Chapter 2
"Hi, honey! How was the store?" Stef asked as she stood in front of the open fridge putting groceries away. Or she was trying to, at least. "I think we're going to need a bigger fridge," she remarked. Despite her attempts to clear space, perishables were still piled on the island and it was apparent everything wasn't going to fit. Appalled at the amount they ate, she watched as Lena disappeared out the back door again, presumably for more bags.
Given her wife did the bulk of the cooking, Stef usually did the grocery runs to spare Lena the chaos of schlepping the kids to the store after school. But at the moment they were splitting time as equally as possible with Callie and Jude and after three pm was the only time Lena could switch off with her, with the exception of weekends. It was all in an effort to get to know them. Since arriving, the siblings had rarely left each other and been on their best behaviour, accommodating anything requested of them and carefully unobtrusive. Getting them one-on-one was important not only to learn about their interests but to get a sense of their individual needs so she and Lena could start thinking about how to meet them. Being older, things weren't as simple and straightforward as when the twins had started living with them. Jesus and Mariana had been just as uncertain, unable to relax as they took everything in, but were much easier to read.
She just hoped that Lena had had better luck connecting with Jude than her efforts at home with Callie. It was hard, in a sea of homework and and three other kids who needed her attention while she defrosted a frozen meal that demanded patience she did not have. Partway through, Callie had excused herself. Stef had been reluctant to let her leave but a quick check confirmed the work was complete and there was no reason to keep her.
Once able to leave dinner unattended, she joined Callie in the family room. Much of their interaction ended up being spent in silence, with Callie content to read on the couch while she chipped away at folding the clean laundry piled onto the loveseat. Stef broached a few questions about new teachers and classes but was careful not to overwhelm her. Periodically, she ducked out to bring clothes upstairs and check on the others, trying to be respectful of Callie's privacy. Technically, the semi-public area was hers temporarily until their furniture arrived.
It'd been the best they could do on short notice but far from ideal. There was no door and the added challenge of getting Callie and Jude to stay in their own beds. Most nights, Jude would leave the den and join his sister on the couch. She would find both of them there partway through the night, heads at opposite ends. It didn't bother her or Lena but DSS policy insisted on separation between siblings of the opposite sex so they felt pressure to enforce it. Hopefully, new beds and being upstairs would encourage the kids to stay in their rooms.
"Where's our fine new friend?" she asked. She hadn't seen Jude come in at all.
Lena smiled at her wife's endearing nickname for the boy. "He went to join his sister in the backyard."
"Wait—what? How'd she do that?" Last she checked, Callie had been on the couch. Peering out the kitchen window, she caught sight of them by the big maple. "I don't know how she got out without me noticing!" She would have to keep a closer eye on that kid. Her heart sank, realizing Callie had gone out the front door and around the house rather than going straight through the kitchen where everyone else was.
"We'll remind her to use the back door," Lena said, guessing what had happened. She was sympathetic to her wife's shock, and more so because of her feeling that Callie, once settled, would be giving Stef a run for her money.
She paused as she remembered the question she'd left unanswered. "The store was good. Really good. We talked about what him and Callie used to do for meals and, well...we'll talk about that later," she said quickly, hearing feet making their way downstairs. A few seconds later, Jesus appeared asking to watch TV in their room and they readily agreed.
"Lena Adams Foster, what is that?" Stef said, incredulous when she looked out the window again and saw a plastic container between Callie and Jude. She laughed at the guilty expression on her wife's face. "A muffin?"
"A red velvet cupcake, actually."
"You? And a cupcake? Before dinner? Who are you and what have you done to my partner?" the cop scolded in mock annoyance. Lena giving in to the sugar-laden junk she was always on her case about was hilarious. Jude had Lena wrapped around his finger.
"You didn't see how excited he was—he really wanted something from the bakery. I did make him wait and asked him to pick one thing," Lena defended, smiling as she recalled the way he'd lit up over something so simple. Judging by how close the siblings were, she had assumed the treat would be shared. "He was so polite about it...he didn't take it for granted."
