After skipping breakfast, Lena was still the first person at chemistry.

"Today we have a lab experiment," Mrs. Rojas announced.

Great. The first lab and Kara isn't here. I bet no one wants to partner with me.

"It's a solo project, so no copying. We'll be using Bunsen burners and seeing how many calories are in different foods..."

Lena tuned her out. At least she didn't have to work with anyone. She had just started on the paper when the kid next to her turned the gas on a second too early.

The flame leaped out and his paper caught on fire. In seconds it was a pile of ashes and flames were licking at his binder, melting the plastic cover. Thank god for quick thinking; Mrs. Rojas grabbed the fire extinguisher and put it out before the flames had time to destroy anything else.

"Spencer, I know you're a little pyro so just try not to burn the classroom down," she sighed, not even breaking a sweat.

Remembering what Kara had said days ago, Lena fiddled with her pencil and started the lab.

"I hate fire."

"Hate?"

Kara made a face at her over their milkshakes. "Okay, I'm afraid of it. Same thing."

"I don't think it is."

"For me it is." The blonde shuddered, sipping on her 'Oreo Dream'. "It destroys everything it touches."

"Funny, my mother says the same thing about me."

Used to Lena's sardonic comments about her mother, Kara's lips twitched and she took a long drink. "I know fear and hate aren't the same thing, and I know in my case it's mostly fear. I just..."

"When did this fear of fire start?"

Kara eyed her like she was choosing what to say next. "I was eight. There was an—explosion."

Lena knew she wasn't saying everything but she didn't mind. She had secrets of her own, like— "When I was eight, my mother whipped me with one of my father's belts."

Kara's blue eyes turned to saucers and her jaw dropped. "That's horrible! Are you serious?"

Realizing she had let it slip out, a tense moment passed as Lena clamped her mouth shut. Nervous laughter bubbled up in her throat. "I'm kidding," she lied, drinking some of her vanilla milkshake.

Kara was looking at her like she knew it wasn't a joke.

"Are we all still going to the movies tomorrow?" She distracted her with a roll of her eyes.

Kara nodded. "Yeah. Incredibles 3 is coming out and there's no way I'm missing that."

Near the middle of class she nervously approached the teacher's desk. "Mrs. Rojas?"

"Yes, Lena?"

Glancing around at the rest of the room, she kept her voice down. "Can I have another copy of the lab?"

The older woman snorted. "Did Spencer burn yours too?"

"No, I—" Lena cut herself off. There was no reason for her to do what she was doing. Holding up her completed packet like it would justify what she was about to say, she stared at the floor. "I was going to get another copy for Kara, since she isn't here."

Mrs. Rojas smiled at her. "That's so sweet of you, but I already emailed her the lab last night." Seeing Lena flush, she half-rose out of her chair to stop the girl from running away. "She needs data, though. I'm sure yours is perfect, so just send it to her and if you've finished you can go." She looked at the girl in front of her. She was just how Kara described when she was pitching her for the manager job; quiet, refined, and shy, carrying herself with a grace that she didn't see in a lot of girls Lena's age. A scan of the room proved her suspicions—no one else was even halfway through the lab, so how had Lena finished in such a short time?

"Okay." Lena went to pack up her things and was zipping up her bag when the thought hit her like a gunshot. Kara had known that this lab would be taking place, she had intentionally skipped chemistry class that day. She even had the teacher send her the classwork ahead of time.

She can't be that afraid of fire, can she?

Lena filed away the information and when she saw Kara in english she didn't mention it.

"There's a party in a few weeks at Mike's house after homecoming, do you want to come with me? We have a half day for the game, then the dance. It's our friend group plus the football and soccer teams."

Lena was never one for parties. Back in New York all the parties she had been invited to were for her mother. The idea of mixing ulterior motives and alcohol was a horrible one that she tried to avoid, but Kara was looking at her with wide blue eyes and a smile that said "what could go wrong?"

"Sure, if you're going."

"Great!" The blonde smiled happily. "I'll remind you closer to the date. Want to go out to dinner later? It's just conditioning today, so it'll end earlier than usual."

"Sure. Also, here's the data from the lab," she said shyly, pulling it out of her backpack.

