The dance was being held in the dining hall. It had been cleared out and spruced up and had the vibe of a club and a ballroom mixed together. Music was blaring and there were cups of sparkling cider, as well as teacher chaperones standing at the edges trying not to watch as people made out in the center of the room.

"Congrats to the Midvale Prep champions!"

Kara was running around taking photos and Mike caught her around the waist. He kissed her on the lips and she did a little twirl, her pink, lacy dress flaring out. Everything was okay again. Everything was going back to normal.

Except for that weird moment at the game with Lena.

The lights flashed around the room and Kara waltzed from group to group, each one lighting up as she joined them. Even Elizabeth smiled at her, her happiness was so infectious, but her face soured a moment later and Kara turned to see what had caused the change in attitude, her eyes scanning the room.

When she saw her, she did a double take and almost dropped her camera.

Oh. My. God.

Lena was walking down the stairs, arm in arm with Thomas. She looked more confident than Kara had ever seen her and he had on a goofy grin, like he knew he had asked the hottest girl in the entire school to the dance. Mike was retelling his touchdown story and Kara effectively ignored him, her mouth hanging open.

The elegant, hunter green dress Lena was wearing looked more expensive than Kara's camera; perfectly fitted sleeves and a swooping, low neckline. Kara's mouth started watering when her eyes fell on Lena's collarbones, drinking in all the sharp angles and shadows.

Her perfect, porcelain skin looked all the more blinding in contrast to the green and her lips—her lips were a sinfully dark red that Kara zeroed in on from across the room. She imagined those lips inches from her ear, whispering things in Lena's low growl, and a zap of electricity shot up her spine.

She was watching the way Lena's carefully curled hair bounced against her neck when she realized someone was talking to her.

"What?"

"I said do you need anything else for the party tonight?" Mike's voice grated her ears and she looked around like she'd been pulled from a dream.

"No, no. I—"

"Kara. Mike." Lena and Thomas had reached them and Lena gave him a small nod.

He looked a little dumbfounded, like he couldn't piece together the glamorous girl in front of him with the girl he had yelled at the other day. "Lena, hey. I'm so sorry about the other night," he started, his eyes just as stuck as Kara's had been.

"Don't worry about it." She smiled good-naturedly and accepted the apple cider Thomas offered her. Meanwhile, her heart was doing somersaults at the sight of Kara in a dress but she kept her voice even. Dresses and dances were her purview, Lillian had practically raised her in heels and a ballroom.

"So what's with this party?" She was desperate to start a conversation, desperate to take all the attention off her. Kara was staring, Mike was staring, Thomas was staring, Elizabeth was staring.

"We have almost everything together," Thomas said a little too loudly. "Mike, I need to clear up some details with you." He pulled his friend away. The quarterback shot a hesitant look at the girls before being led away, like he didn't want to leave them—Kara didn't blame him. She wouldn't want to walk away from Lena right now either.

Lena looked her friend up and down. "You look beautiful," she said, trying to sound nonchalant.

Kara blushed and nodded. "Thanks, I—you're too—I mean, you look...nice." String a sentence together, for fuck's sake.

Lena smiled and turned, showing Kara the other side. "It's the dress. Where'd you get yours? It's amazing."

Kara gulped, pushing her glasses into her nose instead of up. It was a backless dress and her eyes drank in every inch of Lena's skin, her mouth slightly open. Lena reached out a finger and closed it, smirking.

Interesting turn of events.

Blinking at the contact, Kara cleared her throat. What an unfortunate time to be having a stroke! "I, um, present—shopping. My mom—she, we went shopping." She let out a shaky breath, trying to navigate her way from word to word and failing. "You?" She forced the responsibility of talking onto the other girl, choking down a sip of water and stalling for time.

Lena shrugged. "It was a gift from a man my mother made me go out with."

Kara's eyebrows shot up and she regained some of her ability to speak. "Made you?"

"Son of a millionaire," Lena said it like it happened every day. "His father paid my mother to have us photographed together."

