A/N #1: Fair warning, my friends, here be angst...

Chapter 24

It was a bright sunny day in early spring, shreds of wispy clouds dancing here and there across the pale blue sky, the barest hint of crisp winter chill lingering in the air. The playground near Wyatt's apartment was strangely deserted, but no matter, Lucy and Jamie were thoroughly enjoying themselves on the swings across the yard. Both were laughing and smiling so hard, their matching rosy cheeks would surely be aching by the time they went home, Wyatt decided. He grinned as his son's delighted giggles drifted across to the bench where he sat watching the two people he loved most in the world, followed moments later by, "Daddy! Look how high Mommy is pushing me!" and his brows drew together in a puzzled frown. Since when did Jamie call Lucy 'Mommy'? However, odd as that was, his world really began to tilt in earnest when a beaming, obviously pregnant Lucy turned and waved at him (whoa, what the hell was going on here?), and Wyatt was stunned when a very familiar voice close by, one he hadn't heard in person for five years now, mused in a soft Texas twang, "You've done a hell of a job raising our son, Wyatt," and he nearly had a heart attack. He must be dreaming right this very second, because, good Lord, sitting on the playground bench beside him was his wife, the mother of his only child, looking as young and beautiful as the very last time Wyatt saw her, the night she died almost five years ago.

Blue eyes twinkling, Jess laughed gently, and confirmed that, yes, he was indeed dreaming, and then gave him that sweet smile that was his alone, and somehow, in the midst of this heartbreaking illusion, Wyatt could actually physically feel the tears slipping down his face. "Jess," he breathed, "How? How is this possible?" The fond smile faded from her pretty face as she considered his question before shaking her blonde head in confusion. "I don't really know, Wy, but aren't you glad to see me?" and he was, Jesus, he really was, and he started to tell her so when he noticed she was gazing across the playground at their son and Lucy with a forlorn expression on her face. "Wyatt, I know Jamie loves her, and I'm glad for it, but please don't let him forget me. I carried him under my heart for nine months, and loved him the best I knew how for eight months after that, and that has to count for something, right? So, please, Wy, make sure he remembers who his first mama was, promise me..." and as he reached for her, Jess vanished, along with the playground, his son, and a pregnant Lucy as the alarm on his phone began to chime insistently.

Wyatt woke abruptly, his heart pounding frantically as he silently gasped for breath. Blinking his moist eyes rapidly, he realized he really had been crying in his sleep, and suddenly, even though he had become accustomed these past weeks to sleeping protectively curled around Lucy, his heart and mind were still agonizingly twisted up in whatever dream or hallucination of Jess he'd just experienced, and Wyatt couldn't handle it for another second. He slowly, painstakingly pulled his arm from around a sleeping Lucy's slim waist and keeping a couple inches between them, lay flat on his back staring up at the ceiling, trying desperately to calm his harsh breathing. Hastily swiping the tears from his face, Wyatt could still hear his wife's fervent plea echoing around his head, and without warning, he jumped out of bed and ran to the bathroom to fall on his knees in front of the toilet and heave until his chest hurt. Finally, there was nothing left to throw up, and with a trembling hand, Wyatt flushed the toilet and slumping back against the side of the bathtub, wiped his mouth on his sleeve before he pulled shaky legs to his chest and shutting his eyes tightly, put his head down and willed Jess' voice and his tears away.

Even during the darkest hours of those first months after his wife died, at a time when he would have gladly welcomed the chance to see her in his sleep, Wyatt had never, ever, had such a vivid dream of Jess. He wondered pensively if somehow his ever-deepening feelings for Lucy might not be mixing too well with the residual guilt over his wife's death years ago that he constantly lived with and had tried to ruthlessly push down as far as he was able to. It was the only way he knew to find some peace of mind and be able to function as Jamie's father and a soldier. Suddenly, the bathroom door opened, and he opened his eyes as a drowsy Lucy peered at him from the doorway. Even while his mind registered that she was moving quietly to crouch down beside him, he thought, "Don't flinch, don't pull back, she won't understand" and yet, at the faint touch of her small hand on his cheek, Wyatt could feel himself involuntarily recoil from Lucy. Without a light on, he sensed, rather than saw, that his rebuff had surprised her as she pulled back with a jerky motion, and whispered uncertainly, "Um, okay, if you're all right, I'm going back to bed," and quickly left him sitting there on the bathroom floor.

