Disclaimer: Explosions are perfectly alright if they are for scientific purposes. Or entertainment purposes. Or any purposes, really. Explosions are universal enough that there is practically no scenario in which they cannot be used to improve the overall situation. That is a scientifically proven law, the rule of cool. Catalyst, unfortunately, has not gone through this rigorous process, and is therefore not quite at that prestigious standard. Also, don't own it.
On an unrelated note, college applications are time consuming as fuck. If the chapter is out late, that's why.
(Transition. 10 letters forming one word that has all but dominated my life for close to a year and a half now. Which I certainly don't regret, but I kind of wished I'd picked a cooler word. Like poltergeist. Or irritable chicken. Ah well, maybe next story.)
Does...does this mean that you actually admit this joke is stupid, dead, and should stop? ~f
(Did you not read the last part?)
A man can dream. ~f
Catalyst
The first sign that something had gone wrong with the DA meeting was the loud wails of a house elf. The second was the wall exploding, followed by the insufferable pink human walking in through the resulting hole, followed by her low grade cannon fodder. The third was Potter yelling for everyone to run. At that point, Luna didn't bother taking in the situation, she just ran. She wasn't the only one either; the whole mess of humans was running out of the door in the same direction as she was, lead by the three organizers of the club. They split and scattered as soon as they hit the maze of corridors that filled the seventh floor, hexes and jinxes flying as the DA members fought their way through Umbridge's cannon fodder. Luna herself decided to follow Potter along a relatively empty side route, since he seemed to be the only one who knew where he was going.
For about a minute, Luna ran behind Potter, who was holding some sort of parchment in front of him as he ran. Luna wasn't sure why he was so engrossed in it, but she had more immediate concerns. She could sense the minds of two hunters just around the next corner. She almost certainly could eliminate them, but Abathur had warned her that would cause...problems. She opened her mouth to warn Potter, but he spoke first.
"There are a couple of Umbridge's goon up ahead. If we take a right here, we can go around them."
Luna blinked in surprise. "Alright." Potter continued to accurately predict the positions of Umbridge's cannon fodder accurately, apparently consulting the parchment in some fashion. It became like a rhythm, a game that Luna could predict and play to. She would sense pursuers, and follow Potter as he 'guided' her away from them. That was probably why she was so shocked when Harry let out a loud curse.
"They trapped us," he said. "I'll go first, keep them distracted. You just run. They want me a lot more than you."
What? "You can't want to do that. You're..." Luna began
"What, the Boy-who-lived?" Harry snorted. "I'm only human. Look, I got you into this mess, and I'm getting you out of it." He tapped the parchment with a wand and muttered a phrase, then handed the blank sheet to Luna. "Take this to Ron and Hermione. They'll know what to do with it."
She took it wordlessly. This was bizarre, aberrant. This act of self-sacrifice was behavior that Luna would have expected from zerg, not humans. Not selfish, closed off, uncaring humans. This was anathema to her image of humanity, and yet, here he was prepared to sacrifice himself. But even as she stood there, frozen in shock, Potter ran off.
A few of the canon fodder came for her, but Luna managed to evade them by slipping off to the library, losing her pursuers between the shelves. But even as she casually ducked and dodged between the shelves she couldn't help but marvel at what had just happened. The way Potter had acted, had sacrificed his safety for her own...that was something she hadn't realized humans were capable of.
(Transition)
Dumbledore rarely drank alcohol. He had indulged in a bottle of Ogden's Finest on the day of his fateful duel with Gellert Grindelwald. The day Voldemort first revealed himself publicly he and several of his closest friends had toasted the memory of those lost to the madman. He had done the same to toast Voldemort's first downfall, and all the poor souls that had not survived to drink with him. And he was drinking now, in the aftermath of the disastrous attempt to deal with the Swarm.
It seemed that Fate had long since put in place cruel plans for Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore. Every time he ignored a hint, or overlooked a clue, it would come back to bite him and everything he cared about. Gellert took over half of Europe, Tom led a reign of terror that even his physical destruction had only slowed down, and now Abathur seemed poised to overrun the entire country with his creatures and their corruption.
The particular drink Dumbledore was nursing under the harsh light of noon was a fine batch of muggle whiskey, which would probably have an extremely fine taste if not for the taste of ashes that filled his mouth. He only wished he wasn't quite so familiar with it.