"What?" Shocked blue eyes burned into hers. "That's—isn't that illegal? That's like, business prostitution."

Lena let out a startled laugh and the tension melted away. "I suppose it is," she said. "But the joke's on him, because his son is gay. It was a fantastic evening spent running around Manhattan's finest with a gentleman on my arm."

Kara made a face and Lena's heart sunk. "Did I say something wrong?"

"No, no." Kara waved away her awkwardness. "You just always sound formal when you get nervous. It's one of your tells."

"I don't have any tells," Lena said self-consciously.

"Yeah, you do," Kara snorted. "I can always tell when you're lying and I can always tell when you're nervous, and—" She cut herself off abruptly, realizing she was coming across a little too strong.

"You can tell when I'm lying?"

"Uh huh," Kara said, shifting from foot to foot. "You get all stone-faced and nothing changes in your expression."

Interesting. "In the Luthor household that's called a poker face."

"Yeah, well to me it's called hiding your emotions. You're an emotional person, Lena, so I know you're lying when you try to pretend otherwise. You have a big heart." Kara blushed at her own words and right then Thomas popped up by Lena's elbow.

"May I ask the lady to dance?"

"You may," Lena said, her eyes not leaving Kara's face. Thomas led her to the center of the room while Mike followed with Kara, and they started dancing to a slow Ed Sheeran song Lena didn't know the words to.

"I really like that dress on you," Thomas whispered in her ear. "You're by far the most stunning girl in the room."

"Thanks." Her eyes chased Kara's legs up and down as they danced.

Dear god.

She saw Elizabeth staring at her and quickly looked up, only to feel a deep pang of jealousy at the sight of Mike and Kara kissing.

Suddenly it was too much, the heaviness in her heart, the envy, the feeling of Elizabeth staring at her. She grabbed Thomas's face and pressed her lips to his.

He gave in easily. Too easily, like every boy before him. His lips parted and a moment later his tongue was in her mouth. She ran her hands through his hair, let him entertain himself for a few seconds, then pulled away, a mixture of guilt and self-hatred rushing through her.

He was looking at her with so much wonder that she almost scoffed but she composed herself, surreptitiously wiping her mouth off. "Still friends?"

"Still friends," he confirmed in a hoarse voice. His hair was sticking straight up in some places and she smoothed it down.

She glanced over; Kara was looking directly at her, wide eyed, her face an expression of pure surprise. Deciding to play it off as casual, Lena flipped her hair and winked at her. She couldn't stop her heart from fluttering but she pretended it wasn't happening, pretended like she hadn't wished she was kissing someone else.

After everyone changed into casual clothes, Kara went to track Lena down.

She found her sitting at her desk, her brow furrowed, the door slightly ajar.

"Hey, stranger," Kara knocked on the open door. "The party's in an hour. You doing homework?"

Lena stood up so quickly the chair fell over, flipping over the paper on her desk. Her hands were covered in pencil lead and her hair was in a messy bun. "Kara!" She looked guilty and defensive at the same time and Kara frowned.

"Sorry, didn't mean to startle you. Is everything okay?" Thank god she's not wearing the dress, so I sound half-intelligent.

"Yes, yes, fine. Everything's fine," she trilled, all of the decorum from earlier gone at the sight of Kara in a crop top. She was wearing sweatpants herself, and sat on the edge of her desk, hiding the drawing.

Used to Lena's fidgeting—the dance had been an unexpected change that filled her with all-too-familiar feelings—Kara leaned against the door frame.

"You sure you're okay?" Her voice was laced with the ever-present concern she always had when she was with Lena. When other people, even Mike, sighed or looked away, Kara just waited for them to explain. With Lena, she always she wanted to know what was going through her mind.

"I'm fine," Lena said again, coming a little more undone. If Kara asked her again she might just show her the drawings, tell her everything and rip the band-aid off. Better than dragging out this friendship that Kara still thought was just that—a friendship. Better than the pain she would feel when Kara left her like everyone else did.

