Kanera's Parting:

D1/1 BBY, Lothal

Kanan didn't want to leave Hera.

To be honest, he never wanted to leave Hera. He hadn't since he first met her on Gorse.

Hera had been his salvation when he was in a terribly low place in his life. She was the reason he was a Jedi again. (Perhaps not a strictly traditional Jedi, but a Jedi nonetheless.) Hera was the reason he cared about more than just surviving to see another day. Hera was the reason he had his own Padawan. Hera was the reason he wanted to make the galaxy a better place again.

He wanted to spend the rest of his life doing whatever it took to make her happy. He wanted to spend the rest of his life holding her in his arms at night. He wanted to spend the rest of his life watching her Light infused Force signature interact with those around her and see how she changed them for the better.

He wanted to marry her and have children with her. He wanted a peaceful life filled with joy and laughter. He wanted the galaxy to just magically take care of itself so Hera could enjoy life for once. He wanted his family to never have to fight again. Run for their lives again. Take the lives of others again.

There was so much he wanted that still seemed so far off. There was so much that tested his patience and made it near impossible for the things he wanted to become reality. There was always one more mission. One more battle. One more eye rolling report to file.

And yet, despite how things didn't ever seem to progress, Kanan fought on and savoured every spare moment he could find with his beloved. Because he knew that he'd rather be a planet forever circling her sun than a meteor that touched the edge of the sun, but sailed on, never to see it again.

And now he was in orbit away from Hera again.

Because Ezra was going with Sabine to Krownest and then on to Mandalore to rescue her father. And he couldn't, in good conscience, let Ezra and Sabine do that all by themselves. They were practically his and Hera's kids (he didn't know HOW that had happened, considering he was only eleven years older than Sabine and Hera was only seven, but it had), and sending them away with just Chopper as an escort was not his idea of good parenting.

So what if they weren't really his children? And so what if Ezra had literally just turned eighteen (what a birthday present the destruction of Chopper Base had been, adding to the list of horrible birthdays Ezra seemed to be cursed with), and Sabine was near the end of her nineteenth year? No matter how old they got, they'd still be his kids to take care of. The mission they were planning was bound to be a dangerous one. And even with the help of Sabine's clan, having two Jedi on a mission was always better than just one. And there was the 'small' issue of how much Mandos hated Jedi. It would be awful if Ezra went and got himself killed because he misspoke to the wrong person. (He was good at that.)

So Kanan had dragged Hera to her cabin (the only space left in the entire ship that wasn't crowded with the last of the survivors from Atallon, or taken over by Sabine's clan who had all come over from the Gauntlet just because), ignored the knowing looks from the bystanders in the hallway, and then pinned her against the wall beside the door and kissed her hungrily. Desperately. Lovingly. Mournfully.

The attack on Atallon had left both of them feeling kind of lost and hopeless and in need of each other's touch to reaffirm that they were both still alive.

But that had had to wait while they escaped, and the vast number of people on the ship kept them busy for hours just seeing to injuries, and doing roll call, and feeding them.

And then they rendezvoused with the Gauntlet and Kanan and Hera had to hug Ezra and Sabine, ecstatic to see him alive, and her after months of being apart. Then there was the introductions of Tristan (Sabine's younger brother), and the rest of the clan members that had come with her. And THEN the gathering turned into a strategy meeting and Ezra volunteered to go back with Sabine.

So... yah. Kanan once again was left with only a few minutes to spend with his beautiful Hera and then they were going to be separated for days. It seemed like the story of his life these days. So he was taking advantage of the few minutes they had to full advantage.

Kanan ground himself against Hera, letting her feel just how much he wanted her, needed her.

Hera wrenched her mouth away from Kanan's with a gasp, chest heaving as she sucked in much needed air. "There's no time for that, love." But oh, how she wished there was. It seemed like there was never time for them anymore. It had never been her intention for her relationship with Kanan to take a backseat to the fight with the Empire, but it had. But then again, she'd fought her attraction to him for just over a year before giving in for that exact reason. She hated that she couldn't devote her entire self to him when he deserved so much better from her.

She hated feeling torn all the time.

