A/N #1: This chapter is dedicated to quertygal for her generous, thoughtful input...thank you, my friend :)

Chapter 30

Slowly drifting upwards through an unusually heavy layer of sleep, Wyatt blinked sluggishly against the weak sunlight filtering through the curtains. Probably too much sunlight, depending on what day of the week it was. Right this second, he couldn't be sure what day it was. Why was he still in bed?

Tentatively taking stock of his surroundings, he became aware of a warm weight pressed against his right side. Wyatt started to turn his head in that direction and immediately regretted it, hissing soundlessly at the dull throbbing set in motion by the movement. Lying perfectly still and breathing deeply through his nose, he knew instantly however whose arm was draped protectively over his chest. Lucy. In spite of the way his head seemed to be thumping in time with his heartbeat, the corners of his mouth turned up slightly. After four lonely nights in a row, Lucy was here, sharing his bed, exactly where she should be.

As he lay there, Wyatt's senses gradually began to stir and come alive. He could feel the faint whisper of her breath against his neck as she exhaled, smell the subtle scent of her hair just under his chin. Eventually, the events of yesterday began to surface. The training exercises. Laden-down recruits falling from the climbing wall in a heap. He and Bam and someone else (couldn't remember who right at the moment) trying to pull the men apart. The glancing blow just above his eye out of nowhere that took him to his knees. A clearly worried Bam telling him the injury would probably leave a scar on his 'pretty' face (asshole). Strongly disagreeing with his friend about the accident report while the doc was stitching him up. The sense of urgency he felt about not missing his 'date' at Starbucks.

After that, though, thanks to his pounding headache and some powerful pain meds, pretty much everything that happened once Lucy brought him home was nothing more than a series of blurred images and sensations. The only clear constant for Wyatt from the last twelve hours or so was her-scolding, smiling, coaxing, soothing. And even though she hadn't said the words in days, not since before his meltdown, he had never felt more loved.

Admittedly, he had thought perhaps Amy was exaggerating when she told him at Christmas time about her sister's protective nature, but having experienced the effects of it first hand, he wondered if it was possible she had rather downplayed things. Every two hours since they had left Starbucks, Lucy had conscientiously woke Wyatt up, and made sure he stayed awake for at least five minutes, just as the doctor ordered. And at times, it hadn't been pretty. There had most definitely been some frowning, whining, and even growling going on, and that was just from her.

Wyatt tenderly pressed a kiss to the top of Lucy's head just as an alarm beeped on one of their phones, most likely hers. Her eyes popped open at the sound, and he instantly missed the warmth of her slender body cradling his when she pulled away to gaze at him. Lucy's sleepy eyes widened in surprise when an already awake Wyatt peered up at her. "Hey," she whispered softly, caressing his cheek, "You're awake. How do you feel?"

Wyatt considered the question for a second before responding, "Much better, actually. Head still hurts, but not nearly as bad as it was, thanks to my exceptional nurse," and was gratified at the visible relief evident in her slow smile. He was certainly feeling well enough now to appreciate the view when Lucy yawned and stretched like a sleepy kitten, causing her tee shirt to ride up and affording him a glimpse of her pale, delicate skin. Catching him staring, she blushed at his unfeigned interest.

"Okay, mister, none of that, now," she admonished fondly. "You suffered a serious head injury yesterday, and need your rest." She squeaked in surprise when he tugged her back down on his chest, "Wyatt Logan, behave yourself," but to his satisfaction, didn't seem in a big hurry to extricate herself from his possessive grasp.

Wyatt took a long, slow moment to savor the feel of her tucked under his chin, her heart beating against his. It was a perfect reminder, however, of what he had jeopardized with his behavior a few days ago. He cleared his throat, and rumbled, "Lucy, we need to talk," and hated the way she stiffened against him and rolled away to lie on her back while he looked at her suddenly sad expression.