"I bet he didn't." Stef gathered her wife into her arms, craving their closeness. They'd been so busy ever since their new additions came that they'd barely had any time for each other. Once the kids were asleep they collapsed into bed in exhaustion only to be woken up a few hours later. Still, she wouldn't have it any other way. She loved this life that she and the love of her life were building.
"I wanted to give in to let him know he could ask."
"It's very important that Jude learn that," Stef said supportively. The boy had already started to ease up around them. He was still a quiet child but it was progress from the first few days when he hardly said a word.
She sighed, wishing she could say the same for his sister. Callie didn't really talk unless spoken to and would actively avoid them. She read and slept, and occupied herself with the coloured pencils and a sketchbook they'd given her. Simple tasks like getting her up, fed, and showered seemed to take so much out of her.
Stef drew in a breath when the inevitable question came up of how things at home had gone with Callie. "Oh...you know…it was okay. She did her homework no problem then went off to do her own thing." She trailed off, filtering out what she wanted to share. "She said she liked Anchor Beach better than the one they were just at. And that the gradual entry thing was nice but she didn't need it." Stef laughed; Callie's attendance records were spotty and she hadn't expected a statement like that from the girl. "That was about the extent of it."
Lena gave her wife a knowing smile, understanding the impatience to establish a relationship with Callie. That was about how far she'd gotten with Callie the other day, too. But as much as they wanted more, they were right where they should be. "It's going to take some time to adjust." No one could be expected to move seamlessly into an entirely new living situation with new people and a new school, with health appointments and group therapy and PO meetings to boot. It was a lot even for her and Stef to keep track of. And while they hoped Callie and Jude would eventually trust them, it wasn't something that would happen overnight. "Did Callie have a snack when she got home?"
"She did. She was pretty hungry, that one." She had served up cucumbers with dip and sausage, and Callie had had a solid portion. "Actually, she said she had a headache and that her stomach was wavy. It sounded a bit like her blood sugar was crashing."
"Oh no, poor thing. Is she feeling better now?" Lena asked. Callie would have had to feel pretty miserable to mention it. Coupled with Jude's comments at the store, this only solidified her concerns. Callie seemed to be nauseous whether she ate something or not.
Her wife gave her a guilty look. Stef had intended on checking in with Callie after the snack but then had gotten tied up with dinner and with having to repeatedly redirect Jesus. "I forgot to ask. I will when she gets in."
Lena nodded. They'd have to keep an eye on things like that. "I think she missed her brother. Have you noticed how much they adore each other?" The two were extremely close and it was easy to see why. Callie had a patient and soft side that only came out with Jude.
Stef did a double take, the scene in the backyard catching her eye: a spark, and Jude with a rectangular object in his eight-year-old hands. "Did you know he had that?"
"No. I certainly didn't," Lena said with disbelief, her attention also captured by the lighter.
The cop groaned. When they had learned about the number of homes the kids had been through and that Callie had spent time in juvenile detention, she had anticipated dealing with habits they hadn't encountered with the twins. Jesus and Mariana had only been four when they came to live with them; old enough to be affected by early life experiences but young enough to be spared the details and be malleable. She and Lena had had the chance to raise them in a stable household. In contrast, Callie and Jude had been raised in the system by a patchwork of caregivers, exposed to the chaos of several environments. "That's it. I'm doing room checks tonight," she declared.
Lena scoffed at her wife's melodrama. "First of all, this is not a group home. Secondly, you're going to need a lot of luck on your side if you think Miss Callie is going to comply with handing over her stuff for you to rifle through. It may work with Jude but not her." The older child was also quiet and compliant, but she had a feeling it was because she hadn't been pushed around.
"This is a safety issue!" Stef argued haughtily, baffled by the lack of support. "Seriously. There's no reason anyone should have a lighter in their possession. Not unless they smoke." Children and anything that involved fire always made her nervous. She cringed, anxious as Jude fumbled with the mechanism. "Plus, our house, our rules."