Wyatt winced at Lucy's subdued tone of voice (nice going, asshole) and hauling himself to his feet, stumbled to the sink to brush his teeth. He splashed some water on his face and slowly dried his face and hands. Like a coward, he half-heartedly hoped Lucy would already have gone back to sleep when he walked out of the bathroom. His feelings were so achingly raw and right on the surface, and he honestly had no idea what to say to her. "Sorry, sweetheart, for acting like a complete prick just now. I was still sick to my stomach and upset by my dead wife talking to me in a dream. A dream, by the way, where you were very pregnant and my son was calling you Mommy." Nope, that didn't sound completely insane at all. Wyatt sighed and gazing across the darkened room at his bed, he could see the slender outline under the covers of Lucy curled on her side away from him. He approached the bed cautiously and sat down as he turned on the small lamp beside the bed.

"Lucy, I know you're awake," and her narrow shoulders stiffened slightly, "Please, sweetheart," and she shivered when he put a firm hand on her back. He could almost feel her thinking, and repressed a sigh of relief when Lucy slowly rolled over to stare mutely up at him with dark, unhappy eyes. Wyatt caressed her soft cheek gently and clearing his throat, attempted to apologize. "Lucy, I'm sorry I pulled away just now. Guess I was kind of embarrassed," and before she could ask, he reassured her that he was fine, just had a really bad dream, and then he fell silent as a not-entirely-convinced Lucy mercifully decided to let it go and merely nodded and smiled tentatively. He was definitely uncomfortable keeping the truth from her, but on the other hand, Wyatt really didn't want to talk about his disturbing dream at all, especially with her. And a glance at his phone reminded him that he and Bam had a long-ass day ahead of them and he was going to be late if he didn't get a move on.

Every six months, in mid-January and mid-July, the T.I.'s at Pendleton had mandatory training "refresher" courses that ran for one exhausting, eight-hour session on a Saturday. In the past, Julie had kept Jamie for him, but this time, Lucy had eagerly offered to stay with the little boy, and had already made plans with Amy and Julie to take the three kids to see a movie and have lunch at McDonalds. An ecstatic Jamie had been talking about it all week, and now Wyatt felt terrible at the thought that he and Lucy would be apart all day after he acted like a jerk and upset her. "C'mere," he coaxed, and pulled her close, and pressing his face against her neck, took a deep breath of sweet, sleepy Lucy and asked quietly, "Are we okay, sweetheart?" and for a long (nearly heart-stopping) moment she didn't respond. Then she whispered, "Yes, Wyatt, of course we're okay," and he let out the breath he'd been involuntarily holding. Pressing a quick kiss to her forehead, Wyatt suggested that Lucy try and get a little more sleep while he showered, and his heart lightened when she put her hand on his stubbled cheek and murmured, "I love you, Wyatt," before obediently closing her eyes and curling herself around his still-warm pillow. Wyatt gazed fondly at Lucy as he ran his hand gently over her dark wavy hair before turning off the lamp and hurrying to get ready before he was late to pick up Bam.

Ten minutes later, Wyatt walked back into the bedroom and was amused to hear Lucy snoring softly as she sprawled possessively across his side of the bed (even though she always vehemently denied that she snored). As he hastily dressed, Wyatt again wondered about his dream, and absently glancing at his wrist as he put on the watch that Lucy had given him for Christmas, the answer hit him like a hammer between the eyes. Today was January 14, and that meant that tomorrow was Jessica's birthday. Jesus, no wonder he'd dreamt about her. His fingers stilled as he fought to manage the thankfully lessening but constantly familiar wave of sadness, and suddenly, Wyatt was really angry at himself. It had been five years now, and he had grieved and mourned his wife every day, but when would it ever end? When would it be enough? He was so weary of feeling this way, and dammit, Lucy certainly deserved better.

