A/N: This is currently a piece I wrote in a later chapter that has Hera remembering the past. I will be rewriting this whole section eventually and making it much more detailed.

Hera's Loss:

D14/1 BBY

It wasn't until they were back on Lothal that Hera finally managed to finagle some real alone time with Kanan. Yes, they'd snatched a few hours of snuggling while they slept, during hyperspace jumps or the few hours they actually spent on Yavin 4, but things had been so crazy lately, that was pretty much it in the romance department.

First, after crash landing on Yavin 4 after a terrible mission gone wrong, she finally sees Kanan and her whole family again, only to be immediately drawn into another mission to slice into an Imperial communications satellite dish. Which did not go as planned of course. Saw Gerrera had shown up, blowing up the dish instead, and absconding with her kids to run his own mission to destroy a kyber crystal.

While the kids were gone, Mon Mothma had Hera and Kanan run another mission to pick up some top secret intel from a rebel spy called Cassian, since they were out and about anyway. The kids finally came back, thankfully in one piece, after destroying a whole Imperial cargo ship and a Star Destroyer, as well as rescuing some scientists that dedicated themselves to the Rebellion. (A mission that somehow became a success when it should have been a disaster.) Hera was proud of her kids for pulling that off.

The instant they got back to Yavin 4, they turned right back around to go do something about the TIE Defender program on Lothal. There was just the one tiny problem of actually getting onto Lothal, due to the planetary blockade. Of course Ezra managed to come up with a plan that involved Visago and some illegal puffer pigs. (Which more or less worked.) They were on Lothal, past the Imperial blockade. But Hera had to leave her precious Ghost behind, in the care of Rex and Kallus, making her feel like she was missing one of her children all over again.

Last night, Hera had gotten her first real wakeup call in regards to her relationship with Kanan. They had been scouting the city after curfew, when Kanan heard someone coming. He had pulled her into a dark doorway to avoid detection by the trooper patrol passing by. As they stood there, holding each other's hands, Hera realized how long it had been since they'd actually had a real moment to themselves. The war had kept them so busy that they hardly even had time to talk, let alone enjoy the perks of each other's company. Hera could feel the weight of Kanan's blind gaze through the opaque sunglasses, hiding his scars and cloudy eyes.

He squeezed her fingers gently and said, "I wish... I could see you," making her heart break just a little, just like every other time the reality of his blindness made an appearance in their lives.

Hera reached up and pulled off the sunglasses, staring directly into his faded teal eyes, knowing that somehow, he knew where she was looking. "You could always see me," she told him. And she realized how true that really was. Kanan had always accepted her for exactly who she was. He'd never tried to change her or convince her do something else with their lives. He'd always just been there for her. Hera tilted her head up as his lowered, the moment feeling absolutely perfect. And then her wrist comm beeped. Hera sighed in frustration, echoed by Kanan, and answered the comm. With the moment ruined, and duty calling again, Hera resolved to get Kanan alone for real, as soon as possible.

That moment was today. While everyone else spied on the TIE Defender testing grounds, Hera had declared that she and Kanan were going to do surveillance on Capital City, specifically the factories, from the safety of Ezra's tower. No one had actually commented on the fact that she had brought a blind person with her to do surveillance, but she'd seen the knowing grins from the kids, Zeb, and Ryder. Hera didn't care though. It had been way too long.

She did spend at least an hour watching the factories from the balcony, her sense of duty to the Rebellion as strong as ever. Kanan spent the time meditating inside the tower room. When he emerged, he walked up to Hera and wrapped his arms around her waist from behind, pressing a kiss to the side of her jaw, making Hera shiver in delight. "I assume you brought me out here for a reason," he whispered into her skin. Hera almost dropped the expensive electrobinoculars, her fingers forgetting to hold them. Kanan chuckled, and took them from her hand, floating them down to the ground carefully.

Hera turned around in his arms, wrapped her own around his neck, and smiled up at him. "I might have had something in mind. Hours of something to be specific. IF you're up for it."