"Aw, you're the best. You didn't have to do that," Kara hummed, taking the papers from her. Their hands brushed and electricity jolted through Lena, making her jerk away. Used to Lena's jumpiness, Kara just smiled. It wasn't her place to ask questions. Even if the curiosity was eating her alive. "Your hair looks really nice today," she remarked, shoving the notes in her binder.

Lena put a hand to it self-consciously. "Thanks." She had left her hair in a tight braid last night to give it the gentle waves her mother said were "trashy and out of fashion," and she'd foolishly hoped that Kara would've noticed and said something.

And Kara did notice.

The day passed in a blur. Lena's mind was only half paying attention, the other half thinking about the evening ahead. Knowing that she'd have to wait til after soccer practice was killing her but she made it through her classes until the last one of the day. The blocking schedule meant it was a long period, and all thoughts of Kara disappeared when she stepped into her math class.

"Lena." Mr. Cryderman nodded to her. "Whenever Nathaniel gets here we'll start the test."

Oh, shit. She had completely forgotten about the test. It didn't matter since she knew more about the subject than the teacher, but her leg beat an incessant tempo against the table and Cryderman smiled at her.

"Don't be nervous, you have an A in my class."

It's the beginning of the year. I have 100%, she thought to herself. "Thanks."

Then he walked in.

Every time she saw him her heart jumped a little with fear but this time it seized in her chest, contracting painfully enough that she had to dig her nails into the side of her leg to keep from making a sound.

Nathaniel was wearing a suit. It wasn't just any suit, it was identical to the one Lex had worn to visit her mother's grave with her the year before. Before the allegations and accusations, before her perfect older brother had been slandered and her world had been turned upside down.

He shot her a confused, disdainful look and in that moment he looked so much like Lex that she had to shut her eyes.

"And what about him confuses you?"

"He just looks like my brother."

"You have eighty minutes to complete this exam. If you finish early, you are free to leave." Cryderman sat down and started to grade his other classwork.

Blowing through the test, she didn't realize the teacher had left until she heard a hiss to her left.

"Psst."

She froze, her pencil hovering above the paper. "I'm not helping you," she hissed back. It was a lot easier when she wasn't looking at him and his Luthor-green eyes and his familiar haircut.

"I don't need your help." He sounded almost offended and she kept her eyes on her paper. The pencil shook in her hand. "I want to ask you something."

She swallowed. "What?"

"What's your deal?" Cryderman had been gone for a few minutes and he didn't bother lowering his voice any more. "I've said like, ten words to you and you act like I killed your dog. What gives?"

"Nothing," she said unconvincingly. "We shouldn't be talking during the test." The relief that shot through her at the sight of their teacher walking back into the room left her dizzy and she quickly stood, handing him her test. She felt Nathaniel's eyes on her the entire way out of the classroom and didn't let herself take a deep breath until she was outside.

Please, please don't—

Her hope evaporated with the sound of footsteps coming after her.

"Wait up." His mouth was slightly open having chased her down the hall. "I'm serious. What's your problem?" He planted his feet and waited for an answer.

She jerked to a halt. Once she got to her dorm she would be safe, hidden away from the world until it was time to see Kara. She could ignore the strange boy that resembled her brother so much it made her heart hurt.

"What's with the suit?" Her voice trilled an octave higher than usual.

He raised an eyebrow. "College interviews. Are you going to answer my question?"

She stared at her feet until they started moving again, her vision narrowing to the stairway at the end of the hall.

Seeing that she was going to leave him standing in the middle of the math wing, his eyes darkened. "I know who you are," he called out. His voice rang down the hall and she tensed, looking like a deer caught in headlights when she turned to face him.

"You hate me because I look just like him. I can see it in your face." His face had changed from that of a boy into a darker, less curious one.

"You don't know anything about me," Lena said uncertainly. Her hands were fisted in the fabric of her sweater, her knuckles turning white.

"I looked you up," he said snidely. Almost proudly. "Rich girl from the inner city with a monster for a brother. I know your type."

His voice turned sour and she blinked, surprised at the venom in it. He didn't sound like someone she had just met, he sounded like someone that personally hated her.