But she could never turn him away either. Not anymore. Perhaps she never could. Kanan was her weakness and her strength. Her perfect mate in a galaxy that was far from perfect. Kanan completed her when she felt empty. He comforted her when she was down. He brought her joy with his very presence. He was steadfast and loyal. Strong and passionate. Peaceful and self motivated. And handsome. Breath stealingly handsome. Heart stoppingly handsome. Couldn't forget that. She traced her fingers over his cheekbone, just below the scars around his eyes that did nothing to detract from his looks. So gorgeous. Sigh. "I wish there was, but you haven't even packed yet, and they're leaving in five minutes during the next pause between hyperspace jumps."

Kanan heaved a sigh as he rested his forehead against hers and closed his eyes in defeat. "I know, Hera. I know there's no time for us. I just... I just wish..."

Hera stopped him with her mouth, kissing him almost desperately as a tear escaped and trailed down her cheek. She pulled back and cupped his face in her hands, meeting his blind eyes, knowing he saw her in some fashion. "I wish too, Kanan. I really do."

Kanan smiled sadly and kissed the tear off her cheek. The he pressed his lips to hers one more time in a sweet kiss of parting. He stroked his hand down her lek and then hit the button to open the door. "I'll comm you when we get there," he said over his shoulder as he walked across the hallway to his own room. (A room that he rarely slept in, but his stuff was still in there.) Along with an unconscious soldier, currently recuperating in his bunk. Kanan packed a bag quietly and put on his mask, grateful for its presence so he didn't have to school his features into something pleasant right now.

After watching Kanan disappear into his own room, Hera met the sympathetic eyes of Agent Kallus, who was leaning against the wall like it was the only thing keeping him on his feet, before she retreated back into her own room. She leaned against the wall for a few minutes, just pulling herself back together.

After nearly losing him to the orbital bombardment on Atallon, Hera had been hovering on the edge of being an emotional wreck for hours. She wasn't sure if that five minute make out session had helped or not, but she wouldn't undo it for anything. He was alive. Her family was all still alive. That was all that mattered. The rest would sort itself out eventually. Wouldn't it?

Hera straightened her shoulders and left her room, just catching sight of Kanan's back retreating through the door that led to the center of the ship. She made to follow him and then a stray thought stopped her feet. She turned and looked the other way. "Kallus!" she barked in her best commanding voice.

Kallus straightened up off the wall, standing at attention, but clearly favouring his right leg. "Yes, Captain?"

Hera nodded at her room. "You look like you're about to pass out in the hallway. My bunk is free. Take it and sleep for a few hours. That's an order."

Kallus blinked at her for a couple seconds and then saluted briskly, a hint of a smile of gratitude in his eyes. "Thank you, Captain."

Hera smiled at him quickly and then turned and chased after Kanan.

She reached the hallway that led to the docking door just as the last of Clan Wren were filing back into the Gauntlet, leaving Sabine, Ezra, and Kanan still in the hall, as they were waiting for her.

She should have known they would be; Kanan and Ezra always seemed to know where she was. (That was usually a good thing, but not always.) Right now, she deeply appreciated it.

She started with a hug for Sabine and Ezra, looking at them with a brave smile. "You two take care of each other, you hear?"

Ezra grinned. "You have to know by now that that's a given, Hera."

Hera smiled wider, feeding off of Ezra's joy at being with Sabine again. "I know. I just have to say it anyway."

Sabine smirked. "It's usually me taking care of him."

"Hey!" Ezra protested.

Then Sabine grinned at him and punched him in the arm before dashing into the Gauntlet with Ezra chasing after, both of them laughing.

It was so good to see them together again, Hera couldn't help but smile stupidly at the sight. She sighed happily when Kanan wrapped an arm around her shoulders and snugged her into his side, kissing the top of her head. "Do you think they'll ever move beyond being friends?" Hera asked curiously, because she had hopes for them. They were just so cute together.

Kanan sighed. "Honestly, Hera, yes I do. If you saw what I saw in the Force, you wouldn't even question it. Their signatures light up when they're in the same space. If those two aren't already making out when no one's around, I guarantee they will be soon enough. Sabine may just be waiting for him to grow up a little more, or she's just being stubborn about giving in to the inevitable."

