Chapter 94

Germany squeezed his brother's hand with his left as he reached for the paper with his right. Signing papers was a chore, but this was different. He'd never been more excited to sign something in his life. The pen glided across the paper as the letters of his name, both human and Nation, fell into place. He set down the pen and stood with his brother to wrap him in a hug. He felt his brother's thin arms around his shoulders, the fists closing around the fabric of his suit jacket. He heard cheering in a blur in the background. Nothing else mattered. Nothing except his brother. His brother was coming home. His brother was safe. He wasn't going back to Russia, not now, not ever. He was going to be ok. He was going to be safe. He was safe.

Germany pulled away from the hug, keeping his hands on Gilbert's shoulders. He looked into the bright red eyes and saw what he was looking for. Joy. Joy that wasn't clouded by pain, wasn't clouded by fear… then the pain returned.

"Gilbert…?" He asked, looking into his face.

Prussia didn't respond.

Germany grabbed his shoulders harder as ruby eyes rolled back and his brother's legs gave out, "GILBERT!?" This wasn't happening. This couldn't be happening. He couldn't lose him. Not now. Not again. This couldn't be happening. He knelt, lowering his brother to the ground as one of the other Nations pulled the chairs back, making room.

"Gilbert?" he brushed his brother's hair back from his face, "Don't you dare… don't you f***** dare…" he licked tears off his lips. He hadn't realized he was crying. It didn't matter. He wiped his eyes on his sleeve and pressed his hand into his brother's cheek. "Come on… hold on… please… Gilbert…?" He looked up at the other Nations, "Help please, please someone help him!" he begged, desperate.

Switzerland pushed forward, kneeling beside Germany.

"Vash please…" Germany looked at him, arm on his shoulder, begging still, "please help me…!?" He wiped his tears on his sleeve again, watching as Switzerland took Gil's right hand, feeling for a pulse.

"He's alive," Switzerland nodded, looking up at Germany, worried, "But…"

"Don't say he's dying. Please God, don't say he's dying…"

"I don't know Germany. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I don't know."

"Please…" Germany's voice broke completely, leaning over with his head on Gilbert's shoulder, "Please hang on…" he kept his hand on the white cheek. He felt a hand on his back and turned to look up at England.

"An ambulance is on its way…" the dark eyebrows twisted into a worried expression, "We'll do what we can."

Germany shook his head, "Anything. I'll do anything to save him. Anything. Please… Please, I can't lose him…" He felt arms wrap around his shoulders, hugging him from the side. "Ita…" he turned into the hug, never letting go of Gilbert's hand.

"Don't worry, Germany, we'll save him. It'll be ok… I promise!" Italy said, petting his hair, trying to comfort him.

Germany nodded again, turning back to his brother. He shook his shoulders, "Wake up! Please! Please wake up, please… Please, I can't… I can't…."

…

Red eyes opened. Everything was black. Everything was black and he was alone. He looked down at his clothes. They were loose, comfortable, and dark blue. His blue. He wore socks but no shoes. The pain hit, tearing through his body like thousands upon thousands of needles and knives. He fell to his knees with a scream he didn't hear. He slammed his fist into the black floor but it made no sound. He looked around, everything dark. He could see no source of light, but he could see his own skin when he looked down, white.

He doubled over, gripping his stomach. He pulled his hand away, expecting to see blood. With that much pain, there had to be blood. Nothing. He leaned forward until his knees hit the ground, leaning over on his right arm, his left wrapped around him. It felt like he was being ripped in half.

He screamed again, praying he would hear sound. Nothing. Nothing. Just silence.

Was that his brother's voice? He was sure he heard his brother's voice. He turned around, reaching forward. His hands hit concrete.

No.

He felt more, the grey stone more and more visible. Concrete, going high above his head and as far on either side as he could see. He turned around.

More concrete.

