Luxsoka's First Impressions:

D136/21 BBY, Raxus

Lux was almost eighteen when he first met the Jedi padawan, Ahsoka Tano. It took him maybe five minutes of conversation with her to come to the conclusion that she was amazing.

But his first impression hadn't quite been so flattering, despite how beautiful she was.

When he first saw her, he was sitting on the duracrete ledge that framed the stairwells and balconies of the mansion that his family had moved to just over a year ago when their home planet of Onderon had joined the Confederacy.

His mother was the Senator of Onderon, resulting in a move to the Capital of the Confederacy that had made a big impact on Lux's life. He'd left all his school friends behind when they moved, leaving him feeling lost on a new world for a while until he made new friends at the private academy he was sent to to finish his education. He also found himself living the politician's life of parties and meetings more than ever as his mother was feeling rather lonely as well, and begged his attendance as her escort.

Lux's father was hardly ever home after the move, being an officer in the new Confederate Military. And then he was killed by the Republic clone army while setting up a base on Aargonar. That was almost a year ago now. Lux still missed him desperately.

Lux was admittedly biased against the Republic based on this alone.

But Dooku's evidence against the Republic Senate was also very convincing. The corruption, hypocrisy, and uncaring attitude of the Senate as a whole made it easy for planets like Onderon to seek out another option, and for young people like Lux to grow up with a whole new view of how the galaxy should be run.

Meeting Ahsoka had been the catalyst needed to change Lux's mind about which side of the war he should fight for.

But it wasn't instantaneous, that's for sure.

Lux was wistfully remembering happier times when his father was still alive and the galaxy still made sense when his mother's transport landed in front of their home. He knew she'd gone to pick up Padme Amidala from the spaceport, and was curious to see the Naboo Senator again.

Lux had fond memories of Padme. His family used to go on vacations to Naboo to visit her family when she was still the queen and he was just a little kid. Despite seeming cold and formal in public, the pretty queen was fun and exuberant when away from her duties. She always made a present appear for him too, every time they visited her house. (Palace.)

He wasn't surprised that Padme had been accompanied by a guard, but he was surprised at the guard she had chosen. At first, he thought the togrutan girl accompanying Padme was a political protégé or something, albeit a strangely dressed one, until he'd spotted the lightsabres hooked to her belt.

He was so surprised to see a Jedi that it took him a moment to register his mother's call to come carry their guests' baggage.

When he did, Lux hopped off the railing and walked down the stairs with calm dignity, in complete defiance of the rush he was first inclined to do. 'A senator's son does not run' had been drilled into him long ago by his teachers and had eventually stuck.

Lux walked up to Padme and they exchanged smiles of greeting as he gallantly took her bag. Then he moved on to the Jedi girl and received a sullen glare. Lux backed off with a 'what's your problem?' look and let the girl carry her own bag.

She proceeded to glare at him every time he happened to look her way for the next hour while his mother showed their guests to their rooms and then offered them a light repast, since dinner was a few hours off yet, but they'd come from a different time schedule where it was already past their dinner time.

After listening to the two older women talk about old times for a while, and watch the girl say absolutely nothing, Lux excused himself from their presence, not wanting to weather anymore of the strange combination of boredom and discomfort that assailed him.

Ahsoka watched the boy leave from the corner of her eye, not sure if she was grateful he was gone or not.

He disconcerted her greatly, to be honest.

She didn't know how to act around him. He was the son of Padme's friend, so therefore, someone who should be treated with respect. But on the other hand, he was a Seppie, and she'd spent almost two years destroying their droids and watching her fellow Jedi and her clone brothers die at their hands.

Lux Bonteri was the enemy.

And yet, he wasn't. He was just a boy. A pampered aristocrat boy with a cultured accent, soft looking hands, and a body she bet didn't have a single scar on it (or any muscles). He was so far out of her realm of experience, it was laughable.

And despite all that, she also felt drawn to him in some strange fashion, like the Force was tugging her in his direction like it knew something she didn't. Maybe he'd be important in some way in regards to the war, but she couldn't see how, so Ahsoka had done her best to ignore him.