Hera looked up at Kanan, who was standing slightly higher than her on the sloped floor, wishing he wasn't wearing that stupid mask, and smiled mischievously up at him, grateful he could sense her emotions. "Like I was?"

Kanan snorted, not bothering to reply. Instead, he wrapped his arm around her waist and lifted her up to his height, kissing her long enough and deep enough to leave her lightheaded. Then he put her back on the ground and walked away, having nothing to say that his kiss hadn't already said for him.

Hera stared at the closed door of the airlock for at least a minute, waiting for the gentle shudder of the ship as the two ships undocked, before she shook herself back into motion. She had a ship full of people to take care of and a new base to get to. Not to mention the fact that the Ghost had been in the hands of AP-5 and Rex for much too long. She felt the need to fly her own ship right now, almost desperately, just so she could lose herself in the familiar routine.

Kanan commed her, as promised, after they arrived at Krownest. It also happened to be shortly after she arrived at Yavin 4, so she didn't have time to talk much. She asked him to comm again the same time tomorrow, hoping things would have settled down by then.

Turns out it had, but she hadn't had a single free minute between then and now, and she hadn't slept yet.

Settling what was left of Phoenix Squadron into the new base was a crazy job that required a ridiculous amount of paperwork and her supervision for almost every step, to make sure her people didn't get lost in the mix of so many others. (The forest moon base was home to an astonishing number of Rebels, more than she even dreamed there could ever be in her fight against the Empire.)

And then there was the extended debriefing on the attack of Atallon. High command wanted to know exactly what went wrong, who was responsible for what, everything she could remember about the Imperial fleet, and so on and so forth. It was all she could do keep a civil tone by the end of it.

When she left the room, she had to smile sympathetically at ex Agent Kallus, who was waiting his turn for his briefing next. If hers was bad, his was bound to be worse. At least he looked better rested, and someone had found him some clothes that weren't an Imperial uniform. Overall, he was probably in better shape than her right now, injuries notwithstanding.

Kallus smiled back at the exhausted looking twi'lek captain. "I wouldn't dare to give you an order, Captain, but I think you should heed the order you gave me yesterday. I even found some fresh sheets for your bunk after I woke up, with a little help from Zeb."

Hera patted him once on the shoulder on the way by. "Thanks, Kallus," she said tiredly. "Just one more thing to do before I can do that," she called as she walked away.

Kallus stared after her in surprise. Despite their original status as enemies, she was treating him like a member of her squadron already, and that felt absolutely amazing. He'd thought that, aside from Zeb, he'd be an outcast here because of who he was, but the number of people who had already accepted him into their ranks was mind boggling. Maybe the fact that Zeb kept him company whenever possible helped a lot; no one wanted to get on the bad side of someone so large.

Hera sat in her chair in the Ghost, staring absently at the lush forests of Yavin 4, as her mind replayed the attack on Atallon over and over, thanks to the debriefing, trying to find a way she could have saved more people, where any mistakes had been made in strategy that would possibly have made a difference, and came up blank. She kept going back around to the point where Kanan was outside the protective shield and the planet was being bombarded by the Star Destroyers in orbit. It had felt like her heart had ceased to beat until she heard his voice again over the comm, and she definitely hadn't breathed properly until she actually saw him again, the tightness in her chest easing somewhat when he appeared, miraculously alive and unhurt.

Hera hadn't really relaxed though, until they were all safely in hyperspace, fleeing Thrawn's fleet. Hera really really didn't like that Kalikori stealing, stuck up Imperial, blue Chiss blurrg dropping, to put it nicely. Chopper had a much fouler, and probably more accurate, description of Grand Admiral Thrawn that Hera was embarrassed to say she enjoyed hearing, even though she wouldn't dare repeat it out loud.

Hera almost jumped out of her chair in ironic surprise when the comm chimed an incoming holo call. Heart speeding up, she stood and activated the holo comm so they could see each other.

She tried to play it cool as she talked to Kanan about his mission, who was already on Mandalore and heard about how their first attempt to rescue Alrich Wren had turned up empty. On the inside, she was soaking in the details of his appearance, wishing he'd take off that stupid mask so she could see his beloved face; scars, cloudy eyes and all. When he was finished with his report, she said something about him coming back as soon as the mission was completed, making Kanan smile knowingly.