Kanan smirked back, reaching down with one arm and picking her up, making Hera giggle with delight. "Oh, I'm always up for it, darling, when you sound all sexy like that."

Hera pulled his head down to hers, meshing their lips together, as he carried her into the tower room, gently placing her on a nest of old blankets in a corner, where Kanan proceeded to love the very breath out of her, for hours, as requested.

At some point, when they were just cuddling, fingers tracing patterns on each other's skin, Kanan pressed a kiss to her bare shoulder. "I love you, Hera," he whispered roughly. "I will always love you, until the end of my days, and even then, I'll still find a way to love you some more."

Hera looked at Kanan with glistening eyes as she reached up and softly stroked her fingers down his bearded jaw. "You always say the sweetest things, love."

Kanan smiled knowingly down at her, pressing a quick kiss to her forehead. "I only say the truth, darling."

Hera closed her eyes to hold back the tears, as she pressed her forehead to his. She wanted so badly to give him the family and peaceful life he'd always dreamed of. "Oh, Kanan. You must know how much I love you too. How much I wish things were different for us. How much I..."

Kanan kissed her to quiet her. "Shhh. It's okay, darling. I know."

With a strangled sob, Hera basically attacked Kanan, burying her fingers in his hair and kissing him like he was the only air available to breathe. When Kanan smiled against her mouth and cupped her jaw with both hands to slow her down, Hera wrapped her lekku around his wrists and held him tight. She never wanted to let him go, this precious, perfect, man. With a little bit of mutual squiggling, Hera managed to get Kanan on his back and her hips over his without losing her grip on his hair or the contact of their hungry mouths.

Kanan's hard cock was pressed up against her moist opening and her breasts were smashed into his muscled chest. She wriggled a little, teasing her clit with his hardness and coaxing a little groan out of Kanan. His tongue thrust into her mouth at the same time as she rose up just enough so he could slide inside her. She pressed back down until he was buried to the hilt and hitting every possible pleasure spot inside her. A thrill went through her and she moaned into his mouth, dancing her tongue around his.

They held still like that for a minute, just enjoying the sensation of being joined and kissing slow and deep until Hera needed to move. Needed more. She rose up, letting go of his hair and wrists and pressed her hands onto his chest to prop herself up, rising up and sliding down over and over on his hard length, bottoming out with every thrust.

Kanan smiled up at her, blind cloudy eyes seeming to see her and loving what they saw. He reached up with a hand and pulled one of her lekku over her shoulder so he could caress it, sending shivers through her with every pass of his fingers. His other hand moved to her hip and helped her move. With an impressive show of core strength, he curled up and gave her breasts some love, sucking on the nipples in turns until they stood up into hard little nubs. Every movement of his mouth sent a jolt straight down to her clit, making Hera cry out in delight.

She quickly found herself tightening with an impending climax, inspiring her to slam her hips down even harder into his. As his length found the end of her tunnel once again, she ground hard against his pelvis, putting pressure on her clit, which was enough to send her over the edge into ecstasy.

Kanan held still and savoured her clenching around his cock until she relaxed a little and then he took over, flipping them around so she was on her back and he above her without losing their deep connection. Hera wrapped her arms around his neck and held on for the ride as he kissed her quickly and then got a very focused look on his face while he thrust in and out of her slow and oh so perfectly deep for as long as he could. And for Kanan, that was a very long time. He'd already come twice in the last few hours and had an incredible amount of self control to call on.

He pushed Hera into another climax before he got serious and started looking for his own, thrusting faster and faster. Little grunts escaped from his mouth as his climax approached, which Hera thought were sexy as hell. Her hands ran up and down his back, sometimes giving a quick caress to his firm rear as it worked over her. Her fingernails dug into the muscles of his back as she felt yet another orgasm building in her center. She'd lost count at this point, but she thought it might be orgasm number eight. Her lover was incredibly capable of finding every single one of her sensitive spots and teasing them without mercy until she called his name in the throes of passion.