Below him, he heard the creaking of the gargoyles. Had he even remembered to change the password? Dumbledore honestly couldn't remember. Given the footsteps coming from the stairwell, he probably hadn't. Before long, the doors of his office opened, letting in Umbridge and several of her minions from among the study body, followed closely by...Harry? What were they doing here?
"Dolores. How may I help you?"
"Headmaster," Umbridge said cheerfully, a wide grin on her face. "I have a student here who I found who was severely breaching several ministry decrees."
"While interesting Dolores, I must admit I fail to see why you brought him to me," Dumbledore asked, calmly stowing away his bottle.
"You see," Umbridge began, saccharine grin stretching wider. "In their room, I also found this." She brandished a sheet of paper towards Dumbledore, bearing a list of names. Searching through what Dumbledore assumed was the member's list. While it was heartening to see so many of his students banding together, he didn't see any name in particular that would cause this unpleasant women such joy. Then he looked at the top.
Titled above the list of names were the words 'Dumbledore's Army'.
Oh, that well meaning fool of a boy. This would be all the evidence Fudge needed to throw Harry into ministry cells and keep him there until either a trial was arranged or Voldemort revealed himself. Umbridge could haul her prize to the Ministry, show them the paper, and that would be it. If that was the case, why was she here?
Clearly, she was looking for a bigger catch. Perhaps an admission of guilt to cover for Harry, so she could take both at once, or at least him. Just a day earlier, her ploy might have worked. In ordinary circumstances, he would gladly have taken the fall, saved Harry, gone into hiding. But no, he couldn't do that now. Not with the creatures so close by. Not with Abathur lurking around his doorstep. Not with monsters prowling the school in the skin of children. Harry would just have to bear it for now.
"I'm afraid I have absolutely no idea how this list came to be," he said, handing the parchment back to Umbridge. Was that a hint of disappointment in her eyes?
"So you claim this boy was building an army in your name of his own volition?" Umbridge prodded.
"Surely, it was nothing so severe as that," Dumbledore attempted to mollify the would be usurper.
"In that case, I'm sure the Ministry will find the truth of the matter," Umbridge said, smiling cruelly as she dragged the boy towards the floo.
"I'm quite certain that's unnecessary, Dolores."
Umbridge smirked. "And why is that, Albus? Is there something you would like to say?
The rushing beasts. The titanic fleet, casting shadows over the stars. Volcanic worlds, covered in flesh. All of this rushed through Albus's mind as he looked at Umbridge's wide grin. "No, there is not." Umbridge tossed the green powder into the fireplace and walked through it, towing a scowling Harry behind. Merlin knew he would do anything he could to help the boy, but not here. Not now.
(Transition)
The burning coin in Luna's pocket startled her much more than it probably should have. It was probably because she was very deep into a good book on apparition and the defenses witches and wizards used against it. The other zerg sitting behind her eyes were just as startled, which didn't help. But what was more shocking was the fact that she was getting a signal for a DA meeting now, despite the raid earlier that same night.
Luna plucked the coin out of her pocket and glanced at the time. She had barely fifteen minutes to get to whatever this was, if she decided to go. Prudence demanded she stay put and keep reading, but...something demanded she go and see what there was. Harry had felt it important enough to sacrifice himself over in order to protect it, to protect her. But it was a really good book. Then again, it's not like the book was going anywhere, and she had gotten past the interesting part anyway. She took a deep breath, set down the book, and headed towards the listed location.
When she arrived, it was to the sight of a surprising amount of humans, clustered around Granger and Weasley, who were glancing around the gathering nervously. Luna settled into a corner of the meeting room, far away from the central crowd of humans. She ignored the occasional fearful glance from some of the other Ravenclaws in favor of watching the door, waiting for the final member of the club leadership to enter. He didn't.
Eventually, Granger cleared her throat. "Some of you may have heard," she began. "That Harry was taken by Umbridge to the Ministry." A chorus of whispers and gasps rang out from the crowd. Luna admired their ability to react to the obvious. It was very convincing. "So we're going to have to break him out." The whispers cut out.
"I understand that this is not something everyone here is prepared to do." Granger continued. "If anyone isn't feeling up to this, the door is right there." A number of people glanced to it. Some even gazed longingly at it, but Granger quickly continued. "But if you walk out, you lose this chance. What we have now is an opportunity. An opportunity to-!"
