The funeral then…
Thanks to my reviewers. You really make a difference!
Naomi stood in the silent lounge, staring at what felt like acres of flowers, which had started appearing from yesterday morning. Bunches and wreathes of them. Despite her request to keep it to a minimum, they just kept on coming. Inside her aching head was a weird blend of sadness and a sort of howling wilderness. She'd dressed like an automaton this morning, in the clothes Kieran of all people, had laid out on her bed for her to wear. A black, mid length skirt, simple dark grey button up shirt and a navy Melton overcoat which she'd never have bought for herself, but someone in her mothers circle of odd friends had arrived with last night. She dimly realised that people were making decisions on her behalf ever since she arrived, but none of it seemed to matter.
She gazed out of the front window towards the road. Too early for the cars yet…
Kieran came into the room, wearing for once in his life, a relatively smart dark grey suit and black tie, wonkily tied. It looked wildly wrong. Where was that scruffy, careworn reluctant tutor? He looked almost respectable. Her mum would have...she shut that thought off brutally, even as the Irishman smiled wanly at her. They were both fish out of water. Wearing formal clothing, and waiting for an event they both desperately wanted to avoid.
Mums dead.
The words chilled her all over again. It seemed they had been echoing in her head for years.
She tried on a matching smile for size, but neither of them was sold. It was an act...a show of solidarity and formality she and her 'stepfather' didn't believe in or ascribe to. But today wasn't about them, was it? It was about laying to rest that crazy, disorganised, wilful...wonderful woman who'd brought her up alone and, along the way, transformed Kieran too, into something approaching a regular citizen. It just wasn't right, Naomi thought for the thousandth time since she'd got the news. Gina should be in the kitchen right now...fussing over unnatural vegetable concoctions and worrying that there wasn't enough herbal tea to go round the guests.
But instead she was lying, cold and lifeless, in a simple wicker coffin, somewhere between the Co-Op funeral parlour and her house...making her last journey in a plain black hearse. Naomi felt the back of her throat tickle...it seemed there was an unending supply of tears still available. She coughed to disguise the sob which threatened to overwhelm her, but Kieran wasn't fooled.
He held out a small piece of silver paper with a couple of tablets enclosed in clear blisters on the surface.
"Here you go..." he said gruffly "...no fecking arguments today missy...take these...I've already had mine. They'll make it a little easier, believe me"
Naomi stared at the tablets.
"No...I don't need...want..." she started, voice husky from endless crying.
"You do...and so do I. Its just a couple of Diazepam...nothing too outrageous. Just something to take the edge off...come on...I'm sure that fancy Uni is as awash with illegal drugs as Roundview is? They'll just make the day go a bit smoother?"
Despite her reservations, Naomi took the foil from him and popped the small tablets onto her palm. Why not, she thought? Anything to get this horrible day over with. It had been like a grim shadow hanging over the past few days, always in the back of her mind. But now it was right here...and Kieran was offering her something to ease the grief...the pain.
Because what she felt...in her head, her guts, her soul...was pain. Dull, persistent and ever present.
Mums dead.
She lifted her hand to her mouth and swallowed them quickly, taking the glass of water Kieran offered and washing them down with a grimace. Despite his crack about Goldsmiths and uni in general, she hadn't seen too much drug taking these past months. For one, her heart was still aching for the girl she'd left behind and even when she decided to smother her anguish by shagging hopeful randoms, alcohol was her chosen poison.
Five minutes later, as they stood silently side by side staring out into the street, the cars began to arrive. First the dark hearse. Naomi swayed as the long car slid to a halt outside. She could see the plain wicker coffin in the back, brightly coloured flowers surrounding it. Her fingernails gripped her palms until they sang with pain.
Kieran slid his hand over hers and squeezed gently, forcing her to relax a little.
"Come on missy...hold on to me. We'll get through this...together, right?"
She nodded blankly at him. Would they? Does anyone really get through this?
The journey to the crematorium was mercifully short. Naomi sat in the matching black car behind the hearse, staring numbly out of the window as familiar sights of Bristol passed by. By the time the car pulled up in a horseshoe shaped gravel drive in front of the crematorium, the benzo's had kicked in. Briefly, she felt a twinge of anger at herself and Kieran for needing the numbing effect of the drugs. But then she rationalised it. Without the floaty detachment it gave, she wasn't sure she could endure what was to follow.
It wasn't until she was already in the bright, modernist chapel, guided to the front by an unctuous black suited flunky, that her brain reminded her of who else was on the 'guest list''. Instantly she felt her head turning of its own accord. There were a few people already inside, friends of her mothers, neighbours, rubber neckers she didn't even recognise. For a second she felt a twinge of mixed disappointment and relief that there was no sign of a pair of beautiful twins. Maybe it was too much for Emily to bear after all?