"I'm sorry, that came out wrong."

"No kidding." She still hadn't moved from her spot at the top of the stairs, afraid to leave or get closer to him. "My brother is three times the man you are."

"Is that why he raped six women?" The accusation was clear, spoken with conviction.

They stood in the hallway for so long that classes ended and Lena heard the echo of students milling around on the lower levels. She could leave, right now, dart down the stairs and wait for Kara to get out of soccer, but his green eyes were glaring at her and her legs wouldn't work.

"I watched the trial," Nathaniel said, taking a menacing step towards her as the noise died down.

Lena shuddered. "Don't." One hand went out in a pleading gesture like it would hold his words back. She was surprised by his viciousness and berated herself for letting her guard down, letting herself think she was safe just because she'd moved farther away.

"I also read some interesting court documents. I read that you were the first person Caitlin Miller went to."

The name made her heart stop and she leaned away from him, her back against the railing.

"You're a monster too," he hissed, his eyes glinting under the fluorescent lights. "That's why you tried to kill yourself. You know you deserve to die."

"No, I—how did you—" Her heart kicked back into gear, thrumming in her chest. Her other hand went into her pocket and tapped the screen from memory—she only had two numbers on speed dial, Kara and Lex. The night before when she'd programmed in her friend's number she had wondered why she was doing it, but now she was grateful she had.

She had only ever used one of them and she prayed that she'd hit the right number, that it was already dialing. She had no way of knowing with the speaker in her pocket but her legs were shaking and the fear that was settling deep in her chest was rooting her to the spot.

On her way to soccer practice, Kara was listening to Vance Joy and humming along, the sunlight streaming across the fields. She was planning on asking Lena to do a photo shoot that evening after dinner and she was trying to get rid of her nerves. Lena had seen her other photos, Lena knew what she was asking.

Remembering Veronica Sinclair, the subject of most of her film photographs, Kara sighed as the back fields came into view. The girl with wild stories and sparkling eyes had only gone to Midvale Prep for half a year, and in those six months Kara knew without a doubt that she had fallen in love with her. She was everything Kara wanted to be; open, hilarious bordering on inconsiderate, charismatic, and all of the things she could never be because of her accident; reckless, carefree, impulsive. Mike had been fine with them being close friends—until he'd caught them kissing at Kara's house. Two weeks later Veronica had gotten kicked out for doing cocaine in the history building's faculty bathroom.

Since then she hadn't had any close, female friends. Thomas was one of her closest friends, but he was also friends with Mike and at the end of the day what she really needed was someone to gossip with and have sleepovers. And Lena was perfect for that. Lena had secrets of her own and that meant she would be able to handle Kara's.

Not that she was keeping anything a secret from her. Every time she saw the brunette she found herself saying things she normally wouldn't say and hoping for a reaction. It was silly, childish, but she wanted Lena to see who she was behind the perfect, soccer captain, class president girl. She felt like Lena, out of anyone else, would be able to understand her pain.

Her phone buzzed, interrupting the song as she smiled at Mrs. Rojas and put her bags down. Huh. Think of the devil.

"Lena," she said cheerfully. "I was just thinking about you!"

Lena's voice was faint and from what she could hear, she wasn't talking to her. "I don't want any trouble, please."

"Lena? Lena. Where are you?" Kara's heart skipped a beat.

"You really thought you could defend him?" A male voice, angry and loud.

"I didn't defend him! I—" Lena's voice choked off and it sounded like she was hyperventilating. She sounded close to tears and Kara's eyebrows knit.

Her worried expression must have attracted Mrs. Rojas' attention because the older woman looked over. "Kara, if you need to go," she said gently. She knew the anniversary of the accident was coming up and she always tried to cut her team captain a little more slack than usual on important dates.

Barely looking her way, Kara was already going through Lena's schedule in her head. She had it memorized better than her own.

Math. Her last class today was math.

And then she was gone, sprinting for the math building, her bag hitting her back in a steady rhythm that was uncomfortable on her scar but she didn't care. Her legs pounded the pavement and she thanked the years of physical therapy for letting her run again.

Run to Lena.

