Hera and Sabine's Aftermath:
D26/1 BBY
Hera landed the Ghost beside Ezra's tower as the final remnants of the Imperial Dome fell from the sky in the distance. She turned off the ship and stood from her chair, trying to ignore the fine trembling in her limbs. Everyone looked at her expectantly, ready for her to explain what to do next, why she'd parked here, etc. Hera glanced frantically from one face to the next. Sabine, Zeb, Kallus, Rex, Mart, and just couldn't do it. She just shook her head and dashed for the door, leaving what was left of her family to figure themselves out on their own. Chopper beeped worriedly, but she ignored him too. Hera ran into her room and fell on her bed, as the shakes got worse. She grabbed Kanan's pillow and hugged it tight, burying her face in the soft fabric, breathing in the last remnants of his scent that clung to the material, as tears fell from her eyes yet again. Feeling something bump into her, Hera reached down and grabbed the meiloorun that Ezra had somehow found for her. She had no idea how he'd managed to pull that off, considering the wretched state of Lothal right now, but it just made her cry harder at the show of love from her honorary son. Her son who was also gone. Perhaps forever. "Why did you both leave me? I need you," she whispered into the pillow between quiet sobs.
Lying on her side, she put her head on Kanan's pillow and curled in a ball around the meiloorun, and the new life she carried. A much needed piece of Kanan for her to treasure. As her tears dried on her cheeks, Hera thought of how she'd come to end up in this state in the first place, taking comfort from the memories.
Technically, it all started the day she first met Kanan on Gorse. The day the Force decided she needed a little more excitement in her life, because she didn't have enough already, working for Fulcrum in their joint resolve to take down the Empire. It didn't take long for the handsome gunslinger to finagle his way into her life and onto her ship. Hera had fought her feelings for him for a year or so, before she caved and let him into her bed too. And there he'd stayed. Faithful, caring, loving, funny. Everything she'd always wanted in a mate. He followed her crazy vendetta against the Empire through thick and thin, despite his misgivings, just to be with her. And somehow, in all that time, it took her until the very end before she finally admitted to herself their relationship was worth more than a war. She regretted it now; not marrying him within days of taking him as her lover. Kanan had been a perfect mate for her and she'd taken advantage of it while she had it but she now knew her priorities were all wrong.
She wrapped her arms around the proof of his love and let memories of the past still her shaking limbs, wondering if she'd ever feel warm again.
As she thought about the hazy memories of the last few minutes she'd seen him and that conversation they'd had about the future just before she left, Hera's eyes opened in surprise and she sat up quickly. Looking back on it now, Hera wondered if he could possibly have sensed the new life they had created already. He did see everything through the Force, including life signatures. Perhaps he had known? Was that why he suddenly starting talking about the future? Was that what he was trying to tell her as they were escaping from the Dome? He'd never ever pushed her like that in the past. Why else the sudden change? Hera's face transformed into a smile at the hopeful thought. He had known about their child. He had to of. The thought filled her with peace, knowing that at least Kanan had died knowing he was a father.
Putting the meiloorun off to the side, Hera tucked her feet under her and sat on her heels in Kanan's meditation pose, a position she'd adopted after watching Kanan do it for so long. Reaching for his pillow again, she held it in her arms and buried her nose in it once again, a small smile on her face as she buried herself in memories of Kanan's love.
Hera put Kanan's pillow aside with a fond stroke in parting. She didn't know how soon she'd be able to make herself wash the cover, but it wasn't happening anytime soon. With a lighter heart, she left her room, over her shock of losing Ezra as well. The message he left gave her a smidgeon of hope that one day he might return. She would have to live with that. And in the meantime, she still had the rest of her family to take care of.
General Syndulla was back.
Hera glanced in the bridge, but unsurprisingly found no one there. Walking back down the hallway, she found everyone crowded into the common room and the galley. The Ghost wasn't really meant to hold this many people, but they'd deal, for now. Seeing everyone's worried faces, Hera smiled reassuringly. "I'm okay. We're all going to be okay. We'll have a meeting after we all have something to eat. We need to plan what we're going to do next." Hera looked around the room, and glanced into the galley, realizing she was missing someone. "Where's Sabine?"
"She ran to the tower just after you left," Zeb said sadly. "Don't blame her though, she just lost her best friend. I know how that feels."
Kallus patted the stricken looking lasat on his shoulder comfortingly. "It's okay, Zeb. The rest of us are still here."
Zeb looked up at Kallus gratefully before heaving a huge sigh and literally shaking himself out of his gloomy mood.
