Silence

Three, two, one and she wasn't a virgin anymore. That quick; that easy; that meaningless. One deep thrust and everything was over, and the condition she'd had carried with herself for over eighteen years was now rotting on some desk and on the mind of a man twice her age. Claire hadn't imagined her first time to be very romantic, as she'd known for sure that it wouldn't happen with the man whom she wanted it to happen with. However, reality had, once again, shown just how ugly things could get for those who dared wish something forbidden, and she had lost her virginity to the man she most despised in the whole world. And she'd even had an orgasm with him.

Two actually, if the fingering in the gardens counted.

When Claire had gotten home, she'd run into her bedroom and thrown off all her clothes. They were the only witnesses of her doing and felt so filthy on her that she could barely stand looking into the mirror. She hadn't even cared to wash them. Just as they came off, the dark pants, the tank top, her bra and the red jacket she'd always loved so much had been stuffed into a plastic bag and tossed carelessly under her bed. She'd dispose of them the next morning.

After a long, hot shower, she'd cried in her bed under the hateful look of her mother. So disappointed, and rightly so. Hadn't her daughter become the shame of the family, after offering herself so willingly to the wrong man? Was her will to save the right one reason enough to disgrace the name Redfield? Claire wondered if everyone else could see how dark her mother's glance had grown on that picture or if that was a blessing that only she herself was granted. Was she ever going to look differently again? Claire missed her mother. Was there any way to fix this?

With those thoughts on her mind, she'd surrendered to exhaustion.

Every new morning brought hope.

That was true, she thought, as her alarm clock rattled her awake in the morning and she climbed out of her bed. Walking into the corridor and spying through Chris' open bedroom door, all the shame from the previous night suddenly vanished.

So what if she had slept with Chris' Captain? Did it really matter that he was keeping her panties along with her secrets? Not everybody could say that they'd had an orgasm their very first time, could they? Who the fuck cared what she had done to keep Chris safe — if Chris wasn't even there?

She stared at the made bed through the open door and shivered. Chris hadn't slept in it last night. After checking the rest of the house, she found that her brother hadn't even come back from his date with Valentine yet and all kinds of awful thoughts filled her head. Chris was likely to get in trouble when he got drunk — and when he was sober. What if something had happened to him? Where was he? What had he been doing? And why hadn't he cared to tell her?

Claire shook the thought off, letting the minor voice of conscience take control over her nerves. Chris was fine, for sure. He had, most probably, just spent the night with Jill at her place and hadn't gotten the chance to give his sister a call. Just as the thought and the frustration over it sank in, the phone rang. Claire hurried into the living room and nearly threw over a chair as she grabbed the phone and pressed it to her ear.

"Hello?"

"Claire, it's me." It was Chris, of course. Thank god, he was okay. "I hope I didn't wake you."

"What happened? Where are you?" Claire tried not to sound jealous or exaggeratedly worried, but all attempts to make her voice be stern and stronger failed. "Are you alright?"

"Yes, I am." Chris chuckled a bit. "I'm sorry I worried you, Claire. I had a drink too much and stayed in a motel out of town. I'll be driving to work right away, okay?"

Claire released her breath. He was fine. Of course, he had just been drunk and stupid and forgetful and he hadn't wanted to call her in the middle of the night because he'd believed she was sleeping, like the good girl he thought she was. However, Claire heard the laughter in the background; a chiding laugh and a click of a tongue; and she knew that there had been another reason why Chris hadn't called her earlier.

"It's alright, Chris. I'm glad you're fine," she murmured into the phone. "I'll see you later today. Say hi to Jill from me."

More laughter.

"I will."

And they hung up.

Claire put the phone down with a heavy heart. Now that he had found Jill, Chris seemed to care a little less if his sister was actually dying of fear. Who cared? As long as he was happy, Claire was supposed to be happy too, wasn't she?

She looked into the mirror next to the phone and sucked in some air. Her face had grown into a grey mask of pain and fatigue, the result of a short night and a razing shock in the morning. Hesitantly, Claire gave her watch a brief look and took up the phone again.

