"How are you feeling today Mr. Jackson?"
He wanted to tell Annabeth to run.
"Mr. Jackson?"
The white-green poison kept pooling.
"Do you prefer to be called Perseus?"
He had nothing left to lose.
"Or Percy?"
He blinked owlishly.
"Oh, I'm sorry, what?"
"Do you prefer to be called Percy?"
"Yes."
Worthless.
"Where were you just now?"
"I don't think you want to know."
"Percy, My name is Sarah Rickman, legacy of Venus. I know the rumors of what happened during the giant war."
"Oh?"
Useless.
"There are rumors that you and Annabeth fell into the pit."
"Yes."
Weak.
"Percy, how are you feeling today?"
"I don't know".
Liar.
"Ok, how was your night? Did you sleep well?"
"No."
He stood, his anger-
"Do you know why?"
"Nightmares."
And the voices in his head he thought bitterly.
"Is that all that's inhibiting your sleep?"
"No."
"What else?"
"Am I crazy?"
His voice cracked on the last syllable, and Sarah furrowed her brow in concern.
"Why do you ask?"
"I have... I have voices i-in my head."
Voices,
Voices,
VOICES!
"What do they say?"
"They call me weak... and useless... they goaded me on... most of the time I can ignore them... but sometimes they are so loud... they fill my head... drown... they take over my thoughts..."
"How often does that happen?"
"Every few weeks."
WEAK!
If you were strong then you could beat us.
But you aren't, so you won't.
You can't.
"Percy?"
"What?"
"Are they talking to you now?"
"Yes... they seem stronger... since my... my... I don't want to die."
Monster.
"I understand, when did you first hear them?"
"When we were in the pit."
The tide of venom reached her feet-
"Do you have nightmares of the pit?"
"Yes."
She wailed and stumbled back-
He couldn't breathe.
He didn't want to stop-
He was blacking out.
He wanted-
"Percy!"
He looked around, he was in the corner of the bright room, hugging his knees to his chest. Sarah. Sarah was kneeling next to him, he was breathing hard.
"Percy, I need you to breath in through your nose and out through your mouth."
He tried, he breathed in through his nose once, but started panting.
"That's alright Percy, Good Job! I need you to try again. In through your nose and out through your mouth. That's it Percy! Good job!"
He got a few more breaths in but had to pant again.
"Come on Percy, You can do it! In through the nose, out through the mouth, In, two, three, out, two, three, four, five. In, out, Slower, deeper breaths."
She started to breathe with me and I could feel myself calming down until I felt really tired.
"Percy, can you tell me what you were flashing back too?"
He nodded. He took a few more breaths, clearing his head. He felt his heart slowly reduce from its rapid palpitations. Sarah was patient, oh so patient. Her warm, kind, brown eyes expressed no judgement, only concern, and Percy nodded again.
He tried, he really really tried to explain as best as he could what he did. What he said. To Jason, to Leo, Gods, and Hazel. He stumbled over his words, tongue twisting because nothing was coming out right.
Stupid, weak.
Can't even tell her the most basic of recounts.
Stupid.
"You're not stupid, Percy," Sarah calmly tells him, voice soothing.
Did he say that out loud?
"Percy, that moment is just that, a moment. Not to mention that it was a moment in a place that was meant to corrupt, protecting someone you love. I'm not saying it was ok, but I am saying that moment shouldn't define your life. You have people waiting for you, counting on you. People who love you and won't treat you any differently."
"... But they already did... I told them about most of what Gabe did..."
"Percy, Who is Gabe?"
"Gabe is - was my step-dad... He was horrible to mom and me... he used to beat me when mom was at work... he would make me deliver drugs to him without mom knowing... he blackmailed me... he said he'd tell mom about w-what h-he d-did to m-me..."
"What did he do?"
"A f-few weeks before he started me doing deliveries, he g-got his friends together while mom was at work and... he... he..."
He hung his head in shame, body wracking with his sobs. She hushed him and rubbed his back gently in slow, smooth circles. His back tensed under her touch and he flinched slightly, trapped in the memory.
Sensing his discomfort, Sarah let go of him, holding her hands out in surrender.
"It's okay Percy, you don't need to tell me now, you can tell me when you feel ready."
"Ok."
Worthless.
"I think we should wrap up for today, why don't we meet tomorrow?"
"Ok."
Weak.
im not dead, but i AM a liar hehe im sorry.
huge. massive, gigantic, astronomical shout out to the amazing, talanted, brilliant, wonderful PuddlePirATEpro who actually wrote a majority of this chapter. i cannot express my thanks enough.
thanks for reading guys, gals and non-binary pals!