She sighed in resignation, and in a small voice, answered, "I know," before climbing out of bed and heading into the bathroom. Wyatt lay quietly, mentally reviewing what he wanted (needed) to tell her. Lucy emerged from the bathroom with a glass of water and the bottle of pain meds, and setting the glass down, began to open the bottle when Wyatt objected.

"Lucy, please, no more of those damn pain pills–they make my head all fuzzy. I really feel a lot better..." he started to whine, and grinned when she revealed the bottle of ibuprofen. "You're amazing, you know me so well," he praised unthinkingly, cautiously sitting up in bed, while she handed him the pain reliever. Glancing at Lucy while he swallowed the medicine, Wyatt was dismayed at the pensive look on her face. (Aw, hell, under the circumstances, that was probably a poor choice of words.) Setting the glass down on the table beside the bed, he bought himself a sliver of time by asking, "Aren't you going to be late for school?"

Lucy shook her head. "No, after I woke you at 6:00, I texted Principal Christopher that I wouldn't be in today, that I had a family emergency." Although his heart did warm slightly at her casual use of the word 'family', Wyatt knew it was time to explain himself. Lucy deserved no less.

Clearing his throat, he patted the bed, motioning for her to sit down. She readily agreed, and looked at him expectantly. "First of all, thank you for taking such good care of me. It's been a long time since anyone has, and well," he shrugged, "it feels pretty nice." Lucy took his hand in hers and squeezed it comfortingly. Wyatt looked down at their clasped hands, took a deep breath, and gazing into her soft brown eyes, began to unburden his soul.

"I'm sorry, Lucy, so sorry for losing my temper and saying those awful things. Every word, every syllable, every breath, was wrong, and hateful, and so out of line. I know that I hurt you badly, and it kills me that I made you cry and have probably lost your trust. Not only was I wiped out physically from spending all day training at the base, emotionally, I was in a really bad state of mind that whole day, except, of course, you had no way of knowing that."

At her raised eyebrows, Wyatt grimaced, and confessed, "Yeah, that's another sin to add to the list, as Julie helpfully pointed out to me. It was a real dick move to shut you out, thinking I could handle things by myself. That was a mistake, really poor judgment on my part, and again, I'm so sorry. And this is by no means an excuse, but that day, it was like hearing someone else fling those accusations around. I swear to you, Lucy, if I could take back every word, I would. I will have to live the rest of my life knowing that my damned temper got the better of me, and as a result, I hurt you, sweetheart. Not only that, but I've had some things on my mind for a couple weeks now that should have been shared with you. I guess in some idiotic, misguided way, I thought it was wrong to burden you with my issues, but now I see that was such a bad decision."

He wasn't even aware of the tears slipping down his face until, with a tremulous smile, Lucy let go of his hand and drew him to her. Wyatt laid his head on her slim shoulder, and they both cried for several long moments.

Wyatt leaned back, and wiped at his wet cheeks before asking, "Can you ever think of forgiving me? I understand if you can't, not after the terrible way I acted..." Lucy put her finger on his lips to stem the torrent of words.

"Shh, hey, it's okay, just hold on a second. Can I say something?" and when he nodded hesitantly, she took a deep breath to try and collect her thoughts. Regarding him with a troubled expression, Lucy asked quietly, "Why didn't you trust me enough to say anything when there was clearly something bothering you? Something serious enough that it drove you to whatever that was on Saturday?"

She paused to swipe impatiently at a single tear sliding down her cheek. "Please, help me understand. I know that we've only been together a few months, but Wyatt, you tell me you love me, and willingly share your home, your child, even your body with me, but not your problems?" Her dark eyes hardened slightly, and now Wyatt could see flashes of anger under the hurt. His heart ached with the knowledge that every bit of it was completely deserved. But Lucy was just getting started.