The brunette had captured her attention from day one. Kara had never seen a girl so beautiful want to be so invisible but if she was being honest, she sometimes felt the same way. There were days when she wished she didn't have so many student government meetings or days when she wished Mike wouldn't parade her around, but saying hello to everyone always cheered her up so she went along with it.

She had no idea what was going on and concern for her friend pushed her to go faster than she had at time trials. Barreling past people and skidding in through the glass doors, she headed for the stairs. Her shorts flew in the wind and she thanked the fact that she had been on her way to soccer practice; without a sports bra that run would have been very different.

She had just put a foot on the first step when she heard a noise that pulled at her heart. Someone was crying in the stairwell and from the sound of it they were trying not to.

"Lena?" she said quietly, knowing the stairs would carry her voice.

The crying stopped and a hiccup echoed down the stairway. A tense silence settled over her while she waited for an answer, holding her breath.

"Kara?" A tinny, strained parrot of her name through the earbuds confirmed it and Kara started taking the stairs two, three at a time. She almost fell on her face when she tried to skip four, her momentum carrying her faster and faster.

She stopped short when she reached the top. Lena was sitting on the landing looking like her legs had simply collapsed underneath her. Any half-formed ideas she had flew out the window and she heard the record scratch in her brain, a ferocious concern rising up in her gut.

"Lena?"

"You didn't have to come." Five words, seething with self-hatred. Kara knelt down, not sure what to do.

"You called me."

"I shouldn't have," Lena said almost angrily. "I don't need you to keep saving me." Why did I call her, of all people, to watch me cry? She hadn't even thought about it, it had been more instinct than anything else. Because she felt safe with Kara.

"What are friends for?" Kara settled with putting a hand on Lena's shoulder. It shook as the other girl whimpered. "Lena, what happened?"

Kara was looking at her so sincerely that she hated herself for crying and kept her head down. "You don't have to drop everything just because I'm upset," Lena got out, rubbing at her eyes violently. "I'm not worth it." I should have just died and saved everyone the trouble.

Kara's heart ached and she put a gentle hand under Lena's chin, lifting it up. "Yes, you are. You are absolutely worth it," she said with conviction. For all that Lena did to cover it up—the sarcasm, the fancy clothes, the keeping to herself—Kara knew she was hiding something painful.

"I'm a monster," Lena whispered, finally turning her teary eyes on Kara's.

Her eyes were wide and Kara could see flecks of gold against the jade, shiny with tears. She looked tired. Not like she had missed a few hours of sleep, tired, but like she hadn't had a good night's sleep in a long time.

"You are not a monster," Kara said firmly. "I am a very good judge of character and I did not sprint half a mile for just anyone."

Lena let out a choked laugh and Kara's smile made her feel marginally better.

Neither of them said anything. Kara fought the urge to wipe the tears off her cheeks, trying to decide the best way to cheer her up. She started telling Lena about preseason and the workouts Rojas made them do in an attempt to get her off the floor.

"And she knows I hate sprinting so she always makes me lead the relays," she rambled. That got a chuckle out of Lena and when the brunette looked up, Kara's breath hitched.

She knew it was wrong of her to think so, but Lena's eyes were all the more striking because she'd been crying. They were light green and perfectly set against her cheekbones and Kara ran a thumb along her skin, cutting a line through the tear tracks.

"Come on," she said, dropping her hand. "We're going."

"Going where?" Lena sniffled and the sound made Kara's heart ache again.

"To my house. My mom makes really good tea and you look like you could use some."

"No, I couldn't impose—"

Kara kissed Lena's forehead, cutting off her train of thought. It was clearly meant as a friendly gesture but Lena's brain short-circuited; Kara's lips were soft and warm against her skin and it sent a tingling sensation through her skull.

By the time it rebooted she was sitting in the passenger seat of the Thunderbird. She had just started to feel better when she realized, with a shock, that she was going to Kara's house.

Where her mother lived.

"Are you sure this is a good idea?"

Kara laughed, driving down a residential road. "It's a little late for that, Lee. And don't worry, Eliza will love you."

"I don't know," Lena hesitated. Her own mother had hated everything, criticized everything about her since she'd first set foot in the Luthor mansion. How would Eliza react to Kara bringing home a social outcast? She had lost two mothers already. She didn't think she could take losing another.