"Ohhh, having trouble overthrowing the Empire without me?" he teased.

"Our team is an important asset to the Rebellion," Hera replied, trying to keep things professional, knowing their transmission was probably being monitored by the Intelligence Division.

"An asset? Is that what we are?" Kanan said with all sorts of double meanings in his voice.

Hera put her hands on her hips in amused exasperation. "You know what I mean."

"Well, you know how I feel," Kanan replied with sudden sincerity.

Hera melted a little, a secret smile hiding behind her stern façade. Not wanting to get too sappy on recorded comm time, she tried to keep it professional. "Are we still talking about the mission?"

Kanan leaned forward and somehow managed to get in her personal space, despite being just a hologram. His smirking face filled her vision. "That depends."

Hera leaned back towards his image, drawn like a magnet. "On what?" she murmured.

"You know," he said he replied huskily.

Oh Hera knew, all right. What she wouldn't give to be able to pull him across time and space and jump in his arms and kiss him senseless, immediately followed by a loooong stay in her bed.

Thankfully, before she could wrack her tired brain into coming up with a reply that wouldn't earn her knowing looks all over her new base, Chopper saved the day. "Seriously? Enough with the mushy stuff," he beeped in exasperation.

Hera glanced down at the floor, putting her wayward emotions back into order. She looked back at Kanan and simply said, "Be careful, see you soon," with the utmost sincerity, as the holo call was ended by Chopper. Hera huffed and muttered a curse at her droid for not letting Kanan say anything in return. She might not want to talk about her feelings or their relationship over the comm right now, but that didn't mean that she didn't crave every possible second of available time to spend with him.

She almost commed him back, but stopped herself at the last second. She needed to practice some self control now that other people were monitoring her transmissions. And she needed to tell Kanan too, because he was just too good at making her forget herself. It was a good reminder that she was committed to this war every bit as much as she was committed to him. She'd worked too hard, for too many years, to take down the Empire, that she couldn't let herself get too distracted by her feelings for him no matter how much she wished otherwise. Thinking too much about how she needed him in her life because he was her soulmate and the love of her life would make her have to question her life choices. She would start wanting more. Things like a family. A proper home. Peace and security. Things that just weren't feasible with the Empire ruling the Galaxy.

Hera decided now would be a good time to go hide in her bunk and indulge in some good old fashioned self-pity for five minutes before making an attempt at getting some sleep. She doubted it would work though, despite how tired she was, due to the worry over what most of her family was doing, on a planet way too far away. She really didn't like when they were separated. Not one little bit.

After Chopper ended their call prematurely, Kanan drummed his fingers against his crossed arm in frustration, but that was all he allowed himself. He'd learnt long ago to suppress his inclination to destroy the droid whenever he did something that drove Kanan up the wall. Hera would kill him if he actually tossed the annoying rust bucket out an airlock or, even worse, gave in to the urge to crush him with the Force until he was as flat as a pancake. He knew why she loved her droid so much, given their past together, but that didn't mean he had to love him as well. Not killing him was probably as good as he was ever going to get when it came to Chopper.

He might have been a little frustrated with Hera as well.

He understood her hang ups about showing too much affection in anything that might resemble a public fashion, he really did; having a direct line to her emotions made that easy enough. But it had been YEARS, and she still couldn't bring herself to say that she loved him anywhere someone might hear her. Calling him 'love' was as close as she'd ever gotten.

He loved her so kriffing much, and just once, he wanted her to say it to him in front of everyone. Like a marriage ceremony for example. That would be good. In fact, that would be perfect, he thought as a smile crossed his face as he thought of Hera dressed in a pretty white dress and saying the wedding vows with him. One day. One day it would happen. He knew it. He really did. But the waiting was starting to wear on him.

With an internal sigh, Kanan turned away from Chopper and headed back to the others waiting on the edge of a cliff for Alrich Wren's transport to drive by. At least he could channel some of his frustration into battling stormtroopers. That was always fun. He especially liked making them look like idiots, as it always made his day. (There might have been some residual hate for clone troopers prompting that.)

Just don't tell Rex.