Lex always said "The greater the trust, the greater the betrayal." Funny how his words had haunted her since then, and yet here she was, digging herself into a deeper hole every time she hung out with Kara. When—if ever—Kara found out about her true feelings, she would feel betrayed.

She really was turning into Lillian.

"I called dibs on driving you." Kara seemed helplessly oblivious to the effect she had on Lena and the brunette felt equal parts relieved and painfully disappointed at the same time. "Let's go. I gotta help Mike set up."

Mike's house was twenty minutes away and Lena listened to Kara singing along to the radio the whole way there.

"Mike's dad is an architect," Kara showed her around. "So half of this house was designed by Mike. Guess whose idea the basketball hoop was?"

There were a few people already milling about and now that they weren't alone the bizarre tension was gone from between them.

They were just really good friends enjoying each other's company. Which was so much worse for Lena.

God dammit, Lena. Just be her friend. She just needs you to be her friend, you can do that, right? No matter how much it hurts you.

She couldn't box away the feeling that something big was going to happen. Like an impending storm, a cloud settled itself over her head.

"So." Kara clapped her hands together. "You and Thomas?"

Lena pulled the hem of her shirt down. "Yeah..." Kara had convinced her to wear a flirty Louis Vuitton top and black jeans and she worried it was riding up. She glanced around at the people starting to get drunk.

Lena could count on one finger the amount of proper teenage parties she'd been too. She and a friend—Eve—had stumbled into a club at 2 am, running from a Vogue event and had the time of their lives. And now here she was, at a proper rager. She knew she could hold her liquor but she didn't know if she wanted to, with Kara's history still fresh in her mind.

"Do you like him?" Kara was still trying to make conversation.

"About as much as I like tarantulas."

Her attempt at levity went over Kara's head completely.

"You like spiders?"

"No, Kara. I most definitely do not." Lena cracked a smile at Kara's expression and watched a boy do a shot in the corner. "Are you okay to be here?"

Kara gave her a curious look. "What do you mean? In Mike's house? I've been here before, you know."

"No, I meant around...drunks."

Kara swallowed and Lena did the only thing she could think of. She took Kara's hand, running her fingers over her palm in a comforting motion. It was something her birth mother used to do with her, one of the only things she remembered.

"I'm used to it," the blonde said, her voice neutral, eyes jumping down to their intertwined fingers. "I didn't like it at first, but Mike's a big partier so I...I'm used to it. There's a key bowl at the front and my friend Sean is always good at getting everyone's stuff labeled for the next day."

"Shots!" Someone yelled at the other side of the house, and Lena felt a spike of anger on Kara's behalf. How dare Mike treat her like that, without even asking her?

Then again, Mike didn't know everything.

Time passed quickly but Lena didn't leave Kara's side, their hands still laced together. Mike was hoisted up when the football team arrived and suddenly every single person she could see was either drunk or well on their way. More and more people kept showing up until it was apparent that half the school had heard about the party.

Dirty blonde hair cut across her view with no warning and Lena jerked back, pulling Kara with her. "Nathaniel?" Her voice cracked slightly and she felt Kara shift beside her.

"Hey, Lena!" He said enthusiastically, a dry smile on his lips. "Just wanted to let you know that you absolutely fucking ruined my life!"

"What are you talking about?" Kara's hand tightened around hers and she took a deep breath. She hadn't told her Nathaniel was the one that made her cry, but her friend wasn't stupid. She knew.

"That asshole made you cry."

"I got kicked out of Midvale!" He said it like it was a cheer but the grimace on his face told her otherwise. "Your mom made a few calls and now I'm getting shipped off to army camp in fucking North Carolina." His voice slurred and he swiped at her with a clumsy hand, hitting her shoulder.

Kara's warmth left her side and a second later she was shoving the drunk boy backwards, a fiercely protective look on her face. "You're way out of line, buddy."

Lena stayed frozen to the spot. Had her mother really done that? Did she find the connection between Nathaniel and Caitlin Miller?