She needn't have worried because Eliza took one look at her face and pulled her into a hug without even asking her name.

Lena tensed at first, the unfamiliar woman's hands wrapping around her. A moment later she sunk into the hug and almost cried again when Eliza kissed her forehead just like Kara had.

"Hi, sweetie."

"Hi." Lena's voice came out raspy and she cleared her throat, standing back. Kara was already playing with her dogs, watching the interaction carefully. "I'm Lena."

"I know who you are," Eliza smiled good-naturedly. "Kara talks about you all the time."

"Mom!" Kara blushed, walking over.

Eliza gave her daughter a quick peck on the cheek and started bustling around the kitchen. "Would you like something to drink? Coffee? Tea?" The look she turned on Lena made it clear that it was perfectly fine for her to decline.

Glancing at Kara, Lena followed her nod. "Tea, if that's alright with you."

"Of course it's alright. I'll call you girls when it's ready."

"I can help you make it if—" Kara dragged her out of the room before she could finish her sentence.

Lena sat down in corner of the couch, tucking her legs underneath her, her eyes jumping from picture to picture along the walls. Many of them were of Kara and her sister and there was a large framed picture of Eliza, Kara, Alex and a man she didn't recognize.

"You look like you want the couch to swallow you whole," Kara commented, scratching Krypto's head. The husky let out a playful growl and nipped at her fingers. "This is Krypto, by the way. I don't know where Osh has gone but he's a little...shy around strangers..." She trailed off as her other dog climbed into Lena's lap, settling down. "Or not." It was only after he tried to lick her face that she finally relaxed and Kara grinned, delighted that Lena was comfortable being in her house.

"Osh. Is that short for something?" Lena's fingers worked through the grey coat and the puppy's eyes half-closed in satisfaction. She was too busy tracing patterns in the fur to see Kara's eyes fixed on her hands.

"Oisín. Named him after the greatest—"

"Greatest poet of Ireland. He was a warrior."

Kara raised an eyebrow. "Should've guessed you'd know that," she said, half to herself. "Sorry the house is such a mess." She waved a lazy hand but made no move to clean, spreading her legs out and sinking lower on the couch.

"Sorry I ruined the evening," Lena said, embarrassed. She stretched, careful not to disturb the dog on her lap, and her now-untucked shirt rode up slightly.

Something stirred in Kara at the strip of skin between Lena's shirt and her pants but she shut it down. "Don't be. You look exhausted." She trained a smile on Lena but the crinkle appeared between her eyes. "You aren't getting enough sleep," she said softly, watching the brunette run her hands down Oisín's back. She looked so sad and soft and beautiful that Kara had to exercise a considerable amount of self control to stay on her side of the couch.

The kettle whistled and Eliza's call of "Girls!" brought them back to the kitchen.

"So, Lena. My daughter says you're a science nerd."

Wrapping her hands around the hot mug, Lena nodded. "I guess."

"She also says your eyes remind her of emeralds and looks like she's not wrong." Eliza shot her daughter a teasing look.

Kara had just taken a sip of hot tea and she gulped it down quickly, scalding her tongue. "Yeah, they're just—they're really green," she said, her tongue rasping against the top of her mouth.

Even though it was at the price of Kara's embarrassment, Lena found herself stifling a laugh.

Eliza smiled at her over her mug. "I'm sure you've been told that before, so she'll have to come up with more creative compliments." She winked.

It was Lena's turn to make a fool of herself. She choked into her tea and Kara had to slap her back while she recovered.

Ten minutes later Kara was leaning her elbows on the table, barely hanging onto the conversation. Eliza was going on about something to do with chemical equilibrium and when the door opened her head shot up, thankful for the interruption.

"Mom?"

At the woman's voice, Kara bit her lip and glanced nervously at Lena. Feeding Osh half a biscuit, she stood up quickly, intending to intercept whoever had just walked in.

She was a little too late and Lena found herself looking at an older brunette woman.

One whose body she knew from a photograph.

"You're the sister. The girl in the bikini," she blurted out, much to her embarrassment.

