Sabine's Goodbye:

D27/1 BBY, Yavin 4

As Sabine transferred all of her things from her cabin in the Ghost to a cabin in the Gauntlet, she tried not to think too much about the reality of what she was doing, but it hit her hard anyway. In some corner of her mind, she knew the Ghost would never be her home again. It felt like she was tearing off a piece of herself. The Ghost had been her home for the better part of four years and the crew was her family; in some ways, even more than Clan Wren. Hera had taught her that it was okay to feel things, to let people in, and was a better mother figure than her own. (Just don't tell the Countess that.) Zeb was the protective uncle that was always there for you. Chopper was the annoying pet that you couldn't kick out for barking too much, no matter how much you wanted to, because he was yours, and you loved him despite his quirks. She might be leaving the nest, but they would still be there for her and her for them, as she said before, just a comm call and a jump away.

But there were two family members that were missing.

She stopped in front of Kanan's cabin door with a box of paints in her arms, tears trying to form as she realized he would never be just a room away again. Never be there for her in the middle of the night when she had a nightmare and was trying to forget it in the galley with a mug of caf, and Kanan would show up and just keep her company until she was ready to try sleeping again. Never play dejarik with her again, the only one in their family who even came close to giving her a run for her credits. Never spar with her again when she was tense and needed to let off some steam. For a non Mando, he'd been more than half decent at hand to hand and kept her on her toes when they fought. And he'd done it with that hint of a smile that told her he was enjoying himself, despite the fact that she was kicking him into the dirt. He was the only one she could spar with on fairly equal terms. She'd tried sparring with Hera, but just couldn't make herself punch Hera with any sort of force behind it, making it a redundant exercise. Zeb just took her kicks and laughed at her. And Ezra? Well, he'd been improving, but she still wiped the floor with him, even after years of trying to teach him how to fight a proper hand to hand match. She'd finally figured out he just couldn't make himself hurt her, so she forgave him for his apparent ineptitude. (He actually could fight very well now, just not against her.)

Kanan had been the one who had taught her there was more to life than just killing and fighting. He'd shown her there were better ways to get her point across. She might not have been a Force sensitive, but Kanan had never once stopped her from watching and learning from the lessons he taught Ezra about the Force and life in general. Most of the time, she pretended she wasn't actually listening to Kanan's wise words, while absently working on something else nearby, but she was. And he knew it. How she missed him. It still hurt just as much a week later. She didn't even know how Hera was functioning. If it hurt her this much, how was Hera not just a whimpering puddle of tears?

And then there was Ezra.

Sabine realized as she glanced at his door that she should pack up his things too and move them to the Gauntlet. There was no point in his stuff taking up space in Zeb's room anymore. She took her box of paints to the Gauntlet and then came back, stopping in front of the door, almost afraid to go in. She closed her eyes, and told herself she was being silly. It was just stuff. Ezra's stuff. Okay. Not being silly. This was going to be harder than she thought. Zeb appeared in the hallway and looked at her sympathetically as she stood there, trying to make herself open the door. "You want me to pack up his things for you?"

Sabine looked at him with all the gratitude in her heart. "Could you? I don't think I can."

Zeb smiled sadly and squeezed her shoulder gently. "Sure, Sabine, I got it. You just finish with your room."

She turned and wrapped her arms around his waist, hiding her face in his chest, surprising him before his big arms hugged her back. (She'd never actually hugged Zeb before.) "Thank you, Zeb. You've always been there for me."

Zeb patted her back gently. "And I always will, Sabine. Don't worry. I promise I won't go joy riding on a purrgil and disappear on you."

Sabine snorted out a laugh and pulled back, punching him in the stomach just because. "You better not. Not that you'd have the courage to do it anyway," she teased and walked back into her room.

"Hey!"

"It's true. Don't deny it," she called through the door.

Zeb slumped and walked into his own room. "Yah."

She smiled to herself. At least some things were still the same. Sabine looked around her room. It was pretty much empty now. The colourful walls stood out more than ever with no clutter to distract from the paintings she layered on top each other over the years. Hopefully Hera would leave it the way it was. But it would be too much to ask, if she needed the room for someone else. She had so many memories in this room. At least there was one good thing about moving to a new room; she had fresh walls to work with. Whenever Ezra came home, he was going to find his ship completely overrun with her paintings, whether he liked it or not. Sabine knew he wouldn't mind though. He'd always liked her art. Even the pieces that made fun of him. Like that one she'd put in his cabin of him falling through the bunk onto Zeb. Zeb had admitted to her about a year later that he'd tried to paint over it, but Ezra had stopped him, practically threatening death if Zeb so much as erased one corner of her painting.