After he left the room, she found out that his father had been killed by her army, and she felt a little bit bad about being so rude to him. She hadn't even said hello. Ahsoka didn't know what it felt like to lose a parent, since she'd never had any that she could remember. She'd been living with a distant relative when Master Plo Koon had found her when she was three years old and brought her to the Temple where the Jedi had become her family. The closest she could come to sympathizing with Lux was to imagine losing Plo Koon or Obi-Wan. Just the thought of that possibility hurt more than she cared to think about.

So she excused herself as well, and went out onto the balcony that overlooked the backyard gardens and gazebo, knowing perfectly well that Lux was out here as well.

Ahsoka walked past him and down the stairs, where he was perched on a ledge yet again. He reminded her of a pretty bird with his penchant for ledges and fine clothes. He probably only parroted what his elders said as well, without a mind of his own.

Lux was surprised when the girl came outside and walked past him. But curiosity made him open his mouth and spit out the first thing that came to mind. "You're a Jedi, aren't you?" Then he mentally facepalmed for asking something so obvious.

Ahsoka turned and looked back up at the boy, astonished he'd worked up the guts to speak to her. She deigned to answer. "Yes. Why do you ask?"

Lux tried to keep it cool. He could roll with this. "Before the war, I was always told Jedi were good."

Ahsoka raised a brow marking him. "And now?"

Lux jumped off his ledge as gracefully as he could manage, feeling all shaky and idiotic all of a sudden. Why did this girl affect him so? He'd conversed with beautiful princesses and never felt this nervous. He told himself she was just a girl, and to get a grip as he walked down the stairs to her level. "I don't know anymore. There are a lot of terrible things happening. A lot of killing. And now my friends are saying the Jedi are to blame."

That was disturbing to hear. The Jedi were supposed to be peacekeepers and symbols of hope, not something one should fear. (Unless you were a battle droid, then all bets were off.) Ahsoka pushed that to the back of her mind for now as they walked down the rest of the stairs together. "I'm the first Jedi you've ever met, aren't I?" she asked the boy.

Lux was surprised by the question. "Well...um, yes."

Ahsoka planted her feet at the bottom of the stairs and half turned towards him, crossing her arms over her chest. "Look at me. I'm not so bad, am I?" She was trying to show him that the Jedi weren't scary, that she was just a normal person. That didn't exactly turn out the way she thought it would.

Lux's breath caught when she posed for him and he couldn't help but look at her closely from top to bottom and back again. Her white and blue stripped montrals and lekku intrigued him. Her orange skin with the white face markings covered and framed features that could only be called pleasing to the eye and exotic. Her massive sky blue eyes were the prettiest he'd ever seen. Her lush lips looked oh so kissable, even in their set position. Her body was slender and yet possessed of a strength that he just knew could probably throw him across the lawn if she had a mind to. There was enough of a curve to her chest and hips to indicate she was no child and hadn't been for some time. Lux wasn't sure how quickly togrutans matured in comparison to humans, but if he had to guess, he'd say she looked about sixteen, which was close enough to his age that they should be compatible.

And... he didn't know why he'd just thought that. She came from the opposite side of the war. But stars, she grew more gorgeous the longer he looked. Lux gulped and managed to speak normally when she raised a brow at him again for taking too long. "No, not bad at all." He congratulated himself for coming up with something that didn't sound too stupid (like: you're the most beautiful girl ever. Wanna make out?).

Ahsoka rolled her eyes and turned away as she felt the wave of desire roll off of Lux. She'd experienced more than her share of that emotion from males of many species already. Why did they see a pretty togruta or twi'lek girl and immediately think she was good for one thing only? And how come it hurt that Lux had turned out just like any other boy? "Ugh," she practically spat out. "It seems boys are the same whether they're Republic or Separatist." Ahsoka walked away from him, back towards her destination of the pretty gazebo, where she thought she might find a peaceful place to meditate for an hour or so to kill some time. (Not that meditating was her favourite pastime, she'd much rather practice her Forms, but it did have its benefits when she was feeling agitated.)

