Not So Lucky Lucy

In which a five-year-old Lucy makes a deal the Heartfilia way.

"Lucy! Just hold still for another minute ok? Just until they take the picture? Come on honey, smile! No, not at me, at the camera! Come on baby, we just need one good one for the portrait artist to use and then you can run around all you want!"

Nothing Layla said made the slightest bit of difference, as her squirming five-year-old proceeded to stand up on the chair she was sitting on, holding the back and showing her ruffly underpants to the camera as she prepared to step backwards off of a chair raised three feet off the ground. Which was about four times taller than one of her little legs.

But that wasn't about to stop little Lucy. She was done with this nonsense and not even Mommy could make her stay.

Layla swooped in and scooped her up, just as she let go of the chair, sure that the ground was right below her feet. Normally Mommy was fun to cuddle with, but when she'd been sitting in her itchy dress for the last twenty minutes getting cajoled while a pudgy lady made faces at her and told her to look at the stupid rabbit that didn't even do anything, cuddling with Mommy was just another form of 'still', the one thing she didn't want to be. And the only thing everyone else seemed to be interested in.

Then Mommy put on her bargaining voice, and Lucy stilled for a moment. She knew what happened with Mommy's bargaining voice. Either someone was about to give her Mommy what she wanted, or Mommy was about to make Lucy's day a whole lot better. She kept her mouth in a pout, and her arms crossed. She knew what she had for bargaining chips, and Mommy didn't bargain with her often.

"Lucy, sweetheart, if you sit back in the chair and smile directly at the camera for five whole minutes, you can run the whole hotel for a whole hour."

Little Lucy Heartfilia's eyes lit up in speculation as she thought over her options. Now five minutes was an AWFUL long time to sit still. But, from what she remembered, an hour was even longer. Almost twice as long even, and she did love to run...especially in the hotel, where there was always another person around the corner to hug and a new babysitter to run after her who didn't know her special tricks while Mommy and Daddy went to do boring adult stuff. And Mommy had said she could run the WHOLE hotel! That meant a trip to every floor on the elevator! That was like twice the fun too! Overall, not a bad deal.

But her Daddy had told her never to accept the first offer she was given. Heartfilias were never chimps. Whatever chimps were. Anyway, she remembered that she wasn't supposed to say yes right away. That was the important part.

"Uuuuuuhm, no." she finally said. Mommy's eyebrow came down. Uh oh, what did she do? OH!

"NO THANK YOU! I MEAN NO THANK YOU MOMMY!" The eyebrow went back up. Phew. That was a close one.

"Why not?" Mommy asked. Silly Mommy, didn't she listen to Daddy? He was so smart!

"Cause Daddy says never take the first deal Mommy. Didn't you know!?" Well, if Mommy didn't know, then SOMEONE had to tell her. Daddy only ever told her important stuff.

"Ah, I should have known," she said, trading a look with the weary photographer. "Damnit Jude," she muttered under her breath.

"Wha's damnit mean?"

"Ok, honey, how about this. If you sit in the chair for four minutes, without squirming and smiling nice and wide, then you can run the whole hotel for a whole hour. How does that sound?"

Lucy counted on her fingers. Four was a whole finger less than five, wasn't it? She was five, and she used to be four...right? She wasn't sure.

"Mommy?" she tried to whisper, putting her hand next to her face, like she'd seen grown-ups do, but failing to block her mouth at all. "Is four less than five?"

"What do you think?" Lucy examined Mommy's face carefully. She was a lot better at this game than Daddy. Daddy was always not smiling when she was wrong. Mommy smiled either way.

"Yes?" she tried, pretty sure she was right.

"Yes, honey, you're right, four is less than five."

"OK! Then DEAL!" she exclaimed, sitting up straight in Mommy's arms and sticking out her hand, like Daddy told her to, when she made deals. The photography quickly snapped a picture. If only to record the most adult expression she had ever seen a kid make.

And she ran a child's portrait studio.