He turned back to the wall, slamming his fists against it. He was too weak. He fell to his knees in pain again. It shot up through his body, up into his chest, working to crush his lungs. He felt an icy hand closing around his heart and clawed at his chest, begging, screaming. This wasn't happening. He scrubbed at his skin with his hands, trying to hold it together as every single cell felt like it was being ripped apart. His hands shook... his body craving, begging for drugs he didn't have to give it. Everything hurt at once, everything over the past 40 years and then signing that paper.

He closed his eyes in realization. This was what dying felt like. Not dying like he'd come back. Not dying like passing out while his body healed itself. This was dying for real. And it hurt.

He looked up to whatever heaven was listening in the cold, dark room as an icy chill shot through his heart. He screamed, whispered, tried to pray. Silence. Nothing.

He reached up to touch his face. There were tears on his cheeks. When had he started crying? He didn't remember having started crying. It didn't matter. He brushed them away.

Everything hurt. Everything and more than he knew could hurt. It was like threads in his skin, twisting and breaking.

His brother's voice again.

He tried to scream for him.

Silence.

He looked down at his arms as his hands shook, his body still begging for drugs. He shook his head as tiny red pricks of blood started to show through the shirt. When had his shirt turned grey? It was blue. It was supposed to be blue. The pricks grew with every needle mark in his arms, coating the grey in red. He shook his head, stepping until he felt his back hit the wall. More pain, from the wall through his body his arms bleeding more.

This wasn't happening. This couldn't be happening. He slid down the wall, pressing his hands over his ears to block out the voices he couldn't hear and screamed as loud as he could into absolute silence.

"…Gilbert?"

He felt a hand on his shoulder and looked up, hearing sound for the first time in what could be eternity. He didn't know anymore.

"L-Liesel….?"

Her face was worried, any of the usual sisterly teasing missing from her expression, "Gilbert?" she touched his cheek.

"Why can't I die…?" more tears. He didn't want them, but he couldn't stop them, "Please, God, why can't I die…?"

He watched her heart break on her face, "You can't yet, Gilbert. You can't," she shook her head, "It's not over yet. It's not, he still needs you."

"No, he doesn't," he didn't have to ask who she meant.

"Yes, he does," she smiled a little, "he still needs his big brother."

Gilbert screamed, this time audibly, as pain tore through his body again. How was he not torn apart yet? It felt like he should be. He looked up at her again.

"Why… why does it hurt this-" he couldn't finish, biting his lip hard to keep from screaming again, "Why can't I die!?"

Bavaria shook her head, "Too many people still call themselves 'Prussian'. Too many people still care about you…"

"I don't have any land! I don't have a country. I'm supposed to die!" he gasped for breath, the pain stabbing down his back until he couldn't stand. He fell to his knees, leaning down onto his arms as they gripped his stomach.

"Please!" he begged whoever, whatever, was listening, "Please let me die!?" He looked down at his bleeding arms, "Is this punishment for this!? For the 6million dead!? For helping Russia? For letting that damn wall up!? Why are you doing this to me? just let me DIE!" He leaned over his arms, sobbing like he hadn't sobbed in years. He didn't want to cry. He wanted to die like a soldier. Not in whatever dark hell this was.

"Haven't I killed enough people for you?" he sobbed, "Haven't I been killed enough for you!? Please…" he fell into his side, bringing his hands to his face, curling up in desperation to stop the pain, "Please let me die… please… please God… please…"

Silence.

"Gilly…"

He felt her hand on his shoulder as she wiped his tears with her apron. He would have snapped some comment about her mothering him again if it wasn't for the pain. The pain overwhelmed everything.

"D-don't call me 'Gilly'…" he whispered, barely.

"Gil he still needs you… he really does."

Prussia shook his head, "I can't… please… please, I just want to die…" He looked down at his arm suddenly as a sharp stab went all the way down to his fingers.

Prussia opened his eyes to see Switzerland's hands pulling a needle out of his left arm. He closed his eyes, wincing hard. The pain hadn't stopped.

