometimes…"

"What?" Germany turned to look at him, concerned.

"Sometimes I have my doubts that you're as old as you say you are. You've never met a baby before?"

"Well…. no…. actually no…" Germany bit his lip. Was that a bad thing? He was pretty sure that was a bad thing. Why was he still holding the baby? He had no idea what he was doing. He shook his head, handing Gemma back to Eva and wrapping his arms around themselves, trying to make himself feel less awkward. It wasn't working.

"Is something wrong, Luddy?" Cort asked, worried.

"I… nein… I just…" Germany sighed, "Feli will want to meet the babies too… I… I should go get him…"

Eva smiled, "Ok. But, it's ok, Luddy. It really is ok."

Germany nodded more out of habit than actual agreement. He wasn't sure if he was ok. He laughed a little as Italy ran into the hospital room almost squealing with excitement when he called down the hallway for him. He watched as the redhead picked up the offered infant and cuddled it, talking to it like it could actually understand him. He didn't know how Italy found it so easy to be around humans. Humans were so fragile. He was so scared of hurting them. So afraid he'd hurt him… but not Italy. Italy held the baby like he'd held a thousand of them. He might have. Germany didn't know. Italy was a lot older, not that either of them ever really talked about their pasts. Especially him. He knew Italy would listen, but he didn't want to talk about it.

He smiled, looking back at Italy holding the baby again. He looked so happy. He wanted to feel that happy with humans. Someday… maybe. Maybe he could feel completely comfortable with them. Maybe even happy.

A/N: I'm aliiiiiive! Hello! Sorry it's been so long. Did some more film work, which was great fun, but took a lot of time. Early mornings and shooting all outside. I live up north in the US, and we had some -17F days. Not. So. Fun. Anyway, another chapter for you all! Hopefully one of many more to come soon. This middle section is killing me. Prussia between being GDR and being unified with Germany... middle sections... *sigh*

Anyway, it's late so I'll be brief. Some history in this one. With Kaliningrad and all. It would tempt Prussia. I'm sure it would. His ambission is a very deep part of who he is...

Reviews are so appreciated! Really they are! And hi new people! You are so welcome here! Nice to have you! Cookies and treats and hot cocoa and warm blankets (It's still so cold...) for all of you! HUGS!

Credit to for the twins' names! :D :D :D Thanks!