"I—what?" The woman stared at her and her brow furrowed. "Have we met?" Her tone was hostile, defensive, and Lena wanted to melt through the floor.

"Alex!" Kara's voice was too enthusiastic and her sister's forehead wrinkled. "This is my friend Lena," she said nervously. "Lena, this is my sister."

The older woman's gaze had flattened the second Kara said "Lena." Something in her seemed to be warring with herself, but she took one look at Kara's hopeful expression and the way the blonde was bouncing nervously on the balls of her feet and a tentative smile broke out across her face.

"Nice to meet you." She nodded at Lena.

"Lena's the one I was going to have talk to you. About Sam?" Kara lowered her voice.

Alex's shoulders stiffened, her eyes taking in Lena's appearance. "I'm going upstairs," she announced bluntly, walking away. Kara chased after her sister, shooting Lena a worried look.

Eliza looked embarrassed and started apologizing to Lena. "Alex is going through a break up. She's just moved back home from California and she's working in the city and—"

"Sorry," Lena cut her off. "What an insensitive thing to say, I didn't mean to offend her."

"Offend her?"

"With the bikini comment." Lena's face burned and she sipped her tea, hiding behind the mug. It had a painting of an elephant and she wondered if Kara had drawn it on when she was younger. The thought of Kara as a toddler painting on a mug distracted her and she forced herself to look Eliza in the eye.

"Don't be sorry," Eliza waved away her concern. "Everyone has seen that photo, honey. It's on the wall in Pratt."

"You know about it?" Lena's eyes flew open in surprise.

"Of course. I've seen almost all of Kara's work. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if pictures of you start appearing on the walls." The look Eliza gave her said a lot more than her words did and Lena busied herself with her tea before she could read into it.

Footsteps on the stairs made them both look up.

"How was work, honey?" Eliza asked, like Alex hadn't just stormed away like a petulant child.

"Fine. Lena, can I talk to you?" Alex gestured at her to follow her out of the kitchen. She wanted to check the youngest Luthor out, see if Lena was someone to warn her sister against, and now was her best chance with Kara in the shower.

Lena looked around like she was talking to someone else. "Me?" she squeaked.

"Is there someone else named Lena?"

Eliza shot Alex an admonishing look and the older girl rolled her eyes. "Come on. I'll show you my room."

"Your...room?" Lillian had rarely allowed Lena to bring friends home (not that she had many to bring) and the few occasions she had, they had been sequestered in the common areas of the house. Her bedroom was off limits, not a public space and "not appropriate to have friends over in private, don't you even understand how that would look?"

"It's fine." Eliza sensed the young girl's nervousness and gave her an encouraging smile. "You can take your tea with you."

Biting her lip nervously, Lena followed Alex up the stairs and into a moderately-sized bedroom. Split down the middle, one half was covered in photographs and messy, childish drawings. The other half, where Alex went to sit, had posters of dirt biking and superheroes and one of Pamela Anderson that made Lena blush and look away.

"Sorry about the rude introduction." Alex pointed her to the other twin bed and Lena sat on the edge, fidgeting with her hair. "I just wasn't expecting visitors. It's been a long day." She ran a hand through her short, cropped hair. It was shorter than it had been in the picture.

Lena nodded. It had been more than that, the flash of recognition in Alex's eyes. She knew. She had been out west, Kara said, and that's where the most media coverage had been.

But all that was at the back of her mind at the thought that she was sitting on Kara's bed. She looked around at the photos on the wall, not bothering to hide her curiosity. They were like the ones in the binder, except they were a mix of polaroids and film and digital, and they were all of women. There was a longing to them, like whatever was in the picture was something Kara was trying to capture for herself but could never quite reach.

"So. You're Lena." Alex tried to keep the conversation going. "Why does my sister think you're the one to talk to?"

"Beats me." Lena turned back to her, biting her lip. "She said you were going through a breakup and that I might be able to help."

"Are you also going through a break up?"

"No." Lena shook her head.

Somewhere down the hall water started and Lena's head jerked towards the sound, her hand hitting the bed. It landed in something slightly damp and she looked down, seeing Kara's soccer jersey. Kara had skipped soccer practice for her. The thought warmed her more than the tea and she set the mug down before she could spill it.