Layla Heartfilia exaggeratedly shook her daughter's little hand and set her down on the chair again, fluffing out her dress and running her fingers through her thin blonde, carefully curled - yet already falling - ringlets until they were presentable.

"Ok, your four minutes starts now. Smile at the camera!"

And Lucy did exactly as she was told. Heartfilias never welched on a deal. Just like the guy who made grape juice!

An excruciating four minutes exactly later, the photographer had gotten all the shots she needed, plus some, and was staring in awe at Layla Heartfilia, as she helped the previously squirmy little girl hop sedately off the chair and took her hand. In all her years as a photographer, she had never seen a child act like that. It was like she was possessed. Or an adult trapped in a kid's body. But it definitely wasn't natural. She was damn sure about that.

Then she heard little Lucy Heartfilia turn to her mother with a wicked smile and ask again in a deceptively sweet voice,

"Mommy, wha's damnit?"

Nope, kids were evil no matter who they were.

"Layla, you told her she could do what?"

"I made a deal with her that she could run the hotel for an hour."

"You mean, she wanted to sit behind a desk and tell people what to do for an hour? Really?! That's wonderful! Why isn't she doing that?"

"No Jude, don't be stupid. She wanted to physically run around the whole hotel for an hour. She's a child, not an intern."

"And why did you tell her she could do something like that?"

"Because I needed something she wanted to get her to do what I wanted! And it would have been a hell of a lot easier if you hadn't told her to always refuse the first offer, by the way. Why are you teaching our daughter bartering tactics?! It's all I've got to keep her in control anymore!"

"Because she's a Heartfilia! The earlier we start her, the better," Jude pontificated, bursting with pride at his little business woman. And then he remembered where that little Heartfilia was at the moment. "But that's beside the point! Why did you let her run off in the first place?"

"We needed her to sit still for the photograph for the portraitist! She was totally done with it all, and we didn't have a single good shot! It's not like the Christmas picture where we just pick the one where she's making the cutest yucky face and call it good! It has to be perfect! She has to be the perfect all-around darling of the hotel industry. Her sweet little face has to make other parents believe that if they bring them to our hotels they will be just like the little angel displayed in the lobby. And we didn't have the shot yet. So I did what I had to. Like I always do." Layla glared at Jude, daring him to challenge her on this. What she didn't realize was that Jude was already past it, more concerned about what he was seeing on the security monitors in front of him.

"Oh my god, now she's turned over a laundry cart! She's five! She's only FIVE! How is she even doing this?"

"Honey, she's being supervised by Stier, the concierge, and ten energetic bellboys. She's fine."

"Yes, but will my hotel be fine by the time she's done with it?" he whined, his voice cracking as he saw the little demon rip her dress off over her head, in favor of a towel worn like a toga. "And now she's naked. Great. You let her watch Hercules again didn't you?"

"Oh hush. And she's fine. The hotel will survive the next…" she checked her watch, waiving off his concerns, "fifteen minutes!" Suddenly the towel bedecked hellraiser ran into a ballroom, pulling a tablecloth full of linens and candles off of a table set up for a wedding that afternoon. The tablecloth almost immediately caught on fire. "Hopefully."

Stier swiftly entered the picture right behind her, making no attempt to catch the little girl, but dumping a pitcher of water over the small flame and then jogging out the door after her again as she continued on the move. She had definitely taken the whole hotel bit to heart. This was her eighth floor already and she was heading to the elevator again. It was actually sort of amazing that she hadn't gotten lost at all. She seemed to be able to find that elevator again like she was drawn to its gravity. Back in the ballroom, the concierge directed half the busboys to follow Hurricane Lucy, and the other half to reset the ruined table. Then, having barked out his final order he stomped after Mr. Stier, wiping sweat from his brow and vowing never to have children.

"This is ridiculous," Jude huffed, worry creasing his face as he saw his daughter sliding down a bannister backwards, Stier appearing at the opportune moment to catch her at the bottom. How she had even gotten up there in the first place was a mystery! She was only 40 inches tall for gods' sakes!