It was better if she stayed home that day.

She was pulled out of her sleep by a loud noise at the door. A little dizzy, Claire lifted her head and blinked into the daylight before she understood where she was. Her look drove to her watch; she had slept four more hours but still felt exhausted. The calmative she'd taken before going back to bed had been stronger than she'd expected. Another loud noise caught her attention. It had come from downstairs. Claire crawled out of the bed and put her ear against the door.

"Alright. Make yourself comfortable."

It was Chris. He had probably come with Barry after work to have a chat and some beer together. Guys' stuff, he called it. They often did that when they were dismissed earlier than they'd expected. Claire relaxed immediately, ready to get back into bed. She'd greet Barry later.

"No, not in the bed. Claire would notice."

She froze as she heard her name and opened the bedroom door a little to hear what Chris didn't want her to know. Loud laughter came from downstairs.

"You could make your bed afterwards, you know?"

That wasn't Barry's voice. It was too sweet, too feminine; too much like Jill's.

"Oh, fuck, I love how huge you are."

He had brought Jill home. He had brought Jill home while Claire was supposed to be in school. Was this the first time or was the brunette a usual visitor at their house? Claire's chest ached as she imagined how often Chris could have been with his lover while she had been working for her future. Was Jill even the first one he brought home? Claire took a deep breath and shut her eyes as she leaned against the frame, unable to move. She heard a moan coming from the floor below and opened the door a little wider. What the fuck was wrong with her? What was she going to do?

"Oh, yes, take it all in," she heard Chris say. Claire hadn't moved from her bedroom, still standing behind the slightly open door, but she could hear better now. Her heart beat anxiously. "Oh, baby."

She couldn't see anything; she just listened in complete silence and suffering. Only Chris' moans could be heard as Valentine seemed to hum dully.

"Now just the head. Do that thing with your tongue." Another moan coming from Chris and Claire nearly died of need. Jill was sucking him again; right there in their living room. Damnit, and she didn't even know where they were doing it, so she could avoid sitting on that spot later. Claire grimaced at the thought and let her head fall against the door as she closed it. Chris would be surprised to find her home that early. Silently, she decided it would be better if she got back to bed and tried to pretend she hadn't heard anything. So, she closed the door and crawled back into the bed. After pulling the covers over her head and turning to the wall, she palpated the spot between her thighs. Unsurprisingly, she was wet.

When she woke up again, the moans and laughter had ceased. Thank god. Claire climbed out of the bed, pulled on a thick robe and undid her ponytail, quickly checking in the mirror of her bedroom that she actually looked a little sick. Good. The worse she looked, the less questions Chris would ask, and the less questions he asked, the minor were the chances he would find out where she had been the night before. Claire gave herself a nod in the mirror and left her room to go downstairs. It was time to have lunch.

Chris and Jill were chatting vividly in the living room when she came down. The woman was the first one to catch sight of her and stopped talking in the middle of the sentence. Chris, who had been sitting with his back to the stairs, turned around in shock and froze as he saw his sister. Claire held back a chuckle.

"Hey, what are you doing here this early?" she asked innocently. "Is everything alright?"

Chris, startled, moved his lips like a fish out of the water. He then nodded.

"Yes, sure. We just had a meeting this morning and were dismissed until the evening. Irons just told us he wanted Alpha Team to do night shift tonight, so…" he frowned at his sister and got up. "And you? I thought you were in school. Aren't you feeling well?"

Claire shrugged and shook her head.

"I wasn't, so I stayed home, but I'm much better now." She smiled at the pair, but their frightened faces made her feel the need to add some more information. "I took a calmative and some painkillers and went back to bed. Looks like I just needed some more sleep."

Chris smiled in relief as he walked around the couch and touched Claire's forehead.

"No fever. Okay. You stayed awake way too late, didn't you? Next time I tell you to go to bed at ten, you better listen to me," he said laughing and embraced his sister as Claire began to box him into the ribs; a little harder than she usually did.