Hera watched Zeb and his new friend with amusement, still amazed that the two bitter enemies had formed such a fast friendship. "I'll go get her. Why don't you guys start making us some dinner? If we're not back by the time it's ready, start without us. This might take awhile." When everyone nodded in agreement, Hera turned and left, climbing down to the cargo hold and out into the smoky, gloomy air of Lothal. Her heart hurt for the planet that had once been clean and beautiful. Hera thought the planet had a chance of healing now, though, with the Imperial presence eradicated.
Hera was just about to enter the tower door, when she heard a chirp in the grass near her feet. Looking down, she saw a white lothcat. Ezra's white lothcat. "What do you want?" she asked it curiously. The tooka turned and walked a little ways, looking back at her expectantly. "But I need to see Sabine," she said to it. The lothcat chirped again and Hera felt the ghost of a hand on her shoulder. Hera gasped, and touched her shoulder longingly, wishing the touch of Kanan's hand was real. The lothcat chirped again impatiently. Hera sighed and glanced up at the tower. "Sorry Sabine, you'll just have to wait a few more minutes." Shaking her head at what her world had come to, surrounded by animals that had a plan of their own, Hera followed the lothcat into the dry yellow grass.
After walking long enough that the Ghost was just a speck in the distance, the tooka stopped. Hera looked at it in confusion. "Now what? Why'd you bring me out here?" The lothcat grinned as a shadow fell over Hera. She whirled around and cried in surprise. "Oh! You are big!" Behind her was a giant lothwolf, at least three times larger than the one she'd ridden days ago. Hera took in its appearance, immediately noticing the symbol on its forehead. The same symbol that had been on Kanan's shoulder guard, back when he still wore armour. "Kanan?" she asked it, not really expecting an answer.
The lothwolf lowered its nose to the ground and dropped something at her feet. He grinned at her and said "DUME," slowly and deeply, the word rumbling from its giant chest.
Hera tentatively reached a hand towards its nose, and the lothwolf lowered his head into her touch with a rumble of pleasure. Hera smiled joyfully, it wasn't exactly Kanan, but it was close enough. Somewhere in this giant beast, a part of Kanan still lived. Perhaps the padawan part of him that had died the same day his Master had. The lothwolf savoured her touch for a minute, eyes closed in pleasure at the gentle stroking of her fingers, before he remembered his purpose.
Hera jumped in surprise when the lothwolf touched his huge nose to her stomach, then lowered it to the ground and nudged what he dropped. Hera glanced down at the ground and actually looked at what was there. Hand flying to her mouth in disbelief, she bent and picked up Kanan's lightsabre. She was so sure it had been lost forever. Clutching it tightly to her heart, she didn't even question how the lothwolf had managed to acquire it. He touched his nose to her stomach again. "JEDI," he rumbled out.
Hera patted the lothwolf again. "I understand. Thank you, Dume." The lothwolf rumbled one more time as he grinned at her. She watched with misty eyes, one hand clutching the lightsabre and the other held gratefully over her stomach, as the giant lothwolf turned and walked away. "I love you, Kanan," she whispered into the wind that suddenly swirled around her. Hera blinked back the tears that tried to fall, the lothwolf disappearing between one blink to the next. Hera slowly started the walk back towards the tower, lost in thought, not even noticing that the lothcat had also disappeared.
Despite having several warnings that this was going to happen, seeing Hera lose it brought it into stark screaming reality for Sabine. Ezra was GONE. Really and truly GONE. She sat in the vacuum of stunned silence that the bridge had descended into after the door had closed behind Hera, not a single person knowing what to say. The two most important people in their family group were both gone in less than a week. Yes, Hera was the leader, but Kanan and Ezra had been the suns that everyone orbited around. The light of hope in the darkness that is the Empire. As long as there was Jedi on the side of the Rebellion, then they still stood a chance. Without them, how were they supposed to win the war when the opposition had the likes of Darth Vader? And to top it off, their fearless leader looked just about ready to call it quits. Not that anyone blamed her. She'd just lost both her significant other and the boy everyone knew she saw as her son.
The door opened again and everyone looked up at it, hoping that Hera had come back already, that they really hadn't just seen her leave them with wide tear filled eyes and limbs shaking bad enough that you could see the vibrations in her lekku. But it wasn't Hera. Instead, Ketsu leaned her shoulder on the door frame and looked at everyone's stunned faces curiously. "The rest of us are wondering what's going on. Why'd we stop here?" she said, taking in the view out the window. "I thought we'd be going straight back to Yavin 4?"