She started to turn back, but as she did, a flash of chestnut caught her eye right by the double doors. She stared transfixed, as a grim faced, black suited Katie swept in...holding tightly onto a similarly dressed and softly crying Emily.
Emily….
Their eyes met across the room...much as they always had... and Naomi swayed as she had earlier. Emily looked...so sad...so fucking beautiful. Even with the signs of obvious grief etched onto her small face. Naomi smiled briefly. Emily always had that effect on her…
But then the sound of the ushers moving into the doorway distracted her from her ex. Soft music began to play...fucking Van Morrison, Naomi thought bitterly, before realising that Kieran's shoulders were shaking as he stood next to her.
"Have I told you lately that I love you?", the Belfast singer sang in that unmistakeable gravelly voice.
She forgot her own agony long enough to grasp his hand and give him a reassuring smile. One of her mums favourite songs...and equally obviously, adopted by the couple as 'their' song. She could see Kieran fighting to keep his composure….strangely, it helped her keep her own.
Mercifully, the service was proving as short and fuss free as her mother would have wanted. A few words from the official at the lectern, another piece of music, this time something classical that Naomi couldn't name, then the man waved at someone behind her to come forward. Naomi steeled herself to endure some unctious platitudes from one of her mums odd friends, but there was a surprised murmur before she saw someone..actually two someone's, draw level with the front chairs. Her head turned to see and, even with the drugs numbing effect she still started with surprise. Katie stood there with a silently weeping Emily...looking straight at her. A million random thoughts flashed through her benzo addled brain as they stood there staring at each other. The words "What the f….?" formed in her mouth, but she found she couldn't force them out. Then Katie spoke softly
"Naomi?...Emily uh wanted...she wanted to say something for Gina...but she's in pieces...would you mind if I did it for her...she really wanted to..."
People were whispering behind them as the small audience realised something was happening. Naomi's ears burned and she had to suppress the urge to turn round and flash them a Campbell special. Instead she just nodded.
What happened next threw her even more. Katie nodded back, and without saying another word, pushed the younger twin towards Naomi. Kieran reached across and pulled Emily gently by the arm, so that she ended up between him and Naomi.
Emily's pale, tear stained face looked up at her. It was almost too much to bear for the blonde. Without thinking, because she knew if she paused to try to make sense of what had just happened she would break down completely, she took the smaller girls hand in hers, squeezed it hard, then turned back towards the front.
Katie coughed once, then put on a fashionable pair of dark rimmed glasses. Naomi frowned...since when did Katie wear…?
"Uh...right. Well..." Katie started uncertainly. People shifted in their seats and muttered quietly. Naomi gripped Emilys hand a little harder and got an answeruing squeeze back.
"I didn't know Gina that well...and so it really should be my sister giving this...eulogy…?" Katie stared down at the piece of paper in her hand, obviously unsure of the words pronunciation.
"...but Emily's suffering...not as much as Naomi or Kieran… but suffering anyway. So you'll have to put up with me?"
She coughed gently and pressed a small white handkerchief to her mouth before continuing.
"Gina was the worlds most wonderful friend. She was warm, kind and understanding. I had...um this is Emily's words...so bear with me? Anyway...I had the privilege of knowing her for the last couple of years. She absolutely adored her daughter...so much so that she put up with all the crazy things Naomi did with a smile and a cup of camomile tea"
Katie flashed an apologetic smile towards Naomi "…. her kitchen was a place of safety and comfort for dozens of lonely souls who recognised like me, that she had a heart big enough for us all. Nothing was too much trouble, no problem too big to ignore. She had time for us all. When Naomi and I were together, she treated me like her own daughter. Without her, I might have broken more than once...and when...when Naomi and I spit up...she was there for me all over again. Tea and sympathy is one thing but Gina could be blunt when it was needed. I relied on her smiles and advice and ever open door for a long, long time after...afterwards"
Katie paused and looked at Naomi and Emily sitting there. She put down the paper and Emily's hand tensed in the blondes.
"...she said time was the only thing Naomi and I needed. Time to grow, time to recover, and time to realise that some things are just meant to be as long as you're patient. She never lost her hope in us… But now...now we've lost her. Time was something that ran out for our dearest Gina. All I can promise you is that we'll always remember you with enormous love and affection"
Katie glanced towards the coffin.
"...goodbye and God bless Gina" she finished quietly
The proverbial pin would have shattered the absolute silence that followed. Naomi's head was churning with emotions. Her grip of Emilys hand loosened slightly but the twin gripped hers hard again.
"I meant every word Naoms" she whispered huskily.
XXX
More soon...if you're interested?