Adult only chapter is here. This has been sitting around for months when I originally wrote this waiting for the right moment. It has come... I hope it doesn't disappoint.
CHAPTER 14 - Scars
"Now let the healing start
The fires out of guns
We keep it in our hearts
We're like a thousand suns
Ooh, yeah, every day, step by step,
we dare to love again
And if we lose our grip,
meet you at the end
Know they're cutting you deep
Feel the scars in your sleep
What didn't kill us made us stronger
Stories left on our skin
Wear them with everything
What didn't kill us made us stronger."
"Scars" by Tove Lo.
Mac wasn't sure how she wound up back in bed with him only that The Commander's lips were working her into a frenzy. The last thing she recalled was trying to step outside but The Commander stopped her. He'd kissed her lips gently and just as quickly deepened the kiss when he was met with little resistance. To say that Mac was shocked was an understatement and it took her a few minutes to try and stop him.
"Commander… you need to stop." She felt dizzy and slightly helpless as his mouth left her own and began an onslaught on her body. How did this happen? How could she let him?
Harm half expected her to slap him when his mouth initially claimed hers. He kissed her slowly and felt her body lean against his. "I'm not gonna hurt you, Mac." He stated when unseeing eyes stared back at him.
He pulled at the cinch of her robe and carefully let it slide from her shoulders to pool on the floor. The chill of the room made her nipples harden and he ached to touch her. He then took her hand and led her back to bed.
Mac's brain was mounting an assault, as his mouth went to the spot on her neck he'd been interested in earlier. The words from her training kicking in trying to force her to stop him. "Commander...stop."
And Harm would have had her voice been stern and unwavering. He glanced up to find her eyes closed and a tension on her face as she fought some sort of war within. He knew he wasn't making a mistake and hoped he wouldn't pay for it later.
His lips came to her shoulder, and the scar line that he delicately ran his fingers over only to replace them with his lips. He did the same with the scar at her throat and the tiny ones on her face stopping to press a kiss to her lips.
Harm's hand came down her body, slowly exploring the skin he'd wanted to lose himself in for years. A hand cupped one of her breasts making her breath hitch. "Commander…"
"I want you, Mac." He growled as his mouth came over one hard nipple, covering it as his tongue swirled over. She tasted sweet, spicy and he wanted more of her - he was a man addicted.
"Commander, stop." Her defense came again and when she tried to push him off his teeth nipped gently on her causing Mac to let out a strangled moan. The headache was drumming hard, relentless the combination of pain and pleasure made her physically unable to stop him.
She felt weak, defenseless and wanton all at once. "Commander…" Mac was trying to stop him with words but, he seemed to ignore her. Her body, on the other hand seemed to have a mind of its own. She felt a tingling in her belly and a liquid heat even further down when his mouth continued to lavish her breast.
"Say my name." He spoke before his tongue trailed over between the valley of her breasts where he stopped to place a soft kiss before his mouth fully came over her other breast. He sucked at her, making that nipple almost painfully erect and then blew a breath over watching as the skin puckered around it.
He was rewarded with another moan and just as quickly a protest, "Commander… you have to stop." Mac's voice was soft, breathy, her breath hitching when his tongue lapped and sucked at her.
But, she didn't push him away this time and as his mouth became idle again, working its way from her chest to her abdomen. He noticed her muscles contract and body shake. Mac wanted this, she wanted him and he would break her from whatever agency mind trick they'd done to her.
Harm noted the mark on her torso, a fresh bruising that made him frown. He ran his fingers gently over it and placed kisses over her skin as if his lips could heal her.
His tongue swirled around her belly button and then he continued moving lower still stopping briefly just above her bikini line. "Commander, don't."
His hands caressed her hips and then slid over her thighs. On Mac's right leg he found the faded scar, a reminder of a night spent hiding from poachers. His fingertips ran over the marred skin and aging he brought his lips down to kiss the spot.
"Commander, stop touching me!" Mac's warning was real this time and she came up to her elbows, intent on getting away from him at all costs. She couldn't do this, shouldn't give herself to him because if she did everything she'd worked so hard to suppress would be destroyed. The mission would suffer and, in her world, it was always about the mission. It came first above all other things, above the desire for him. So, she had to stop this man. She had to… "Oh God." His hand moved up passing over her curls.
Harm sensed her anguish but, he wouldn't stop although the consequences of losing her forever were quite real. She accused him of not being able to let go and now he was ready. "I want to taste you, Mac." He said in a voice thick with desire.
His hands had been gently brushing over her hips and down her legs hoping he wouldn't have to force her to open for him. Gently he ran his nails over her thighs and back up, keeping constant contact with her. "I'm not going to hurt you, Mac. I would never."