Luna tuned out after that point. There was something much more interesting going on, a wave sweeping over the crowd. Not a visible one, but a wave of clenched jaws, straightened backs and alert eyes. Granted most were still angled towards the door, but more than that, there was a pressure, a build up that Luna felt would explode at any moment. An invisible gas of excitement, exhilaration, slowly built up by words and phrases. It just built and built, pushing and pushing.
"I'll go." Ginny Weasley said, moving to stand with her brother and Granger.
"Me too," said Longbottom. And with those two words, the pressure burst. The wave rushed over her, a wave of raw emotion Luna didn't think she would experience outside of the Swarm. It called to her to take action, to stand up and fight. It was utterly and uniquely human.
"So will I."
The next voice and last voice to call out was Luna's, much to her surprise. She was so surprised by her emotional reaction that she didn't even notice the rest of the humans leaving the room, muttering excuses as they went.
And then there were only five left in the room.
"So, what's the plan, Hermione?" Ron asked.
"Well, we need to get information. Does anyone know if Umbridge is in the castle?" Hermione asked, to an audience of blank stares. "And Harry had the Map too." She shook her head.
"Do you mean this?" Luna said, pulling out the parchment Harry gave her.
"Oh! You have it! Perfect," Luna suppressed her internal disgust at the p-word as Hermione touched her wand to the map. "I solemnly swear that I am up to no good." She stared intently at it, furrowing her brow. "She's back in her office. Why is she..? No, it doesn't matter. That just means we need to keep her out of the way."
Luna hesitated. "I think I can arrange that."
"Alright. Then the next thing we'll need is..." Hermione's words once more faded into the back of Luna's mind. Meanwhile, in the back of Luna's mind, she reached out to another's thoughts, entwining them with her own. "Thenabar? Are you there?"
"Of course, my Queen. What do you require?" came the response.
"Abathur said that we should find out what the Ministry knows about us. I think I've found an opportunity to investigate."
"Oh?"
"Well, there's going to be a big distraction in the Ministry soon. If you take Umbridge now, nobody will notice."
Thenabar's prying mind probed into Luna's memories, getting the details. A loud psychic laugh rang around inside her skull, and she could practically imagine the wide grin on his face. "These humans won't break in unnoticed."
"Of course not."
"Well then, seems simple enough. The only issue is how I'm going to get her out."
"I will provide your escape, my child."
An overwhelming presence descended on the private conversation. Luna shivered. Even after so long, the awesome scale of the Overmind never failed to impress upon her just how small she was.
"You alright, Luna?" Ron asked, glancing in her direction.
"I...yes, just a bit chilly," Luna answered distractedly. In her head, the Overmind continued.
"Your mission is of vital importance to our plans on this world, which are of equal value to the Swarm. My power shall open a path beyond space. You will leave all but unnoticed."
"It will be an honor, Overmind," Thenabar said reverently.
"So, plans are all set then. Is everyone ready?" The humans let out a chorus of confirmations, and Luna made sure to join in.
"Well then," Thenabar said. "Let the games begin."
(Transition)
The attention of the Overmind was never something to be squandered. Even at just over two years old, Thenabar was well aware of the value of its direct focus. That, much more than anything else, made it clear just how important his task was.
Of course, that didn't mean he was immune to the excitement of all of it. Finally, he was actually doing something! In his state of elation, he was even letting bits of himself go wild, erroneous and decidedly inhuman extensions coming out of his skin. It was careless of him, he knew, but what did it matter? It wasn't as if he had to keep the charade going much longer. No, this had to be the last job, when he could finally burn bridges. The signal that the time to play nice with humans, to mimic their silly rituals and copy their hideous features was finally over. He was barely aware of the multi-toned laughter echoing around the corridor, overcome with happiness as he was.
Eventually, he stopped in front of a door, so saturated with pink that it would have hurt Thenabar's eyes if he hadn't shifted them out of the human spectrum. He lifted a finger to the keyhole and let his flesh weave itself into the mechanisms, shifting them out of the way. Then he slammed the door open. The woman behind it, a bloated disgusting specimen, even by the standards of humanity, look upon Thenabar's warped form with clear fear. Oh, he could still feed off of that. How...interesting.
As the Overmind prepared his exit, Thenabar closed in on his prey, ignorant of the veritable flood of panicked photos rushing towards the headmaster's office.