"And please consider your response carefully," she warned, "Because I've been aware since New Year's Eve that something's wrong, and you're obviously trying to work through whatever's on your mind all by yourself. Nearly every day for weeks, you've been distant, almost withdrawn at times. I've tried to be patient, and wait for you to open up to me, to share your thoughts and feelings because that's what people do when they're in a relationship."

"But then, early Saturday morning when you jumped out of bed and rushed to the bathroom and was sick, I thought, "Finally, there's no way he won't tell me what going on now." She smiled humorlessly. "Wow, that turned out to be really naive of me. Because you actually flinched when I touched you. For weeks, I thought we were as close as two people who were lucky enough to find each other could be. And then, not only did you keep me at arm's length emotionally, you physically recoiled from me. How do you think that made me feel? What conclusion was I supposed draw from that?"

Lucy's voice began to thicken with emotion as her tears fell harder. She struggled to catch her breath as Wyatt merely stared at her in miserable silence, terrified to move a muscle. Choking back a sob, her voice cracked painfully. "If...if for some reason, if I'm not enough for you, if you've somehow realized that I don't make you happy, then what the hell was that on Saturday? And just a quick heads up, here's some useful information for you–I absolutely do not find jealousy attractive, not at all. Now, even though you have apologized and seem to be sorry, and I want desperately to believe you, I have to admit, my trust in you has been shaken, and I hate that. So, please help me understand what is going on in your head." After swiping her tears away, Lucy took a few slow, measured breaths until she had calmed down enough to watch him carefully.

Staring at her sitting there waiting for his response, so many thoughts were racing around Wyatt's brain that he felt dizzy. It seemed as if he were standing on the edge of a steep cliff–one wrong move, and it was all over. As Lucy continued to gaze at him, her faintly hopeful expression fell while Wyatt struggled to find the words to convey what was in his heart.

Clearing his throat, he hastily reached out to take her hand, immensely relieved she allowed it. Looking into her forlorn eyes, Wyatt chose to start with his guilt over Jess, praying fervently Lucy would be patient enough to let him get through this.

"You couldn't be more wrong," he whispered hoarsely. "You are so much more than I could have ever hoped for–it's me who doesn't deserve you. Lucy, I don't even have words for how happy you make me and my little boy. I'm the messed up one, the guy with so much baggage, there are days when it's a wonder I can even function. So, please believe me, you are definitely not the one with a problem here. And I want you to know that on Monday, as soon as I got to the base, I made an appointment with a therapist. My first appointment is tomorrow."

Encouraged by Lucy's shy smile of approval, Wyatt mentally crossed his fingers and went for it. "I know that I haven't told you much about Jessica, but it's not because I never think about her. I do. While sometimes it's good, like when Jamie's happy, and it's her smile I see on his face, some thoughts, like those I've had the past two weeks, are not so good. Do you remember when I was acting a little weird right before Thanksgiving? It was because Jamie was going to be in his first school play, and I felt so sad that his mom wouldn't be there. Luckily, Julie helped me see that as my son grew up, there would be countless 'first steps' that Jess would miss, and I needed to learn how to deal with the guilt or risk losing you."

He barely felt Lucy tightening her grip on his hand. "Christmas was better. Sharing the story about the star ornaments wasn't nearly as rough as I anticipated, and except for a brief moment when we first got there, the gala at the base went well. And, damn, the three of us had such a great Christmas that I hardly thought of Jess at all."

His voice trailed off as Wyatt realized Lucy needed to hear all of it, no matter how ashamed he was. "This is going to sound kind of irrational, but I guess it all started on New Year's Eve when Rufus and Jiya came over. I suppose a shrink might say something like I was 'projecting' my guilt and anxiety on you because somehow, without a single shred of proof, I convinced myself that you wanted an engagement ring, too, and the old guilt just came roaring back with a vengeance. I just could not stop thinking that even though I love you so much and do want a future with you, I felt such guilt because we've only been dating a few months, and I think I was starting to panic or something. I mean, is it crazy to fall in love so quickly?"