"No, she's the one who's out of line, buddy." Nathaniel was sneering at the two of them and he brandished a glass of whiskey, spilling it over the sides. Kara wrinkled her nose at the smell and his demeanor but didn't get out of his way. "She hasn't told you, has she? She's the reason Cait is dead. She killed her."

"That's a little dramatic." Kara sounded remarkably nonchalant.

She must think he's lying. That he's too drunk to be making any sense. But he's right, and I am a horrible person.

"I loved her!" Nathaniel confessed loudly. "She was my sister's best friend, she was hot, and smart, and I was in love with her."

Kara's expression softened slightly. "I'm sorry to hear that," she said, infinitely sympathetic at even the worst of times. "I understand the pain of losing someone you care about."

He ducked around her and got in Lena's face, making her flinch away. "You should just kill yourself. Maybe you picked up some tips from last time."

She swallowed, the words lost in her chest somewhere. What could she say to defend herself when he was right?

"Enough." Kara's voice cut through the noise of the room and she was pushing him back again. "Either find yourself a cab home or go crash in an empty room. You're done here."

With a final sneer, he turned on his heel and headed for the drinks table.

"Alcohol makes people so mean." Kara sounded child-like, her simple words stating the obvious. "Lena? Lena, where are you going?"

Lena was already walking away. Anger made her fingers move faster and her phone was ringing by the time she made it outside. She put it to her ear, not hearing Kara behind her.

"Hello?"

"Mother." Her voice was cold, impersonal. "What do you know about a boy named Nathaniel?"

"Nathaniel who, darling?"

That brought her up short. She didn't know his last name. "Nathaniel, the boy in love with Caitlin Miller."

"Ah, the pinprick. Don't worry, I took care of him for you."

"I didn't ask you to do that," Lena said coldly. She could see Kara watching her, the friendly face wrinkled with worry.

"You don't have to ask. It's what family does for each other."

"You've made it very clear you don't consider me family. You consider me an inconvenience. Stop meddling with my life, mother." She spat the last word out angrily, something twisting in her gut. Lillian always managed to get under her skin so well and it infuriated her.

"You forget," Lillian hissed, quick to anger. "If not for my meddling, you'd be a corpse floating in the East River. So think about that next time you're running around with your little blonde friend." She hung up on Lena with a decisive click.

The weight of what Lillian said hit her and she pinched the bridge of her nose, trying to soothe the tension headache she could feel building up. A warmth on her shoulder made her sigh, but she didn't move away, recognizing Kara's shampoo.

Kara didn't say anything for a while, leaning her head on Lena's shoulder. "You and your mom don't get along very well, huh?" She could smell Lena's expensive perfume—she had seen the Dior bottle in her room once and bought herself the same bottle to keep in her nightstand.

Lena shook her head. "I'm fine," she said in a guarded tone. Anger made her numb, calm, unfeeling. Someone walked out with a drinks tray and she grabbed one, pouring it down her throat without thinking.

For a second, all she felt was the burning in her mouth and the tears in her eyes. It made her forget that she had betrayed her brother, that she had killed a girl. Her legs moved automatically, carrying her inside where the rows and rows of little glasses were waiting, barely noticing Kara following her.

She downed another shot.

Caitlin Miller.

And another.

Lex.

Another.

Lillian.

Another.

Swallowing the fifth, she waited for the alcohol to kick in. She knew what being drunk felt like—she had been tipsy at publicity events and Lex had stolen a bottle of Lillian's best scotch when she was only thirteen. They had giggled over it and sipped it until they couldn't see straight, and Lillian had locked them in separate rooms to dry out.

Kara watched her friend, anxiety growing in her stomach. She didn't mind that Lena was drinking, only what her motivations for doing so were. That, and the sheer amount of liquor she was taking in at an alarmingly fast pace. No one who was "fine" drank like that. Her arm hovered inches away from Lena's back but her friend wasn't even looking at her, just kept drinking like she was trying to poison her liver in one short night.

"Lena?"

She flinched at her name and threw back another, her sharp jawline moving as she swallowed. "I said I'm fine." Her voice was brusque and she looked angry.