Lux watched her stiff form walk away from him for a couple of seconds, shocked that she seemed to be offended by his compliment. What had he done wrong? Nothing, as far as he knew. Could she not take a compliment from him because he was the enemy? And why did he care? Only the stars knew why he ran after her (he should have just turned and left her alone), but he did. "Wait," he called. "How many Separatists have you met?"

Ahsoka stopped and turned back in surprise. "What?" she blinked at him as he caught up to her, now only feeling sincerity from him.

Lux hurried to explain himself as they started walking together again. "Well, I mean, you think we're all the bad guys. But how many of us have you actually met? And droids don't count," he quickly added at the end.

Ahsoka thought that was actually a valid question. "Well, other than military officers like Dooku and Ventress, none, I guess," she admitted. "You and your mother are the first."

Lux stopped and semi copied her pose from a minute ago. "Well, look at me. Am I so bad?"

Ahsoka stopped as well and really took the time to study him, since he was being so serious about it. On the outside, his features were a little too aristocratic and perfect for her taste (not that she was supposed to have any preferences, but she was still a girl), but he was handsome enough. His brown hair suited his light coloured skin, but was too neatly kept, making her wish a strong breeze would mess him up a little. His grey eyes, though, they were kind of fascinating; a hundred different shades of grey competing within them for dominance from silver to almost black in tiny shards. And they were looking at her with something that looked a lot like hope and intelligence. Perhaps he wasn't just a parrot?

So Ahsoka did something she didn't normally do with a standard issue civilian; she closed her eyes and studied his Force signature.

Lux was taken aback when she closed her eyes. "What...?" he started, but she raised a finger in the universal wait sign, so he closed his mouth with a snap and did so, looking at her a little suspiciously now. Was she doing some sort of strange Jedi thing to him?

Ahsoka was surprised by what she found in his signature. It was warm, like a sun, where she expected it to be cold and pitiless. It was also vibrant with energy, the opposite of what she'd expect a lazy preening bird boy to display. There was nothing in his signature that even whispered evil or danger or unfeeling cruelty. He felt kind and caring and compassionate, much like a Jedi should. Ahsoka opened her eyes and stared up at him in surprise. "You are not my enemy."

Lux was surprised by her proclamation, but he felt himself smiling in a ridiculous sense of pride for passing whatever test he'd just been put through. "I am glad to hear that." He held his hand out. "Shall we start again? Hi, I'm Lux, and welcome to my home."

Ahsoka blinked at his hand for a moment and then found herself smiling back up at him in an equally ridiculous fashion. She took his hand and shook it firmly. "I'm Ahsoka, and thank you for your kind hospitality." She was also pleasantly surprised to note that his grip was firmer and his hand wasn't as soft as she expected it to be; there were calluses similar to hers on his palm. Perhaps he fenced? That was considered an acceptable pastime for the nobility, she'd heard. There was also a tiny jolt of electricity where their hands touched that she was firmly ignoring right now.

Lux wasn't surprised that she gripped his hand with easy strength. From what he knew of Jedi, they had to be very fit to do what they did, as the Force didn't do everything for them. It just sort of helped on occasion? Perhaps, now that they'd established something resembling friendly relations, he could ask. Lux was very curious about her and how she lived.

He maintained his grip on her hand and led her the last few steps to the seat under the gazebo and then inclined his head to indicate she should sit.

Ahsoka's eyes were wide as she did so, and then widened even further as he raised her hand to his mouth and kissed her knuckles like a gentleman, meeting her eyes at the same time with a twinkle in his. "It's a pleasure to make your acquaintance, my Lady Ahsoka," he said in his cultured accent that didn't sound so stupid anymore all of a sudden. Ahsoka's lips parted, but no sound came out as she was quite speechless. No one had ever treated her like a lady before. A slave? Yes. A warrior? Yes. A child? Yes, yes, and yes. But a lady? Never. What a novel experience. The little thrill that went through her at the warmth in his eyes was harder to ignore than the first jolt, but she told herself it was nothing.