Knowing she was close, but night quite as close as him, Kanan grabbed a lek with one hand and pulled the end into his mouth, sucking softly. Hera's eyes basically rolled up in her head as she came hard from the stimulation. Kanan grinned smugly and then let himself go, thrusting deep one more time and releasing his seed into her clenching depths. Her cry of pleasure was complimented by his deep groan of satisfaction. He held himself there, snugly joined while they gasped in air and pressed their foreheads together, eyes closing as they savoured the long drawn out aftershocks of pleasure.

Eventually Kanan pressed a kiss to her forehead then rolled them over onto their sides, still joined together, and they fell asleep in each other's arms, contented smiles of utter satisfaction on their faces.

D15/1 BBY

Somehow, her kids had actually stolen the TIE Defender prototype, crashed it, and absconded with the flight data recorder and the hyperdrive. Hera didn't know whether to be amazed and proud, or appalled by the lack of disregard to her orders. They were just supposed to observe the new TIE, not take it for a test drive. Hera eventually decided on being proud of her kids. They were smart, resourceful and independent. Everything they needed to be to grow up in this war torn Galaxy.

While waiting for Ezra, Zeb, and Jai to retrieve their stolen booty, Hera was talking to Sabine about connecting the new hyperdrive to Ryder's old ship, when Kanan walked up. "This ship is old. There's no guarantee the Defender's hyperdrive will even work in this thing, never mind getting it past the Imperial blockade," he grumbled in a worried tone.

Hera kept one eye on Kanan and one on Sabine as she made herself scarce, not wanting to get in the middle of whatever argument this was going to turn into. Smart girl.

Hera knew that the mission was beyond dangerous, but she had to take the chance. "Getting this TIE Defender data to the Rebellion is vital," she told him. For the fifth or sixth time that day.

Kanan planted his hand on the recorder in question and looked at her with all seriousness. "When are you going to feel like you've done enough for this Rebellion?"

Hera was surprised by the question. "I guess when the Empire is overthrown and people are free to live their lives the way they want again."

Kanan's cloudy eyes seemed to look right through her. "And when that time comes, how do you want to live your life?"

Hera sighed. "Kanan... Don't push me right now. You know this mission is important. I do not need your angst distracting me."

Kanan's eyes fell, and his demeanour changed from confident to dejected, making Hera feel like a blurrg dropping for letting her frustration and worry bleed into her tone. "I'm sorry, I knew better than to bring up the future." he said sadly, all the while wondering how he was going to tell her that she was pregnant without her freaking out if he couldn't even get her to talk about a possible 'someday'.

She winced at his defeated tone. "Kanan, I do think about it. I wish and dream and then tell myself to stop hoping for what just can't be yet. You're just going to have to live with that," she said, crossing her arms defensively.

Kanan reached over and gently ran his hand down her arm, stopping at her fingers and holding them comfortingly. "I do. I do live with it. And I will continue to live with it until the end of time if this is all you can give me; I love you," he said softly.

Hera stared at their joined hands, as his thumb caressed her, wishing Sabine and Ryder would disappear and that the Empire didn't exist. "You know how I feel," she said eventually, looking up at him again.

A slow smile transformed Kanan's face. "Do I?" he said teasingly.

Hera glanced down again, ashamed that he was always the one to smooth things over between them. At least she knew how to make it up to him. Thinking, 'Kriff it," she looked up and raised her face to his. Squeezing his fingers, she pulled him towards her. Kanan beamed as he lowered his mouth to hers, filling her with happiness that she could make him happy again.

They never made it, as Ryder went running past yelling something about, "We've got incoming!" Hera sighed in frustration as she dropped Kanan's hand and ran after Ryder, drawing her blaster and pointing it at the Imperial transport that charged up to their camp.

It didn't take long for Sabine to install the hyperdrive that Zeb had brought back in the transport. Zeb had lugged it over to Ryder's ship and Kanan had easily grabbed it with the Force and lifted it up and into place on the top of the ship, making Hera smile with pride at her man. Her strong Jedi Knight. There were so few of them left in the Galaxy and this one was HERS. Sensing her admiration, Kanan looked back at her over his shoulder and sent her a wink, making Hera laugh quietly.