Biting her lip, Kara touched her arm tentatively. Lena had never been like this with her; closed off, angry, jumping at even the sound of her name. "Lena, please look at me."

Lena's unseeing gaze wandered the room, landing on Kara.

"What do you need?" The blonde's voice ached with concern.

Lena blew out a breath, snapping out of a reverie of anger. "I need to forget," she said shortly, bitterly. "I need to forget what a horrible person I am, at least for a night."

"You are not a horrible person."

Kara, always trying to convince her she was worth more than she was. Kara, clueless about how despicable Lena really was inside.

"You've been through something. Something bad. Just like me. I could tell on the first day. But you can't let your mother define you, or your brother, or anyone else—"

"Just—stop." Lena waved an uncoordinated hand. She wasn't as drunk as she'd liked to have been by now and she stole a drink out of someone's hand. The boy opened his mouth to argue but upon seeing Lena, then Kara, thought better of it and left.

"I killed someone." Even in the midst of the party, Lena knew Kara could hear her.

Kara's eyes widened in a way that would have been funny if Lena was joking. Had she witnessed a murder? "Lena, you're not thinking clearly. I'm sure whatever it was, it—"

"No, I did it! Kara. I...did it." Somewhere in the middle of Kara's defending her, she stumbled, the walls blurring together.

Kara caught her, suddenly very conscious of Lena's body in her arms. Lena was looking up at her, green eyes focusing and unfocusing every few seconds, and her heart contracted with worry and something she didn't want to name. "Did what?"

"I was just trying to do the right thing." A notable slur slipped into her words—when had that gotten there? "Just once, just one thing that was good. And I killed that girl." She nuzzled into Kara's neck and the blonde shivered at the contact.

If only Lena knew what she was doing to her...

"Lena, it wasn't your fault." Kara had no idea what was going on but she hated seeing her friend like this. "Anyone who knows you knows that you would never—"

"I know you believe that everything is good, and kind, and that...is one of the things I love about you," Lena said, her lips brushing against Kara's neck. Her self-control had gone out the window with that first shot and she could smell Kara's skin, all vanilla and warm, and feel her pulse pounding in her neck. Why it was pounding so hard, Lena didn't know, but she tried to lose herself in the feeling of Kara's arms around her, knowing it couldn't last.

When she finds out, she's going to hate me, she thought with a sense of despair.

"What's going on, Lena?" Kara didn't sound accusing, just curious and definitely upset. Upset at her?

"Please, just stop—stop believing in me, okay? I am...not worth it."

Wrenching herself out of Kara's grasp, she made her way back to the drinks.

"Lena!" Thomas practically roared by her ear. "Come do a shot with me!"

She smiled at him and he was too drunk to notice the tears in her eyes. They did another two, and then she was on him, her fingers in his hair and his hands on her hips. They were sloppy, drunk kisses that didn't count and her eyes were open the whole time.

Jealousy sparked in Kara and she caught up with them, pulling them apart. "Drink some water, Thomas," she said to the boy in a motherly tone. "And you're staying the night."

"Okay!" He gave her a thumbs up and turned around, getting lost in the crowd.

"You're always so nice." Lena twisted into Kara's body, not caring that her shirt was falling off her shoulder. Finding solace in Kara's chest, she rested her head below her collarbones and sighed.

Lena's breath sent a shiver down her body but Kara didn't say anything, just fixed her shirt for her. "Maybe you should slow down," Kara said with a terse smile. Lena glanced up and she bit back an inappropriate comment.

Even drunk, Lena was breathtaking. The drinks took the edge off, her body was less tightly wound than Kara had grown accustomed to. It would have been a nice change if not for the look in her eyes.

They were hazy and shiny with tears, and Kara saw Lena's reflection of herself in the green and gold.

She knew Lena fought with herself on a daily basis, about what, she was determined to find out and nullify. There was always a self-deprecating air to her answers, always something bitter about her countenance when people tried asking her about her personal life. Without the smoke screen in place, it was a lot more noticeable, though Kara suspected someone less close to Lena would've misinterpreted it.

She can't hate herself that much.