Lux reluctantly let her hand go and sat a respectable distance away on the long bench, facing her. "So," he started. "Now that we've established we're not enemies, perhaps we could be friends?"

Ahsoka smiled softly at him. "I think I might like that. Tell me. What's it like on your side of the war? Because my side is all: take down droid after droid after droid, occasionally chase after and try not to get killed by Grievous or Ventress, watch my friends get killed one by one, and then listen to the Jedi Council and the Senate try to justify it all for hours on end. It all seems so pointless to me."

Lux felt his chest hurt for her at the almost hidden despair he heard in her voice. He'd had no idea that it was that bad in the thick of the war. "It is pointless!" Lux said passionately. "I know why the war started, and I agree with the concept that the galaxy needs to be run in a better fashion, but I think everyone has gone about it the wrong way. I hear things in the political circles on my side that make me think that no one actually knows what they're doing except for maybe Dooku and his immediate underlings. Both sides are just throwing lives and credits away like they mean nothing for a cause that is going nowhere. Why? What for?"

Ahsoka shook her head slowly, amazed by his passion. Had she actually found a likeminded individual? Were there more like him? Because the galaxy could really use more people like him and Padme, who also thought the war was needless. "I don't know, Lux, but that's why we're here. Padme is trying to bring this war to an end as best as she can. But she's just one person amongst trillions. More than just us are needed to make a difference. A lot more."

Lux scooted just a fraction closer to her without even realizing it. "I completely agree. I just can't see that happening anytime soon. Not with the way things are going." He snorted. "It's almost like someone is playing everyone like a giant dejarik board and laughing in glee as the players destroy each other. The question is, who? Who wins in the end if both the Republic and the Confederacy lose?"

"I don't know that either," Ahsoka said with a tired sigh, suddenly feeling like the weight of the galaxy was resting on her shoulders. "Who else is there?"

Lux shrugged. "No one? I know it's a silly idea, but I haven't been able to shake it since I thought it a few weeks ago." He sighed too and mustered a smile. "How about a happier topic?"

"Like what?" Ahsoka asked curiously.

"What it's like being a Jedi? Aside from the war, that is? What's it like being able to feel the Force? What's it like being able to float stuff and read minds and whatever else you do?"

Ahsoka giggled at his enthusiasm. Now he reminded her of a puppy. She liked puppies. A lot. "To put it in one word, I'd have to say amazing." She teased him deliberately with the short answer, curious to see how he'd react.

Lux groaned. "Come on, you can do better than that. Please?"

Ahsoka couldn't help but grin at the puppy eyes he was giving her now. She'd never think of him as pretty bird again. And she put him out of his misery. She settled onto the bench in a kneeling position, facing him and much closer than they'd started. "The Force really is amazing. If you can feel it, you can feel everything, because it resides in everything. It's like I can become the wind, or the trees, or the sun if I sit still and just listen to it. It can fill you with energy or peace..."

Lux listened to Ahsoka talk about the Force and her life growing up in the Temple in fascination for what had to be at least an hour. And then she got him to talk about his childhood, comparing the two vastly different lifestyles curiously. They stayed outside talking until they were called in for dinner, and even then, they talked some more, much to the amusement of Padme and Mina. And they talked after dinner too, neither feeling tired at all as they sat in front of a fire in the main living room well into the night.

Eventually, silence took over and they just sat watching the flames for a while, neither wanting to be the first to say goodnight and leave the other. So neither did.

When Lux woke up as the first rays of sun flittered through the window and touched his face in warmth, he found Ahsoka sleeping against his shoulder, a soft smile on her lips, her eyelashes looking impossibly long against her cheekbones, and her body curled up tight beside him, keeping the right side of his body pleasantly warm with the heat she radiated.

It was in that moment that Lux realized he'd found the one he wanted to spend the rest of his life with, and was hit with the crushing realization that he never would.

Because she was a Jedi, and they weren't allowed to marry.

It almost broke his heart.