Closing his eyes in shame, he dimly heard Lucy murmur, "Oh, Wyatt, I'm so sorry," as she scooted even closer to him.

"It sure didn't help matters that I dreamed about Jess that morning. Like I told you while we were texting on Sunday, it was so vivid, and felt so real..." and once Wyatt confessed how upsetting the dream was, he was comforted by Lucy's perceptive response.

"Gee, no wonder you freaked out. Not only did your wife appear to you in a dream, she was talking to you about the child you share."

He nodded tiredly in agreement, "Add to that the fact that Jamie was referring to you as 'Mommy,' and you were pregnant, like ready-to-pop pregnant."

Wyatt held his breath apprehensively as Lucy gasped soundlessly and stared at him wide-eyed, a crimson blush staining her pale cheeks. "Yeah, it was one hell of a dream. By itself, I probably could have worked though it, but on top of everything else..." his voice dwindled away, and he shut his eyes as his head began to pound in earnest. Wyatt opened them at the gentle touch of Lucy's hand on his leg.

"I think that's enough sharing for now. I can tell how bad you're feeling, so let's try to go back to sleep for a couple hours," she suggested with a soft look, standing up and urging him to slide back down under the covers.

"But we haven't talked about everything yet," Wyatt protested weakly, but he acquiesced readily enough when she fixed her stern teacher frown on him (God, he desperately wished his head would stop hurting for just a little while because it was so hot when she looked at him like that.)

After making sure he was tucked in and comfortable, Lucy slid under the covers and curled protectively around Wyatt. The last thing he heard her whisper was, "I do forgive you. Sleep now–it's going to be all right."

Lucy woke around 11:00 before the alarm on her phone went off, and glancing at Wyatt, was pleased to see he was still sleeping peacefully, the white bandage on his forehead a stark contrast to his normally ruddy complexion. Squinting at her phone, Lucy calculated that if she hurried, a quick shower was possible before she needed to wake him. He would probably want a shower also, but might need some help since his stitches had to be kept dry. Before that, though, some kind of sustenance was in order since neither of them had eaten dinner last night. Lucy wasn't much of a cook, but she could manage scrambled eggs and toast.

Not quite ten minutes later, Lucy walked into the bedroom, surprised to find Wyatt sitting on the side of the bed, idly scrolling through his phone. He looked up with a dimpled smile that made her heart skip a beat, and she couldn't help smiling in return. Wrapping the towel more securely around her body, she approached him and laying her hand on his scruffy cheek, asked how he was feeling.

Wyatt closed his eyes in contentment at her touch. "Pretty good, all things considered." Lucy shrieked when, without warning, he swooped her up and laid her on the bed. "But I know a way I could feel even better," he hinted shamelessly, blue eyes darkening, planting tiny kisses along her neck as he pressed her towel-clad body deeper into the bed.

Lucy gasped in pleasure as the familiar weight of his muscular frame settled between her legs, briefly losing herself in the gentle, reverent way he was touching her.

"I've missed you so much, sweetheart," Wyatt husked before capturing her lips with his. She could feel the edges of the towel slipping apart, and however much her body ached with wanting him, Lucy's heart and mind knew resuming intimacies before things were settled between them would be a mistake.

Dammit, it was almost impossible to think when he was kissing her exactly the way she loved and she could feel the swollen proof of his intentions against her stomach. Yanking her mouth from his, Lucy panted breathlessly, "Wyatt, wait, we can't..." Wyatt immediately rolled off her and lay on the bed beside her, one hand over his eyes as he tried to catch his breath.

"I'm sorry, Lucy," he mumbled, breathing hard.

Leaning over him, she pulled Wyatt's hand from his face, and punctuated by small kisses, reassured him, "Don't - be - sorry - I've - missed - you - too." That earned her a small smile that blossomed into a full-fledged, self-conscious chuckle when his stomach growled insistently. "Well, apparently your body is trying to tell me a couple of different things at the same time," she teased, delighted when his face reddened and his mouth slipped into a sexy pout.