Kallus was the first one to be able to speak. "It seems we are taking a small break before leaving. General Syndulla needs some time to herself for a while."
Sabine strangled back a sob that had been trying to make its way out for the last few minutes. She refused to lose it like Hera. She was stronger than that, damn it. Or at least that's what she tried to tell herself. She calmly stood from her chair. "I'm going for a walk, I'll be back in a while," she told the group in as normal a voice as she could manage. What was left of her family looked at her with sympathetic eyes. Especially Zeb. He, more than anyone else left, knew just how much Ezra meant to her. It's not like they'd been hiding their friendship. What they didn't know, and she wasn't sure if she was ever going to tell them, is that they'd just catapulted their relationship to the next stage just that morning. Her soulmate was gone, and it felt like he'd taken the vast majority of her heart with him. She climbed down the ladder, just wanting to be alone.
Ketsu looked askance at the group staring after Sabine. "What's up with her? I would've thought she'd be taking over the leadership roll right now, if Syndulla isn't."
Zeb said just two words. "The boy."
Ketsu's eyes widened in understanding, probably getting it even better than the pack of males in front of her did. She quickly followed Sabine down the ladder.
Sabine was still standing in the cargo hold, staring out at the dying grass that reminded her too much of the dead parts of Mandalore. With arms wrapped around herself, holding herself together, she was doing her best to tell herself that she would be okay. Ezra would come back soon. She could survive without him until then. She'd survived when she'd been on Krownest with her family last year for a few months, even if it had felt like a large chunk of her was missing. But this time was different. Back then, she'd known exactly where Ezra was. Now? Only the Force knew where he was headed and how far away he'd end up. Or if he'd even survive whatever mess he was in.
Hearing footsteps on the ladder, Sabine spun around, ready to ream out whichever idiotic male had dared invade her privacy, when she'd sort of made it clear that she wanted to be alone. Spotting Ketsu, she sighed and turned back around, once again looking out at the grass. "Not now, Ketsu."
Ketsu ignored her words and walked over anyway, putting a comforting hand on the shorter girl's shoulder. "Do you want to talk about it?"
"No," Sabine mumbled. Just the thought of speaking the words that were screaming to get out made her feel like crying.
"Are you sure? Because you'll feel better if you do," Ketsu tried again. She was having a hard time seeing Sabine looking like a frozen ice sculpture, one tiny tap away from falling to pieces. This was not the Sabine she knew. Her Sabine needed to express herself in some manner. Usually through art or explosions. But this wasn't the kind of situation that allowed for those things. Little did she know that Sabine was capable of exploding all on her own.
Sabine whirled back on her friend, throwing the hand off her shoulder. She didn't want to be comforted. "I said no! I said I don't want to talk about it. I don't want to talk about Ezra being gone! Probably forever! I don't want to talk about Kanan dying or Hera falling apart or anything!" Ketsu stepped back until her back was up against a wall as Sabine's voice got louder and louder, and she advanced on Ketsu with rage and tears in her eyes. "I don't want to talk about how much Ezra meant to me, and how there's this giant gaping hole in my heart right now! And I definitely don't want to talk about how I married him this morning, and now he's gone and I might never see him again! So please, just leave me alone," Sabine's voice broke on the last word as she whirled again and ran out of the ship.
Ketsu followed her down the ramp, concerned and a little shocked, but when she saw her run into an old communications tower nearby, she sighed in relief. At least she knew where to find her if somebody needed her. Ketsu sat on the ramp for a while, just soaking in the weak sunlight that filtered through the smoky clouds, trying to imagine what it would feel like if she'd lost her love like Sabine and Hera had. Coming to the conclusion that falling in love was a stupid idea, especially during a war, Ketsu stood, and headed back into the ship. She'd leave the true love stuff to the other girls and stick with her usual m.o. of love 'em and leave 'em.
Upstairs, in the bridge, the guys were all crowded around the ladder, blinking in surprise. Zeb looked at Kallus and Rex. "I really didn't see that coming. Who knew the lothrat would actually win the girl?"
Rex shrugged. "I wouldn't have bet on it."
Kallus looked at them with a raised brow. "That's funny. I always assumed they were already a thing, just being really quiet about it. As an observer of your little group for the last few years, I saw the bigger picture. And what I saw was a perfect partnership between the two teenagers that I thought meant they were more than just friends." Zeb grunted at that, and Rex laughed.