Fundamentally, she knew he was speaking the truth. But, her training had forced her mind to believe he was some sort of enemy. He would obliterate the mission. "Commander, you have to stop. Please just stop." Harm had increased the pressure of his hands, kneading the muscles on her legs.
"Then tell me you don't want this, that you don't want me and I'll stop." He demanded but, she didn't stop him when his hands that had been massaging her thighs spread her legs. One of his fingers slid between her dampened folds moving gently but, not entering her. He slid his finger back and forth between her swollen lips finding her wet and ready, betraying the words she said. "Say my name." He urged again, needing so desperately to break her control to bring her back to him. "Sarah, please."
Her traitorous body had a mind of its own and Mac could feel a painful ache between her legs, her core clenching and moistening with every touch of his fingers on her body. The headaches stopped as if a switch had been turned and she opened her eyes to find him looking at her with a pleading expression.
God, he was so beautiful. His five o'clock shadow giving him an almost mysterious look. His eyes glinted in the morning light and parts of her wanted to drown in their depths. This is a man that she loved once. A man that she once wanted to be loved by. "Commander…" Her voice cracked as she said his rank, but it made the pain in her head commence again.
The part that wanted him to stop was rallying, coming for a brutal attack - one she knew would destroy him. "There will never be an us. I don't want there to be an us." Those words had a desired effect. The Commander's hand stopped and Mac was sure he would pull away allowing her to escape. Except her body had other designs.
Harm's heart broke and he felt an anger building inside forcing his hand to stop. He closed his eyes tightly, wanting the volatility that had suddenly assaulted him to stop. Only he felt Mac shift, pushing herself to his hand that was cupping her mound. "You don't really believe that." He whispered and brought his mouth over her sex. Harm breathed in her scent, an intoxicating mix of the light perfume still lingering on her skin and the wetness between her thighs.
"Commander! S-stop." Mac gasped when his mouth took her. He wasn't slow or gentle as he sucked her clit into his mouth. It made her buckle under him from a sensation that was so intense that Harm had to force her legs open with his hands and hold them apart.
She couldn't stop herself from writhing beneath him, craving more as his mouth made love to her. One single, sharp pulse of pain blasted inside her skull and then all she could feel was him.
Mac came once, hard, fast and without much effort. Her goddamned body had fully betrayed her and was doing so again as she ground against his mouth, wanting more.
Harm released his hold on her legs and he ran his hands up to her breasts kneading them gently when his tongue lapped at her folds. "Tell me you want me, Mac." He dared her, as his tongue probed her and then stopped. She was writhing beneath him, aching for more of his intimate kisses. "Say my name."
Mac was breathing hard, fighting the thoughts in her mind, trying to hold on to some control. She had to stop him, this couldn't happen. It would betray everything she'd come to hold true and believe. She felt vulnerable being naked and so exposed to him but her body and mind were waging a war against one another.
"Comman…" When she tried to mount another defense his mouth came over her bud again sucking gently. She was already sensitive from having come once. "Oh…" She shook when one finger entered her and began a slow and tantalizing exploration.
Harm inserted another finger and began slowly moving in and out of her as he felt her body tense. His eyes washed over her body stopping to look at her beautiful face. Mac's lips were parted, eyes were half lidded and her body undulated against him.
She had brought a hand to her breast and was massaging one orb in time with him. The other hand gripped to sheets beneath her tightening as another wave of ecstasy washed over her.
Harm increased the pressure and sped up the movements of his fingers as his mouth came to her clit again. For the first time, he felt his erection come to life, straining, aching so painfully to be inside of her. He brought one hand away from her and stroked himself slowly, careful to not to bring himself to orgasm. His other hand continued pumping in and out of her.
Mac squeezed the fingers inside of her and ground herself into him. Her breathing was fast and erratic. She was moaning louder nearing the brink and about to tumble over. The hand at her breast trailed down her body and over his head. She tangled her fingers in his hair and held his mouth against her an explosive, earth-shattering climax wracked her body. "Commander...I…Harm… Oh, Harm… yes."
At that moment, his name on her lips was the sweetest thing he'd ever heard. He continued making love to her with his mouth making her come once again. Harm needed to be inside her, his desire to join them was almost desperate. He pulled himself away from her, coming up to kneel between her parted thighs.
Mac instantly ached at their separation and a familiar tightness gripped at her heart. She loved him, always would and yet, she'd forced herself to forget. She sat up and stared watching him breathe erratically as he fought for control. His beautiful body was glistening with sweat and her eyes cast down to the part of him she'd been so curious about throughout the years.
She took his erection in her hand and began to stroke him slow and methodically. He gasped at her touch and how her hand deftly pumped him. Mac sat up fully, drawing her to him as her lips took his. She kissed him deeply, slowly, savoring the taste of herself on his lips.