Amused, Lena rolled her eyes. A preteen had landed in their care and neither of them were quite prepared for it. On top of that, there were a number of issues: trauma from the loss of both parents at an early age, a pattern of repeated apprehensions from previous placements, separation from the sibling unit, and possible neglect. She and Stef had their hands completely full.
"What?" Stef demanded when Lena shushed her and pointed out back. They watched as Jude struggled with the lighter before Callie extended a hand. He grabbed it away at first before giving in, then played with the dessert. A realization struck Stef as adept fingers flicked the mechanism successfully on the first go: Callie smoked.
She softened when she saw it was a candle Jude had been trying to light. "That's cute…" she conceded.
"He is very sweet boy," Lena whispered, squeezing her wife's arm as Jude goofily swayed on crossed legs. Callie, who had barely cracked a smile for them, was grinning from ear to ear. The arrangement was only temporary but she was falling for these kids. Hard.
It was when Callie closed her eyes and blew out the candle that it occurred to her that Jude had sang her Happy Birthday. Her own smile disappeared. "What's the date today?" she asked frantically.
Stef, who had also arrived at the same conclusion, fumbled with her phone. She couldn't recall off the top of her head but Callie's birthday was mid-month. "Her birthday isn't until the seventeenth," she said, reading it off the notes she'd taken as she reviewed the children's files. There was so much documentation there that she and Lena had been doing it piecemeal, taking down important info and dates to enter on their calendar later. She knew the date had already passed before being able to confirm.
"No—no, no, no! Dang it!" The seventeenth was two days ago. "How did we forget?!" She was appalled at their oversight; birthdays were a huge undertaking in their home and they never missed them. Until this one.
In hindsight, it was easy to see how it had happened. In the mad rush of getting everything together for their license to be approved for the emergency placement, last minute home visits, and several other tasks, actually doing something with the information had been relegated to the back burner. Feeling a tension headache coming on, Stef pinched the bridge of her nose. "I feel like the worst parent in the world," she breathed as initial shock wore off into dismay. Not that any child deserved to have their birthday forgotten but Callie was the last kid who needed her big day go unnoticed after everything she had been through. To say she was gutted that they had been responsible for this was an understatement.
"You and me both," Lena said sadly. "But you're not, Stef. We're not. We've just been so swamped. I should have checked." It was hard not to beat herself up. Usually they were more organized with these details; Bill had mentioned they would have another teenager on their hands soon and she had known Callie's birthday fell in the middle of the month. She hadn't expected it to creep up on them the way it had, though. Days were melding together.
She was baffled that neither of the siblings had let it slip. She remembered how excited she had been at the cusp of turning thirteen. "I can't believe neither of them said anything. Thirteen is a big deal."
"Are you honestly surprised?" Stef hadn't meant to come across as snippy as she had but this event summed up her frustration with DSS over the number of placements Callie and Jude had been in. Repeated removals were harmful, period. It robbed kids of their ability to form attachments with their caregivers and make friendships at school, or make any progress with their goals if they had some they were working on. Without continuity in parenting and care, they were more likely to fall through the cracks. It certainly made her sad that the kids had assumed a birthday wasn't important or even worth mentioning, but she could easily see how they had drawn that conclusion.
On top of that, things for Callie were far from 'regular'. She was still adjusting after being at the state juvenile correctional facility for the better part of a year. For youth in their prime developmental years, incarceration came as a significant blow to their socialization and changed the course of their lives. No one was there to nurture their growth, teach or comfort them—and there certainly weren't any birthday parties. Juvie taught kids they didn't matter. And corrections offered very little programming to support rehabilitation and skills training to prepare youth for life after their release.
Callie was a prime example of how the justice system set kids up to fail during that transition, putting them at high risk to reoffend. Records showed that after Callie had completed her sentence and was moved to the same home Jude was in, the arrangement had fallen apart within a month. In thirty-one days, she ran away twice. Their foster parents described her as troubled and hostile, citing tantrums that were destructive. She didn't bond with them and had a complete disregard for their rules, with attempts to discipline leaving her unphased. Her presence had instantly disrupted the relationship they'd formed with Jude. Initially, they'd planned on keeping him but once he started acting out, a transfer was immediately requested. When Stef had read that, she gathered that it'd been difficult for Callie to suddenly be in an environment that lacked the structure she'd become used to in juvie. The family had essentially expected Callie to return to life as usual without any hiccups. The problem was, of course, that things were anything but usual. Adjusting took far longer than the thirty-one days it'd taken for the family to come to that decision.