Crossing to the bed, he leaned in and tenderly kissed the top of her head and whispered, "I love you, too, Lucy," before hastening downstairs to grab some coffee to take with him. Yeah, he sighed to himself, it was definitely going to be a long day. On the brief drive to pick up his best friend, Wyatt mused that it had certainly been a great first Christmas with Lucy. In just a few short months, the shy, pretty teacher had become so important to him and his small son, and he marveled at how neatly she fit into their lives. He wasn't necessarily a big believer in fate, but it was astonishing that Jamie's first year of school and Lucy Preston's decision to make a major life change had come together damn near perfectly and resulted in Wyatt being happier than he'd been in years.

He was well aware that he truly wanted a future with her, and therefore, was unpleasantly taken aback by his recurring (apparently increasing) feelings of guilt and indecision the past couple weeks. Christmas weekend had swiftly, blissfully flown by as they spent time with Amy, Bam and Julie and the girls, and most special of all, just the three of them. Wyatt smiled as he recalled Lucy's reaction to her necklace, and it pleased him when she had declared (in between fervent kisses) that she was never taking it off. That was just one of the many things he loved about Lucy; her open, loving heart and sweet nature had changed his life, and Jamie's also. If he had to get specific and pinpoint when the old unresolved feelings had reared their ugly heads, it might have been New Year's Eve when a newly-engaged Rufus and Jiya came over.

As a thrilled Lucy exclaimed over Jiya's ring and he congratulated Rufus, Wyatt began to feel slightly uneasy, and later on, when the two women were talking about wedding dresses, the glowing expression on Lucy's face seemed to unfortunately trigger something in him that he thought he'd banished. He guessed it could have been his over-active imagination perhaps, but she seemed faintly envious of her friends' engagement, although hadn't once mentioned a single word to that effect. But he was sure (wasn't he?) that at least once Lucy had looked hopefully at him and blushed (hadn't she?). Wyatt pulled into the Baumgardners' driveway and rubbed at the frown growing between his eyebrows, determined to stop dwelling on whatever this might be that he was feeling and just get through the day. Bam must have been watching for him, and before Wyatt could beep the horn, was striding down the sidewalk to the Jeep. He casually returned Julie's wave before backing out of the driveway and was grateful that his friend didn't seem to notice Wyatt's minimal contribution to their conversation on the ride to Pendleton.

Lucy woke a little later to a small hand patting her cheek, "Miss Lucy, are you awake yet? I'm hungry," and she blinked open drowsy eyes to see Jamie gazing at her hopefully while clutching his new Spiderman plush to his chest. "Hey, sweetie, good morning," she greeted the five-year-old as he climbed up on the bed and scooted under the covers. He giggled as Lucy rubbed noses with him and blew a soft raspberry on his chubby cheek. "Miss Lucy, that tickles," he complained, rubbing his cheek, big blue eyes shining. "What?" Lucy exclaimed in exaggerated surprise, and her fingers gently tickled his tummy, "I thought it was your belly that was ticklish," and she grinned in satisfaction when the child burst out laughing. Jamie flopped against Lucy and gasped, "I love you, Miss Lucy," and her heart nearly overflowed with emotion. "Love you, too, sweetie," she managed, "Now, how about some breakfast," and chuckled when he began to nod enthusiastically. "We better get moving or we won't be ready when Aunt Julie and the girls get here, okay?" Lucy got up and swinging Jamie onto her back, carried him piggyback downstairs to the kitchen.