"Jai said Ezra was in love with Sabine back when Jai and Ezra were in the Academy together, four years ago," Mart piped up with, making the older men look at the teenager in surprise. "That he used to get this dopey look on his face whenever he'd start daydreaming about her. The guys in the room had to wrestle the truth out of him at first, but then he'd talk about her for hours. Of course, no one knew who he was talking about, but Jai said after meeting her, he totally understood."
"Now that, I knew," Zeb said. "I had to live with the boy through that stage. I thought he'd given up after a while. I guess he just learned how to bide his time." Zeb looked questioningly at Mart. "Where is Jai anyway? I haven't seen him since the fight back at base camp. Did he go with Ryder?" Mart shook his head, eyes filling with sorrow. "Oh!" said Zeb sadly. "In the confusion, I didn't realize. I'm sorry. I know you two had become friends." Zeb squeezed his shoulder comfortingly for a moment. "Let's go play some sabacc or something while we wait for the girls to get their acts back together."
Mart put on sad smile. "Sure. That would be good, I guess." He looked around at the older men that towered over him. "Does anyone else think it's funny that the leaders of our group are the two females?"
The older men chuckled as they walked down the hallway. "Give it a few more years, kid. You'll understand. When you have two women like that, you learn to listen to them if you know what's good for you," Rex said. "Oh, and you might want to keep everything you just heard Sabine say to yourself. She's not the kind of girl who appreciates being gossiped about, if you know what I mean. She'll tell us about her and Ezra when she's ready."
Mart's eyes widened in terror at the thought of getting on Sabine's bad side. He was pretty sure he wouldn't survive. "No problem. My lips are sealed. I won't say anything about the General either."
Rex clapped him on the back. "Good man."
Sabine ran up the stairs, tears streaming down her face unheeded, not even glancing at the broken lift that Ezra said had never worked as long as he'd lived there. Reaching the tower room, she went straight for Ezra's old nest of blankets and collapsed onto them. Hugging her knees, she buried her face in them and cried silent tears, refusing to let it go further than that. She would not sob like a baby. Ever. If her mother saw her now, she'd be very disappointed. Her father might understand, but mother? She always believed that females had to be twice as strong as the males just to prove that they belonged in the warrior culture of Mandalore.
Eventually Sabine got her emotions under control again and the tears dried up, leaving her face feeling strange. Sabine could count on one hand the times she'd actually cried in her life. She was determined to try and keep it that way. Scrubbing her face with her hands, to make it feel more normal, she sighed and changed her position so she was leaning back against the wall. She pulled Ezra's lightsabre off her belt and twirled it absently as she tried to figure out what he'd meant by his last message. He was counting on her. But for WHAT? The only two things she could come up with that she knew Ezra would actually value the most were protecting his planet and searching for him. She briefly thought that he wanted her to finish the war against the Empire, but that didn't feel right. There were many others who already had that goal. But none of them cared one iota about Ezra's little backwater planet in the Outer Rim.
Movement in the doorway drew her attention from her thoughts. She almost drew a blaster with her free hand, but stopped herself, knowing it had to be one of her friends. An instant later, she realized it wasn't one of her friends at all. It was one of Ezra's. The white lothcat strutted into the room and marched up to her with a mrroww? Sabine couldn't help but smile at it. If Ezra's friends wanted to keep her company, she wouldn't complain. And they wouldn't care if she didn't talk about her feelings either. The tooka daintily stepped onto the pile of blankets with a few curious sniffs, then made its way to her side. Turning around in a circle once to inspect its newfound comfy place, it curled up in a ball against her hip, purring contentedly. Sabine tentatively reached down and petted it, and when it just purred louder, she sighed as the sound soothed her emotions even further. Leaning her head against the wall, she closed her eyes, petting the tooka with one hand and held Ezra's lightsabre to her heart with the other, turning her brain off for the time being.
About fifteen minutes later, Sabine sensed movement again in the doorway. She opened her eyes for a moment, then closed them again. She felt Hera step onto the blankets beside her and position herself exactly the same way Sabine was. They both sighed at the same time and in the same way, making them smile and look at each other. "Hey." Sabine said. "You doing okay?"
Hera smiled slightly. "Yah, I think I am." She pulled Kanan's lightsabre out of a pocket. "The giant lothwolf called Dume just gave this to me. I think he has a little piece of Kanan's spirit in him."
Sabine gawked at the lightsabre. "I thought that was lost with Kanan in the explosion."
Hera shrugged. "So did I, at least until I saw it again. I have a fuzzy memory of Kanan and that awful noghri fighting on top of Imperial Headquarters and Kanan losing his lightsabre over the side. I'm guessing one of these seriously abnormal animals found it and kept it until now."