"No, I'm not," Lena acknowledged. "You're right. Birthdays are probably one of the last things on their minds." The thought made her incredibly sad.
What had Callie gone through that clouded the importance and excitement of turning thirteen? Worse, what type of foster parents had they had that convinced Callie and Jude that little or no significance would be assigned to their milestones? ...The kind who also didn't bother making sure their foster kids had enough to eat, obviously.
Noticing Lena fighting to maintain her composure, Stef gathered her wife's hands in hers. "Love, hey...what's the matter?"
Tears blooming, Lena recounted everything Jude had told her about the lunches he was used to eating and being left on his own to sort out dinner while Callie had been in juvie. The matter-of-fact disclosure of his sister joining noon hour clubs with lunch provided. "Stef…he said…" Overwhelmed, Lena stopped to collect herself. "He said that sometimes if he got too hungry, it hurt," she finally managed, grateful to be in her wife's arms. They'd been running on adrenaline for six days now. Exhausted and in shock over what she had learned about the kids so far, she could feel herself heading for a crash.
"They need a family, Stef," she said, her voice breaking.
Unsure of what to say, Stef remained silent. She felt like she should've been more perturbed at the revelation from the eight-year-old but wasn't. Over the course of her career, she'd seen her fair share of cases involving childhood abuse and neglect. And all the warning signs had been present from day one: their skittishness, small frames, and reluctance to get too close or make eye contact. The passing of time had only confirmed her fears. Both kids had recurrent nightmares—nearly every night they'd been here. Hygiene was extremely poor, as if no one had shown them how to clean themselves...yet, Callie was highly independent for her age. And, as she and Lena were learning, both had unhealthy habits around food.
It wasn't questionable parenting. Rather, it was how years of mistreatment manifested in children.
Lena pulled back from her, needing to know exactly where Stef stood on this. "You agree...right?"
"I agree Callie and Jude need a family, yes." Her wife's tears broke her heart. But they'd talked about this already—how they couldn't get too attached to the idea of adoption so early on. "That doesn't mean that our family is the one that's right for them, though."
They wanted to add to their brood, truly they did. Their journey as parents wasn't over. That being said, they hadn't planned on two more and weren't sure if they could handle two more. Before petitioning for adoption, they had to make sure they'd be able to give the siblings all of the love and attention they deserved. Their household budget would have to be adequate in supporting all seven of them. And not only in terms of meeting their immediate and basic needs but also what they required long term. College funds, for one.
And the most important consideration? Callie and Jude would have to want to live with them. They were old enough that they had a say in this.
Even if it was yeses across the board, that decision would still be left to the judge. With all the moving pieces that needed to fall into place, she wasn't about to start making any promises. But yes. She also felt the pressure to have this arrangement work out. Callie and Jude had already been moved around so much that she wanted nothing more than for their home to be their last.
"…honey," she soothed as more tears flowed. "We can't save them all. You know that."
Lena didn't know whether to laugh or scoff at the sympathetic tone as she wiped her eyes. She had heard exactly the same line from Stef for weeks as they slogged through their foster license renewal and the home study. Her wife had insisted on applying for one child, filled with reasons for why six would make a nice well-rounded number for a family. But as soon as Bill mentioned eight- and twelve-year-old siblings, Stef had changed her tune and updated the paperwork without any hesitation—or input from her.
She was looking for confirmation that they would try to adopt Callie and Jude, but wasn't going to get one today. Stef was pragmatic to a fault. She never got her hopes up. If she did, she never let onto it—never admitted to things working out favourably until their i's were dotted and t's crossed. Stef would be unwilling to discuss adoption until she was certain their petition would be backed by DSS and the court.
And Lena was okay with that, because she knew it would only be a matter of time.