Unable to resist, Lucy chanced a quick nip of his lower lip before scrambling off the bed, somehow managing to evade his large warm hands when he grabbed for her towel. Wagging a disapproving finger at him, she scolded, "Be good, now, soldier, if you want me to take care of you," before hastily grabbing some clean underwear, jeans, and a sweater and ducking into the bathroom. She laughed unwillingly when he grumbled plaintively through the door, "There's more than one way to take care of someone, just saying."

It was different but kind of nice for Lucy to be the one cooking while Wyatt waited patiently at the table, She could feel his eyes follow her every move, but instead of being annoying, it was rather cozy. Wyatt had already poured coffee and juice for them by the time she carefully plated the scrambled eggs and grabbed the toast. They ate in comfortable silence. Discreetly observing the way he devoured his meal, Lucy decided the poor guy must have been starving.

Putting his fork down once his plate was clean, Wyatt wiped his mouth and praised, "That was really good, Lucy. Is it possible that you've been holding out on me, Miss 'I don't know how to cook'? I think maybe it's time I start sharing cooking duties around here," and a pleased blush tinted her cheeks pink.

"It was just scrambled eggs," she deflected, casually shrugging aside his compliment. "But thanks, coming from someone who cooks as well as you do, I consider that high praise." Motioning for him to stay seated, Lucy rose and cleared the table, putting the dirty dishes in the sink. "More coffee?" she offered, and refilled their cups before taking her seat beside him.

"Listen, there's something I want to ask you about, if that's alright?" At his somber nod, Lucy suggested, "Will you tell me about the 'Jessica' days?"

Looking down at his coffee cup, Wyatt sighed. "Let me guess, Julie?" At Lucy's non-committal shrug, he looked up, and her heart ached in sympathy at the sadness radiating from his blue eyes. She put her hand on his arm in wordless support.

In a low, quiet voice, Wyatt admitted that while naturally, he missed Jess to a certain degree every day, there were times during the year, days that had special meaning to him, where his loss seemed deeper, more painful, somehow less tolerable, no matter how many years had passed. He swallowed hard.

"Obviously, the day she died, February 12, is definitely the worst. Honestly, if I could go to sleep and stay that way for twenty-four hours, I would, it's that bad. But I have a child who depends on me. I have a job, good friends. I can't erase a whole day because of my grief. So I just try and get through it the best I can, and breathe a huge sigh of relief when it's over.

Wyatt blinked and swiped absently at a couple of tears before continuing, "Our wedding anniversary was May 19, a year after she graduated from high school. We had gotten engaged the summer before while I was home on leave from the Army. You know, I'm thirty now, and when I look back, it seems like we were so young. Jess was nineteen and I was only twenty one. Even so, we always got along well. I loved her as much as any guy that young could, and I think, I hope, that she was happy," he mused, "and of course, a few years later, Jamie came along. She loved being a mother."

Lucy's eyes welled up at the blend of love, pride, and pain in Wyatt's voice. Sliding her hand along his arm, she took his hand in hers.

"And then, there's the day that led to this whole mess between us. January 15, her birthday, which happened to be last Sunday. I have always felt a different kind sorrow on that particular day, filled with so much regret that Jess got only twenty four years in this life. Guess I'm always thinking about all the things she never got to do."

After squeezing her hand reassuringly, Wyatt leaned back in his chair, and rubbing his eyes tiredly, said, "Well, there you have it. The three worst days of my life every year for the past five years. Probably sounds pathetic, but I keep waiting for the grief and sadness to lessen, and so far it hasn't." He yawned suddenly and closed his eyes, and Lucy felt a wave of love mixed with guilt threaten to overwhelm her because there was still one more thing she really had to know.