All Kara wanted was to make that look go away.

"I shouldn't be here." Lena stumbled and Kara sat her down in an empty spot on the couch, worry pinching her face.

"You didn't eat anything before," the blonde fussed, straightening Lena's shirt again. It seemed determined to keep slipping down and make Kara blush, and Kara swallowed, doing up a few more buttons. The other girl stared at the floor.

"I shouldn't be here," Lena said again.

Kara peered at her. "Do you want to leave? I'll take you—"

"Babe!" A rough hand was on her arm and then Mike was pulling her away, shouting in her ear. "I was telling Ron about my pass earlier. You saw it, right?" He reeked of beer and she tried to squirm away when he planted a wet kiss on her cheek.

"Yeah, forty yards!" she said with fake enthusiasm.

"More like fifty!" When she glanced back at Lena, her friend was sitting in someone's lap and swaying, and their faces were definitely too close—

"Mike, I have to go."

"And it's all because my girl was cheering me on from the stands!" Mike completely ignored her, his arm tightening on her. She resigned herself to finishing the conversation quickly.

Ten minutes later they had migrated to the kitchen and Ron had heard the same story three times, nodding vigorously each time Mike got to the punch line—"Fifty yards!"— and then immediately asking Mike for another drink.

"Babe, I'm going to buy more ice," Kara said, giving him a halfhearted hug.

"Sure. Love you!"

Kara didn't say anything, just nodded and left his side as fast as she could, weaving in and out of the crowd until she reached the couch.

"Lena?"

She couldn't see her friend anywhere and tried to quell the sudden panic that threatened to take over her chest.

"Lena!"

Scanning the room, she started asking people if they'd seen her. No one had. No one knew where she'd gone, most people didn't even know her name—they just knew her as Kara's shadow.

"I saw her."

Kara whipped around. "Elizabeth. Where? Where was she?"

Her grey eyes glinting maliciously, Elizabeth pondered for a moment. "What's it to you?"

"Elizabeth, this isn't funny. I'm worried."

"You don't seem worried about Mike, and he's throwing up in the corner."

Following her accusing finger, Kara saw that he was indeed, heaving over an empty chip bowl. "He's fine," she said tersely. "Where did she go?"

"You'll owe me," Elizabeth smirked. She was drunk, and not getting tipped off by Kara's angry stance.

"Just spit it out."

Enjoying her power play, Elizabeth tried to drag it out. She put a hand on Kara's arm like they were friends and leaned in. "What do I get in return for telling you where the brat went?"

Kara snapped.

One second Elizabeth was talking under her breath, the next she was pinned against the wall, her face a mask of fear and grim satisfaction.

"Stop fucking around and tell me," Kara growled.

Getting over her shock, Elizabeth pointed behind her. "There are ten phones filming this right now," she said snarkily. "You can't do anything. I'll report you."

"The beer bottle in your hand is enough to get you thrown out, so don't try me," Kara said, her voice low. Realizing what she'd done, she took a step back and all the anger drained out of her.

It's not her I'm mad at.

"Just tell me, Elizabeth," she said in a resigned voice. She was about to go ask someone else when the girl held her hands up.

"I saw her grab a bottle of scotch and walk out the door. That's all."

"And you didn't think to follow her? Make sure she was okay?" Kara said incredulously.

Elizabeth sneered at her as the group around them dispersed. "Why? Isn't that your job? Chase after her like a lovesick puppy knowing you can never be with her?" Her teasing hit the nail on the head.

Kara hesitated for a moment. Emotion warred on her face and she was visibly holding herself back.

"Babe, where you going?"

Mike's question jolted her out of the oncoming anxiety and she let him hug her, pressing her cheek to his sternum.

Mike. He grounded her, reminded her that she could soldier on through life's challenges.

Lena made her feel invincible, like no challenge was insurmountable with her friend at her side. It was jumping off a cliff, or driving with the roof open and the windows down. It was uncertainty and excitement.

With a heavy heart, Kara fell back into the safe normalcy of Mike's arms around her.