Of course, that had earned Ezra a very special make out session. And... now she wanted Ezra back, like yesterday, so she could indulge in all the fantasies running rampant through her mind from the fond memories.

She imagined herself with Ezra in a proper bed, going at it like lothbunnies for days and then cuddling together for just as long, basking in his warm strength and the comfort of his soothing presence. She'd never cuddled with anyone before him, it seeming like such an anti tough girl thing to do. But with Ezra, she had made an exception and never regretted it. The more she thought about him, the more she felt like she could almost feel him with her. (If only she knew that far far away, he was imagining her just as desperately before passing out in a pod about to crash in the sea.)

"Kriff," she said to herself. "Get it together." Sabine forced herself to stop thinking romantic things and focused back on her room. She reluctantly gathered up the last of her stuff, amazed at how much she'd accumulated over the years. She'd come to the Ghost with nothing but the clothes on her back, after being abandoned by Ketsu on a bounty hunt, left to fend for herself. And now she had boxes of things: Paints, clothes, tools, more paints. Hera had definitely been generous when it came to dividing up the credits they made, giving Sabine lots to spend on her favourite hobby.

And then there were the presents from the other members of the family. One of the last things she packed was the most recent sketchbook Ezra had given her for her last birthday. The book of blank pages was actually harder to find than you would think, based on how rare paper was used anymore. He'd handed it to her with his usual dorky grin. "I know you get lots of these, but I also know you'll always need more." Sabine touched the cover of the sketchbook fondly. She'd never actually opened it yet. As he said, she had lots, and she'd left practically everything behind when she went to Krownest, fully expecting to come back way sooner than she had.

She fanned through the blank pages absently as she thought of how she'd responded to his present. The kiss on his cheek seemed inadequate now and she wished she'd been a little more appreciative since this might be the last present he ever gave her. It was thoughtful and useful, too. She fanned the pages again, chastising herself yet again. She had a feeling she was going to be doing that a lot, until Ezra came back. Her eyes caught on something that wasn't the same as the rest. She quickly flipped through the pages again until she found a single folded sheet of paper with her name on it tucked into the book. She pulled it out of the sketchbook and let the book fall to floor as she read the note Ezra had written her in a clumsy scrawl. (Penmanship wasn't exactly something people practiced much anymore.)

My Dearest Sabine,

When I purchased this book for you, I got a flash of the future. I'm not sure what happens between now and whenever you actually read this, my beautiful cyar'ika, but I see you with brown hair with purple ends (I really like it by the way) and your eyes are filled with sadness. I see you in your almost empty room, touching this book with affection, and I sense that it is empty, so I feel pretty safe leaving this note in here. I'm not sure why you are sad, or why you're packing your things, but somehow I feel like it has something to do with me. If I'm the one who has made you leave us, I'm so sorry for whatever I did. Please don't leave. You're my best friend, my love, and my life. I know I annoy you sometimes, though I've tried really hard not to. My life would be empty without your colourful presence in it. I take comfort in the fact that you still like my present at least. Hopefully you'll change your mind about leaving, or maybe you have to go for family reasons, or... kriff. I don't know what I'm trying to say. Maybe I'm jumping to conclusions and this is really no big deal and you're not leaving me. In which case, feel free to come find me and rub my face in how much of an idiot I am. But if I'm not, well, at least I tried to make whatever I did wrong better again.

Please just know that I'll miss you while you're away, and I'll ask the Force every single day to bring you back to me and the rest of our family.

Your devoted fiancé,

Ezra.

"Oh, Ezra," Sabine whispered as she sank to the floor and read the note over and over again. If only he knew that it wasn't her who had left, but him. He had left her. Obviously he had known right before he'd done it, but half a year ago? And he'd spent that whole half year thinking she was going to leave him at some point? And she had, sort of, when she went to Krownest for a few months. But she hadn't changed her hair yet, or packed her room, so he must have known she wasn't gone for real. Sabine wondered what he thought when he first saw her with her new hair colour. Did his heart break like hers had when she realized he was going to leave her in some fashion after she'd kissed him and he'd said 'I'm ready for whatever comes now'?