They were ready and standing by the front door with Lucy zipping up Jamie's coat when they heard Julie honk the horn out front. "They're here!" the little boy exclaimed, bouncing on his toes with excitement, "Hurry, Miss Lucy," and she smiled affectionately at him. "Okay, we're ready, let me get my bag," and after locking the front door, followed him down the sidewalk to Julie's minivan. Lucy made sure he was buckled up in the third row beside Annie before getting in the front seat. "Miss Lucy, hi!" Sadie piped up happily from the second row, "Sit by me, pease?" and Lucy promised she would after they picked up Miss Amy, grinning at the toddler's delighted nod of agreement.

After they stopped at Lucy's apartment to get Amy, the group headed to the movie theater for an early showing of "Sing." Once they found their seats, putting Jamie and Annie between Lucy and Julie, and the lights dimmed, Sadie immediately climbed into Lucy's lap and started to twirl a lock of Lucy's hair around her tiny finger before slowly falling asleep. On Lucy's other side, Amy nudged her sister knowingly and whispered, "Luce, you need one of these for your own," and Lucy was no longer surprised by how much she liked and agreed with the notion. The more in love with Wyatt Logan she fell, the stronger her hope for a future with him became.

Deep in thought, Lucy stared unseeingly at the screen, and carefully holding the blonde toddler against her chest, her mind wandered back to early this morning and Wyatt's troubling behavior. She actually wasn't much of a sound sleeper, and was about half awake when he bolted from the bed. After an uncomfortable moment or two of hearing Wyatt be sick, her concern grew, so she got up to check on him. The last thing she expected was to see a miserable Wyatt huddled against the tub, and without a second thought, dropped down beside him. The way he almost violently jerked away from her had stung, though, and feeling vaguely rejected, Lucy had only thought to give him some privacy. Getting back into bed, she rolled towards the wall and tried in vain to doze off, closing her ears to the sound of water running and finally, his hesitant footsteps when Wyatt approached the bed and clicked on the lamp as he sat down beside her.

"Lucy, I know you're awake," he had rumbled in a gentle tone, and she was unable to control her reaction, especially when she felt his large, warm hand on her back. Rolling over, Lucy had instantly seen through his weak apologetic explanation, but he looked so contrite, she didn't have the heart to make him feel any worse. So she swallowed her apprehension and willingly let him hold her close, and when he asked if they were okay, Lucy answered in the affirmative and told Wyatt she loved him before curling around his pillow and trying to go back to sleep.

As she sat in the darkened theater, Lucy began to reflect on the past few weeks. Christmas had been as wonderful as she could have dreamed of, and Wyatt's sweet, halting words about her necklace had filled Lucy with such love and joy that she practically floated through the rest of the holiday. However, when she really considered it, something had been a little "off" with Wyatt since at least New Year's Eve two weeks ago. She had been so excited when he suggested inviting Rufus and Jiya over for the evening, and at first, hadn't noticed anything amiss. Wyatt had made a big pot of chili and a skillet of cornbread, and after stuffing themselves, the four of them spent an enjoyable evening visiting and playing cards after Jamie went to bed.

Almost as soon as the other couple arrived, Lucy had spotted the beautiful engagement ring on Jiya's left hand and squealed with happiness for her friends while Wyatt shook Rufus' hand and offered his own quiet congratulations. Later on, though, she had looked up during a lively conversation with Jiya about wedding plans and caught a faintly brooding Wyatt gazing at her. He promptly dropped his eyes when she quizzically returned his look, and not wanting to spoil the evening, Lucy had deliberately put the incident from her mind. When Wyatt kissed her tenderly at midnight and then lovingly reached for her after they went to bed, she had convinced herself she was merely imagining things.