"Wyatt? I realize you're tired, love, and your head must be aching, but I'm curious. Why haven't you ever told me about your temper? I'm not trying to make you feel worse than you already do, but your mood changed so drastically in just a matter of minutes on Saturday that it not only caught me off guard, but actually scared me a little."

At the look of despair on his face, Lucy's resolve wavered for an instant, but the stakes were too high to quit now. Regarding Wyatt calmly, she was relieved when, after a long, faintly uncomfortable pause, he responded gravely, "It's not exactly something to be proud of, Lucy. I've tried very hard over the years to keep my temper in check, to never let it get the better of me. And up to a few days ago, except for a situation at Pendleton once, I've been mostly successful."

She nodded in understanding, and with a heavy heart, pushed on, determined to see this through. "I believe you. One more thing, and I promise that once you answer this for me, I will never ask you again, you have my word." He gazed at Lucy somewhat apprehensively, but after a moment, nodded resolutely.

"From everything you've told me today, it would seem that your behavior Saturday was some kind of 'perfect storm' of guilt and fatigue and jealousy. I imagine that you have been able to deal just fine with any of those feelings by themselves for years, especially once you went into the service. But, Wyatt, this anger you felt, the rage that you couldn't control, the unwarranted jealousy that you basically unleashed on me was shocking and frightening. And I'm sorry if this hurts you, but I have to know, if we are to have any kind of future together, have you ever lost your temper that way with Jamie?"

Lucy held her breath, watching helplessly as every bit of color drained from Wyatt's face. "My God, Lucy, no, never, not once." Although the look of horror on his face was terrible to behold, she felt as if a weight had been lifted from her shoulders at his anguished response.

Quickly sliding from her chair, she knelt beside Wyatt and wrapped her arms tightly around him, grateful he didn't reject her hug. "I know I probably hurt you just now, and I'm so sorry. But I had to know if this was a pattern with you or just the result of a specific trigger. I love you very much, and I want everything with you, Wyatt, but I had to be sure. Can you please forgive me for needing to ask the question?"

Wyatt shivered in her arms and swallowed convulsively. "I understand," he whispered, and she prayed that he truly did-their whole future depended on it. "Are we done for now? My head is really hurting again, and I think I want to go back to bed for a while, maybe until Jamie gets home."

Standing up, he pulled Lucy to her feet. Letting go of her hand, Wyatt started to walk out of the kitchen, and Lucy's heart began to break into a million pieces. It was over. She had pushed him too far, willfully crossed the point of no return, and yet, unfortunately, if given a second chance, she would do it again. At the doorway, he turned around, and gave her half smile.

"I'm not going to pretend that the past few hours haven't been some of the most distressing and uncomfortable ones I've ever experienced. But I do understand that this was important and necessary so that we can be together. I love you, too, so much. And it might sound strange, but I think in spite of the fact that my head still hurts, I feel better." Holding out his hand, Wyatt asked with a small smile, "Will you come upstairs with me? I know you're as exhausted as I am, so just a nap, no funny business, Miss Preston, at least not until my head stops hurting, okay?" Dumbstruck at his words, Lucy could only nod and hurry to his side, her heart filling with hope and joy. The first serious crisis of their relationship was behind them, and she and Wyatt were going to make this work, Lucy was sure of it now.

A/N #2: Sorry it's been a little while since I updated this. Guess I got a bit distracted writing a couple of one-shots (one of them with Once Upon A Whim!) plus real life has kind of kicked my butt the past couple of weeks :/

That being said...I have to be honest, this was a very tough chapter to write. While a good dose of angst keeps a romance from being merely a "fairy tale," it can also be very challenging to use in a realistic, respectful way that stays true to this particular version of Wyatt and Lucy. I hope I have succeeded :) Almost forgot! Super special shoutout to faithful guest reviewer, Shelly, who leaves the nicest reviews :) And thanks very much to all you who continue to stick with me on this AU journey, your support means so much...