Sabine didn't know how long she sat there, staring at the letter, but Hera stuck her head in the door and looked startled to see her sitting on the floor. "Are you okay?" she asked, walking into the room.

Sabine just shook her head and handed Hera the note, fighting with herself to not burst into tears. Hera read it and then read it again, her brows rising in surprise. Hera finished the note a second time and then gracefully lowered herself onto the floor beside Sabine. "I don't know what to say. He got it so wrong, and yet, so right," she said as she carefully wrapped the emotionally fragile girl in her arms.

Sabine pressed her forehead into Hera's shoulder and hugged her back. "He loved me so much, even when I didn't treat him as well as I should have. I don't deserve him, Hera. But I can't let him go either. I want him back."

Hera rubbed her back comfortingly. "I know exactly what you're talking about. How do you think I feel about how I treated Kanan? I knew he loved me. Almost from the first day we met, Kanan followed me because he just wanted to be with me even though he was never a fan of fighting another war. All he really wanted was to get married, live somewhere quiet, and start a family. I will always regret not doing just that. I didn't get it right until the very end when I finally asked him to marry me on top of that fuel pod. At least, I think I did. I was so drugged, I'm not even sure if that's a memory or just wishful thinking. I feel like dirt. The best man in the galaxy loved me with his whole being and I couldn't make myself fully commit to him because I let the Rebellion come first. I promise I'm never going to do that again. My family comes first from now on. And, Sabine, you're my family. I'll always be here for you."

Sabine looked up at Hera with watery eyes. "You and I are alike in so many ways, but when it comes to fully committing to our men, we're almost identical. Why does it take something terrible to happen for us to get what matters most?" Hera shook her head, unable to speak as tears filled her eyes. Sabine tightened her arms around her. "I'm here for you, too, Hera," she mumbled into her shoulder. "Don't tell my mother, but you've done a better job being my mom than she ever has."

Hera choked on a sob and hugged Sabine tighter. "Thank you, Sabine."

They sat like that for awhile, just taking comfort in each other. Chopper rolled in at some point and pressed himself to Hera's side, just being there for her, like he had since the very first day he realized that Hera was the only reason he was still a functioning unit after his crash on Ryloth. He might be an absolute nightmare to everyone else, but for Hera, Chopper was actually kind of nice.

And then Zeb stuck his head in. "Hey, Sabine. Where do you want me..." his voice trailed off as his eyes finally spotted them on the floor, his two girls, tears in their eyes, looking wrecked. "Ah, karabast." Zeb dropped the large box of Ezra's stuff and walked into the room. He knelt down on the floor and gathered them both up in his arms. "I'm sorry I can't make it better," he said gruffly.

Sabine and Hera just buried their faces in his shirt and tried not to cry even more, taking comfort in his steady presence. Eventually, Sabine pulled back and wiped her face dry. "I am so tired of crying. I've shed more tears in the last week than I have in my entire life. Having a family is hard."

Hera wiped her cheeks too and sort of laughed. "Tell me about it. I think the only one here who isn't a wreck is Chopper, and even he's not acting like himself."

Chopper bumped into her leg again and beeped. "Hey, I miss the Jedi organics too. Now I have only one fur covered organic left to torment." And just to prove his point, he zapped Zeb and made a run for it.

Zeb growled, but let the droid get away. For now. He'd get him back later. "I think Chopper just proved you wrong, Hera. He seems fine to me."

Hera just shook her head and smiled. She turned her attention back to Sabine, who had finished packing her last box of things, the note from Ezra already tucked away again in the sketchbook. "So you're really leaving us now?"

Sabine nodded. "I really am. Ezra's counting on me to take care of his planet. So that's what I'm going to do. It's a disaster right now anyway. Someone needs to put it back together."

Hera nodded. "I understand. I'm proud of you, Sabine. I know this isn't easy for you."

Sabine picked up her box. "Thank you, Hera, but I'm just doing what I feel is right." She glanced at Zeb. "Come on, Zeb. I'll show you were to put Ezra's stuff." Sabine left her room with one last look of farewell. That chapter of her life was officially over.

Hera trailed behind Sabine and Zeb, not willing to let Sabine out of her sight just yet. Technically, she should be in meetings with Mon Mothma and the other Generals, but they could just wait. They weren't going anywhere and Sabine was.