But now, after what happened this morning, Lucy was starting to experience worrisome feelings of unease and maybe even dread. Something was up with Wyatt, but she didn't have a clue what that something might be. Her old insecurities began to clamor for attention, and Lucy struggled to keep them at bay. Even though Wyatt had been the first to offer those three little words to her, maybe he was having second thoughts. Sure, their relationship had gotten pretty serious rather quickly, but they certainly weren't teenagers or young twenty-somethings, and now Lucy wondered if Wyatt had misinterpreted her delighted excitement over Rufus and Jiya's engagement news and she somehow had given him the idea she was expecting a ring soon. She absolutely loved Wyatt with all her heart, but right now, wasn't in a big hurry to get married, and felt slightly ill at the idea she might unconsciously be putting pressure on him. Lucy wished she could talk to Wyatt or even text him, but Julie had mentioned earlier that in case he had forgotten to tell her, the guys weren't allowed to use their phones during the training sessions except in case of an emergency. Her increasingly distressed thoughts raced around her mind until the movie ended, and it was time to take the little ones to McDonalds for lunch.

While Jamie and the girls enjoyed their Happy Meals, Any and Julie both admired the necklace that Wyatt got her for Christmas, and sighed enviously when she shyly explained the significance of the two hearts. "That boy has got it bad for you, Lucy Preston," her friend proclaimed, and touching the necklace gently, Lucy blushed and smiled and tried not to worry. After they were finished eating, Julie asked the sisters if they were up for some "retail therapy" since the guys wouldn't be home for hours yet. Pleased when they both agreed, the blonde drove their little group to her favorite shopping destination, the Fashion Valley mall. As they got out of the minivan, Lucy offered to push Sadie's stroller while Annie and Jamie walked with Amy and Julie, content to listen as her sister and her friend chatted animatedly about Amy's holiday ski trip.

Some time later, Lucy and a thirsty Sadie were taking a little break, and while she was digging through the toddler's bag for a sippy cup, Lucy was startled by a voice she hadn't heard in months. "Lucy? Lucy Preston?" and puzzled, she looked up to see Dr. Noah, of all people, smiling kindly at her. "It is you. How have you been?" She was nearly struck speechless at his seemingly friendly attitude, considering how acrimoniously they'd parted ways at the beginning of summer. "Uh, Noah, hi," she stammered, and smothered a grin when her ex-boyfriend bent to kiss her cheek only to rear back in surprise when Sadie smacked his leg with a chubby hand and declared with a fierce glare, "No, man, my Lucy!" Noah's dark brows drew together at the little girl's possessive behavior as he cautiously stepped back (out of her reach). In an attempt to divert his attention from the patently disapproving Sadie, Lucy politely asked, "What brings you to San Diego, Noah?"

Keeping a wary eye on Lucy's tiny blonde bodyguard, he answered, "I've actually been here a couple of days for a medical conference, and since our session finished early, a handful of us decided to have a late lunch and look around before flying home this evening," and smiling warmly, he continued, "You look wonderful, Lucy, your new life must agree with you." But before she could respond, her sister appeared with the others and Lucy mentally cringed. Amy had never made much of an effort to conceal her dislike of the doctor while Lucy was involved with him, and true to form, little sister didn't disappoint.

"Well, look what the cat drug in," Amy drawled with a sweetly insincere smile, and Noah's lips thinned with displeasure at her transparently mocking tone. "Amy," he bit out disapprovingly, all the while Julie looked on in rapt fascination as Jamie moved to take Lucy's hand before frowning up at the stranger. Apparently deciding to exit with the rest of his dignity intact, the doctor leaned in and softly kissed Lucy's cheek before bidding her a rather speedy goodbye, and was soon lost to their sight in the crowd. "Oh my Lord, was that your ex, Lucy?" Julie asked excitedly as she avidly watched him walk away, and Amy pretended not to see her sister's uncomfortable grimace as she responded, "Yep, good old Dr. Noah, what a pompous bore..." and at Lucy's murmured reprimand, subsided with a muttered, "Sorry, Luce, but I never liked the way he treated you," and Lucy was dismayed to see not only a very intrigued expression bloom on Julie's face, but also that Jamie was gazing up at her in confusion.

Suddenly exhausted, an overwhelmed Lucy rapidly came to the conclusion that it was time to go home, and said lightly, "I'm ready to go now, if you don't mind," and squeezing the five-year-old's small hand reassuringly, started pushing Sadie's stroller towards the exit, not even caring at this point if the others were following. Lucy was very reserved on the way home, and perhaps finally sensing that she had embarrassed her big sister, Amy merely offered a subdued, "Talk to you later, Luce," before getting out of the front seat and telling the Julie and the children good night.

