A/N: Mah gahd. I'm so sorry I haven't updated in so long, each time one of my mid-sem exams finishes I'm like 'okay I'll write a new chapter now!' and then I have a panic attack about the next exam *sigh*. In the mean time, I also fell sick but I'm getting better now. Here's an update (finally), I hope you like it :)

Chapter 14: Memories

Aida falls onto her back against the bed in a spent huff. Her heart is still catching up and her forehead is covered in perspiration. How many times would this happen before she learned? How many times would she leave herself bare and end up being disappointed again? Every night she promised herself it would be the last, no matter what. Although it made no difference when he looked into her eyes and his lips met hers. The longing and passion she had had moments ago has dissipated into a queasy feeling at the pit of her stomach. He'd already fallen into a deep sleep beside her, she lies awake staring at the plain white ceiling above her as the same bittersweet realisation returns to the forefront of her mind.

That's right.

Because she had fallen in love. She had fallen in love with a man who loved someone else.

He stirs restlessly in the bed as the warmth of sunrise pours through the room. His fingertips run over the empty space remaining beside him on the bed, only a ruffle in the sheets indicated that someone had slept there the night before. Frowning, he stretches and saunters out of bed, hungry for breakfast. She usually leaves in the morning, though it seems like she left the night before.

"Tobirama-sama, breakfast has been served." A passing maid bows,

"Thank you, I'm on my way there now." He nods absently in acknowledgement, his mind remains on Aida. Recently, their interactions had become strained. He had to get to the bottom of it, of all people, he couldn't imagine being awkward with Aida… something must be bothering her.

Tobirama approaches the formation of shinobi with a purposeful walk, his shoulders square and ready to face Aida.

"Aida." Tobirama's commanding voice rings out to Aida, who flinches and contemplates whether she could still pretend she hadn't heard and escape. Before she reacts, he stands at her side. Wordlessly, the two separate from the main group.

"You left early last night." He says when the other jonin are out of earshot, Aida tries to decipher whether the concern in his voice is genuine or not

"I'm surprised you noticed. You were in deep sleep almost instantly after you relieved yourself." Aida grits her teeth and attempts to step back into the group ahead, a firm hand around hers stops her short,

"Aida, talk to me… You've been behaving distant the last week."

"Let me go. I'm done being your substitute. Find someone else, it shouldn't be hard."

"You're not a substitute." He frowns in an expression resembling disapproval, though he's taken aback at her outburst

"What else am I then? Kami, it's the same every time, I don't know why I've even held out this long. Even when I know for a fact the name you call out while you're inside me isn't mine." She whips her hand from his grip and turns on her heel, adamant not to wipe the tears rolling from her eyes. Tobirama stands still as she walks further and further from him.

"I didn't know you had it in you to be so cruel Tobi-chan." Hashirama's familiar voice issues from behind, Tobirama jolts forward as his brother's hand pats him firmly on the back,

"Stay out of this, ni-san.." He sighs in annoyance and disappointment in himself

"The poor girl has feelings for you, the least you could do is break things off when you don't feel the same way."

"We agreed that feelings were out of the question when it came to this. She knows that."

"Can hearts not change their mind? Do you feel nothing when you see her hurting?"

"You don't understand, just let me handle this."

"Tobirama Senju." Hashirama never raised his voice unless he was dead serious, the stern tone makes Tobirama freeze for a moment, "You need to be respectful of her wishes. How would you like it if your roles were reversed? Either you don't care about her feelings or you've begun to return them and don't know what the hell to do. You need to make up your mind and choose, don't think I haven't noticed you trying to avoid all social contact recently. If this predicament affects you any further, I will appoint a new advisor." He finishes and storms off in exasperation, leaving Tobirama standing speechless.

It wasn't that he did not care for her. Quite the opposite. What had initially started as a commitment-free arrangement between the two ninja, had developed over time, developed into something beyond physical attraction and yet something that seemingly fell short of the feelings he harboured of Kazue's memory. Was it possible to want more than one person at a time?He decides not.

Two months earlier…

Tobirama scales the borders of the village, night patrols had become the highlight of his days. It was the only time in his day where he could be alone, surrounded by nothing other than the hum of the evening or the company of the breeze around him. Hashirama's constant queries of his psychological state had become a source of dread to the younger Senju. Though it was true that he had changed after meeting Kazue a month ago. The thought of her as his still haunted him whenever his mind had enough room to wander.

Rustles in the foliage of the forest catch the ninja's attention, he measures his steps into the dark greenery ahead. The figure before him could only be a woman, covered in black head to toe though he can make out the subtle curves on her hips and chest. Her light brown hair is cropped short, brushing the base of her neck. A long mazarine blue scarf trails behind her in wake of her movements. The memory of Kazue's fluid leaps, her elegant posture and delicate footwork rings through his mind. The woman before him is the complete opposite. She moves in a haphazard fashion through the forest, although her movements are as silent and efficient as they are ungraceful. He finds himself take a step forward before the atmosphere around him seems to shift.