Leaning back, she brought her hips up to him, pressing her mound against his erection. She needed him inside her deep and wild. She wanted him to erase the last unbearable year and a half where she'd given herself to the agency. It filled some sort of void and opened another. Mac didn't want to feel frozen anymore living with a steely hatred.
Harm took his erection in his hand, the tip stopping between her wet folds. "Tell me." He needed to hear the words, to know that she wanted him.
"Yes, Harm… I want you. Only, you."
And with that he buried himself inside her in one swift movement taking her to the hilt. Mac gasped barely getting a chance to accommodate to his girth as Harm began to move in and out of her. He thrust into her desperately in a hard pace that had her gripping to the arms that were on either side of her.
Mac held onto him, nails digging into his skin almost painfully as she dug her heels into the mattress. Their eyes locked and she found it terribly errotic to have her watch him this way. There was a fire in his eyes, a dark intensity that she had never experienced before. When her tongue darted out to lick her lips, his gaze followed and a smug expression crossed his beautiful features when she called out his name. "Harm...don't stop."
He was trying to make the moment last as long as possible but, that familiar sensation of release rose within him. He thrust harder into her feeling her own climax build as her muscles wrapped around his cock. "Sarah." He said her name on a strangled groan as he came inside her.
Mac pulled him down to her, arching against him. She wanted to feel his body against hers, the weight of him cocooning her. Her hips ground against him and she felt him twitch inside of her as she went over the edge. "Harm...oh God… Harm."
Her arms came around him, holding him close as her hands skimmed the expanse of his strong back. She kissed his shoulder and licked at the beads of sweat at his neck.
Both of their breathing was labored and she held him tightly as he recovered from their love making. The weight of him was a sort of homecoming Mac didn't know she needed.
Unwanted tears welled up in her eyes and Mac could not help but sob. The hurt in his eyes, the way she had treated him pained her greatly. Oh God, what had she done to him?
Harm rose himself up, anxiety written across his face as he saw her cry. "Mac?"
She silenced his concern with a kiss, holding the sides of his face when Harm made to pull away. Mac moved her hips against his finding him still partially hard and still inside of her. "Make love to me." She pleaded, her legs coming up over his hips. "Please."
"Yes." Any type of argument was silenced by the look in her eyes - a desire that matched his own so completely. He was slow with her this time, gentle to the point of an equal frustration.
Her hand slipped between the two of them as her fingers circled her clit bringing a fresh wave of sensations. Harm kept his eyes on hers as she touched herself loving the way her face shone in the heat of passion. Soft mews escaped from her lips which he captured with his own.
Mac drank from his lips kissing him passionately as he loved her body with his own. Her nails raked over his strong back making him buckle when she stopped at his perfect six and dug into his skin. "Harm…" She called his name again and again, begging for him to continue to ravage her body with his own. She wanted...no needed to be consumed by him possesed fully. The one hand between them moved faster, her index finger flicking at her bud frantically.
Harm's slow thrusts quickened unable to take the slow, tantalizing pace when he wanted her this much. Her moans and the staccato of her breaths forced him to buck against her wildly. He was unrelenting and Mac came beneath him in an orgasm that had her screaming his name.
"Sarah." He said her given name forcefully and came inside her again. Once he was spent, he pulled out of her instantly missing the intimate contact and knowing he would die of need if they never did this again. Harm rolled off of her laying on his back and hoping to catch his breath.
Once he pulled away, Mac felt the warm mix of her wetness and his seed pooling beneath her. In a few short months their five year deal would be up. Any chance of her getting pregnant was null and void at the moment as the CIA had practically issued her an IUD. She briefly wondered what it would he like to be pregnant with his child and brushed that thought away - this wasn't the time and place for it.
They lay together in silence and Harm was curious if she thought they'd made a mistake. He couldn't bear a rejection from her now, it would kill him as fast as a bullet through the heart. Carefully, he turned on his side, propping himself up on his elbow to look at her.
Her body was covered in beads of sweat and he considered licking them off of her. Mac's eyes were closed and a soft smile spread on her lips. He reached a hand out, caressing her shoulder gently and then trailing downward sliding over sweaty skin until he took her breast in his hand.
Harm wasn't ready for her and wouldn't be for a while but that didn't mean he couldn't please her. His mouth came over her other breast lavishing with so much more attention than he'd given her earlier. "Harm...You're going to be the death of me." She breathed out when his other hand found her curls.
He stroked her quickly, mouth still over her breasts. He could never get enough of her. Mac reached a hand out, wanting to take his cock in her hand but, he stopped her and she raised her head up with a confused look. "I can't, Mac. I'm not 22 anymore. It takes me a while to reboot."
Her thighs tightened around his hand as she came and for the first time since they started, she begged him to stop. It was too much, too intense and her body was beginning to protests. Mac pulled him to her and kissed him gently. Things would never be the same between them. He was now more than a colleague or a friend. He was her lover.