"That's great," Sabine said with a grin. "Now we both have a little piece of our Jedi to keep."
Hera smiled wider and pressed a hand to her stomach. "I have more than one little piece of Kanan."
Sabine's eyes widened in disbelief. "No way!" Hera nodded. "That's fantastic, Hera! I can't believe it. When did you possibly have time to..." Sabine stopped as she quickly thought back through the days. "The day I stole the Defender, you and Kanan were here, alone, doing 'surveillance.' Probably in this very room and on this... Gack!" Sabine stood quickly, making the lothcat jump and run away.
Hera burst into laughter. "Oh, Sabine, you are too smart for your own good."
Sabine huffed, and found something else to sit on, giving Hera a questioning look and waiting for her to shake her head, before actually planting her rear on it. "Honestly, Hera, I'm very happy for you, but I don't need to sit in your used blankets."
Hera just chuckled some more, not bothering to move from where she was. She had some very fond memories of those particular blankets. She was even thinking about taking them with her back to the Ghost. She'd wash them, of course, but they deserved to be saved. Sobering after a minute, she looked at her 'daughter'. "So how are you doing? I know Ezra meant a lot to you."
Sabine sighed and crossed her arms, still hanging onto Ezra's lightsabre. "I'm afraid I blew up at Ketsu, when she asked me almost the same thing. I'm better now though, now that I've had time to accept it. I actually knew, or at least had a very strong suspicion that he was going to leave or die or something. Ezra was acting the same way Kanan did the day he died. All resigned and yet at peace with what was going to happen. He even mentioned not knowing if he was going to survive today."
Hera's eyes widened a little. "I think I noticed that too, but I didn't want to see it. I heard him talking to the holo of his parents. He said he knew what he had to do. And he left that recording with Chopper." Hera sighed and her shoulders dropped a little. "I wish I could have made him stay, but he obviously knew that he had to leave with Thrawn for his plan to work. I still can't believe he summoned those purrgils to take away Thrawn's fleet. I wish he'd told us that part at least. And you! You distracted me while he made his escape! How could you help him like that?"
Sabine returned Hera's accusing look with her own. "I did what he needed me to. He told me earlier today that he knew he could always count on me, and I wasn't going to let him down. I will never let Ezra down. How could you think that you could hold him back from sacrificing himself if it meant the end of his planet?"
Hera sighed and buried her face in her hands, not able to look at Sabine anymore. "I don't know. I just didn't want to lose anyone else. Losing Kanan almost destroyed me. I waited too long, thinking there was always more time. We've been together for years, close to ten years actually, and I just strung Kanan along the whole time because of this stupid war with the Empire. I wish I had a do-over. I would marry him right away, and we'd have a child or two that we could raise together, and maybe on the side, we'd do some interesting things to throw a wrench in the Empire's plans. Instead, I devoted our entire lives to this war, Kanan is gone, and I have to raise our child alone."
Sabine's chest hurt with sympathy for Hera. "Hera, you're not going to raise it alone. You have me, and Zeb, and Chopper, although I'm not sure if he counts, and a whole bunch more friends who will be happy to help, like Rex and Kallus and Ketsu. And you know what? We're going to get Ezra back too, and he'll help as well. Even train the little one in the way of the Force, assuming it's a Force sensitive."
Hera dropped her hands and looked at Sabine with misty eyes. "Thank you, Sabine. That means everything to me. And I think it is Force sensitive. At least Dume seemed to think so. He indicated that Kanan's lightsabre was for the child and called it a Jedi." She smiled ruefully and a little sadly. "Kanan gave me my very own little Jedi miracle."
Sabine smiled at Hera. "I'm glad. As a Mandalorian, I can't believe I'm saying this, but we need more Jedi in this Galaxy. On a side note, in regards to realizing things too late, that's what I did too."
Hera looked at her with confusion for a moment before she got it. "Ezra."
Sabine blushed, and stared at the floor. "Yes, Ezra. I ummm, kind of married him this morning, and now he's gone."
"I'm truly sorry about him being gone, but... Finally!" Hera said, making Sabine look up in surprise. "I've been hoping you two would get together for years. I always knew you were perfect for each other."
Sabine rolled her eyes at Hera, no longer embarrassed. "We've been together since he turned fifteen, believe it or not. I'm honestly surprised no one caught us in all that time."
"I did, once," a familiar voice said from the doorway. "I just never let on, since I know more than a little about secret relationships."
Hera stood quickly, eyes wide with shock, and Sabine jumped off her table and turned to see, unable to believe her ears. "Ahsoka! You're alive!" they both said at the exact same time.