When he let go of her, Claire turned to Jill and smiled.

"Nice to see you here, Jill." She gave the brunette the widest smile she could give. "Are you staying for lunch?"

"Wow, that Irons is a dick, isn't he?" Claire noticed as Chris told her how the Chief of the Raccoon City Police had ordered Wesker to send Alpha Team on a special operation that night. "I mean, what can be so urgent that you don't get more than two hours to prepare that operation?"

Chris chomped the lasagna as he shrugged his shoulders.

"Barry believes he might be expecting his wife to cheat on him and we should go have a look." He flooded the food down his throat with a generous amount of beer before he laughed. Jill, who was sitting on his right just shook her head smirking.

"I'm not sure but I don't think Irons has a wife," she was cutting her food into small, digestible pieces with her fork. "I mean, he didn't bring anyone to the party, right? Also, one must have a stomach like a dung beetle to get intimate with that guy. I heard he once groped one of the girls from forensics." She grimaced disgusted at Claire, who swallowed her food with difficulties.

"Anyway, we'll be heading back to Raccoon a little earlier today, so we can have a calm look at the plan." Chris turned to Jill. "Wesker will surely be there, too."

"Of course, he will." Jill rolled her eyes. "He sleeps in the RPD."

Claire wondered why they had even made the whole long ride to their home from Raccoon City even though Jill's apartment was much closer to the RPD. Anyway, the news that Wesker would be leading the operation was of much more interest to her. Hopefully, he would get shot. Lost in thoughts, she nearly missed the shy glance Jill was giving her brother, but as she caught sight of it, Claire decided it was time to get dessert. She stood up and headed to the kitchen, from where she heard their conversation.

"That's very nice of you, Chris, but I can't accept your offer," Jill whispered in the living room.

"Come on! It will be only for a week or two, won't it?" Chris replied a little louder. "You need a place to stay and where would you be better than with me? With us?"

Claire grimaced into the fridge as she understood what was going on. Angrily, she grabbed some fruit and headed back to the living room.

"You're staying with us?" She smiled widely at the brunette as she took a seat. Chris smirked.

"Yeah, if you don't mind." He caressed over Claire's ponytail as he turned to Jill. "There was a fire in her apartment block."

"Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that," Claire exclaimed. So, that was the reason why they hadn't driven to Jill's place. The brunette just smiled and nodded.

"Everything is fine. It happened three floors below and they could extinguish it before it reached my apartment." The brunette sighed. "But the whole building is closed until they decide it's safe and habitable again."

Claire felt sorry for Jill, who had been unlucky enough to live in the same block as a young couple that had been too in love to notice that they had left the stove on when they'd gone shopping. Of course, she wanted to help. Offering shelter to those who needed it wasn't a problem in their home, as it came with a third bedroom besides Chris' and her own. However, Claire wished it had been someone else. She smiled comfortingly at the brunette.

"So, we will be three from now on." She shrugged her shoulder and grabbed an apple. "That will be fun."

Living with Jill was fun indeed. The brunette had the most extensive knowledge about old films and TV shows and she didn't mind sharing it with others; she knew how to make crêpes, which were super thin, French pancakes; and she was the best at lock-picking. The first afternoon Chris was working and Jill was home, the brunette taught Claire how to open the simple lock on a small chest that had once belonged to their grandad and which her mother had kept in his honor, even though the key was missing. Inside, they found his old uniform and love letters he had gotten from the woman who'd used to be his girlfriend before he'd met their grandmother. The revelation had been awkwardly surprising, as their stiff, bossy old grandfather was described as the most loving man on earth by that poor, unknowing girl. Maybe marriage with their grandmother had been the reason for his decay.

As Chris and Jill barely shared their work shifts the first week, Claire got the chance to spend some time with Jill alone and she found out very quickly that she had a lot in common with the pretty brunette. Jill could curse like a truck driver, she adored junk food, and she'd had the biggest crush on her brother since the day they'd met.