"It's just the shower." Alex narrowed her eyes at Lena's reaction. Kara had mentioned her new friend was jumpy and she reminded Alex of a dog they'd taken in a few days ago. He had been left to die on the side of the road and had clearly been abused, and whenever something startled him his ears went back and his muscles tensed and he looked just like the girl sitting in front of her.

Lena nodded, clearing her throat, her hand still resting on the large number 27 printed on Kara's shirt. If Kara's clothes were on the bed that meant that Kara wasn't wearing them.

That Kara was showering. Naked. And Lena was in her house.

"Did Kara tell you about Sam?" Alex continued, unaware that Lena was having a mini-crisis. Maybe her sister was right to bring Lena over. It was comforting talking to someone that knew nothing about her.

Of course she's naked, no one showers with clothes on are you stupid— "Um, no. Just that you two were engaged." Kara started singing in the shower, a song Lena didn't recognize, and her heart skipped a beat. Her voice was angelic and Lena licked her lips and tried to focus on Alex. "Why did you guys call it off?"

Alex rubbed at her eyes. "Sam didn't want kids. I did." She said it with finality, like she had come to terms with the situation. "I've always wanted kids."

"Yeah?" Lena tilted her head to catch the strains of Kara singing.

"Sam didn't want to be a mother."

"I—what?" Lena did a double take. "Mother? Sam is a girl?"

Alex's expression shifted like she was re-evaluating Lena. "Sam is a woman."

Suddenly the Pamela Anderson poster made sense.

"You—you're a—gay?" Lena stared at her like she had just sprouted a third head.

She had never had a proper conversation about it but a smattering of memories hit her. The girls she had been obsessed with at boarding school. How she would follow them around, dogging their footsteps and they acted like they had to put up with her. Her embarrassment at mundane activities like sitting on someone's lap and holding hands—among girlfriends it was normal. Girlfriends, not girlfriends. Her mother whisking her away from a table at a gala last year, muttering under her breath about "not approving of that lifestyle for you, come, have you met the son of so-and-so?"

Could I be—

"I guess Kara didn't tell you that part." Alex still had that strange look on her face and Lena swallowed.

Kara's sister is gay.

"Is that a problem?"

"No. NO! I mean," she gathered her wits, "The opposite, actually. Maybe you could help me, with...something..." She trailed off with an awkward glance at the Pamela Anderson poster.

Alex looked at her with new interest, noticing her hands were still fisted in Kara's soccer jersey. "Kara once cheated on Mike with a girl, did she ever tell you that?"

"What? When?" The questions were out before she could stop them an she blushed when Alex raised an eyebrow at her obvious curiosity.

"She kissed her. Downstairs."

The blood roared in Lena's ears and she paled as Alex told her the story. How she'd encouraged her sister to give in to her urges, how she didn't want someone like Mike holding her back. How, after it all, she was still pissed that they had stayed together.

Against her better judgment Lena wondered for a strange second if that meant Kara was still interested in girls. If Kara would be interested in her.

"What was her name?"

"Veronica."

Veronica. That must be the girl in all of Kara's photos. Lena was hit with a flash of jealousy, so strong that she almost gasped aloud. She wanted it to be her in those photographs, her that Kara positioned and framed and developed and—

Someone walked into the room in a cloud of steam and Lena gulped, her eyes going towards the door.

Kara was brushing out her long, wet hair. It was darker because of the water dripping through it, the color of honey. A towel was fastened under her arms and she grinned when she saw Lena sitting on her bed.

"Is Alex giving you a hard time?"

"No," Lena said, but it came out as a strangled noise.

"Good." Kara winked at her and Lena felt her cheeks flush. When the blonde girl turned around, Lena couldn't look away and she saw Kara's back.

Her well-muscled, soccer-tanned back.

That had tattoos.

Three of them, small, right on top of each other. The lower one was small and neat, the roman numeral for nine resting perpendicular to a candle that was perfectly in line with her spine. The smoke of the candle turned into an intricate drawing of an elephant head with tribal patterns throughout that was between her shoulder blades, which winged out as she brushed her hair. They were both high enough on her back that a sports bra would completely cover them. Lena didn't know much about tattoos but they looked expensive and beautiful.