Kallus, Rex, and Wolfe walked up to the Ghost as they were leaving it. Hera stopped to see what they wanted, eyes following Sabine's back for a moment before turning her attention to the men in front of her. She raised a brow in inquiry.

Kallus looked hesitant for a moment before he put his game face on. "General Syndulla. We've talked it over with Command and we'd like to officially join your crew, if that's alright with you?"

Hera looked from one hopeful face to the next. She really didn't want to just up and replace her missing family, but they were fighting a war. And it made sense for her to have a full crew again. Her brain knew this, now she just needed to get her heart to stop whimpering. She put on a brave smile. "Welcome to the Ghost. And you can call me Hera. My family doesn't call me General."

The men beamed at her and Kallus took a moment before he realized she'd just added him to her family. He hadn't been part of a family for a very very long time. Leaving the Empire was turning into the best decision he'd ever made. He had new purpose in life, a new best friend, and a family to call his own. Kallus wasn't sure if he deserved it, so he just lived every day one day at a time and thanked the Force when he went to sleep at night.

Hera smirked at Kallus as she realized something. "I hope you like purple and colourful paintings, because you'll get Sabine's room. And you don't have permission to repaint your walls."

Kallus' eyes widened in dismay while the clones clapped him on the back gleefully. "Umm. Couldn't I just bunk with Zeb?"

Hera looked over his shoulder. "I suppose. If Zeb is alright with it."

"Alright with what?" Zeb said from behind Kallus.

Kallus turned around and looked at him hopefully. "Can I bunk with you? We're joining your crew."

Zeb's face split into a grin. "Sure. That's great news. Now Chopper can torture someone other than me. I was getting worried for a minute there."

Hera shook her head at Zeb. Then she pinned Rex and Wolfe in a fiendish gaze. "I suppose you two could have Sabine's room. You'll have to fix the bottom bunk, but it should work." Just as they were going to protest, she raised a hand to stop them. "Since there's room, I'm going to save Kanan's cabin for this one," she said pressing her hand to her stomach for a moment. That killed their protestations in an instant. Hera smiled at them. "Why don't you guys go settle in? I'm just going to say goodbye to Sabine, then we'll get back to work. We still have a war to fight."

The men all gave her a brisk salute and marched up the ramp. Hera smiled to herself as she heard Kallus and Zeb ribbing the clones about having to live in a girl's room and walked towards the Gauntlet. She was going to be surrounded by testosterone, but she could handle it. It just gave her even more of an incentive to make sure Sabine visited as often as possible.

Sabine watched Hera walk down the ramp, her eyes once again trying to rain tears. She wouldn't let them. Enough was enough. She was a tough girl, damn it. Her stupid emotions were going to get back with the program whether they liked it or not. She was just about to hit the button to close the ramp when Ketsu came running up carrying a bag over her shoulder. "Wait!" she called. "I'm coming with you."

Sabine raised a brow at Ketsu as she jogged up the ramp. "You are? What about your ship, the Shadow Caster?"

Ketsu grinned at her. "Yep. I only joined the Rebellion because you were in it. If you're kicking it to the curb, than so am I. And my ship is sitting on that dust ball where we picked up the clones. I was hoping you'd give me a ride back there so I can get it."

Sabine shook her head and closed the ramp. "I'm not abandoning the Rebellion, just sort of putting it on hold. And sure, I'll take you to Seelos and you can follow me back to Lothal from there. I could definitely use the help training up a new military."

Ketsu dumped her bag on the floor as she sat in the co-pilot chair. "I can do that. I have pretty much the same training that you do. We'll whip these wimpy Lothalians into shape in no time."

Sabine laughed and lifted the Gauntlet off the ground. "Thank you, then. It'll be nice to have a friend with me."

Ketsu looked at her, her face turning serious. "I'm glad you consider me your friend again. I abandoned you once. I'll never do that again."

Sabine glanced at Ketsu, before concentrating on the controls again. "Don't make any promises you don't intend to keep."

Ketsu crossed her arms over her chest. "I'm not."

Sabine nodded, gave Ketsu a half smile and pushed the ship into hyperspace. "Alright. Welcome to Clan Crazy, Ketsu Onyo."

Ketsu leaned back in her chair with a satisfied smile. "I'll take it. Clan Crazy sounds good to me. I've been clanless for a long time."