"Oh, I thought he was so cute," Jill explained as they had crêpes together on Wednesday afternoon. "We had our interviews the same day and we started chatting about random stuff while we were waiting for Wesker to call us into his office. The funny thing is that we had both been told about what a freak the Captain was, but none of us dared say anything as we suspected each other could be a spy… or even Wesker himself." Jill laughed as she remembered that day. "The whole talk sounded like uhm, yes, I heard a lot of stuff about him… uhm… good stuff, of course."

Admittedly, Claire had a great time with Jill. The brunette was funny and kind, she laughed a lot and she was as crazy about Chris as he was about her. And Claire hated her for it. Of course, she hid it very well. Her role was to be the little sister and, so, she was expected to want Chris to be happy. However, accepting Jill at home had been one of the hardest steps she'd ever taken. Sure, it was nice to have another woman living with them, but no matter how much she enjoyed Jill's company, she hated the way Chris looked at her. It was a glance full of lust and desire, but also tenderly warm and longing — something Claire had never seen on him before.

Was that the face lovers made when they were together?

She began to wonder if she herself looked at Chris the same way, as she was sure that nobody in the world could feel anything bigger than the love she felt for her brother. And it hurt to know that he would never feel the same for her.

Chris and Jill took every chance they got to grope each other. One afternoon, when Claire returned from school, she caught them with Jill's hand in Chris' pants. They let go of each other instantly and tried to hide their arousal clumsily; Jill shrugging as if nothing had happened and Chris… Chris just turned away from his sister. Claire hadn't known how to react. She'd excused herself and had run upstairs into her bedroom. From that day on, the pair became very cautious and kept their hands off each other when there was a chance the redhead could surprise them again. And Claire? Claire took advantage of it.

A little unconsciously, she began to avoid leaving the two of them alone, spending more time home that she'd used to. That would stop Chris from touching Jill shamelessly in the living room or the kitchen, but it wasn't keeping him from wanting her.

Jill had left her stuff in the guest bedroom, but she slept almost every night in Chris' bed. Luckily, on Tuesday, Chris worked until late while Jill had to get up early in the morning, and there wasn't much time and energy left for them to think about sex. Wednesday, Claire had used a boring action thriller on TV as an excuse to stay up until late. Thursday, though, she was yawning too much during the afternoon to make Chris let her stay awake, and as soon as he'd sent her to bed, Jill and he himself disappeared into his bedroom, as well.

Chris tried to hide it, of course. He watched out that they kept their voices low and the moves slow, so they wouldn't wake his sister. What he didn't know was that his sister hadn't even fallen asleep. Claire heard every aching sound of their doing and no matter how hard she tried to feel entirely happy for Chris, a part of her was dying inside every time she heard the headboard crash accidentally against her wall.

"Shit, be careful." She heard Chris' voice through the paper sheets their walls were made of. In all the years they had lived in that house, her brother's snoring had never bothered her, but hearing him and Jill Valentine in bed was pure torture. Claire turned to the picture of her mother on the nightstand.

"Tell me, mom," she whispered to the photograph. "Do you look at Chris the same way you look at me?"

She didn't get an answer, of course. Claire cursed and pushed her pillow around her head, onto her ears, hoping it would isolate her from the painful truth. It almost worked. Almost. Close to drifting away, she was pulled back to reality by another loud squeak coming from the next room.

"Oops!" Jill laughed timidly as if she had actually tried to be quiet. "Oh, damnit. I love your cock."

That slut. Chris' dick was everything she was after, wasn't it? Wesker had said Jill had fucked half of the RPD already. Maybe it was true. Maybe she had tested them all and had concluded that Chris was the best of them all. Claire's blood boiled in anger as she pictured Valentine putting her slim, boney fingers onto her brother's member. What a disgusting image.

Disgustingly arousing.