(Transition)
When Dumbledore finally reached the DADA classroom, it was to a scene straight out of a muggle horror movie. A twisted mocking caricature of a human form was standing over the slumping, unconscious form of Dolores Umbridge. Its face was deformed, one side longer than the other, while the smile on its face looked removed, out of place, like it had simply been pasted on. In the corner laid the shifting light of a swirling purple circle, to which the aberration was dragging Umbridge too. Or it had been, before it had heard Dumbledore. It turned to look at him. And laugh.
"Hello there. So nice to see you Dumbledore. I'd love to chat, but I'm a bit busy right now. Come back later"
Dumbledore had the Elder wand in his hand before the monster who spoke with the voice of a student. "What are you doing with her, Abathur?" The monster froze, face twisted into a vague approximation of confusion. Then it grinned.
"Oh, you still think I'm him. How...cute." Dumbledore's blood chilled. "No, Abathur is long gone from here. It's just me now."
"You…" Dumbledore could hardly put to words the horror he was feeling, "What did he do to you, Thenabar?"
This made the monster laugh again, before a second mouth appeared on it's face. The first continued the distorted laughter while the second began to speak, "And you still think that-? This is just precious. You actually think that there was once a child called Thenabar, that I'm some...alteration of his flesh. You really don't get it do you?" With those words, the creature's pasted on grin grew savage. "Thenabar never existed in the first place. From the beginning to the end, it was just him, until he made me."
Dumbledore's mind raced. There was never a Thenabar? But that could only mean… "You mean the ritual...it didn't just summon Abathur, it placed him in your body, as well."
"Wrong, wrong, oh so, so wrong. I'm not Thenabar, human. Just an actor. This body? Barely two years old. I have to say though, you did provide me a lovely birthday present. The removal of the incompetent was something we were both quite happy about."
The incompetent? "If you mean Severus Snape, he was far from an incompetent potioneer, and he was a far better spy than you will ever be. The ability to change your shape does not make you an effective infiltrator, 'Thenabar'."
"It worked well enough on you, didn't I?"
Dumbledore grimaced. "If you think you are getting out of here alive, you are sorely mistaken. I bested you once before, and I doubt it will be difficult to do so again." Unless, of course, the unfortunate Lovegood girl came to his aid. At that thought, Dumbledore sent a patronus to Minerva, telling her to collect Professor Flitwick and come to the Defense classroom at once.
"I'm barely two years old, Dumbledore. Would you really kill a child?" it asked mockingly.
"Would you kill the woman on the floor?" Dumbledore asked pointedly.
"No, of course not. Abathur has grander designs for her." At that, Thenabar tossed Umbridge through the portal. "But you didn't answer my question, did you?" The creature shifted, melting into a different form, the form of a young girl. A girl who Dumbledore recognized all too well. "Is that because you have killed a child before?"
"Adrianna…" Dumbledore breathed. Then his eyes hardened. "If you think you can use my sister against me, Thenabar, you are sadly mistaken." With a subtle flick of his wrist, a sheen of magic passed over the classroom, sealing it off from the outside world. With another flick of his wand, Dumbledore banished the unearthly portal in the corner of the room. Minerva and Filus would be able to get into the classroom, if he needed help, but he didn't want this creature escaping.
For the first time since he had entered the room, the creature showed a hint of irritation. "Well, you really do all my fun don't you," it said. "That was almost impressive, really. I certainly didn't expect you to overpower the Overmind, even from this distance. But, all you've cost me is a couple of hours." It raised its claw, and with a single swift motion, stabbed itself through the chest. It had time to give Dumbledore one last, mocking grin before it fell to the floor, dead as the stone it lay on.
(Transition)
Umbridge awoke to the pain of her arm being cut open, tendons and muscles exposed to the open air. The next thing she heard was the sound of her own scream, and her thrashing limbs hitting the soft gelatin she seemed to be laying on. After that, she heard a deep, resonating voice coming somewhere above her.
"Cease movement. Unproductive." the voice passed right by her ears, entering directly into her mind. At that, Umbridge panicked. She didn't know where she was. She didn't know what was going on. She just needed to get away. Umbridge scrambled to her feet, ignoring the searing pain in her arm, and ran, dripping blood behind her. She cradled her limp arm as her bare feet pounded into the ground. Where were her shoes? Nevermind, it didn't matter. She just had to get back to the Ministry, to safety.