"Identify yourself!" Aida's staff flips behind her to confront her intruder.

Tobirama doesn't flinch as the thick wooden staff halts an inch from his face. Instead, the Senju's expression hardens in irritation as he steps out from the shadow of the trees and into the moonlight. Aida's expression descends into horror at the sight of the silver-haired man before her.

"Tobirama-san?! Forgive me. I meant no harm." She snatches her staff back to her side and bows

"What do you think it looks like to me when you're wandering outside the village at this hour? That too, dressed in black." Tobirama struggles to supress a growl at the sight of her tight jet black bodysuit

"Forgive me, Tobirama-san, I tend to train late after my missions... I didn't think you'd be out-"

"Your name?"

"Aida, Aida Sarutobi." She bows

"I suggest you'd return to the village, this is no place for a woman like you to be at night." He stares at her figure, she is relatively smaller than him though her body looks lean. If she was caught in an ambush, she would have surely been overpowered, or worse. He shakes his head in annoyance.

"A woman like me?" Aida pauses, turns and quirks her brow at the silver haired Senju. Aida's boldness and inability to suppress speaking what was on her mind had hindered her many times before, although it seemed to be a habit she couldn't shake. "I was not made aware of any special curfew for women."

"Are you being sarcastic with me?" His eyes flicker with anger at the kunoichi before him

"Not at all. Your brother appointed me a jonin of Konoha himself. I would imagine you should have more faith in my abilities despite my sex."

"Without discrediting your merit as a ninja, I ask you what would happen if you were attacked. Here you are, alone, with no one aware of your absence." He steps toward the stubborn woman who stands and glowers at him

"I can hold my own." She folds her arms, suddenly irritated

"And if someone like me attacked you?" he steps dangerously close to her, letting his chakra seep around them both though the small woman before him stands still

"You should really be asking what you'd do if you attacked someone like me." She grits her teeth before flitting away through the forest. Tobirama finds his frown disappear and his brow lift quizzically. The glint of ferocity in her eyes had definitely piqued his attention. Had anyone in the village ever responded to him as such? He had heard of the Sarutobi clan on many occasions, they produced talented ninja with strong familial values. Aida Sarutobi. She seemed to be a wild horse, fascinating and slightly feral. Something on the earth catches his eye. A blue scarf. Tobirama picks up the material and folds it in his hands, it radiates the sweet scent of citrus and berries. He tucks it into his shirt before heading back to the village compound.

The next day, Tobirama manages to spot Aida Sarutobi in the training grounds almost as soon as he arrives. The ninja are running drills in the training grounds, Aida happens to be one of few women included in the exercises. The other shinobi greet him as he makes his way to her compound, he waves back absent-mindedly, his eyes fixated on the unorthodox movements of the woman he'd met last night. He tries not to pay too much attention to her ruffled hair or the smears of mud on her cheek she doesn't seem to notice. Yet, the sight of her smile brings memories of Kazue to the surface of his mind. He shakes it off quickly before approaching her.

"Sarutobi-san." Tobirama calls out. All heads turn toward the Senju, including Aida's.

"T-Tobirama-san?" she tries to remain composed though her voice is shaky.

"May I speak with you?"

"Ano… I-Yes." Without any other words, Aida walks to his side and they walk together through the grounds.

"You left this." He hands her the scarf eventually.

"Kami! That's where it was! I've been searching for it since this morning… Thank you." She splutters, clearly grateful to have her scarf back before her expression drops into a frown. "Tobirama-san, I wanted to apologise for my behaviour last night…"

"You don't need to apologise." He replies plainly. "Although I expect you to train within the compounds from now on."

"Understood, sir." She bows

"Don't call me that." He grimaces, "It makes me sound old."

"S-sorry, Tobirama-san." She grins as he does before they return. His eyes linger on her for a moment.

…

Upon Hashirama's insisting, Tobirama had been forced to take a day off each week to 'rest'. Though he knew his elder brother wanted to keep a close eye on him since his last meeting with Kazue. With a sigh, the silver-haired shinobi stuffs his hands in his pockets and walks through the bustling array of shops. It was true that Kazue remained on his mind since then, did she ever think of him? Surely not. A familiar scent of citrus and berries catches his attention from ahead.

She strolls about the marketplace in a light blue yukata, her soft lips curved into a friendly smile as she chats with the shop-owners. What a stark contrast to the woman he'd seen earlier… her usual scruffy appearance is now glowing and feminine, the delicateness of her laughter at one of the keepers' jokes seems to hum in Tobirama's ears. Clearer than before, he could tell he was already physically attracted to her. What in Kami's name is going on? Surely, this isn't the same woman? Small hands wrap around her neck as Tobirama notices a small child, barely at an age to walk, hitched to her hip. Tobirama's eyes narrow as a man steps toward her, he stands a head taller than her and wraps an arm around both of them. Did she have a family? A child and a husband? For a reason he cannot comprehend, Tobirama finds disappointment twist in his stomach. He quickly shrugs it off, he'd only just met the woman. Surely, she'd have a life of her own just like everyone else.