The headboard hit the wall again. It was just that; a static rhythm of moving furniture; that caused her spot to tickle and her thighs to shake. Damnit. Her hand intuitively drove down her belly and into her panties. She hadn't really touched herself since the night in the S.T.A.R.S. office, as memories of Albert Wesker and his hands on her body were killing every bit of sexual desire in her. But now, she felt the desire again. Her look drove to the picture on the nightstand again, from where her mother was judging her silently.

"Enough," Claire whispered and reached for the picture, turning the frame around and letting her mother stare displeased at the wall instead, before she dug two fingers into her heat. The headboard kept smashing into the wall every now and then, and also the moans became louder, more unbridled. Even Chris'. No wonder. Her hot-headed brother was passionate in everything he did and once his fire was unleashed, nothing could stop his groin from conquering. She didn't care anymore. Because, to Claire, it was as if he was moaning for her.

"Chris!" Valentine whined somewhere in the next room, and her voice melted into Claire's, disappearing in the lust of two lovers who could never be together. Claire moaned into the silence of her room.

Silent, like the gardens.

Her hand stopped abruptly as she remembered what had happened Friday night at the party, and all the shame came back to her. What the fuck had she been doing? She had been touching herself again, listening to Chris and Jill in the next room, after all the trouble that weakness of hers had gotten her into; after all the sickening things she had done to buy Albert Wesker's silence. Disgusted by herself, she cleaned her hand, sat up and stared into the room.

When the shock of the revelation had ceased, the moans were still filling the night. Fighting back tears as if there was nothing else to do, Claire laid back down and listened to her brother making love to Jill Valentine. Because, to him, that was what it was. Love. A love she wasn't part of. Claire turned her mother back to face her and sighed.

"I'm trying to be strong, mom," she said. "You could really give me some support here."

Her mother's glance seemed to pierce a little less into her soul and made it easier to stand the sounds of need that came from the other bedroom. It made her feel stronger, until both Chris and Jill decided to end her suffering and screamed their climax into the night.

The silence after they finished became palpable in the room. So loud, Claire couldn't even hear her breath any longer. Chris and Jill had surely fallen asleep after their doing, and she was all that was left awake, consigned to thoughts of loneliness.

"Oh god," Jill's voice came from the other side of the wall. So, she wasn't asleep. Claire sighed in despair, hoping they wouldn't just continue their doing. "I thought we would never get the chance to do this again."

Claire sucked in a breath. Was she talking about her? Of course, the little sister was in the way, always around when Jill wanted to drop her panties for Chris. A little satisfied, a little angry, Claire huffed out a laugh. So, she seemed to be a thorn in Jill's side.

"So sorry, Valentine," she whispered to herself.

"Come on," she heard Chris reply, half-laughing, half-yawning. "This situation is weird to her. It's always been just the two of us and… Well, she might feel a little jealous."

Claire's eyes widened. Jealous? She put her hand onto her chest to check if her heart had stopped beating out of shock. Chris believed she was jealous? Did he know… sense… anything? It couldn't be, could it?

"Admittedly, the other way around, it would make me sick as well." He laughed. He laughed so warmheartedly at the thought of his baby sister being with anyone else that Claire let go a gasp of pure need in her bedroom. Proudly, she felt that her heart was still beating; stronger and faster than ever. Chris would be jealous, too, wouldn't he? That was what he believed, at least, because he couldn't know just how far her own jealousy really went, and how much he and Jill were torturing her.

"You would probably punch everybody who got too close to your sister." Jill laughed again.

Claire, in her bedroom, couldn't have felt happier in that moment. He would never touch her. She knew, for sure, that he would never touch her, but deep inside his soul, Chris knew that she was his, and that no other man would ever be able to replace him in her heart, just like she would always be his special girl. He had kept Forest Speyer from talking to her, after all. Claire relaxed and turned around, willing to fall asleep.

She had to be careful, though. It was better he didn't know how deep her love for him went, and how much her feeling made her despise his girlfriend. She was the little sister; the only one who would stay with him when all Jill Valentines were bound to go. And if the price she had to pay to be with him forever was silence, she would make that silence hers.

Accepting Jill by his side would be a little harder.