As they drove away, Lucy could tell that her friend was about to burst with curiosity about Noah, and while she had no doubt that Amy would apologize the next time she saw her and the sisters would be fine, it pained her to think the blonde might not understand why her ex was firmly out of the picture and she really didn't care to discuss their long-over relationship. Sighing to herself, she mildly told her friend, "Go ahead and ask, it's all right," and struggled to give Julie enough information to satisfy her intense interest during the short time it took to arrive at Wyatt's. Pulling up behind his Jeep, Julie had surprisingly put a compassionate hand on Lucy's arm as she was opening the car door, and apologized for being so nosy and upsetting her. She assured the other woman it was fine, and helped Jamie out of the minivan before telling Julie and the girls goodbye and heading inside.

Wyatt was in the kitchen making sandwiches and turned with a tired smile as she and Jamie walked in. The little boy threw himself at his dad, chattering enthusiastically about their day with Miss Amy and Aunt Julie and the girls as Lucy kissed his stubbled cheek before she sank wearily into a chair. She must have zoned out, though, because one minute, the little boy was telling Wyatt all about the movie and lunch, and the next, a distracted Lucy glanced up to see both Logans looking at her expectantly. Her face warmed as she started to apologize for her inattention when Wyatt asked in a deceptively casual tone, "So, who was the guy who kissed you?" and as she rather clumsily offered a response, Lucy was distressed to see Wyatt's expression turn in a heartbeat from mild curiosity to annoyance to something she'd never experienced from him before: real anger.

His blue eyes darkened coldly as he frowned at her fumbling explanation, and confused by his reaction, Lucy fell silent, her heart thudding painfully in her chest. "What was happening here?" she thought desperately, "Why is he getting so upset?" and as her dark eyes began to well with tears, Lucy ducked her head and was grateful when Wyatt casually sent his son into the front room to watch television. Putting a shaky knuckle under each eye, she hastily wiped away her tears, and tried valiantly to convince him it had just been a very brief chance encounter, in front of the others no less, but it felt to Lucy like whatever had upset Wyatt earlier that day must still be bothering him, and his son's inadvertent, innocent mention of her ex-boyfriend had just blown things to hell and back.

His quietly precise, biting words were like small poison darts to her soul, and Lucy's halting responses only seemed to anger him further. She absolutely abhorred confrontations of any kind, always had, and her bruised heart began to break as she slowly, unwillingly comprehended that Wyatt Logan was rapidly working himself up to the point of no return. Lucy was stunned to see this dark, ugly, jealous side of the man she loved deeply, and standing up so abruptly it made her slightly dizzy, she held up a trembling hand and whispered, "Enough, Wyatt. I can't do this with you right now, maybe ever, and I think it would be better for both of us if I went home," and she carefully patted his arm before grabbing her jacket and bag. As she opened the front door, she suddenly felt him behind her. Lucy stilled as he cautiously touched her shoulder, but knew if she gave in now and stayed, it would be an enormous mistake. Swallowing thickly, she choked out, "I'll talk to you tomorrow, Wyatt, good night," and squaring her thin shoulders resolutely, walked out the door and made it to her car and drove away without looking back before the tears began to slide down her face.

A/N #2: Well, that just happened...I really wanted to give this Lucy and Wyatt a wonderful Christmas in the last chapter before they began to experience "growing pains" in their fairly new relationship because, as I'm sure we all know, even the happiest and most loving of couples don't get along 100% of the time. Just ain't realistic, folks :( Have no fear, though there be dark times ahead for our young lovers, they are actually building a stronger, longer-lasting bond on their way to "happily ever after." My sincere appreciation for all the follows and favorites for this continuing beast of a story, and special thanks to everyone kind enough to leave a review :) because it really encourages me to write faster, LOL...