As everyone packed up the camp, knowing the Imperials might find them at any moment, Hera glanced at Kanan whenever she had the chance. More often than not, he caught her glances and smiled in return. Unfortunately, there wasn't time to pursue anything. Ezra spotted the Imperials coming and everything went into fast forward. As Hera was about to board Ryder's ship, she found Kanan in there waiting for her. "Hera. About what happened. I don't want you to think I'm pushing you... I just..."

Hera cut him off by reaching up and cupping his face, pressing her mouth to his. They needed this. They didn't need to talk. After the longest drawn out moment she thought she could get away with, she pressed her forehead to his before looking him in the eyes, telling him without words everything she felt. She knew he would sense it. With a final caress of his jaw, Hera left him wearing a dumbstruck, joyful look on his face. She turned around after stepping into the ship. Putting all her emotions into the words, she said, "May the Force be with you," and left him behind with a determined heart. She would see him again, Imperial blockade or not. Next time they were alone, she was going to ask him to marry her. It had taken her years, but today had gotten her thinking. She finally realized that Kanan meant more to her than the war did. She couldn't think of a better way to show him that.

Hera did break through the blockade, jumping to hyperspace right through one of their hangar bays, pulling off one of the most dangerous manoeuvres she'd ever tried. The leaders of the Rebellion agreed to send a squadron of fighters to take out the TIE Defender factory, as the Imperial fighter was deemed too destructive to be allowed to be put into production.

Hera was promoted to General, a title she didn't believe she deserved, but it made her happy nonetheless. Her squadron broke through the orbital blockade, only to be met with absolute demise by a hidden fleet of TIEs in the cloudy, smoke filled atmosphere of Lothal. Hera was one of the few that survived the crash, officially her worst ever 'very interesting landing' as she preferred to call them.

Chopper woke her up from her daze, and Hera forced her screaming body out of the mangled X-Wing and into the street. A few streets over, she found Mart, relieved to see Sato's nephew still alive. They tried to escape the city together, but Hera sacrificed herself to the Noghri assassin, fighting him with everything she had left in her, so that Mart and Chopper could escape into the sewers. Hera was stunned by Governor Pryce, waking up later in an Imperial cell. And then the torture began. Lasting for what felt like years, but was really only a couple of days. Hera couldn't decide if Thrawn's psychological torture was worse than Pryce's physical torture or not. The time he brought in her Kalikori and taunted her with it, and the death of her little brother, was the moment she vowed to herself that Thrawn would have to die.

At some point, they started drugging her to try and get her to answer their questions about where the main rebel base was, and that's when her memories became very dim. The things she did remember where just flashes. Little images that haunted her dreams and nightmares. Hera wasn't even sure if they were real.

She had an image of Kanan clinging to the glass of Pryce's office. Of looking up into his eyes and noticing that his face was clean shaven and all of his beautiful hair was cut off. Holding her Kalikori in wonder. Another moment of flying through the air on a... glider? Her favourite was the moment she hoped was real. The one where she actually said 'I love you' with words and got to kiss him for endless moments.

And then there was the one that she wished wasn't true, but Ezra and Sabine had confirmed. Kanan surrounded by flames as his cloudy eyes transformed back to their original colour and they gazed at each other for the last time, an instant before he was consumed by the explosion.

Hera's first clear memory was of waking up in a strange cave, clutching her Kalikori to her chest and a fistful of Kanan's hair, completely freaking her out. She'd run out of the cave to find someone, anyone, to make them tell her that the flashes of memory couldn't possibly be true. She'd stumbled on Ezra, his blue eyes looking absolutely haunted, and she knew it was all horrifyingly real. Their eyes had met for a moment before Ezra had run into her arms and they sank to the ground on their knees, arms holding each other tight as they sobbed into each other's shoulders. No words had been spoken, but Hera knew that Kanan meant just as much to Ezra as he did to her. They shared their grief and it helped. A little.