Chapter 12 – Freedom

After the meeting with Snape on that Tuesday night harry went into himself and hardly spoke to anyone. His friends only got a few one-word answer and were increasingly getting concerned, in class

Harry couldn't concentrate and spent most of the time staring into space and getting frustrated that he couldn't concentrate. Harry hardly ate anything at mealtimes and usually only turned up to one a day, it didn't go unnoticed but no one ever knew where harry went in between classes and at times where he was supposed to be eating. Harry grew more depressed and started to question why he lived, he grew more reckless about cutting sometimes going too deep and letting it just be. His meetings with Gareth consisted of trying to cope with the pressures of school and getting though day-to-day because that's all he could manage. His meetings with Snape went very much the same, Severus didn't push harry too much after that and talked about school and taught him how to use his notepad and sketchbook.

Severus was always good at drawing and found that this helped harry relax while he talked so he turned the meetings into an art class and tried to get the boy to open up during that but it was rather hard, Harry was a smart boy and knew how to avoid the conversations. Severus was growing increasingly worried over the next few weeks, he was glad to see that his friends wouldn't let him isolate too much and quidditch was always there for him but that was it. Severus' next meeting with Harry was the day before Halloween, he knew Harry knew that was the anniversary of his parents death and Severus hoped that the day combined with the Halloween feast on the Saturday, quidditch on the Sunday and a meeting with Gareth would be a breakthrough moment.

Harry was feeling rather low on that said Friday he knew what Halloween meant and though everyone was getting all hyped for the feast and the quiddich match against Slytherin, Harry couldn't get into the spirit, he had an overwhelming urge to go and join his parents, no one would miss him he thought. A problem disposed of as his uncle would say to him. Maybe he will try something Halloween night, something quick and painless. Harry thought for a moment and then remembered that time Seamus leaned too far over the top of the astronomy tower and their professor had given him a week's detention for being so stupid maybe that was an idea.

So Harry made a plan, he would go down to the feast as usual and when they were dismissed to say to everyone he was going to the bathroom and sneak up to the astronomy tower. He would bring the invisibility cloak in his pocket so no one could see him on his way up, he would then jump. It was so far up that the effect would be instant. But how would he explin to everyone? Harry decided to write a note so he got out a piece of parchment and a quill and wrote three lines:

Whoever reads this, I'm sorry for burdening you with my freakishness, I'm sorry for letting you down. Thank you for being my friend.

That was it, no more needed to be said, now he just had to wait until the moment. It made Harry happy thinking about it, that it would be a permanent relief a difference was noticed by Severus during their meeting. Severus noticed the boy was unusually calm and rebellious like nothing mattered anymore.

"How have your classes been?" Severus asked

"they've been okay, done the homework already not that it matters"

"Potter! Homework matters" Harry stared at him, the light in the boys eyes diminished.

"What would happen if I don't care anymore?" asked Harry politely

"You would get detention from all professors you failed to hand it in!" replied Severus trying to read behind the statement from Potter. Severus had seen some of his snakes look at him like this before and soon after he found them either at the top of the astronomy tower, stealing dangerous potions from his lab or cutting so deep the damage was nearly irreparable. He had to tread very carefully here, not to scare the boy. "Harry what is life to you?"

"Nothing, it's a day to day thing"

"You don't want to grow up and get a job?"

"I've never really thought about it, all I hear is stuff about Voldemort"

"Can you see your future, in this world?" Severus asked, this was the penultimate question, he was asking if the boy was suicidal without the boys knowledge. It was a nasty trick but it had to be done for his protection.

"No, not really"

"What are your plans next week?"

"Haven't thought about it" replied harry knowing he wouldn't be here then. Severus sighed, he had a feeling the boy had a plan to do something. He would need to keep an eye on him and maybe inform some of the other teachers to keep an eye. After the meeting Severus walked potter up to the Gryffindor common room so that he knew the boy was safe for that night.

The next day was Halloween, Harry woke up rather down, he knew that his parents were killed this night and he missed them even though he didn't really know them he felt as if it were only yesterday that he had lost them. It was early so Harry decided to go for a walk around the lake to ease his anxiety he watched as the sun rose from behind the trees and the wind blew through his hair this was something he would miss when he was gone he thought as he walked back to the school and went into the library to read and draw under the invisibility cloak so that no one could see him.