"Well, honey, what would you rather I had done? Gone and "welched" on a deal? Something even our little gorilla knows a Heartfilia never does? Though, to be fair, she thinks it's something that the "juice man" does."

Jude looked sheepish at that one, but also proud. He had the smartest daughter anyone had ever seen. He just dared anyone to prove otherwise. She was going to do great things.

"Fine. I see your point. But can you maybe not offer the whole hotel next time? This little escapade is going to cost us a fortune."

"Then it will cost us a fortune while your daughter has the best day of her life, Jude. Not everything is about money, dear." Jude rolled his eyes and left the room, going back up to the meeting room in which he was conducting a meeting of the board in about a quarter of an hour.

Layla stood guard over the security cameras, with one eye on her watch, until there were only two minutes left. Then she grabbed the walkie-talkie on the counter and signalled Stier.

"Two minutes. Over."

"Copy that Mrs. Heartfilia. Over." Stier's voice came over the walkie loud and clear, somehow managing to sound suggestive with even only those few words, the perv. Stier had been with her family a long time, so unfortunately, certain personality traits would always have to be overlooked. He was family. Turning to the intercom system for the public areas of the hotel, Layla flipped the right switches and cleared her throat into the mic. Lucy Heartfilia, please report to the lobby in two minutes. Your hour is up in two minutes." Then she put down the mic and flipped off the switches. Watching the monitor just long enough to see her ever practical daughter run back to her bodyguard and demand a piggy-back ride to the lobby, Layla exited the room, swiftly taking the private elevator from the security suite to the ground floor, coming out of the elevator, just as Lucy, riding the shoulders of her bodyguard came to a stop.

"Mommy! Mommy! Look at my cow!" she giggled, tugging on the large man's ears. He winced and carefully pried her fingers loose, setting the child down on the floor in her towel toga. From behind Layla, Lucy's nanny hurried out with one of her everyday play dresses and a pair of sandals, Lucy having lost the old ones somewhere in the hotel.

"Not a horse?" Layla inquired, turning her gaze on Stier. She was starting to wonder if he had been teaching her Dutch again, his name meaning Taurus in his original language. But discovered is was a much simpler answer.

"But he's spotted! Just like a cow!" Lucy exclaimed, pointing up at his usually white t-shirt as her nanny pulled the new dress over her head. Layla examined the shirt and found that her daughter as absolutely right. The buff bodyguard had black spots all over his t-shirt, and even one on his face. She raised an eyebrow at the man who sheepishly pulled off his soiled shirt and put on the new one the nanny had brought for him. Pretty much every female in the vicinity zeroed in on him when the shirt came off and sighed in frustration when the new one went on, Layla included. She loved her husband, but he couldn't compare to the kind of muscles that man was master of.

"Do I want to know?" she teased playfully.

"Nope," he replied, grinning at her for a moment before clearing his throat and resuming his usual professional stance. He looked down at the newly clothed Lucy and gave her a salute, questioning her with his best drill sergeant voice,

"And, Colonel Lucy, do we ever tell what we've been up to? Even under pain of torture?"

Lucy immediately stood up straight, putting on a stern face, with her lips perhaps a bit too puffed out and raised her hand in what was clearly supposed to be a salute, and chirped out,

"No Sir!"

Layla giggled, watching her little princess hold her salute and stare down the giant man. Many full grown men couldn't withstand the glare he was leveling at her.

"That's Mommy's Lucky Lucy, right honey?" she said, the laughter tickling at her throat to get out again.

Lucy looked at Stier, who raised an eyebrow and questioned her again,

"Well, Lucy, what do we say about luck?" Her eyes lit up and she grinned as she forgot and dropped her salute. She giggled adorably before yelling out her answer.

"It's not luck, Mommy! It's all skill!"

Hehe, and you all thought it was going to be sad from the title! Admit it!

Ok, so my first thought was that it would be sad. But then, LITTLE LUCY BECAME SO ADORABLE! and I couldn't make her cry. So sue me. Angst is just not my thing.