"Sarutobi-san?" Tobirama catches her eye and finds himself approaching her against his better judgement

"Tobirama-san, good afternoon." She bows, slightly flustered. When his eyes shift to the tall man beside her and the young child in his arms, Aida speaks again. "This is my brother Sasuke Sarutobi and his son, Hiruzen."

"I see, nice to meet you both." Tobirama suppresses a strange feeling of relief from showing on his face at the revelation that the man beside her is a relative. Now that he looked closer, they shared the same eyes and smile. The young child gurgles in curiosity, "We were just passing through the market."

"I see." He nods, "I won't keep you. Pleased to have met you and your son, Sarutobi-san." He looks over at Aida, "Good afternoon, Sarutobi-san."

"Good afternoon." Aida bows as he disappears into the crowd. A feeling of curiosity stirs in her, she'd be lying if she said she disliked having met Tobirama Senju so frequently as of recent. Even though his aura seemed stern and authoritative at times, she couldn't help but wonder about his compassionate and friendly side.

"Don't tell me you have a crush on Tobirama Senju?" Sasuke winks at her, noticing her eyes linger in the man's wake

"You're such a boy." She rolls her eyes at him

"At first it looked like he didn't recognise you, I don't blame him, the only reason you'd be caught dead in a yukata is thanks to Maa telling you to stop wearing pants every day."

"They're comfortable! Besides, I look like an idiot dressed up just to go to the market."

"He didn't seem to think you looked bad."

"Baka!" she storms off with Hiruzen clapping his hands in her arms as he laughs.

Present…

Settling herself onto her bed, Aida exhales in exhaustion. The last mission had been physically demanding although it hadn't put a damper on the emotions running through her. Without her consent, tears begin to spill from her tired eyes. Why did she have to fall for him of all men? Tobirama certainly hadn't been her first, yet, something about him made her feel that she wanted him to be her last. She had ignored every urge in her to meet with him for the last week, it would be the longest amount of time they had spent without each other since they met. It had been like a strange connection. They, whether intentionally or not, managed to remain close to each other since they met. Even then, she knew his mind would wander off momentarily to another place, that in his heart of hearts, he wanted her to be someone else. It had seemed like a price she was willing to pay, yet she hadn't anticipated she would fall in love with the man.

Hiruzen pops his head through the doorway and giggles with delight to see her home. Aida pulls the young boy into her embrace, his soft cheek nuzzling hers.

"Ah Hiru-chan. What do I do?" she smiles, her eyes wet.

She receives an inquisitive gurgle from the child before her points to his toys, as if he'd waited all day for someone to take notice of his block tower in the corner. She sighs and follows the infant.

One month earlier…

Neither could quite remember how it had ended up this way. One moment Aida and Tobirama had been sparring in the training grounds and now here they were, behind the curtain of a nearby waterfall, their backs slamming against the stony walls of the cave at times as passionate kisses connect between them. A mischievous smirk on her soft lips was all it had taken to tip him off balance. The shadow of Kazue's smile flashed through his mind soon after. It was as if a fire had been lit deep inside him, he couldn't find any relief unless his body touched hers.

"Kaz-…Aida. Are you sure this is what you want?" Tobirama's hungry lips meet Aida's, the temptation of losing his inhibitions and sating his desire becoming irrepressible

"Even if it's just for now, I don't mind it." She murmurs against him despite the niggling doubt in her mind that his heart didn't belong to her completely.

Present…

Their regular evening affairs continued since then. Tobirama had imagined they would both eventually bore of each other and end their flings soon enough. Although every week, sometimes every few nights didn't seem to be enough, his desire only grew. What he couldn't grapple with was who his desire grew for. All this time it had only been Kazue. Only Kazue. He had initially thought Aida's likeness to Kazue, in spirit, would have eased his mind. It seemed that he only felt any kind of relief when he spent the night with Aida, not necessarily physical relief, but in those moments his mind focused on nothing else but the present. It had become a kind of drug for him.

Mito sighs as she steps into the study and nods at him.

"You're brooding a lot more than usual now that Aida-san and you aren't speaking." She settles beside him.

"I imagine she expects more from this relationship." Tobirama massages his temples.

"May I ask, why Aida-san?" she questions

"There's so many things about her that remind me of Kazue. The two women are complete opposites and yet…"

"Maybe it was the memory of Kazue that first drew you to her… But have you thought that perhaps something else about her keeps your mind occupied?" Mito raises an arched brow

"I love Kazue." His voice is barely audible, sorrow twisting in his chest

"I won't doubt you there. I might not agree with how you've dealt with your heartbreak, but this decision needs to be made. Either realise that you've fallen in love with Aida, or realise that she's not the woman you love. You also need to learn to differentiate physical and emotional pleasure, you might believe your current relationship caters only to one but..." Mito stands and leaves, leaving the Senju slightly shocked. Mito was always perceptive of others and sensitive to them, yet she had a knack for being rather blunt and honest.

He couldn't love anyone more than Kazue.

Could he?