He opened his eyes again, looking around the room. He ran his hand over the bed. It was soft, so soft, the sheets white and clean and pressed beautifully. He smiled a little. Germany would. He winced again, trying to bite back a soft groan.

"Gilbert?"

His brother's voice broke in through his mind.

"Hey…" he forced a smile, opening his eyes a little and looking towards his brother. He reached up weakly, wiping the tears off Germany's cheeks, "What are those for, kid?"

Germany smiled a little in return, "I thought you were dead…"

Prussia nodded, "I should be…" he winced again, shaking with pain. At least the withdrawal wasn't killing him. He turned to look at Switzerland, "How much did you give me?"

"Enough," Vash crossed his arms, "Just enough and not a bit more."

Prussia rolled his eyes, "Figures…"

"Gilbert…" Germany cut him off, "I brought someone for you," he smiled.

Prussia looked back at him, confused, biting his lip in pain and closing his eyes. It had to go away. Eventually, the pain had to go away. He hoped…

He jumped, feeling something land on the pillow by his head. He looked up, confused for a moment, "Gilbird!" he grinned as the fluffy yellow bird hopped onto his head, down his face, and onto his chest. He chuckled a little as the bird started lecturing him.

"I know I was gone for a long time, I'm sorry!"

"chirp. chirp chirp chirpchirpchirp. chirp. chirpchirp. Chiiiirp."

Prussia rolled his eyes, "Yeah, yeah I know."

"Chirp, chirp chirp…. chirp chirp chirpchirp!"

Prussia winced hard, "Sorry…"

Gilbird hopped up to his neck and hugged it, worried.

Prussia tried to move his arm up to pet Gilbird, but stopped, crying out in pain again.

"Prussia…?" his brother's voice broke through the ache in his chest.

"I…. I'm ok…" he tried to steady his voice, tried to reassure his baby brother.

"No, you're not."

"I will be," Prussia shook his head, trying to sit up. He couldn't. He looked down at his body, expecting to see some kind of physical evidence of pain. It wasn't there. He looked fine. He felt awful. He reached for Germany's hand, not caring that it didn't look tough. There was no one there to see it anyway, except Vash. He cared a little about Vash knowing, but not enough to try and hide the pain. Why was there so much pain?

"Gilbert…?" Germany held his hand tighter, "Gilbert are you… are you all right?" he pushed his hair back out of habit, worried.

Prussia shook his head. Something was wrong, very very wrong. Pain wasn't new. Pain didn't bother him. This was different. This tore at everything he was. Even changing from Teutonic Knights to Prussia wasn't this bad. Not even close.

"Prussia, I don't-"

"Don't call me that," Gil shook his head.

"Why not…?" Germany asked, his voice breaking with confusion and fear.

"Prussia's dead." Gil looked away, back at the marks on his arm left from the drugs. So many drugs.

"Last time I checked… Prussia was pretty awesome."

Gil smiled.

A/N: Quite a bit in this chapter... Prussia is now in constant pain, which is less than fun... (speaking from personal experience...) A disturbing nightmare and seeing his sister who tried to encourage him. But now he has a problem. Who is he? Not Prussia, not GDR... who? We shall see of course... ;)

The pain nightmare was WAY too easy to write. As I mentioned in the previous chapter, I deal with some pretty severe pain... (24/7...) I'm having surgery on August 8th that will hopefully fix it forever, or at least get me on the road to recovery. I'm hoping so anyway!

This chapter was a bit sad and traumatic so extra blankets (not too many though... it's so hot out... ugh...) and lemonade and tea and all things nice! Let's see... snacks to all! I just went to IKEA for the first time and discovered they have some pretty delicious candy there. So take your pick! XD I personally loved the vanilla fudge!

Reviews are SUPER appreciated! And thank you SO MUCH to the people who are STILL READING AND REVIEWING! I love you guys so much! And it feels SO GOOD to be back! :D :D :D