In the corner of her mind, she was dimly aware of the pack of horrors chasing her, practically gliding over the purple carpet. She was too terrified to care. It was just another detail of the nightmare, this horrific dream that simply couldn't be real. The jaws snapping at her heels, the hideous shrieks of the beasts flying above her head, the needle sharp spines shattering every tree she tried to hide behind, none of it could exist, it couldn't, it couldn't.
Eventually, Umbridge managed to lose the majority of her pursuers, hiding behind a small copse of trees. Taking a deep breath and closing her eyes in concentration, she thought of the Ministry (destination), of her intense desire to leave this hellscape (determination), and then she deliberately turned on her heel...and lost her balance, nearly falling over.
She opened her eyes just in time to see her sparse cover obliterated by a wave of acid. She was surrounded by giant beetles, still in the same peril. She couldn't run, she couldn't hide. Umbridge was going to die, right here, right now.
A round creature, nearly the size of a small house, adorned with shriveled limbs and what appeared to be gigantic, bulbous, purple eyes descended from the sky. Like a maggot emerging from rotten flesh, a creature slithered out of it, the same being that had torn into Umbridge's still limp arm. It stood tall, with two sets of scythes jetting out from it's back. It's head was adorned with sacks of writhing flesh.
"Experiment, successful. Human subject, unable to escape. Must test against Protoss." it said casually, only half paying attention to Umbridge.
"I..I don't know what you are or what you think you're doing, but you won't get away with this!" Umbridge shouted. "I am the High Inquisitor of Hogwarts and I-"
"Unaware? Convenient. Removes need for interrogation. Efficient," the creature gestured towards Umbridge, causing her to be pulled towards the creature. Before she had time to react, each limb had been impaled by one of the scythes, leaving her spread eagled and unable to move. Umbridge screamed. "Can proceed to examination."
It's hand shifted to her head, caressing it, poking and prodding at her skull. Umbridge couldn't tear her eyes away from it's dagger sharp fingers. "Large head, unnecessary for psionics, intelligence." The hand pushed it's fingers together, and moved towards her cheek, sharp end first, the carapace cold against her skin. "Will remove." The hand pushed through her cheek, and began to cut into her gum.
At some point, Umbridge passed out. Whether from pain or blood loss, she wasn't sure. It wasn't as if she would ever have the opportunity to find out.
(this Transition brought to you by a mildly miffed editor)
Miffed is a word?
This is why I'm the editor, and you're the Starcraft nerd. ~f
Anyway onto ummm...uhhhh...fuck it, I'm doing bureaucracy.
Prepare your collective anuses, people, for a rant on how stupid paperwork is as well as some 'educated' guesses about how it all got started. ~f
Bureaucracy: Bureaucracy is the twisted machinations of a being older than any human in existence. It is a tangled mess of figurative red tape and unfortunately literal paperwork, a nightmarish maze into which everything enters and nothing can leave. It is a bloated monstrosity, feeding and growing off of the cast off remains of its own body. Bureaucracy is, simply put, miserable. Undoubtedly, bureaucracy began as a fairly simple process. A simple note or notice of something that another person needed, or a list of precisely what those items or actions were. Eventually, this process became simplified and standardized, with a pre-printed set of papers with simple questionnaires designed to simplify the process. Of course, these papers were very easy to obtain and even easier to use, and that, is where the trouble began. Soon after the initial rush of simplification and streamlining, the system likely began to experience abuse. Forms were filed in the names of others without their knowledge or consent, or forms were filed in a way as to give some advantage to the person who filled them out. And so, it became necessary to fill out forms to verify those forms and their contents. Of course, when those forms involved multiple groups, multiple forms had to be filled. But then, one group could stall the process indefinitely, simply by doing something as simple as claiming they had not received the paperwork. And so, forms to verify the delivery and notification of the forms began to become necessary. But of course, those forms were also liable to be lost or misplaced, or people unaware of these forms simply didn't fill them in. So, it became necessary to have forms for the forms for the forms, and the doomsday scenario suddenly became self sustaining. Soon, forms became necessary for even the simplest of tasks: walking across the room to receive forms, picking up the forms, even certificates and forms to show that a person had been born in the first place. And thus, bureaucracy came into its current incarnation: the nightmare of legendary proportions that every living being knows to dread and fear. For as much as they try to run from it, as much as they try to avoid it, bureaucracy will come into their lives, and they will have to fill every single line of it. Bureaucracy is an evil both more pervasive and more insidious than the Swarm could ever dream of being.