Severus woke the same day missing his Lily, he wondered how young Harry was coping, the boy had grown on him and no longer was he scowling at the thought of the boy, only hatred and disgust for his caretakers if you could call them that. Severus got changed into his usual black robes and made to the great hall. Walking past the Gryffindor table he tried to spot Potter but couldn't, it wasn't unusual to not see the boy at breakfast these days though he thought to himself. But after lunch and not seeing Potter at the Gryffindor table or any signs of him anywhere he grew concerned. Don't let the boy rule your life he found himself muttering you are supposed to go and see her today and all you've been doing is looking for her son. Then a thought occurred to Severus, had the boy ever seen their grave? That would help him, yes he would send for the boy that evening after the feast to meet him. After that Severus could relax and started to mark some first year papers.

The feast was fast approaching and Harry had just finished a drawing of a Lily in a pot. It was pretty good he thought to himself as he made his way back up to the Gryffindor common room. When the portrait opened he was smothered in a hug from Hermione.

"Oh Harry! There you are. We were scared you weren't going to come to the feast!"

"Sorry, I'm here now I got carried away in the library"

"What were you doing there?"

"Drawing?"

"Can we see?" asked Hermione. Harry nodded and showed her and Ron the drawing he had just completed. "Oh Harry" were her only words for a while. "We are your family now" giving him a hug, it was clear she was trying to hold back her tears. Ron just looked at the pair not understanding the whole thing. The three Gryffindor's then made their way to the great hall, harry was rather worried, he hadn't been in the great hall when it was full since the start of year feast, everyone made him nervous.

*Flash* "Hiya Harry!" exclaimed an excited Colin Creevy "Can I have your signature?" Harry summoned his courage and took a deep breath the rising panic was getting to him, images of flashing green light filled his eyes and were distracting.

"Hi Colin, can you just leave me be for now please? Maybe another time. And take it easy on the photos please" said harry calmly trying not to let anyone know how much he was struggling. Colin nodded excitedly and left the three. The rest of the feast went well the thought of what he was going to do after got him through. He would be with his parents soon and not a burden to anyone. As soon as the feast ended he excused himself to go the bathroom and put on his invisibility cloak, it was time.

Meanwhile Severus Snape had just finished a conversation with the Gryffindor head of house, he had asked her whether she could get Harry after the feast from the common room and bring him down to his office. He had told Minerva that he was going to visit Lily tonight and would like the boy to come with him. She thought it was a great idea and once all the students were back in the common room and settling down she called out Harry's name, a reply only came from his best friends who had told her Harry had never returned from the bathroom twenty minutes ago.

Harry was panting, he had just climbed the stairs to the astronomy tower at record pase, he was excited to see him mum and dad. He would never have to come back here to be a burden, he could just be with them and everyone who appeared in the mirror of erised last year he was just one leap away. Harry took off the invisibility cloak folded it up and put it in his pocket, he didn't want any old person to find it. He then went to the edge of the tower, there was a barrier to stop anyone from just falling off so he had to climb over it. Excitement filled him as he climbed over and stood out on the edge. The wind swept through his robes and his messy hair, it was cold but it was exhilarating a worry free life was just a jump away. It was a long way down, he could see Hagrids hut lit up in the distance a twang of guilt was felt.

He then thought of Ron and Hermione they still cared? No they didn't no one would care if he was gone, Voldemort would have what he wanted, him dead with his parents. No one would miss him, teachers could spend more time with other students, they deserved the help more than him, Ron and Hermione had each other and everyone else was better than him. Yes no one would miss him, the Durselys would be so happy, finally punishing himself in the right way. Harry started to count down in his head from ten, he wasn't scared, it wasn't going to hurt and he would be finally free. Nine, one less person to put effort into for all the teachers, one less burden because that is all he was. Eight, freaks don't deserve help and care. Seven, everyone just pretended to like him so they can now talk abut him how he deserved to be. Six, more room for Dudley, more things for Dudley, money was wasted on freaks. Five, the wizarding world would finally be free. Four, snape can stop pretending to like and care for him, he deserved to be called whatever Snape thought of him. Three, freedom is one jump away, free from negativity, free from pressure. Two Ron and Hermione can now be the golden duo, like they always were, Harry was just a side product.

"One!" Harry said out loud, this was it. "NO REGRETS" shouting now as he bent his knees as far as he could go and leapt as far out as he could, as high as he could. Oh yes free falling was brilliant, no fear was felt as he accelerated towards the ground, he was going to be free, this was the best decision he had ever made.