This was a bad idea. "I have to go," she mumbled, rushing for the door. Her skin passed inches from Kara's, the heat of the shower coming off it and surrounding her in a shampoo-scented mist that she blasted through, tripping down the stairs.

"Lena? Alex, what did you say to her? Lena!" Kara started after her friend, clearly upset, but Alex stopped her with a hand.

"Nothing, I swear. I'll take her back to school."

Eliza looked up at the commotion as Lena clattered down the stairs. "Are you alright?"

"I—thank you for—I have to go," Lena got out, shoving her feet into her shoes. Something was very wrong, something was nagging at the back of her mind and she didn't think she wanted to listen to it.

"Lena." Kara's sister had followed her. Unsure of whether or not to be disappointed, Lena stood there, blinking. "Come on. I'll drive you back."

"No, I think I'll take a cab." Everything Lillian had taught her about courtesy and manners was gone, her mind was a blank and all she could see was Kara's tattoos on the backs of her eyelids. She fumbled with the lock and burst out the door before they could stop her, running down the block. She ducked behind a large bush, her chest heaving.

"Lena?" She heard Kara calling out her name and fought the urge to stick her head up.

"Kara, give her some space," Alex was saying.

"Why? What did you say?" Kara sounded concerned, almost angry. Concerned for her.

"It's nothing I said, I think she's just realizing something about herself."

No kidding.

The cab ride back wasn't the silent trip she'd hoped it would be. Kara blew up her phone every twenty seconds with a text and a few popped up from an unsaved number; Kara's sister telling her to text her back or she would hunt her down.

Lena killed an hour sitting in her dorm room before answering Alex

Sorry. I'm fine.

She tossed her phone across the room.

"What is wrong with you, Lena?" she muttered. She knew her behavior was inexcusable—she had left without saying goodbye, without an explanation, acted out like the spoiled child she was. A mature person would have stayed and waited out the evening. Maybe even thanked Eliza properly before breaking her door down as she left.

She checked in with the dorm supervisor when study hall came around then holed herself up in her room. Kara stopped texting her sometime around 11, giving up on her radio silence.

Sometime around midnight she lapsed into a fitful sleep.

She was back in the courtroom while hordes of faceless people screamed at her to kill herself.

"I'm trying!" She sobbed, her hands scratching fiercely at her arms. "I'm trying, I can't—"

"Just do it!" One face made itself known out of the crowd. Lillian. "You're worthless anyways, no one will miss you."

"I'm trying!"

"Don't listen to her."

She whipped around to see her brother staring at her, a sad expression on his face.

"You're worth so much more than this, Lena."

"Lex." The name tore itself out of her chest and she clutched at him. Her fingers went through him like he was made out of smoke, the edges of his form blurred. "Please don't leave me alone," she said desperately. "Please, please stay."

Her voice dropped to a whisper and her eyes, fastened on her brother, didn't see her mother lunging for her until it was too late and her heart felt like it was about to burst, forcing her awake.

She sat bolt upright, her chest heaving, fingernails digging into the flesh of her own arm. With a gasp she unclenched her hand and tried to rub away the red lines that stood out even in the dark. She felt the strange urge to talk to, of all people, Alex. Maybe Kara's sister would understand how she was feeling.

An hour later she had her sketchbook open on her desk and was painstakingly outlining a photo Thomas had taken of her and Kara laughing on the quad. Kara's hair was coming out of its braid and her eyes were screwed up in happiness. She didn't realize she had spent half an hour drawing one of Kara's arms until she looked at her brother's watch. 2 am.

The entire dorm was silent, everyone else was asleep. After the day she'd had, she tried to shut her mind off but it kept running, the memory of Nathaniel growling at her like a ghost in the back of her mind.

Ten minutes later she was staring at a copy of Kara's tattoo in her hands. It wasn't exact, the patterns and shadings were guessed at, but it captured the essence of it. The number and the candle and the smoky elephant screamed out at her from the page.

She started filling in the rest of the drawing; the curve of Kara's spine and the wings of her shoulder blades, rubbing charcoal on her forehead until the sun came up.